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That confused look.
Until the end of that confrontation Ibara can tell that Jun didn't seem to actually understand what it was that made Ibara upset. He looked just confused, perhaps betrayed by what Ibara said. But there is nothing he can do. It wasn't Jun’s fault for not knowing what he did hurt actually could hurt Ibara more than he expected. Only someone stupid with a big ass ego would expect something like that — that everyone can tell how hurt you are without ever telling your feeling — well, guess partly, for split seconds he was that stupid kid with big ass ego.
Ibara sighed as he hit the button of that treadmill, slowly pacing himself to follow the pace that was growing faster. He wasn't planning to workout tonight but after the confrontation earlier, he feels the need to do something to let that angry energy flow out instead of keeping it stuck in his mind. After all, his mind is still clouded with everything that has been going. He doesn't think this will be enough to fully help him this time, but at least he wouldn't have to sleep with anger boiling in him.
It's a good thing he didn't ended up punching Jun.
It was his fault after all.
To keep turning blind over Jun’s growth. To lie to himself over that fact just to not lose his pace. Ibara lied to himself a lot in order to make sure that he would be able to remain calm on everything. focusing on different things and thinking he can still seize everything in his hand without losing anything.
But he was wrong.
While he tied himself to all these business projects, he is losing his pace to keep developing as an idol. It shouldn't be a problem at first. He built Eden and became a member of this unit simply as the closest path to nurture a brand that can lift up all of his business while protecting it and observing it closely. And yet, the more he progresses in, the more his ego as Idol slowly builds up inside of him. He becomes greedy. Watching Nagisa and Hiyori who possess the god-like talent make him want to be able to develop himself to be worthy of someone standing by their side. Jun who keep gearing up over his own development also become a slap on his face that motivate him as well.
Jun is an unpolished jewel. Even Ibara knows how insane he would be if polished well.
His success definitely will benefit for eden. That's why when Jun started to lose his confidence, Ibara did his best to kick Jun’s ass back. Everytime. He always did his best to make sure Jun managed to reach the highest. Be it during saga… or even his first centre song. For that, as his producer, there is almost no way for Ibara to not be aware of all Jun’s achievements. Not to mention the merchandise sales, trades, even resell prices. Those numbers make his achievements become even more clear.
… And yet… When he stopped perceiving Jun as a producer, the small and cowardice ego of his refused to perceive Jun’s growth as what it meant to be.
Everytime he watches Jun shine, there is a part of him that grows jealous of the freedom and pure effort that Jun conveyed on stage. Ibara would always use his work to justify the fact that he can't fly as high as Jun would. even everyone would know that he is capable of putting that duty aside if he really wishes to produce the best stage that his heart wishes to convey like what he did in valentine…
Right… that valentine event…
Ibara stared at the dim reflection of him through that glass wall. Pushing himself to an even faster pace. He couldn't deny that he felt ashamed of himself. Looking back at each of the memories one by one makes it really clear that that part of him was truly something that he needed to throw away. It felt childish and stupid.
Not to mention despite the motivation and jealousy that he felt from watching Jun, in the same time Jun is also the comfortable space for him to put himself at ease.
Like the safety air bag. He tends to use Jun to let himself fall on Jun comfortably. Between all his thoughts as businessman, producer and idol, he always uses Jun as a cushion to ease himself that he is still doing well, that he didn't have to be scared alone. One sidedly, he ended up thinking that Jun didn't grow as fast,
That Jun didn't fly as high.
That Jun, didn't leave him behind like the other two as well.
Yes. It is contradicting to his view on Jun as producer, even as someone who does see Jun as rival. This ugly side of him simply underestimate Jun.
Because of that, whenever Jun pulled him back and did something out of his expectations, he would always easily lose his cool. Although, most of time it wasn't really displayed on his face like that thing happened in Valentine. But this time, he almost let his ego consume him and punched Jun.
When Jun… did nothing wrong to him.
Perhaps the problem with him not giving report was one thing. But even during that confrontation Ibara was still capable of being aware that Jun didn't mean to do anything behind their back. Jun simply wasn't able to make up his mind yet to actually present his thoughts to them. As someone who barely make decisions himself in Eden and actually heard even Ibara understand that it must be difficult for Jun to be sure with what he wanted. If he accept this offer, he will be the first one among all member of Eden to do solo debut, overseas.
Ibara also aware that the fact he felt like he was being stepped on by Jun because Jun didn't even consider him a rival in this venue was something that Ibara did to himself. From that meeting of his offer to all Cospro idols to join this competition to the first day of the competition itself, Ibara didn't actually show the spirit of winning the competition. He didn't join this as an idol to elevate his brand and test his skill. He just joined this as part of management… to investigate the competition from inside.
Of course Jun wouldn't consider him a rival that way… he spent whole day just cheering on Jun without doing much fight himself.
Not to mention…
Jun wouldn't know his struggle that he never shows or tells about. It is not his duty too, to protect Ibara from that pain.
They are just fellow members of Eden, period.
Ibara finally stopped the machine and let himself rest on it. Breathing in and out, feeling the blood flowing back to its normal pace before he finally takes a seat on nearby tools, hydrating himself first.
Slightly, he stared back at his reflection again while drinking. Many thoughts. Filling in his mind again although slowly as his breathing comes back to its normal pace…
If I win, I'll be able to crush his dream. He smirked. That confidence flows so well with that expression. Thats more like it. Of course even if its only one day, Ibara has found the answer that Nice would wish them to take. The answer that will help him to win this competition.
But unfortunately, the answer that Nice wished for them is simply sickening. It's sweetly poisonous for Ibara. Ibara can already feel his skin crawling in cringe imagining himself doing it. Such a path doesn't befitting to you, Saegusa Ibara. You might as well be dead and get replaced by a third rate villain if you dare to take that path.
Ibara folded his arms trying to twist his braincell here and there again for strategy that wouldn't force him to turn into annoyingly cheap saint. There is another way of winning of course. Bloody game of betrayal that surely would be painful and full of holes that can outright stabbed him in the heart not even by the hero of his choice. Taking risk… should be something he avoids. But its path that definitely suited him well. If he win, thats great, if he lost, it would still be a win for him. Even if he lose, in a way, he will still be able to maintain the image he created all this time while clearly displaying the image that Nice wishes to destroy.
Show wise, it's probably the best move to do rather than watching the venue fall apart upon his and Jun’s dominance. His strategic mindset and Jun's strength has been dominating the venue whole day that they simply becomes undefeatable. If this continue, Jun might also be seen as a villain simply for being undefeated.
Ibara sighed. Why is he worrying about that now… he is supposed to find a way to destroy Jun right?
He smiled, albeit bitterly, looking away from his own reflection. He had enough staring at the stupid look on his face. Look that he truly hates it. He packed up his things first. The work out did help to clear his mind from the anger but In the end, he doesn't know if he will really be able to betray his wish to Jun to not let him get hurt. He'd never expect it would be himself, the one that breaks Jun’s wings because of his own ego.
… Will he be capable of destroying it? Ibara doesn't know…
Jun… would you even be able to be the worthy hero to kill this villain in the end? Or will you remain a tragic protagonist who can't find the answer yourself and lose everything under my rule…?
I don't even know which ending I truly desire. I'll simply let this be a gamble between us…
I'll do my best to crush you…
if I have to die in the end. I hope my death will be able to give you a chance to fly even higher, regardless whose knife it is that will stab me. I'm angry that you'd reach even greater success without me, but maybe I don't wish to see your wings broken down…
Maybe he'd look at how the venue works in the next few days as he deploys his tactic and poisoning the whole venue with a game of wit of his own. Regardless how it would play, he has to at least win something even through this painful path after all.
If I could turn back time, I wish…
I looked at you properly.
If I did…
Would you also look at me properly?
Ibara let out the scoff as he left that place.
Nah… he wouldn't. Neither do I.