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“Your Excellency…”
“... Hm?”
“Do you really wish for me to be the weapon and shield for you instead of what we have agreed to be?”
“... I don't follow your question, Ibara”
“If we are faced with the same situation again… do you really wish for me to save you first before thinking?”
“...”
“...”
“... You should know my answer already, Ibara”
.
If Nagisa decided to deny that question Ibara asked in the past, would they have arrived at a different ending? If He were to never say his desire to be loved as the one and only priority in Ibara's life, would the outcome be any different…? Was it wrong for him wanting to be seen as something more than just an asset that is valued as a number in Ibara’s calculation?
Why were there only two options in their life…
Do you think hoping for that balance in desire is too much greed for humans to have?
Nagisa doesn't know.
Everything just happened too fast for him to comprehend anything. Only seconds have passed but it feels like the memory of his past is just thrown back to his mind questioning all the choices he has made in his life. He was supposed to spend the rest of the day doing mundane things for the first time in a while with the person that he loved. With their busy schedule as Idol and all the management work that his partner has to handle, having a day off where both of them can be available is already a precious gem that Nagisa wouldn't waste a second for nothing.
For that he rushed himself to the meeting place. Ibara was smiling when he arrived. His usual short smile. One that Nagisa always likes. Truly classic Ibara to be present before their appointment time even when Nagisa thought he was already coming quite early. Perhaps, both of them were simply as excited to finally spend a day together outside the work. They are planning to visit a museum today, perhaps a lunch and theatre afterwards. Simple yet quite packed way to spend their day off with new things to study and inspire them for work. As usual, Ibara won't be satisfied if he isn't after more than two rabbits at once. Even for a date.
Regardless of his aims, it was still meant to be such a simple date…
And yet,
Out of nowhere…
!
In a blink, Ibara jumped to him with a panicked face, grabbing his body, embracing him tightly. — this is public right, Ibara? — one mistake for him that he failed to recognise. Perhaps heart was fluttering a little too much on the air.
!
Another blink, Ibara pulled him to the side and the loud sounds of explosion was heard. From the scale and impact it's obviously not a bomb. But before Nagisa could register anything, in Ibara's embrace, he could feel something wet on his shirt…
Everyone is screaming.
“GUNSHOTS!!!”
“... Damn that drama filming is bit too real”
“But there is no camera?”
“Shouldn't we call for an emergency and police?...”
!
Another explosion followed, it was close. Too close that it was quite deafening. His gaze fell to his partner, noticing it was Ibara who pulled the trigger. Despite the chaos and the pain that might surround him, Ibara still managed to pull him down while he aimed at the one shooting them, possibly paralysing the perpetrator. At least, if there is no more than one person targeting them, they should be safe.
Right —
…?
What is this wetness on his hand?
“... You need to leave me… sir…”
Nagisa snapped back as he heard that voice. He was supposed to be able to think fast and make a fast move but suddenly his brain cell just stopped thinking in that moment until that voice pulled him back to his reality. His hands embrace back that body that starts to become limp in his hug. “... What are you saying? I can't do that!” He finally glared at him. That's too reckless but he can't bring himself to leave Ibara in this state. There seems to be no other wound making the possibility of the bullet still inside of him. He couldn't think, Nagisa could only desperately try to stop the bleeding.
The gaze staring back at him was only half open. Even his glasses are crooked with all their reckless moves. It's obvious he is trying hard to fight his conscious despite the pain. “... Your Excellency… it's too dangerous”
“... Shut up.” Nagisa wasted no more time as he tried to contact Gatekeeper. The conversation went over his head as his lips went autopilot with the information while his other hand tried to assist Ibara. He needs to make a quick fix on Ibara. Something. Anything. Anything that can spare another seconds to keep him alive until the rescue comes.
“... Your Excellency…”
He could barely hear what Ibara was trying to say. Everything just went past his ears. But as unfair as the whole thing was, Ibara's trembling hands were the one holding on to him, Ibara was the one constantly trying to ground him back from all his clouded thoughts.
He stared at those eyes, refusing to perceive every calculation Ibara is about to say.
Too late
Lost too much blood
Your safety is priority
“... Isn't this what you wished, Your Excellency …?”
Ibara didn't actually question that last one. And yet, Nagisa couldn't help but to be reminded of those demands he said to Ibara. Such a selfish demand that even himself aware that it means nothing if Ibara ended up like this. But it was hard to deny that he wished to be someone who would make Ibara not think twice before coming to save him. He wants to be the first in his life… but … Every second passed in this situation felt like a hard smack on his face. A reality that he should remember. That there is no point of Ibara's prove of his priority if it cost his life.
The unfair part of him was angry instead. Shouldn't Ibara understand what he actually meant over those words? What he demanded was not for Ibara to die for him like this. It was not for Ibara to sacrifice himself for him. Even Ibara saw how he scolded Hiyori for what he did. How could he fail to understand that losing Ibara would never be something he desired?
Did he forget about their contract?
Or did he not articulate his words enough for Ibara to understand?
What he really meant … was not like this. Right? He didn't want Ibara to sacrifice himself for him. He just… Just for the split seconds, he wished Ibara stayed by his side in that time.
Maybe a little assurement that he will return.
Not this.
Not this way.
Even though Ibara didn't ask that question, he couldn't help to feel the weight of everything to be his fault. In pain and anger he pulled Ibara's collar, as he asked, “... Do you have to punish me this way, Ibara…”. There was no blame in Ibara's words, and yet, it's all that Nagisa could hear from his lips. He should know better that it is not the time for him to blame himself over something that is not under his control but…
“... You should know the most… this is not — …” that frustrated grip loosened up as he pulled Ibara closer to his hug instead. Hell cares about how much blood smeared on him now. It's his Ibara's blood. It's proof of his selfishness. A punishment for his human desire to feel something that isn't meant for them. “... — what I wished”
Without letting go of that hand, Ibara just let Nagisa do as he wished. He did what he was desired to — if he wanted to blame Nagisa he'd say that. But he didn't. He didn't have any regret doing this as it was something he desired to do by himself. “... Not really. Even through all the calculation, this was the only…” he winced a little, shifting his body to curl up just to lessen the pain that wouldn't leave him regardless “... The only option I had…”
Through all the calculations in that split seconds, the best outcome he could take was to focus on Nagisa while eliminating that person. Less people would get hurt. In that 5% chance of luck … he will be saved.
“... You are better than this… aren't you” — again, Nagisa refused to acknowledge those numbers. There is no way this is the only option that comes from him. Shouldn't Saegusa Ibara be a genius strategist? Shouldn't he be able to find a way to keep both of them safe? Is that not part of the contract and role they determined for themself?
There was no answer. Only a look of guilt full of the pain that answered his question..
The silence is deafening… he could see how Ibara started losing his consciousness. He knows Ibara was not lying when he didn't talk back like that. But Nagisa can't make peace with that decision. This isn't the end. Surely. They just need to wait for the rescue to rush in. Ibara is strong. He is a very strong kid. He can survive something like this easily. Right?
But as his gaze fell back to Ibara, Nagisa could feel tons of weight just smacking his heart. He moved his fingers on that hand, simply to grip him tighter, to feel Ibara’s life close to him.
“... Will you stay alive if I commanded you to …”
Ibara laughed bitterly.
He could only wonder if that was Nagisa’s attempt to pull out his god mode. But both of them should be aware. Regardless of their play, the outcome is almost inevitable. Ibara tried to reach up to Nagisa's face with his bloody hand “... If you are looking at me not just to brand this image… as your punishment…” he groaned in the pause, trying to reach higher but the pains become unbearable that he cowers back. For that, Nagisa supported him, letting Ibara reach him close, he bent himself towards him. Ibara smiled weakly, using the same hand to close Nagisa's eyes “Then stop looking at me… don't remember me as your punishment”
“... I don't regret my choice, this is something I choose by myself… so don't punish yourself selfishly”
His smile softens as his eyelids grow heavier.
“...This is, my devotion for you”
.
“Pretty sure the concept of dramaturgy that they are tasked for us is nothing like this” Ibara stared at Nagisa while wiping the blood from his face. Can't believe Nagisa made him talk while holding that fake blood in his mouth just for the dramatic effect of it.
The scolded person is just humming satisfiedly, still replaying the same scene over and over again.
“...This is, my devotion for you”
Ibara cringed on his own acting. “Stop replaying that” he begged with a sigh, finally taking off his shirt because thank god the staff finally left them alone.
For the goodness of his future image, he would never let Nagisa write a script by himself anymore.
The filming was a little hectic despite being on the indoor set. It's definitely because the staff are excited to use all that equipment just to make it very dramatic. It was undoubtedly too much for a tv show skit but they get to borrow it from set of the film anyway — thanks to Ibara’s influence.
“!? Your Excellency—”
Ibara was about to grab his shirt when Nagisa suddenly pulled Ibara to himself, nuzzling his finally cleaned stomach. Feeling the actual warmth of Ibara's skin that is actually unscathed. It might have an almost invisible scar here and there but it proves that his Ibara is here, breathing just fine “ … My Ibara…”
Ibara sighed and just patted that head awkwardly. He will curse any staff who dare to suddenly enter the unlocked room. “... We are not at home. You are the one who wants to try that, now you are the one getting too immersed in the play. What are you doing really”
Nagisa stayed silent for a moment before he loosen the hug just to look up at Ibara “... I can't stop thinking about it… even though I know Ibara wouldn't do something like that to me, but sometimes I wonder if there would be time that I ended up losing you because of my ego. That you would leave me, in any way, because of my ego”
Ibara wasn't expecting to hear that. Building his own self and ego has been something that Nagisa pursued lately. Ibara, as his producer, was fully supporting it too. Even though it means that he has to handle all Nagisa's whims. As someone who guides him, of course Ibara taught him what he can and can't do, reward him and punish him accordingly. In the end despite all the struggles, Nagisa has grown to be able to make choices and do things for himself more.
Although, undoubtedly, Nagisa also learn that to gain Ibara's attention, he should do things that Ibara doesn't like. Which becoming something very troublesome for him. But such a thing didn't actually anger Ibara outside his annoyance. He only accepted that perhaps it is one of traits that Nagisa chose for himself.
The only time Ibara was totally at a loss was when Nagisa disappeared on him in the event of absolute. But even during that time, all Ibara could think was that everything happened because of his own failure. He didn't even scold Nagisa thoroughly upon his reveal that it was things Nagisa did by choice. That moment became a moment for Ibara to also learn by himself. He simply grows to understand that he cares about Nagisa more than what he believes it should be.
More than just as a special weapon — asset that is important to his goal.
Perhaps… that was what prompted him to ask Nagisa that question. Just in case…
He didn't think Nagisa would use it to fill the prompt given to him for a TV show though; Would fans even like things like this?
Ibara lifts up Nagisa's chin as he bends himself a little. Allowing their face to be as close as possible. “... Have you not been looking at me directly lately, Your Excellency…? Is this the face of someone who'd just run away from your ridiculous demand?” he finally responded with another question. Perhaps he didn't show his determination enough to ease Nagisa.
“... We are bound by contract and I have no intention to betray it. Obviously. I wouldn't do things that actively put disadvantages on me just because it is what you desire…” his fingers traced Nagisa’s cheeks as he gently caresses it now “... Even if we ended up in that kind of situation, I'll do my best to save you without getting any injury myself… if anything. This Saegusa Ibara would have prevented such a thing to happen”
That confidence…
Perhaps it would be a lie if Nagisa said he didn't miss it. He knows.. his Ibara actually understands what he truly wanted. Unlike Ibara in the script. His Ibara is truly a miraculous strategist—he chuckled, Ibara would hate to hear his calculations being seen as miraculous things.
Maybe … Hiyori was right.
Maybe Nagisa was thinking too much. Maybe he needs to learn to trust Ibara more instead of keep testing him with questions that actually don't need to be answered. Nagisa leaned to that touch, smiling sadly. He realises the childishness of himself through this. He demanded Ibara to trust him but Nagisa admits sometimes, he didn't manage to actually use Ibara as he intended to be.
Communication… is important.
“... Then promise me one thing …”
"... Sure?"
Nagisa slowly gets up so he can keep Ibara closer to him.
Ibara perked up to him, waiting for the promise to be said
“... Make me your priority... but do so without dying on me”
Ibara scoffed, he slides his hand on Nagisa's nape as he forced Nagisa to bend for him and let their forehead touch. There is loop hole in that promise Nagisa demanded. But he wouldn't be so kind to point it out. Ibara captured that determined gaze simply with a soft gaze instead.
Let the loop hole remains. So if the time comes where that become my only options... I could leave you without betraying this promise. — well. It's too presumptuous for anyone to think that this Saegusa Ibara would die so easily.
“You are getting too demanding, Ran Nagisa…” Ibara smirked as his gaze become as determined as his partner.
Nagisa nuzzled their nose softly, unaware of the thoughts his partner has "... Is it bad to be greedy?"
Ibara shook his head, he closed his eyes as he tilting his head a little and sealed Nagisa's lips with his.
“It's fair…” Ibara answered while keeping their lips close as he talk, allowing the exchange of breath. Keeping the seal tied as he state “Contract has been updated.”