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Three hundred sixty seven reports.
Noelle sighed deeply, sinking into the desk in front of her contemplating what the rest of her week was going to be like.
Three years of an IT degree for this. So much for my “stellar grades” getting me a good job.
Of course, it paid well at least. She counted her blessings that it let her move out and cut ties with her mother a few years back, even if it felt like it was draining her soul with every passing week.
She stared blankly at the financial report on the screen, with several dozen spreadsheets to sort and calculate. It was a storm of numbers that all represented someone, but it was hard to think about that when there were so many.
Numbers…
Noelle closed her eyes, picturing them floating around her head. She’d always found numbers comforting. They were simple, precise, and transparent. There wasn’t deceit or ambiguity in numbers, there was always a right answer. There was always a bigger number.
She felt like she could see a distant memory playing out in front of her. It was a dream she’d had a lot of times, where she was the leader of an adventuring party in an RPG. Sometimes they would act nice, spreading peace wherever they went. Other times, they’d cut down anyone in their way. The only constant…
Was that they never lost.
“Elly? You okay?”
Noelle jolted up from the desk, having apparently passed out from sheer boredom. “O-Oh! Yeah I’m alright, just uh… busy.”
Kris was wearing a dark dress with flower patterns on it, their signature stoic expression cracking slightly to give way to concern as they placed a tea cup on the table. “You shouldn’t push yourself so hard, especially for my sake.”
“Hehe, don’t be silly, Kris!” Noelle straightened herself out, rubbing her eyes in a vain attempt to get rid of the bags beneath them. “Just a busy week since one of my colleagues is on holiday.”
Kris gave her a kiss on the cheek before snickering. “Say that again?”
“What? That someone is o-” Noelle blushed as she sighed dramatically. “You’re such an idiot.”
“Anytime, princess.” Kris made their way to the door, stopping as they grabbed the door handle. “Oh uh… Elly? Today’s the anniversary… did you still…?”
Noelle’s face quickly went solemn. The date had completely snuck up on her. “Oh y-yeah just… let me make some progress on these reports and we can go visit her.”
Kris nodded sternly, and then left the room with a quiet shut of the door, leaving Noelle with her thoughts again.
Has another year gone by already?
“You sure you don’t want me to come in with you?” Kris was tenderly gripping the wheel, giving Noelle a quick glance as to maintain eyes on the busy city street. It was the sort of confidence only a gig delivery driver like them could pull off.
“I’ll be alright Kris. I’m not a scared little girl anymore.” Noelle scoffed as she shook her head, trying not to think about what was about to happen. “How’s uh… how’s the course going babe?”
“I’m… I’m doing alright I just…” Kris went silent for a few seconds.
Noelle put a hand on their leg. “You can always ask me for help, you know?”
“I know but…” Kris gripped the wheel. “I’m always asking for help. I-I want to do this on my own. It has to be me.”
Noelle retracted her hand, her eyes drifting to her hooves. “I um… I understand.”
Kris slowed the car to a stop, pulling in front of an unmarked building at the edge of the city. “I’ll be here when you’re done.”
“Thanks.” Noelle stepped out of the car, giving a deep breath as she turned back to Kris. “And thank you.”
Kris wordlessly turned the car off with a nod, pulling out their phone for the wait ahead. Noelle heeded the end of the conversation and closed the car door, making her way into the building with the clack of the short heels she was wearing. The room inside was quiet, only a single armed guard standing next to the windowed booth labelled reception, with a single tired looking squid monster looking down at some papers in front of her. Noelle shuffled awkwardly up to the booth, making a small cough to announce her presence.
The receptionist looked up slowly, their voice coming through the staticy speaker in front of the booth. “Ah. Miss Holiday. I was expecting you today.”
“Um… Mrs. Holiday.” Noelle gave a shy smile as she raised her hand, displaying the jeweled ring on her hand.
They simply raised an eyebrow. “Congratulations.” Some muffled wet slimy noises came through the speaker as it raised a tentacle to stamp a sheet in front of it, before loudly pushing it through a one way flap. “One hour tops, follow instructions, yadda yadda. You know the protocol by now ma’am.”
“Thanks.” Noelle grabbed the document, before doing a slight bow and turning to the guard. “Shall we?”
The guard was a tall armadillo monster, simply wearing uniform over its already tough exoskeleton. He nodded its long head and turned to unlock the door behind him, creaking as it swung open.
“T-Thank you, sir.”
The armadillo didn’t meet her eyes. “Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.”
Noelle slinked into the dark hallway, the echoing footsteps being the only noise that reverberated in the dimly lit hallway of cells as the pair made their way inside. The cells were mostly empty, save for one or two inmates who were presumably here on bail. The lights at the end of the hall were off, giving the cell at the end of the hall an ominous feeling, the kind Noelle had only seen all those years ago.
“I’ll be here.” The guard sat on a stool, lighting up a cigarette that it had slinked out from its shell. “Damn bitch gives me the creeps…”
Noelle shot him a glare, which he only responded with a deeper drag of his cigarette, turning away as he pretended not to notice. She took a deep breath as she grabbed another stool, walking up to the dark iron bars and sitting herself down in front of the cell.
“Hey, Sis. Long time no see.”
Kris was mindlessly scrolling on their phone, the loud short videos drowning out the awkward silence of the car. They’d done this a few times before, and they enjoyed the solitude.
Noelle had insisted that Kris come inside as well the first few times, but they always refused. She stopped prodding after a while.
What would I even say?
Kris went to their messages, and scrolled down to the last one sent by Carol. It was from several years ago, with zero response from them.
You’ve failed this family and this town. You’ve taken everything I had left from me.
Don’t show your face in Hometown ever again.
Kris always froze up and stared blankly at the screen when they saw it. They’d gone over passionate rebuttals, heartfelt apologises, and strings of swears many times over in their head, but they never hit send. After a while, Kris simply brought it up whenever they felt like garbage. They weren’t sure why, maybe it was a reminder that it could always be worse.
The phone buzzed, the notification of a new text from their dad breaking them out of the trance.
Hey, Asriel and I are coming to visit soon, we heard about the engagement and wanted to bring some cake as a surprise for Noelle! Don’t tell her of course, and I’ll be sure to bring some flowers for you to give her as well.
I’m so so proud of you, I would give a hug but I know you don’t like those.
Love, Asgore
They gave a slight chuckle, before giving a short reply.
Thanks Dad. See you soon.
The dark form behind the bars didn’t respond for a few moments, simply pulling against the chains around their wrists. They attached to the ceiling, spreading the prisoners arms wide. Even then, it was hard to make them out from the liquid surface across their body. Only the hair covering their face was visible in the dim light.
“A-Another year huh? You uh… you still not eating or-”
“Enough. Elly.” They lifted their head, revealing their dark, sunken face that was littered with scars. Their red eyes shined like rubies in the abyss. “Why are you really here?”
“Well I…” Noelle gave a deep breath. “I just thought you should know that uh…” She raised her hand again, giving a slight shrug as she did.
The shadow burst out into a horrible, scratchy laugh. “I… I had a feeling. You two… heh…”
“I’m glad we live up to expectations at least.” Noelle continued to focus on her breathing. “And what about you?”
“M-Me…? Me?!” It pulled against the chains again, the guard getting noticeably more uncomfortable. “F-Funny question… to ask someone you left… to rot.”
Noelle closed her eyes again, her breath getting shaky. “This isn’t gonna change until you change. It’s over… Dess. The fight is over.”
Dess sputtered and cough, a dark liquid filled with small glass like shards landing on the floor. “Is it? You haven’t changed at all, so naive.”
“And why’s that?”
“What’s broken… simply reappears somewhere else.” A smile crept across its face. “You haven’t changed anything.”
Noelle sprung up onto her hooves, patting down her lap to dust it off. “Well, it seems like this isn’t going anywhere, so I’ll be going.”
“Why don’t you just kill me.” The smile didn’t leave its face. “If you’re so sure nothing would happen. You hate me.”
Noelle turned away, motioning to the guard that she was ready to leave. “That’s the thing, Dess. I still love you.”
“That isn’t mutually exclusive.” Dess gave a slight chuckle. “You’d know all about that wouldn’t you.”
“We’re done here.” Noelle quickly walked away, holding back a sob as her legs began to wobble.
I’m not strong enough. I never will be.
The next drive was a blur. Noelle had burst into tears when she entered the car, though Kris didn’t pry. They simply held her hand as they started driving her to their next destination. The city bled away to suburban streets, the golden trees filling the air with lazy leaves. Noelle had started counting how many passed by the window, just to get her head to do something.
198… 199…200…201....
She’d missed the golden trees… just like when they were kids.
345… 346…
It was those many years ago… when her life had changed forever.
It turns out, they did find something back there, where the forest grew.
664…665…
“We’re here, Elly.” Kris' deadpan voice snapped Noelle out of her thoughts. They’d pulled into the car park next to an unassuming church near the edge of the nearby housing estate. “You uh… ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Noelle pulled herself out of the car, followed closely by a sheepish Kris as the two made their way to the graveyard behind the church.
Kris handed over the flowers they’d grabbed from the boot. “You uh… you should…”
“You sure, Kris?” Noelle accepted the bouquet, though gave Kris a look of concern.
“I-It’s fine. Really.”
Noelle fell back into silence as they made their way to the back of the yard. She gripped the flowers tightly, trying not to let the tears escape quite yet.
“Do… Do you think I’ll be able to visit Dad again…” Noelle’s voices grew weary with every step she took.
“I… I don’t know, Elly.” Noelle spotted a tear run down Kris’ face. “I don’t think we’re gonna be allowed back in Hometown anytime soon.”
Noelle’s tired eyes turned to the grave they’d stopped in front of. It was a specially marked grave for people who’d lost their lives before adulthood, and the inscription still made Noelle’s heart ache deeply.
Susie Fae
May the hope etched across her heart soar into the heavens forever more.
Noelle turned to look at Kris, who simply gave her a nod as a stream of tears quietly began flowing down their face. She nodded back, placing the flowers on the grave.
“Hey Susie. Happy Anniversary."