Work Text:
Lovely
Despite the amount of ridiculous nicknames used in his friend group, Sirius Black had always been averse to pet names. They made him shiver, his skin crawling as an involuntary frown crossed his face. He couldn’t stand them, no matter who they were coming from. Even James was forbidden from calling him anything other than a version of his name or nickname.
Perhaps it had to do with his childhood.
He knew from James that, in theory, parents called their children nice things, but he’d only ever been ‘Sirius Orion!’ or ‘Get in here!’ or, when he was in big trouble, ‘OI!”
Softness didn’t exist in Grimmauld Place. Words like ‘I love you’ were simply myths from fairytales. Orion and Walburga didn’t even use pet names for each other–in fact, it was a good day when they used their given names instead of insults.
Sweet nothings? Affirmations of love? Remarks on appearances? Why?
In fact, Sirius could clearly remember one instance when he was small. In anticipation for Walburga’s birthday, he’d created a homemade card for his mother using scraps of paper from around the house and old ink from his father’s desk. He’d worked so hard, accidentally smudging colors over his pale skin as he’d scratched the quill tip over the paper, trying his best to spell ‘Happy Birthday’ correctly, his little tongue sticking between his lips in concentration. Unfortunately, his face hadn't been immune from the mess.
So when he’d proudly shown Walburga, giant smile on his face, parchment clutched in his small hand?
“Eurgh, don’t you look lovely,” she’d snarled, upper lip rising in disgust as she looked him over, taking in the mess he’d made. “Kreacher! Fix this!”
And with a snap of her fingers, she’d sent him away, heart broken, birthday message still in hand.
Baby
Kind words didn’t come easily in Grimmauld Place, that was for sure. And when Sirius started rebelling, started fighting back against his parents’ bigotry and oppression?
Things got so much worse.
“-just bloody pictures!” he yelled when he was thirteen, stomping up the stairs to his bedroom, furious tears in his eyes. His parents had, of course, ordered him to take down the photos of himself and his friends, which he’d stuck up to his wall.
“Those pictures are of blood traitors who are terrible influences on you,” Orion called up after him, voice firm. “If you don’t remove them from your room this instant, we will remove you from school!”
At the time, it had been the last straw. After weeks at home for summer break, feeling so confined to his house that it was claustrophobic, Sirius wanted to scream. Sure, they were only photos, but they were the only reminders of his real home-of his real family- that he had! They kept him sane!
So tears pinched at his eyes.
“Don’t be such a baby,” a low, bored voice chastised him from the door across the way, making him turn in outrage. “They’re just pictures. S’your fault for not listening."
“Fuck you, Reg! Don’t call me that!” he shouted, overcome with waves of fury, slamming the door in his brother’s face.
That, of course, had been the beginning of the end of that relationship.
Sexy
But it wasn’t just a home issue. At school, too, the discomfort had been cultivated through judgement. And sure, the judgement wasn’t always in a negative way, but…
He was thirteen the first time an older student gave him one of those looks. Hooded eyes, blown pupils, a smile that came off more like a smirk. Smug whispers behind hands and eyes travelling up and down his body. It made his stomach jump and his heart beat faster, confusion and adrenaline shooting through him in equal measure.
“Guess what I heard,” Fabian Prewett, a seventh-year, said with a grin, sitting next to him one night at dinner and loading his plate up with mashed potatoes.
“What?” he asked eagerly, thinking it was some wonderful rumor about Snape or at least insight about a prank he'd been planning.
But Fabian had winked at him, instead. “Y’know Georgina? Sixth year? She thinks you’re sexy.”
“Aw, good for you, mate!” Peter said immediately, clapping him on the back with jealous enthusiasm. “Merlin, she’s so hot.”
“Mm, heard she’s snogged half the school,” James added, sending him a knowing look.
But Sirius had trouble feeling anything other than shocked…and a little put off. Because wasn’t it weird, for a girl three years older than him, to find him attractive? Plus, Mother had always said that it was wrong to be too sexual. That it was disgusting and revolting and something to look down on.
But judging from James, Peter, and Fabian’s thrilled looks…
“Yeah,” he said with an awkward laugh, forcing a grin on his face. “I mean, I’ve already snogged a few people, so…”
His stomach turned at the lie. He had a feeling giving Marlene McKinnon a peck on the cheek didn’t count, but nobody had to know that.
Princess
Judgement was odd, though. Most of the time, he tried hard not to care about what people said to judge him, especially people like, say, Slytherins. But when, in fifth year, Severus Snape had something to say about his eyeliner and nail polish?
Well, Sirius couldn’t hold back.
“Wow, Black, love the look. What’s next?” Snape hissed to him in the back of the Charms classroom, a sneer on his sallow face. “Mascara? Lipstick?”
“Sounds like you find me hot, Snivellus,” Sirius shot back, curling his hand into a fist as he forced himself to sound nonchalant. “Do you want me to wear lipstick?”
Snape’s lip curled. “Seems like wishful thinking. I mean, everyone’s already guessed you and Potter have a thing, but now that you look like a princess, I–”
But he was quieted by a sharp smack! as Sirius’s fist collided with his nose, breaking it and drawing the attention of everyone in the room.
The detention was worth it, though, to fuck up the other boy’s face even more. Even though in the end, Snape had been right- he was queer. He just wasn't ready to admit it yet.
Babe
So by the time Sirius got his first boyfriend, it was already decided.
“Hey babe,” Benjy said, greeting Sirius with a genuine smile and a kiss on the cheek as they met for their first date.
“Er…” he shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, wondering how to say what he needed to say without sounding mean. “Erm, not a fan of pet names, actually.”
“Really?”
And why did Benjy seem so surprised? Sirius couldn’t help but furrow his eyebrows a bit at the response, doing his best to not be upset. “Yeah, I…they just feel wrong, you know? Like putting on someone else’s shoes and trying to walk.” He chuckled awkwardly.
“Damn, okay. Surprising, but okay!” Benjy agreed, gesturing forward with his arm so Sirius could start the walk to Hogsmeade first.
He frowned. “Why?”
“S’just…you’re a very enthusiastic guy, you know? I figured you’d be into that. But like I said, no worries! To each their own!” Benjy reassured him.
And even though the subject changed after that, Sirius thought about it for a long time. He was very enthusiastic. Why did it matter so much to him?
Honey
It didn’t come to him until much later. Until one evening during seventh year, shortly after the two of them had finally figured things out. The first time he walked into the common room only to be greeted by a giant smile and Remus Lupin’s waiting arms.
“Hey,” he said exhaustedly, having just spent the afternoon in Double Runes after an awful argument with Regulus that morning. He nearly fell into the taller boy’s embrace.
“Hi, honey,” Remus mumbled fondly, pulling him close, pressing a kiss to his temple.
And Sirius didn’t freeze. He didn’t shiver or feel nauseous or put off by the words. Instead, he nearly melted, sinking closer to the other boy, molding their bodies together.
Remus, however, cursed under his breath. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Know you don’t like pet names.”
Which just made Sirius melt more. Because of course Remus knew that. Of course he didn't need to be told.
He looked up and his heart tripped at the amount of awe he saw in the other boy’s eyes. Fuck, what had he done to deserve this? How was it that he was the one Remus wanted? Gods, if Remus was calling him pet names, it felt like some sort of reward...
“No, I like…you can call me honey. If you want,” he murmured, a small smile stretching across his lips.
And Remus only beamed, pressing their lips together.