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“Before us, we see a wild Batman. For once, he is without any of his young, his cape empty is empty of those colloquially known as Robins.”
Tim held his camera up, making sure to capture Bruce’s wilted figure. He was hunched over his computer, silently typing up reports. There was a slight frown on his face. Tim smiled, putting on his best David Attenborough impression.
“The Batman’s mood is very difficult to decipher, it has forty-seven different documented frowns. This one, however, is a distressed frown. The Batman’s brow is creased and the tips of his frown are approximately two centimeters down. The cause of the distress is likely the lack of his present young.”
Tim trailed off here. He glanced over to his partner in crime. For once, it wasn’t a fellow bird or Young Justice member. Instead, it was a Green Lantern, Kyle Rayner. Rayner had his own camera in hand, a devilish smirk that was rarely seen lit up his face.
Kyle had originally come up to the Watchtower to work on his photography, wanting to branch into different art mediums. And he had done that-- for about thirty minutes, before the lantern had gotten wrapped up in Tim’s shenanigans.
Rayner wasn’t pointing his camera towards Bruce, instead,
“Nearby, a wild Green Lantern approaches. This particular Green Lantern is known for his stubbornness and has previously come into conflict with The Batman.”
Tim swiveled his head to follow where Rayner was gazing. Hal Jordan was walking down the hallway, looking absolutely exhausted. Tim grinned, also swiveling his camera to capture the lantern in question.
Tim picked up where Kyle had left off, “the Lantern is exhausted. Will he leave the Batman alone in favor of seeking rest and sustenance? Or will the Lantern's exhaustion cause him to act irrationally?”
Kyle gave him a stink-eye at that last part. Tim, with all the grace of a teen far too used to his siblings, simply ignored him.
Continuing on, “It appears the Batman has noticed the Green Lantern. The Batman has begun to rise from his seat. The Batman has chosen to initiate an interaction between himself and the Green Lantern. The Green Lantern has yet to notice the Bat’s movement.”
Tim trailed off, content to let Kyle pick it up. All annoyance forgotten, Kyle began right where the former Robin had left off.
“The Green Lantern has noticed the Batman. The Lantern straightens his posture, signaling that he is prepared for the confrontation. The Lantern’s shoulders are drawn back, head held high in a dominance display.”
“The Batman’s posture shifts in response. The Batman’s flares his cape, making the Batman look bigger than he actually is. This is a common display, designed to startle prey and confuse predators.”
Tim loved making fun of Bruce’s cape. Having spent far too many nights huddled beneath it, and watching the Rouges and common muggers alike scream in fear from how large and demonic the cape made Batman look, Tim couldn’t get enough of ridiculing it. Was it useful? Yes. Was it also obnoxious? Of course, it belonged to Batman.
Kyle shifted forward. Repositioned his camera to center the growing fight between Hal and Bruce.
“The Batman begins making vocalizations. They are low and gruff, signifying annoyance. The Green Lantern returns with high pitched, fast vocalizations and wild hand motions. This also shows annoyance. The two creatures move closer to another. This is a common display between these two individuals. Although they show annoyance in different ways, they are familiar enough with each other for meaning to pass between the two species.”
Tim rolled his eyes. Bruce and Hal couldn’t seem to go five minutes in each other's presence without arguing. Calling it a “common display” seemed like the understatement of the century. He turned his attention back to the two heroes.
“The Batman flares his cape again, trying to establish dominance. Normally, this is enough for the Green Lantern to back off. Let’s see what happens this time.”
Hal- Hal did not back down. Kyle and Tim just sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. The lights were the loudest thing in the room. Getting over his stupor quickly, Kyle sputtered and restarted,
“The Green Lantern seems to have mimicked behaviors from an outside species. Further exploration is required before it can be determined where from. Using his Lantern Ring, the Green Lantern’s most powerful defense and offense, the Green Lantern floats a couple feet of the ground. Behind him, he spreads artificial construct wings, reminiscent of a butterfly or moth. The Green Lantern now appears significantly larger than the Batman, however the Green Lantern’s body remains unmodified. Will it be enough to fool the Batman into backing down?”
Well, Tim isn’t going to be one to back down from making fun of Bruce. “The Batman’s vocalizations have stopped. He appears startled. He takes a step back, giving up ground. It’s not quite submission, but it’s enough to halt the fight from progressing.”
Picking up steam, Kyle quickly narrated Hal’s response. “The Green Lantern continues to stare down the Batman. The Batman does not make any further movements. The Green Lantern’s vocalizations have ceased. It has become a battle of wills. In a battle of wills, the Green Lantern reigns supreme. Still, the Batman stands a chance.”
Keeping the ball rolling, Tim reported, “The Batman keeps eye-contact with the Green Lantern. If eye-contact is broken at any point, the hero that breaks eye-contact concedes. The silence holds. This is an unprecedented situation. A newly documented display, never seen before.”
Kyle, deciding that the silence is a perfect place to start geeking out, began, “While not one of this particular Lantern’s displays, the Deimatic behavior appears to working on the Batman. The Green Lantern’s migration habits bring it outside its home range often. He is forced to interact with the inhabitants of many worlds where he encounters many different threat and submission displays. Many within the broader Green Lantern distinction have behaviors that this particular lantern is displaying. Where he picked it up deserves further exploration.
“The Lantern flaps the wings, yet another new behavior. The wind from the flap causes the Batman’s cape to move. Disrupting the Batman’s own attempt to look bigger. This appears to have startled the Batman, as he begins making new vocalizations. The Batman releases a quick, sharp ‘Jordan’.”
“The Green Lantern makes no response. He continues to stare down the Batman. Waiting for a submissive behavior.”
Kyle finally takes a second to breathe, stopping his narration. Tim, finally recovered from the shock of Hal deciding that turning into a moth was the perfect response to Bruce being up his ass, started his own narration.
“The Batman reproduces the earlier vocalization of the ‘Jordan’ from earlier. The Green Lantern stands his ground. The Lantern’s face is stern, he has yet to blink since the wings appeared. He rises slightly in the air, forcing the Batman to take yet another step back to keep looking him in the eyes. His wings grow in size, causing the Green Lantern to look even larger. Just how large will the Green Lantern appear to grow before the Batman backs down or an alteration occurs?”
Seriously, what the fuck was going on here? Tim’s seen some weird shit in Gotham and this tops like, 50% of what the Rouges do every other week. Tim glanced over at Kyle, but the young adult is fully captivated in what was going on. His camera perfectly trained on Bruce and Hal. Time wondered if he was going to use it to tease Hal or bring it to the rest of the Corp asking for an explanation. Probably both, that’s what Tim would do.
Kyle, actually documenting what is going on now, starts his narration again. “The Batman finally breaks eye contact. The Green Lantern stays in position, flapping his wings twice more, continuing to disrupt the Batman’s own size display. Finally, he lowers himself to the ground, dismissing the glowing green wings. The Green Lantern shakes his head, as though dispelling something from his head or thoughts. A red flush rises to the Lantern’s face. The Green Lantern opens his mouth, moving his jaw up and down a couple times. This behavior comes from his own species, signaling embarrassment. The Batman watches on, completely still.
“The Green Lantern and Batman make eye-contact again. However, instead of initiating another threat display, the Green Lantern immediately breaks eye contact. The Batman and the Green Lantern are now on equal ground again. The Green Lantern let’s out a vocalization, ‘Not a word, Spooky’, and retreats from the Batman and surrounding area. Surrendering the land he just gained from the display.
“The Batman looks around, appearing lost. He opens his mouth, and begins a vocalization, ‘Note 2537, Green Lantern Corp, entry 27 Theta, Green Lanterns can mimic the cultures they’ve immersed themselves in if they’ve been on the planet long enough. Current theory: time needed to mimic is eight months. Save’.
“The Batman begins returning to the table he was originally at, however, he stops to turn, searching for something. The Batman opens his mouth to begin yet another vocalization-
“RAYNER! TIM!””
“OH SHIT!”
“MOVE MOVE MOVE”
----
Hal sat in his room, head in his hands. He’d only been on Theorny for a couple months, helping with a peace conference. They were a race of humanoid aliens who had large wings, which they used for communication.
It was one of the few times the ring’s translations weren’t finicky; on his side the wing movements were dictated, but without any wings to speak with, he couldn’t get any information across. So the ring had simply- given him some wings. He’d talked and the ring, like always, would translate the english into a language the aliens could understand. It was just that this time he had giant wings on his back translating things.
Hal groaned.
He had fucking used the Wings on Batman. And Bruce had backed down.
An evil little grin began to stretch on his face. All despair turning into something that all siblings everywhere would know to fear.