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Regret. Defining every moment of one’s life were the paths of regret which they walked. Happiness would come ‘round the bend every so often, easing the pain of mistakes. One could easily forge the idea that their regrets were not so terrible if happiness was the result—eventually.
Sakura chose to focus on the good in peoples’ lives. Judging them based on what they did toward goodness. Guiding souls to their afterlife knowing full well the weight of all that was right.
And now, regret lurked in the corner of her eyes and mind and soul.
“You’re sulking,” Sasori’s voice brushed against the ridges of her ribs. Deft fingers wove a pattern down her side, resting on her hips. “Sulking doesn’t suit you.”
Resisting the urge to look down was difficult. She longed to look upon the man who bore the sins of every person within his mind, who judged accordingly. Gone were his once boyish cheeks and smiles, replaced with hard cut lines and a mouth of sharp teeth, that much she could feel. The wisps of his hair laid differently, too. Not in a terrible sense.
“I focus on the joys and happiness carried,” was all she could respond. It was true. She had the one who her heart yearned for. At what cost? What had she done to him?
Here they lay, tangled in a mess of sheets and sand. Her domain having shifted since his presence was woven into the very being of the realm. The land of judgement was no longer a soft, velvety space where souls would begin their eternal resting. Now, the underlying current of sand coursed throughout, grating against skin, cutting away bits and pieces the longer one lingered. They traced every misdeed and took their price in blood.
“And that’s your biggest sin, my goddess. If I had to condemn you, it would be with my very existence. Your love for me is your biggest regret, and my new immortal life your punishment—but what a reward. The dichotomy.” He kissed her sternum. His mouth was warm, so much like the sand wrapping round her legs. The threat of teeth lay just beneath the loving and kind gesture. He would tear her heart out anew if she wasn’t careful.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, leaning her head atop his, remembering how he once smelled of carved wood and oil. If she tried hard enough, she could still sense it underneath the layers of ash.
“A punishment I find great joy and sorrow from.” She held him tighter. He too gripped her flesh more readily. “I have condemned you to a life by my side, to only bear witness to the sins and wrongs of the world. Where is there joy in that?” Her mouth left a few feathered kisses against his temple.
“What regret is to you, is my honor to find. To truly bear the knowledge of wrongs done. Helping deliver the proper afterlife gives me great pleasure.”
She would never understand that. Her role as a goddess was to guide souls to their rightful place based on their actions—their actions of good. How she repeated the word, good good good. It was all her heart yearned for: what was good and right. Sasori was now the opposite. He craved every secret tucked away in the minds ready to find eternal peace. He sought retribution for every single flaw. It was far too much for her to bear.
“Which is why I bear it.” His voice was oddly perverse.
“I wish it did not have to be so.” She cupped his face.
“Yet to have me, is to suffer. And that is your judgement. It’s only fair.”
His kiss consumed her, burning her stomach and lungs, lighting the nerves along her spine.
He was everything she wanted, what she was willing to throw herself into the abyss for. Now that she had him, she needed to find the moments of joy to help smother the regret.