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And I’d Rather Be Normal

Summary:

After discovering Osamu's texts with someone online and his mental health, Mori decides to admit him to a mental hospital to get help. During Osamu's days at the hospital, his mental health only declines more.

Notes:

This is a very personal fic as this is my own experience but projected onto Dazai. This happened a long time ago so I may not remember the small details. I was only 11 when all this happened to me but for the fic, Dazai will be 14. This will be very very ooc. If you are struggling with anything, I'm sorry and I'm here for you. This fic will contain many triggers like sh and sa.

edit: changed Dazai's name to Osamu not Samu cus it was pmo

Chapter tw: suicide mention

Chapter 1: Admission Process

Chapter Text

Osamu and Mori were driving to the hospital, neither saying anything. Osamu was in the back, watching a movie on Mori’s phone–He smashed it so he couldn't use his own.

 

The tension in the car was thick, Mori obviously wasn’t happy with Osamu and Osamu just couldn’t care at the moment.

 

After driving for nearly two and a half hours, Mori finally said something. “Do you want to stop and get a snack? We’ll be there in 10 minutes, but I assume you want something before.”

 

“Um, sure…” Osamu responded, a bad feeling forming in his stomach. 

 

They stopped at a gas station and got out, going into the store. Osamu looked around the candy aisle, seeing what he wanted. Mori was staying close to OOamu, clearly showing a lack of trust. He wasn’t crazy, he wasn’t going to just go kill himself in the middle of the damn store. He grabbed some chocolate muddy bites, and Mori nodded, “You can get a drink as well, if you want.”

 

Osamu went to the drink section, grabbing a lemonade. The two went to the checkout and set down their goods–Mori got a bag of Mini Starburst.

 

They got back in the car and continued to drive, the uneasiness only growing. He knew something bad would happen with this admission, he just didn’t know what. Maybe it was just general anxiety? Being in a new place would make anyone uneasy. 

 

30 grueling minutes later, they pulled in. Mori parked and turned back to Osamu, an unreadable expression on his face, before sighing and getting out of the car, Osamu following with his snack in tow.

 

“Hey, keep that in the car. They don’t allow outside food, especially not for a patient.” Mori’s tone sounded condescending. 

 

Osamu threw the bag back into the back seat, slamming the car door behind him. Mori very clearly didn’t appreciate it, he always scolded him for slamming doors, but he didn’t this time–must be trying to soften Osmu. He’s still pissed about Mori and the psychiatrist forcing him to this place.

 

They both walked through the automatic sliding doors, heading to the reception desk. Mori spoke to the person lady. Osamu just stayed behind Mori, almost hiding behind the man.

 

It was at this point that Osamu zoned out, just going through the motions of the admission process. When he finally snapped out of it, he was sitting in a room with Mori–the room was pretty plain, just chairs and a round table near the corner of the room.

 

Mori was looking over some papers Osamu assumed a nurse gave him, likely a rundown of this adolescent program. It was stupid. Osamu didn’t need to go to a mental hospital, he wasn’t insane or whatever the psychiatrist made Mori believe. He was just going through a small phase, he was fine.

 

“Dad,” Osamu said, “I’m bored.”

 

“Just deal with it, you should be put into your room soon.” Mori didn’t even look at Osamu when he spoke. Was he that disappointed? He was probably furious, why wouldn’t he be? Any sane parent would be after reading the shit Osamu wrote.

 

He wants to go home; the white sterile walls are making Osamu sick.

 

┌───・。゚☆:*.☽.*:☆゚.───┐

 

8 hours.

 

8 fucking hours later, they finally remembered Osamu’s existence and dragged him to another room. This room was much smaller than the previous one, just a small, rectangular table pushed to the side. The nurse (?) was holding a clipboard and seemed kinda intimidating.

 

The nurse looked Osamu up and down, looking at him like he was some science experiment. After a few moments, the nurse spoke up, “Strip.”

 

“What?” Osamu immediately tensed, the fuck did they just say?

 

“You don’t have to take everything off, you can keep on your bra and underwear, but everything else has to come off. It’s protocol to check to make sure patients aren’t smuggling in contraband or something dangerous.” The nurse explained, ok that actually made sense… Osamu still didn’t like it though.

 

Slowly, Osamu began removing each bit–first taking off his shoes and socks, then pants and his shirt. He felt exposed and severely uncomfortable. Osamu just wanted to cover himself up or run or anything.

 

The nurse checked over Osamu, running his finger between some fabric and Osamu’s skin, making sure nothing was hidden. Their touch made Osamu shiver, god he hated that, he was tempted to say or do something but he couldn’t. The nurse took a step back and instructed Osamu to put everything back on, which he quickly did.

 

The nurse led Osamu through some secure double doors and into an elevator, clicking the button for the second floor. The elevator was almost as anxious as the car, maybe more so.

 

The door opened and the nurse walked out, Osamu following close behind. They went through another secure door and walked through a big room with a hall on each side. The front of the room had a nurse’s station, the middle had a common area looking place with chairs and a tv, it also had these two weird pillars in the center with a curvy seating area. Osamu took this time to look at a clock and saw it was 3am, he and Mori got here at 7pm.

 

The nurse walked down to the right hallway and gestured for Osamu to go into a room, so he did. The room was a decent size with a bathroom to the left, a curtain as the door for safety reasons and a small cubby against the wall. Osamu stepped further into the room and saw two beds, one of them already occupied by another patient.

 

Oh.

 

He had a roommate.

 

Samu slowly walked to his bed, lying down on the mattress. God, it was sooo uncomfortable. The pillow was basically just cloth, the blanket was thin and itchy, not to mention the thin mattress.

 

He tried to get comfortable, but failed horribly. Osamu rolled onto his side, looking at his roommate for a second before lying on his back. Was he going to get any sleep tonight?