Work Text:
Fan Meeting is over, Anzu has left Cosmic Production, those troublesome kids already got their ears worn out of scolding and appropriate punishment. Not that it will guarantee to stop them from doing anything stupid though. Still, he did what he could to relieve himself from the mess that are his hand-picked talents.
“....”
A sigh escaped from those lips, Ibara surely deserved a long moment of peace from any single breathing being after everything. If possible, he would want to lock himself in his apartment for a rest from these overwhelming demands from people and just don't leave for a few days. But unfortunately given his position, a simple break like this is already a luxurious self care.
That being said, an empty moment doesn't always mean a good rest when his brain starts to question stupid things that he knows are just a waste of time to wonder about. But when he is left alone without having to do anything during a break like this, his brain wouldn't let him actually be at peace regardless of how he tries. Unless he closes his eyes for a power nap.
He doesn't have time for that.
Ibara massaged the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes and took off his glasses.
Deciding to take the villain-like role comes with its own benefits and downsides. But, is this really the thorny path he prefers to take compared to the sweet-sounding-kindness-covered-evil that most people—like His Eminence for example—would use?
Well …
If his strictness and harsh truth is his way to beat that unguaranteed loyalty, perhaps it's just to be expected for him to end up receiving this kind of treatment from his assets.
Not that he is against it, as annoying as their betrayal and attack on him could be. He just wishes their disobedience would be more profitable for the company and less an attack on his private life. Something that can fan the flame would make good marketing that boosts sales too if done right.
One could argue that selling Ibara's private life can be profitable too and obviously he could see how much Cospro Idols showing their “gratitude” to him on stage make a great PR,
But
God grief.
It's fucking embarrassing.
What they did was truly troublesome and annoying to face. Even Ibara couldn't contain his anger despite how much he was supposed to force himself to smile and accept the so called fucking gratitude. Well in a way it's a good thing that the camera didn't shoot his face so directly before he managed to calm himself down. Just what kind of bad PR would it be if they caught his anger on the big screen?
He scrolled down the stupid anon site just to be sure if anyone caught stray of his bad reaction.
‘This is so creepy lmaooooo’
‘They think dragging other idols would make him more likable? The way he acts is already very obnoxious. Forcing other idols just to make a good PR won't change people's perception over Eden’
‘twice SS loser really be doing everything to make themself seem like hero’
‘It's so funny that they are even making Crazy:B join this shit like Crazy:B isn't the victim of that snake’s terrible marketing’
There was none about that at least. Just normal stuff.
Another sigh escaped. His finger is still scrolling down on other places just to be sure. He can't control people's opinion and this far isn't really a problem in the end. Once he went past the date of that cursed fan meeting, he saved himself and just closed the sites.
Life surely would be easier for him if he hoard many obedient dogs in his roster instead. but even Ibara is aware that the mindless and stupid dogs won't do him any good. They wouldn't be useful and instead would make a weakness that can be manipulated and used by other people against him.
So no matter how he sees it, this is all his fault for picking those wild and selfish dogs in his rosters.
He can't even complain. Since he won't do it another way.
At least, the new capable and obedient staff has been appointed to be the Cospro director for now. No more the hype, big energy Anzu, just another obedient dog that can listen to his instruction and just do well. That alone should lift some burden on his shoulder…
The passive and obedient guys are perfect to run the system. The aggressive and critical guys are meant for the field, this is fine—
📳
?
Ibara checked his phone, noticing the message from Yuuki, his personal assistant who also handling the transaction that Ouroboros do.
Yuuki :
We have prepared the next batch for the orphanage sir. Should I send the order like usual? The other day you told me to immediately halt any progress for now due to the investigation from Ran-sama.
“…” right… There is that problem too.
His gaze fell to the box of unread letters by the side of his desk.
Ibara :
I'll handle it tomorrow. Just deliver it when I'm around.
Yuuki :
Roger sir.
Another sigh escaped as he just let his body being embraced by the back of his chair. He just put his phone aside as carefully, his fingers choosing between the letters, taking the small knife to open the envelope, finally continuing what he was doing earlier.
“...pft…”
Looking at the simple words with almost no kanji on sight made him scoff. Well he has nothing to do with the teaching method of that Orphanage, he appreciates some of them trying to use difficult words though… they seem to want to show more effort in their writing, even though some of it ended up almost being unreadable instead.
As he flips around the letters and its envelopes, he wonders ‘Did their teacher tell them to write this…? How unnecessary —’ Considering the number of letters that he got is quite a lot…
Perhaps it feels unreal despite the number of letters he could receive from his fans alone. Not that his fans never made their kid send him some letter too…. So this isn't the first time for him to receive letters from kids. But, he is sure that he told the teacher of that orphanage to avoid showing his idol work too much, or maybe he appeared too much on TV recently?
It didn't seem to be the case since he has been too busy with work behind the stage since SS ended.
But… ?
We only watch stuff like that on TV so it was so
cool! Onii-san is the one who holds the baton right? Or is it cane? I don't know the difference but the teacher said it was cane… there were so many performances we got to see but the last one feels like a theater too. Thank you for letting us watch it!!! The bento box is also super delicious! I never get to eat beef that tender? But the Tamagoyaki still the best anywhere ~crazy
‘It must be the luxurious bento from His Highness restaurant…. How unnecessary. How will he make up for these poor kids' poisoned tongue? What if they can't enjoy normal food again. That's irresponsible…’
I never got to go to a concert like that before. When I watch idols on TV they all seem so sparkly and bright. But watching it directly like that really feels weird. I don't know how to explain it but it makes my chest hurt? The teacher said it means I'm feeling excited or maybe I'm sick… but I don't get a fever after that and it becomes normal after a while. It's weird but I don't hate it. Everyone else looks really cool and goofy but I guess oniisan is the one that makes me excited the most? I don't know that Idol can make that kind of expression… The other red head oniisan also makes weird expressions too. I want to watch your performance again
‘... Did this kid just compared me to Amagi-shi’
After watching the performance, the boys are copying oniisan’s performance so much. But they're sucks at it. Oniisan is the best… I don't like how they are sucks at it so I ended up complaining to them. They're mad at first because they thought I was mocking them but the teacher talked between us. They're eager to learn more! And I'll be the one watching them over too! Thank you for showing an amazing stage like that for us. It might be the one and only chance but I'll treasure it. The teacher told us that you are also a producer right? Maybe one day I want to be like you too! But first I'll have to help these stupid boys
`perhaps this one would become a producer one day .... Heh'
Onii-san, you looked so cool on the stage that it made my heart flutter. When the teacher said we can send some letters I was so happy… I don't know if you would even read this but I hope you do. I too want to shine like that. Maybe not the tongue part though hehe (don't worry it looked really cool) the song is also amazing, I like the lyrics even if I don't really get it but it feels really pushing me to do what i want to do. Do you think someone like me can be like you?
‘Obviously you can't…’ —
—is something that Ibara would immediately say. Because there is only one of him in this world and he won't allow a copycat to even exist. But, a little smile cracked on the corner of his lips. Just because he said that, it doesn't mean that they can't shine as themself.
‘...how stupid…’
Ibara looked around his desk trying to find the unused paper and took up a pen by his side. Perhaps he should skip using too much kanji like usual? But he decided to add some furigana on some words in the end—’would that be unnecessary…? This is hard’
As he focuses on his reply, his mind keeps trailing back to other letters. Multitasking is his thing, he just can't do only one thing at once. Surprisingly… the letters… the words that these kids used, it really sounds much more simple. It feels different than the usual fan letter that he got. It's not just praise, it's filled more with their own words, their own wishes. Of course his usual fan letter also sometimes comes from a kid who ended up admiring their performance. But perhaps the unnecessary sense of kin-ness knowing the background of these kids made those wishes…
Sounds heavier...
Unfortunately…, it really made the words feel more personal instead that he actually ended up picking up the pen rather than just typing his answer — it's not like he received more than Hiyori and Nagisa did.
Ibara don't usually reply to fan letters one by one like this. He is confident enough that he would at least soar so high that the letters he is getting in future probably will be too inhuman for him to reply one by one. The most he can do is to read it and reflect on their words and wishes from his performance. It sounded much better than making an AI or staff reply to that. But for these kids, maybe just for once, he will give them a simple reply. Considering they are made as a special invited audience by Eden, it's not an overkill to make an exception here.
Well he can't just suddenly jump into the scene and be the stupid saviour who can't even read the atmosphere, saying those stupid hopeful words without taking responsibility until the end.
The “Saegusa Ibara” that he crafted right now, has yet to obtain the power to do that.
Watching some people get seriously injured because of the lack of his supervision is an enough slap from reality to him.
That being said, considering their words, it's very likely that his identity as the man behind their sponsor is not being revealed yet. Not something he needs to praise his Eden about for keeping it secret. After all, in the first place, there should be no necessary line for these kids to perceive him as anything more than just that idol on TV or that guy who sometimes comes to the orphanage to handle distribution of stuff. But he appreciates the minimum effort.
Empty wishes and hopes will remain as the worst gift for these kids after all.
Ibara of all people, at least understand…
“... You are staying up late again…”
"..."
Ibara perked from the paper, finding Nagisa standing in front of his desk already. Why didn't he notice it? It wasn't fatigue for sure. Since he has been following the normal routine for the last few days. “Your Excellency…?” He greets as he puts down the pen, trying to conveniently hide the fact that he is writing the reply. “Shouldn't you return to the dorm already…?”
Ibara is sure that he turned off the light of this floor already and the light of his desk shouldn't be enough to be seen from outside considering the layout of this building. Thanks to Eden members' unnecessary habit to count the floor that has lights on in Ensemble Square building and barged into his overtime work, he ended up working later than usual because they are wrecking his concentration sometimes.
“... I heard you haven't return to dorm and Yuuki-san said you're still at work”
Tch. Who is Yuuki-san’s boss really? Why is that guy's lips so loose to Nagisa?
“... I See… Well I finished my work actually and just resting a bit before going back” Ibara answered, putting up that bright sweet smile to convince Nagisa. “Should I order a car for you to return—”
That guy is leaving just to drag a chair to sit next to Ibara and stealing the letters he was reading.
“Wait Your Excellency .. thats—”
“... I also got some from them… fufu, somehow it reminds me of when I started learning to write with Hiyori-kun. It's quite recent so it still vivid in my memory”
Ibara sighed, he gave up. Getting all worked up for nothing sounds like it's just a waste of time and energy, not that Nagisa is listening anyway. “at least take the one I already finished replying…”
“... hmmm” Nagisa obediently put it back and took Ibara’s finished reply instead “... it's rare right…for Ibara to make a reply? You even told me not to reply fan letter before”
Unbothered with what Nagisa did, he stood up to get some drinks for them. “It was because in the end you ought to keep your persona up during our revolution. We can't have you loosen up your image yet”
“...hm…” Nagisa chuckled as he read the reply, it's a little too Ibara-like, straightforward but still tender in a way. But he does wonder if the kids would understand? “... Yet you let me do whatever I want now”
“Obviously. We don't need that tough look all time anymore since Cospro is already in the rule of those schools. Besides, that other side of yours has already become a charm point that many new fans grow to like. It caused some rift for older fans but change will always happen anyway, if you can be more comfortable on your shoes it should lessen the burden of standing on stage too so —” he stopped stirring the hot chocolate, realising that he answered it naturally when he already told Nagisa before “wait I already explained this to you before”
Adorable
— Nagisa hums when he notices Ibara's hand stopped stirring. Ibara always answers his question and helps him to understand all sorts of curiosity he has after all. This kind of exchange happened quite often before even with repeated questions. Though, due to Ibara's increasingly busy schedule, the opportunity lessened a lot. It remains as something that Nagisa do miss from their early days. “... You did fufu, Ibara is the one who immediately went into explanation mode. I was simply pointing out the change.”
Ibara sighed. Continuing the stir in the cup, he added some marshmallows that give unique texture to the chocolate without making it too sweet either. “Then… What is the reason you came to find me? Did you overhear any gossip again?” right gossip, recently Nagisa keeps coming here to talk about things he overheard and would ask Ibara to clear the information for him. Like that time he heard about Cosmic Production's director stepping down.
Well. Ibara appreciates that Nagisa went to him to make the information clear rather than assuming things. He wished Nagisa would do the same when he found that receipt to that orphanage too.
Instead of all these messes.
“... Not a particular one” Nagisa shook his head, waiting for Ibara to finally hand that delicious smelling chocolate. It wouldn't be a lie if he were to say that he comes here for that hot chocolate even though there is no guarantee that Ibara would make it for him “... We didn't get to talk much after the event…”
Ibara handed the mug to Nagisa who had been staring at him with eyes full of expectations. ‘Only when it comes to sweets this guy is making that kind of face.’ His gaze fell to Nagisa's excited face— “... We did some feedback discussion on our way back. I'm afraid there isn't another necessary thing to discuss” Ibara looked up, wondering if he missed anything. He did even scold them the next day after it was over too. So, what else is forgotten?
“... Mhm… You're right about that. But it's not about work” Nagisa paused, his gaze remaining on the mug that he held with both his hands before he finally looked up to Ibara who was still standing. “...I didn't properly apologise to Ibara yet.” Nagisa admitted. “... We don't actually talk about the problem that caused everything too because of the timing. After that, Ibara only brought up the importance of making sure everything is aligned up to show themes and promoted content even when doing surprise events to avoid confusion between fans.”
Apology…
Huh?
Ibara's eyebrow raised a little as he leaned against the glass wall, facing Nagisa. “...hm…” he barely perceived what Nagisa said after that because his mind went elsewhere already. Questioning why Nagisa apologies now after all the mess. If he wants to apologise he shouldn't even do it in the first place.
Right?
“....” Absent-mindedly, Ibara lifted the mug he held, a little to sip the warm water he got for himself. “It already happened. Apology is rather unnecessary right? You can't undo the damage either. Besides, what else is there to be discussed? I thought you were already satisfied with your deductions of me being shy as the reason for it all since you didn't seem to be interested in anything I said there?”
Nagisa was in bliss for a moment, since Ibara was taking his time to think about it, he ended up sipping a bit — as expected for Ibara, it was a perfect balance — but of course, the response from him was quite a painful one.
“... Making hypotheses based on the variables that I had was indeed fun. But in the end, the past few days made me understand that I'm still too green to claim that I do understand Ibara. The words you said were cut a lot for me to be able to perceive it simply as Ibara's own reasoning and even if it might sound like a lie for others, I do wish to listen to Ibara's answer” Nagisa smiled sadly, “... For that, I came here, so I can evaluate how far I got it right. Although, I can only find out how far I got it right if Ibara is being truly honest to me.”
‘How troublesome….’
Ibara looked away as he sipped his drink. Being assumed and getting his choice stolen away was more annoying though, at least Ibara understood that. But he isn't really up for more misunderstanding and he knows at least Nagisa can still be more reasonable instead of just denying him for nothing.
“What I said on the day Jun got injured wasn't truly a lie. Perhaps, the only part that I was the one behind his injury wasn't true. Other than that, everything I said was just as it is. The history of that organisation’s name, the reason I use the name. I said I promise not to be involved in that dirty side but technically Ouroboros has nothing to do with it at all, so in a way it was not a lie either.” He put his mug to the table before he went back to his position, folding his arms loosely. “The fact that it's embarrassing if it becomes public is also true. I don't need that kind of stupid promotion now. Well, it surely can be used for a cushion one day just in case things go south and outside my control. That's what I meant when I said I still can profit from it so again, I didn't lie about that. So it would make me very delighted if you would kindly stop misinterpreting my actions simply to satisfy your imagination — ”
Nagisa listened as he studied Ibara's gesture. Small part of him is a bit overjoyed that Ibara willingly share his thoughts—his honest thoughts, complete with the stab here and there—The other part of him is quite sad, as he realise how far Ibara try to be honest to them despite some fabrication and hidden truth here and there.
And yet…
They dismissed his truth like that.
Looking back, each of them has hidden their true feelings a lot that caused trouble to Eden. The problem he has in SS when he works with Gatekeeper to capture Priest… Jun’s solo debut and all his lack of confidence… Hiyori’s personal decisions… despite his worry, Ibara does wait for them to talk to him first instead of forcing them to talk.
Of course Ibara did end up approaching them when he noticed things getting worse and affecting their activity. But what happened this time was a mere misunderstanding one after another that shouldn't affect their activity at all if they were to trust Ibara more, instead of suspecting him and treating him like a criminal. It surely sounded difficult when Ibara keep hiding things from them but it's already been two years that feels like forever since their debut. Trusting each other should have been something that they actually try to do instead of just saying it to each other.
Nagisa’s gaze remain to see Ibara's face and wonders
Would Ibara just leave them completely one day if he deemed them useless for not even appreciating his will?
“ — But if possible, I do not wish to sell that information in any form.” Ibara's gaze returns to Nagisa, catching him staring. He doesn't know what Nagisa is thinking but somehow he looked really sad. “In the end everything did it was not because of a good cause or the like”
“I just happen to have the ability and freedom to do it, to do something that not many people can do, something that my younger self can't do, to himself. But who am I now have yet to reach the place where I can proudly scream that I can make a change and make a difference for other people” Ibara scoffed, walking closely to Nagisa just to take a seat back to his seat and try to relax.
“Well, the least I can do is not to become those people who can only use other’s sorrowful life as their selling point. You may call it hypocrisy or the like given how many times I'd step on other's pain and use it for my own profit, but those kids are not on this battlefield yet… they are not in for the war”
“So, as much as His Highness’ appraisal on the value of sharing what I did to the public would be seen as good PR….”
“Is it wrong if I refuse to use them as bullets in my gun and keep them away from being a tool to my war, Sir?”
The expression that Ibara made was rather unreadable for Nagisa. But somehow, it feels familiar. It's the expression that Hiyori would make whenever he asks Nagisa a question that sounds contradictory. Questions that Hiyori asked that wouldn't be expected for the second son of Tomoe, but Nagisa can see how Hiyori was genuinely asking that.
He was a tad stunned to immediately answer, but Nagisa tenderly faced Ibara there as he moved his seat for a closer look. “... I won't say it's wrong. Ibara has his own reason. And I believe in it.” He put his hand on Ibara's hand, “... But exactly because of that, I want to say sorry to Ibara. Ibara said it was unnecessary, but I wish to be honest to Ibara and admit my sin as well”
Ibara lifted one of his eyebrows in confusion, but he didn't pull his hand, letting Nagisa continue instead of replying.
“... I didn't mean to deny Ibara's decision over your own private matters. I didn't mean to reject the truth that you painted either. It's just, that time, Ibara didn't just paint a truth but drew a line that pushed us away.” He unconsciously gripped Ibara's hand a bit tighter, not wanting to let him go, especially not in misunderstanding.
“... I couldn't accept it. I won't apologise for investigating it but we did end up going overboard in the end. Not listening to Ibara's reason at all and making decisions that might ruin everything Ibara has worked hard on. I got caught up in my own excitement to find the other side of Ibara that I never saw before… I can't promise that it won't happen again—”
“ — Then don't apologise.” Ibara said.
Nagisa was surprised by the sudden cut. But his gaze fell back to the hand in his grip, Ibara still didn't pull it away. His words might have sounded harsh but his voice… was gentle? There was a hint of upset feeling behind it as it started with a deep sigh but this gesture and voice confused Nagisa a little.
“Hah… I somehow expected that was the reason, knowing you… and them. Besides, an apology will be useless if you are still going to do it again” Ibare shook his head as he sighed again.
He grabbed Nagisa’s hand that gripped his hand earlier. “That would be called an empty apology. Apology that is done just to make yourself feel good about it or as formality of it without actually meaning it.”
“And I … ” Ibara locked his gaze while holding that hand “I don't need empty words, Your Excellency”
Nagisa didn't expect Ibara would grab his hand instead but he smiled as he listened to those words. Just like Ibara who wouldn't apologise for things he did right even if it might have hurt them in a way?
Is that what he meant?
Nagisa chuckled a little “... Fufu, you're right. But… you see Ibara... My apology, it wasn't as empty as it sounds.” He leaned to that hand that grabbed his, pulling it gently as he caressed his cheek on Ibara's arm “... I did feel the regret when I saw Ibara seemed genuinely upset that time. Not in the way that you are angry that you lost or had your plan ruined. That day, Ibara made the face of someone who had his heart teared apart and made fun of, it seemed so painful to see. Even if we always do things that might hurt each other because of our overbearing care, I believe I went too overboard this time… for that alone… please allow me to apologise, I never wish to see Ibara truly hurt that far”
“...”
Silence fell between them, Ibara's gaze is still on Nagisa, it's even more unreadable now, but Nagisa could feel that for a moment the grip on his hand was loosened a little before Ibara continued to hold it tight.
There are many words, many kinds of responses that are spinning in Ibara's head.
To deny it, brush it off, or just leave this place…
So many options. Perhaps an apology is another thing that Ibara himself always finds difficult to process. He is too used to being denied, rejected and ignored that those things were normalised in his mind to the point that he never expects those words from others.
Before, he thought Nagisa was apologizing just for himself, not actually for Ibara. Brushing it off was the easiest thing to do. But right now… the fact that Nagisa noticed it thoroughly and peeling it off one by one.
It became difficult for him to react.
In a way, he wants to face it genuinely, without dismissing it with the business face he would use.
But… is it really worth it?
“... It's okay, if Ibara can't accept it…” Nagisa seemed a bit worried because of the silence.
He is used to Ibara’s silence between their serious talk, but this silence is too deafening for him to even breathe. It suffocates him. “... I just want Ibara to know that for that part alone… I really didn't expect Ibara would feel that hurt. I will try to avoid it from happening again”
“...”
It's definitely easier to just brush it off when it comes to something that didn't actually hit the bulls eye but this one was unexpected.
“I see. Well… I don't expect you to know how I would react.” Ibara pulled his hand, taking a deep breath before he let it go. Nagisa’s touch feels like a magnet pulling him down to ground himself and melt him down. Before his emotion takes over himself, he decides to let it go just so he can stand on his own ground. “But I do wish you to trust me more. Even if my truth doesn't satisfy you, if you find your own truth about me, I'd appreciate it if you talk to me in private rather than whatever it was before.”
It was a bit lonely to feel the loss from his grip. But in a way, Nagisa is glad that Ibara is facing that feeling properly instead of just brushing it off or hiding behind The Great, Saegusa Ibara.
That simply means Ibara still trusts him with his heart.
The bare and raw feeling that Ibara rarely shows.
“... I'll remember that,” Nagisa smiled at him. “... Hm… I'll help you to fold the letter and put it in a new envelope so we can go home together?”
“Ah… right, the letter” Ibara just remembered what he was doing, he stared at the clock and at the letter before he put it back in the box. “... I'll finish this *home*, I'll drive you to the dorm first”
Nagisa perked up, standing by the other side of the desk not to bother Ibara cleaning up “... Can I stay over?”
Ibara paused a little as he stared at Nagisa and his gaze went back to the laptop to see the calendar, then up to the ceiling as he recalled the schedule before it landed back on Nagisa “sure?”
“... Thank you ♪ ” Nagisa said.
Ibara still doesn't know how to process that apology, or how to respond to Nagisa about it. But he appreciates that Nagisa doesn't force him to acknowledge it or to forgive him. He appreciates that Nagisa can go along with him trying to remain calm about it even if he doesn't have an answer to that. Other people probably would feel that it was too awkward for Ibara not denying or accepting it.
But for Ibara, it was one of very few genuine apologies that someone ever said to him. One that actually directed to him and his feelings, one that wasn't just a formality, or simply an attempt to make themself feel good or to gain Ibara's favour.
But… perhaps… time will tell?
“... Ibara…” Nagisa trying to take Ibara's attention back just for a moment as he remembered one single thing he feel the need to say.
Ibara didn't seems to bother looking back as he busy himself with the main PC, yes he use PC too at work, aside from his beloved laptop “Yes? I only need to save the works first, please be patient”
“... I just want to say thank you” it didn't seems to bother Nagisa that Ibara didn't look at him now.
“You did”
“... Mhm...But I also want to say thank you, For listening to me and being honest to me”
“...”
Ibara looked up to Nagisa for a moment before he shut down the main PC and took his bag with him “... Lets go its already late”
“... Alright ♪”
Apology is tough, but guess a genuine Gratitude also quite tough for Ibara.