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It was Ladybug's nightmare, and Chat Noir's dream come true.
The akuma had really done its job well. Ladybug and Chat had been tied so tightly that they were nearly immobile. Not only was it uncomfortable position-wise, especially at the top of an old building, it was also uncomfortable to be in such close proximity to one another.
Chat managed to twist to the side to look at Ladybug better, by some miracle. "Hey, Buginette, I guess you could say we're in a tight situation."
Even from a point at which it was impossible to see Chat's face, Ladybug knew he was grinning that insufferable I-just-made-a-pun grin. She groaned. "I really don't think this is the time-"
"Is there a better time? We're not going anywhere," he pointed out.
"I resent that," she sighed. "Have you tried biting the rope?"
"Ew."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures. If I had fangs, I'd do it."
"I don't have fangs, My Lady. Haven't you noticed? I have claws. Because I'm-"
"Please don't."
"Claw-some." Chat snickered.
"I don't think I can put up with being tied to you much longer."
"My Lady, you wound me."
Ladybug wiggled experimentally. "Can you reach the rope from here?"
"Uh... no. I can't move my arms at all. Why?"
"Well, that's just perfect," she muttered. "No Cataclysm to help us."
"Hey, Ladybug?"
"Yes?"
"Please don't wiggle like that again."
"Why not?"
"Your butt is right against mine."
"And?"
Silence. It took Ladybug a full ten seconds to realize what he meant. Her cheeks flushed cherry blossom pink. "Oh."
"Sorry."
"It's okay, just, ah-- stay on your side of the rope."
Chat Noir gulped audibly. "Got it."
A very long and very awkward silence ensued.
"Hey, do you want to hear a pun?"
"No, I really don-"
"What's a cat's favorite movie?"
"Jesus, Chat, there are like 3 Disney movies alone that are cat-themed."
"Paws!" He hesitated. "You know, like Jaws, except cats don't have-- oh wait, they do."
"So Jaws could be a cat's favorite movie too," Ladybug concluded.
"I guess so," Chat ceded. "But's it's not as punny." He sat up straight. "Hey, wait, I got another one. If Leslie Odom Jr. was a cat, which character would he play on Broadway?"
"I don't know who that is."
"Aaron Purr!"
"I don't know who that is, either."
"Oh, right, they're both American. Never mind. How about this one: why should you date me?"
"I shouldn't."
"Because I'm the cat's meow!"
"I swear to God, if I have to sit through one more of your stupid puns I will knee you in places you do not want to be touched."
"Kinky."
"Please shut the hell up."
"Try your Lucky Charm," Chat Noir suggested.
"I can't move my goddamn arms," Ladybug said through gritted teeth.
"Wow, you're in a salty mood," he noted. "I guess one could say you're-"
"Please, please don't."
"-feline cranky."
"I'm going to bite this rope myself and kick you off this roof."
"Fine, if you don't want to hear my witty and objectively hilarious puns, let's talk about something else. What's your favorite animal?"
"Take a wild guess."
"Uh... an aardvark. A Tasmanian tiger. A yellow-bellied sapsucker. A tardigrade."
"None of those. What's yours?"
"I would also advise you to take a wild guess."
"Uh... can I have a hint?" she said sarcastically.
"It begins with the letter C, and ends with the letter T."
"Uh... a cricket."
"Nope."
"A civet."
"Nope."
"A common genet."
"Here, have another hint. It has an A in it."
"Ooh! I got it. A cormorant."
Chat snickered. "How do you even know these animals?"
Ladybug shrugged, smiling.
"Okay, new question. What's your favorite color?"
Ladybug pondered that for a moment. "Hmm... green."
"Green?"
"Tart green, like a lime. But also sweet and smooth green, like mint or a field full of ferns. Gentle green."
Ladybug was in a different dimension, daydreaming about beautifully viridescent eyes and the person to whom they belonged. She sighed happily.
"Is there, um... a specific reason for that?"
"Wh-what? Uh, no, of course not," Ladybug lied, out of her trance. "I just like the color."
"You sure? Because I've been greening to tell you-"
"I will pay you not to finish that pun."
"Aw, you don't have to be so green to me." He smirked, probably more pleased with himself than he should've been. "Get it? Like, mean, except-"
"I get it," Ladybug said wearily.
"Hah, I'd say you seem kind of blue, but-"
"Chat Noir. Please."
More silence while Chat Noir tried his very hardest not to pun anymore.
"Ladybug?" he finally said in a strained voice.
"What?"
"I have to pee."
Ladybug did her best not to scream.
"Chat Noir," she said in a dangerously calm voice, "can it wait until I figure out how to get us out of here?"
"Um. Maybe?"
"What do you mean, maybe?"
"I mean, it depends on how long it takes you to figure out how to get us out of here."
"Fabulous," she sighed. "I'll try to be quick."
"Please do. As much as I enjoy being tied to you-"
"And you say I'm the kinky one."
"I- wh- that wasn't what I m-"
"Please, all of Paris knows you have a bondage kink."
"I do not!"
"I bet you have a boner right now."
"That's beside the point," he said quickly. "I just-"
"It's okay, I don't kinkshame."
"Buginette!"
"This is an accepting environment we have here."
"Ladybug, please, I don't have a bondage kink," Chat insisted.
"Keep telling yourself that."
"Okay, change of topic. Are you making any progress on untying us?"
"Uh... no. Ow, Jesus fuck."
"What?"
"I have these really bad cramps and I can't even think. I feel like my internal organs are being ripped open with a hacksaw. Hey, wait a second!"
"What?"
"I have an idea. On three, roll over onto your left."
"What?"
"Trust me. One, two, three!"
They tipped over, one side of their faces touching the roof of the building and the other facing the sky.
"What now?"
"Reach your hands backwards."
"What?"
"Try and grab my yo-yo."
"My Lady-"
"Please, Chat?"
He sighed and reached backwards to the best of his extent, groping for the yo-yo.
"You're grabbing my butt," Ladybug said.
"This is why I was opposed to this idea!" Chat Noir shot back, his face flaming red. "Okay, I got it. What now?"
"Hands off my butt."
He resignedly removed his hands from Ladybug's butt.
"Now do the Lucky Charm thing."
"I think I'm gonna hit one of us in the face."
"Trust me. Just say Lucky Charm and flick it up."
Chat stuck his tongue out in concentration as he flicked his wrist upwards. The yo-yo flew up about two feet, and then came back down and bounced off their faces.
"Ow."
"I told you."
"Do it again," she commanded.
"Hey, I'm a model. I don't think my face should get any more damaged--"
"I will kick your ass."
"Okay, another attempt." Chat did the same thing, but flicked his wrist harder. "Lucky Charm!"
Miraculously (lmao), the yo-yo stayed suspended and ejected two blindfolds into their laps.
"Whoever's in charge of your Lucky Charm is into some kinky stuff," Chat noted.
"Oh, be quiet. Let's sit back up."
Ladybug and Chat Noir both hurtled to the right and sat upright again.
Ladybug studied the blindfold in her lap. "Huh... how are we going to put these on?"
"Uh... good question."
Ladybug looked around. Normally her vision started flashing red and black at this point to help signify which objects she needed to in order to use the Lucky Charm object correctly, but nothing was flashing.
Her earrings beeped.
"Of course!" she realized. "Chat Noir, we have to detransform."
"What? Are you crazy?"
"No, I have an idea. Trust me."
"If you say so." A flash of green light was caught in Ladybug's peripheral vision.
Ladybug closed her eyes and silently bade Tikki out of the earrings. When she opened them, her kwami was floating amiably in front of her.
"Tikki, can you tie the blindfolds around us?"
Adrien, having no idea what Ladybug was trying to do, decided to follow her lead. "Uh, yeah, can you do the same thing, Plagg?"
The kwamis nodded and got to work tying. They were done within minutes.
"And can you untie us from the ropes?"
"Will do!" Tikki chirped, locating the knot and tugging at it. Plagg assisted her reluctantly.
Marinette felt the chafing vise of the rope loosening and stood up. Not anticipating any rope on the ground, she tried to walk away from Adrien but tripped instead. He somehow caught her.
"Well, My Lady, looks like you're falling for me."
"I'm rolling my eyes under this blindfold." She wiggled a little. "You can let me go now."
"Do I have to?"
Marinette paused. "Goddamn it, do you have a BDSM kink too? Are the blindfolds turning you on?"
"Uh... probably not? Also, isn't bondage part of BDSM?"
"Aha! So you do have a bondage kink!"
Adrien let go of Marinette, but promptly caught her just before she hit the ground.
"Careful, Buginette," he breathed. "Wouldn't want to go shaming the wrong sort of kink."
Marinette wrested her way out of Adrien's hold. "I think I can figure out the wrong sort for myself, thanks." She clenched her stomach. "Ow, not again. God damnit."
"Are you okay?"
"Um... I think so. It now feels like a Swiss Army knife is tearing apart my insides instead of a hacksaw. That's an improvement."
"I have a small question, My Lady."
"What's that?"
"What do we do now?" Adrien paused. "Or should I say what do we do meow?"
"You don't have a suit to protect you, so I'd avoid making puns like that because you might actually get hurt."
"Purr-don." He snickered. "Get it? Pardon, but-"
"Chat," Ladybug said in a warning tone.
"Sorry."
"Time to transform back. Tikki, transform me!" Marinette attempted to do the customary hair swish, but missed and basically poked herself in the eye. "Ow, fuck."
"Buginette? Are you okay?" Adrien reached for his blindfold.
"Yes, I'm fine, just-"
Adrien made a strange, cat-like yelp. "M-Marinette?"
"Chat, what the fuck did you do?"
"I... forgot. I thought you were already transformed." Adrien gulped. "I can't believe you've been shaming my kinks all this time."
Marinette pulled her blindfold down. "Chat, I swear to- aaaAAAAH!"
Paralyzed and blushing madly, they stared into each other's eyes: Marinette looking deep into her favorite "tart but gentle" shade of green; and Adrien looking at one piercingly blue eye and one swollen eye.
Silence. Dead silence.
Then: "Well, eye hope that your eye is okay."