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When Crow fantasized about killing Osborne, he didn’t expect the guilt he’d feel in the aftermath.
Even after discovering the man had a child did nothing to deter him. He assumed that the kid must have been just as bloodthirsty as his old man, because he had a hard time believing that he was even capable of raising a kid that was anything other than a mini-Osborne. In fact, whenever he imagined Osborne’s son he always imagined the man but younger. The same hairstyle, the same white strand, the same nose. So he was caught off guard when he met Rean at Thors and saw that he didn’t resemble Osborne at all.
He resembled him so little that it was hard to believe they were even related. He could maybe see some similarities if they’re standing side by side, but even then, he had to actively search for them. And that wasn’t touching upon how Rean’s personality was nothing like his father’s.
He knew it would be cruel to punish the kid for his father’s crimes, so he never factored him into his plans. That was always subject to change if he turned out to be wrong, but actually meeting Rean and discovering that he was so unbelievably kind that it bordered on complete selflessness thoroughly destroyed any chance of him being involved.
The others didn’t necessarily believe him or trust his judgment, but so long as they didn’t hurt any innocent civilians (or Rean) he had no reason to force them to believe him.
But now, Rean was on the Pantagruel, because Cayenne was an insecure bastard who likes feeling powerful. And to men like him, power and wealth went hand in hand. It was the only reason he hadn’t been usurped by one of the other nobles, especially the Four Great Houses. Cayenne had money to burn and he used it to his advantage. And in a world where jaegers were plentiful, finding people who would do anything for mira was easier than using some of his provincial army soldiers most of the time.
But Rean couldn’t be bought or persuaded to join their side. His relationship with Osborne might be complicated, but Crow knew that Rean still loved him. He would never work with Cayenne, not after he hired the man who killed his father.
And as the one who actually killed said father, Crow had every reason to avoid Rean. He didn’t think he could have even seen Osborne right after his grandfather’s death without trying to kill the man. Rean was older and wiser, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t attack him like a rabid dog. People contained multitudes after all.
So when he knocked on the door, he fully expected Rean to hit him. Maybe even bite him. But all Rean did was open his door and welcome him, maybe slightly taken aback by the surprise visit but otherwise perfectly welcoming.
Huh.
Maybe Rean is nicer than he expected. It’s the only way he can explain him begging Crow to tell him his sordid backstory, only to end up feeling sorry for him instead of angry that a generic sob story was all it took for Crow to try and kill Osborne. But Rean is too kind for his own good, because he looks at Crow like he wants to apologize for sharing that man’s blood but doesn’t know how to do so without killing himself.
He’s so self-sacrificing. Crow isn’t even surprised anymore.
He sighed, ruffling Rean’s hair. “Look, I didn’t tell you this so you could feel sorry for me or whatever,” Crow said, staring directly into Rean’s puppy dog eyes in an attempt to be as sincere as possible. “I told you this because I know you’d beat yourself up over this. Consider it a way for me to absolve you of any guilt, yeah?”
Rean bit on his lip, clearly hesitant to accept Crow’s proposal. “That’s not it,” he mumbled, so quiet Crow almost missed it.
“What do you mean?”
Rean’s gaze was fixed on the ground. Was it out of shame? “Annexing Jurai was one of the first things I fought with my father over,” he explained. “He kept saying it was ‘for the greater good’ but he wouldn’t explain how or why. I told him he could just send some assistance to fix the railway instead of force Jurai to become part of the Empire, but he wouldn’t listen. And when I heard your grandfather passed away, I felt like I failed. I couldn’t stop him from annexing a country he didn’t need to annex, and people died because of it.”
Crow stared at Rean as he internally groaned. Of course. Rean’s sense of responsibility was what made him a great leader, but it was also what made him shoulder far more burdens than any individual was meant to carry. “And how does that change what I just said? I told you, you’re absolved of any guilt. And from where I’m standing, I don’t think there’s anything you could have done to Osborne to convince him not to annex Jurai.”
Rean stared up at him with big, disbelieving eyes. “It can’t be that easy.”
“Sure it can. Who gets to decide whether I should forgive you or not other than me? It’s not anyone else’s business. Besides, you should be blaming me for killing your dad, in case you forgot.”
Rean seemed taken aback once more, but he recovered quickly. “It’s fine. I know that he ended up hurting a lot of people over the years. He’s just reaping what he sowed.”
Crow stared at Rean, this time trying to analyze every micro twitch he made. Why? Why was he so willing to forgive Crow, who had succeeded in killing his father? Why was he willing to act like he hadn’t committed the long list of crimes he’ll be unquestionably tried for once the civil war ends? Why was he acting like he was irredeemable one minute only to turn around and refuse to assign blame to someone who committed a crime in front of his very eyes the next?
His confusion must have been written all over his face, because Rean elaborated without question. “You’re not the first person to try and take him out. I’ve lost count of the number of assassins that went after him over the years. But he always managed to come out on top. Honestly, I’m more surprised you succeeded.”
Wait, what?
This guy’s nuts.
“You’re not mad?” Crow asked, suddenly sounding like a boyfriend trying to make sure he didn’t fuck up majorly on their anniversary. Now that’s a mental image.
“I’m upset my father’s dead, but part of me isn’t entirely convinced he actually is dead,” Rean said simply, even though it wasn’t simple at all. “I may have seen a more human side of him, but that doesn’t mean that I’m immune to thinking he was larger than life. He was my father, after all.”
Crow can get that part. His grandfather seemed larger than life too. It wasn’t until his death that he realized he was just a man.
“You’re weirdly mature about this,” Crow remarked quietly. Rean just gave him a sheepish smile, like Crow had complimented him instead of calling him a weirdo.
“He might have been my father, but we had more fights over his decisions as Chancellor. Not to mention the sheer number of enemies he made since his ascension into politics. If anything, I was counting down the days before someone finally got sick of him.”
Crow groaned, burying his face into his hands. He was not expecting this. He was expecting Rean to lash out, to hate him, to intentionally insult him so that they would fight, but this? This was far beyond any of his expectations that he’s honestly wondering if there’s something fundamentally wrong with both Osbornes. A curse on their bloodline, maybe?
“Fine. Whatever,” Crow grumbled. “Have it your way. Guess you’re not gonna chase me down on some harebrained vengeance scheme, are you?”
Rean chuckled. “I’m not you, Crow.”
Crow rolled his eyes. “If you say so. I’m out.” He collected the tableware and stuffed it back into the picnic basket he brought along. He doesn’t regret cooking for Rean, not when he actually appreciated his cooking (unlike Cayenne, who yelled at him for making “that greasy monstrosity” every time he felt a little too homesick) but this conversation went in directions he never anticipated. He needed a nap. Maybe then he can act like it was all a dream, and the real Rean will sock him in the jaw the second he walks through his door.
But just before he left the room, he paused, looking at Rean. “By the way, we have a very special guest on board,” he said, a sly smirk curling on his lips. “She’s a real cutie. Bet she’d be happy to see you.”
Rean’s surprise lasted a second, but he recovered just as quickly. “…I see. Are you sure you should be letting me walk around like this?”
Crow shrugged. “Cayenne isn’t around to yell at me for not obeying his orders to the letter. Vita doesn’t want you on our side, so I don’t think she’ll be too mad if you try to escape. Sure, we’ll try to stop you, but none of us are paid enough to care if you join or not.”
Rean’s facial expression was…unreadable, to say the least. “Do you…want me to join?”
Crow choked on his own spit. “What!? No!” He coughed, hoping his face wasn’t as red as he thought it was. “You’re a good guy, Rean. It’s too late for me to turn my back on Cayenne, but you can go back to Class VII. They’ll welcome you with open arms. Me? I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future. Especially since I need to clean up the mess I made of this country.”
Rean’s face still looked unreadable, but he thankfully let the topic slide. “Fine. Guess I’ll talk to the others, maybe make it seem like I’m considering his offer.”
“Attaboy, Rean. That’s the spirit.” Rean smiled back at him, hesitant but real. “Goodbye for now. Maybe the next time we meet, it’ll be as enemies.”
“Maybe,” Rean said cryptically. “But you’re right. Goodbye, Crow. May the Goddess be with you.”
In hindsight, Crow’s glad Rean didn’t join him. He’s not sure how he would have been able to handle the stress of working for Cayenne. And with the added stress from being Osborne’s son? Yeah, he made the right call escaping from the Pantagruel.
Not that it saved him from Cayenne’s angry rant. The guy really loved to hear himself talk. There was a reason the meetings where they actually decided on their next course of action didn’t involve him, and that was without factoring in his superiority complex about being ordered around by peasants.
Crow sighed as he walked away, head throbbing with a migraine from Cayenne’s rant. He’s sure it turned into a general rant about the things that bothered him about the hired help halfway through, but he stopped paying attention long before than point.
“Missing your little boyfriend?”
Crow’s head snapped up, eyes searching for the intruder. McBurn was standing next to him, head slightly tilted in confusion. His lips were curled in a small, lazy smirk, as though he caught Crow red-handed.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Crow grumbled back. “And get outta here. My migraine’s already bad enough without you making it worse.”
“Fine, fine. It’s not fun fighting you if you’re not at 100%.” McBurn said as he walked away. “But if he’s not your boyfriend, why’d you grope his ass?”
“I was sneakily gifting him a card game, obviously,” Crow said. Honestly. Did McBurn not notice the way he shoved the cards into his pocket during the fight?
“You could have slipped it when you were talking earlier. Or were you making out? Either or, I guess.”
“You’re just jealous I’m getting some action,” Crow smirked.
“Please,” McBurn scoffed. “I’m just here because everywhere else is too boring. But if you’re not gonna fight me, I may as well bounce. Maybe those jaegers will heat things up for me.”
Crow watched as McBurn walked away, his long coat gently swaying behind him. He acknowledged that he had a point, but where’s the fun in just handing over a deck of cards? It’s more challenging to try and slip it into his pocket during a fight.
But still. He’s glad Rean picked his own path. He knows he’s not following his father’s path, but it’s strangely reassuring to know that he’s not following Cayenne’s path either. There was a moment where Crow was worried he would do it out of spite or because he cared so much about Crow that he would throw everything away just to be with him. But Rean was so selfless it looped back into being selfish. It was admirable and insufferable in equal measure.
But he couldn’t get rid of the nagging voice in the back of his head that thought Rean was acting weird earlier. Did he know something about Osborne that Crow didn’t? It was practically guaranteed, considering he was the man’s son, but still. He acted as though Osborne’s death wasn’t real. He said it was the shock, but Crow didn’t buy it.
It’s a pity he couldn’t grab Osborne’s body himself to check. He heard it got stolen in the mess in Heimdallr, but he had no idea who had it. Definitely not Cayenne, or else he would have made an example out of him by now.
Regardless, things are progressing smoothly. Hopefully Rean will be prepared when they face each other again soon, or Crow will beat his ass so thoroughly his showing by Trista will be less embarrassing.