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We were never in the park
Talking on a see-saw, teetering with our feelings in the dark
Ignoring tornado warnings
He didn't hold me in his arms
We didn't stumble over the pages of our relationship arc
Ignoring tornado warnings
Don't understand how quickly we get
Right back in our rhythm without missing a step
And logically the last thing I should have on my mind
But I want you there sometimes
I guess maybe that's why I'm lying to my therapist
I keep saying things like, "I never saw him and we never kissed"
Now I think somehow in my mind
If I could convince him, if he doesn't see it, then maybe it doesn't exist
I think he's onto me every time I say, "I'm over that son of a bitch"
I'm lying to my therapist
~~~~~
Nam-gyu had done it, he was finally moving on, getting over hurdles of pent up feelings. And it only took three months and about four therapy sessions over the course of one month. Now he could actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. A life worth living again.
Okay maybe that was an exaggeration of how bad he felt. He never wanted to not live, but it felt like life had another meaning than just bed-rotting and phone scrolling. He had to thank his mom for showing up at his apartment and dragging him out of bed to take charge of his life. Next time they see each other, he'll buy her some flowers and thank her properly.
The cold evening air bit harsh against his cheeks, he burrowed his face further down his scarf. Maybe he should’ve gotten rid of it, it reminded him of the person who'd given it to him. But it was soft and warmed his face, plus his mother had been nagging all autumn about not being dressed properly for the weather. So he had no choice. Barely anyone was outside at this hour, not that it was particularly late, but most people wouldn’t take long walks in this weather. It was only a matter of time before the first snow would fall, so it made sense that people stayed indoors.
As he walked down the street, his mind wandered back to what he and his therapist had been talking about tonight. He’d finally let out some anger, which honestly felt amazing, Nam-gyu was finally over that son of a bitch. He’d never been a person to talk smack about other people behind their backs, but Thanos kinda deserved it for every fight that he started. Of course his therapist saw it from a more professional way, that both parts of a relationship are responsible for everything working out. And maybe he's right, but Nam-gyu’s biased. Thanos is such a dick who only cares about himself and his needs.
If Nam-gyu was faced with the option to fight or flight, he'd always choose flight. But when he dated Thanos, they fought almost every day.
Well, it was cute and soft at first, flowers on a random Tuesday, just because Thanos loved him so much. There would be soft hands touching each other in all sorts of places, hot kisses all over his body while they danced in the clubs. Promises of a future together. Nam-gyu had actually believed he'd stay with Thanos for the rest of his life.
Unfortunately, that never happened. Instead, all those tiny, meaningless things that only bothered them a little began to annoy them more than usual. Like how Thanos was so quick with hitting the shower or leaving to go to the recording studio after they had sex, leaving Nam-gyu behind on the cold bed. Only a short "Love you" on his way out the door.
Nam-gyu couldn’t say he's any better either, he'd constantly forget that they were meeting up or had a date. One time, Thanos had broken Nam-gyu’s front door because he didn’t open it when he rang the doorbell. Nam-gyu had been sleeping, totally forgetting that Thanos was coming over. And when Nam-gyu started yelling about Thanos breaking into his apartment, his only argument was that he’d thought Nam-gyu had died, and that's why he didn’t open the door. Plus Thanos was so mad that Nam-gyu could even forget about a hangout.
Things like that went on for about six months, meaningless fights every day. Nam-gyu was tired, Thanos was tired, and one day, they decided to part ways. Not without a fight of course. One where they laid all the blame on each other. Neither one of them were mature enough to admit they were at fault for their failing relationship. So this final fight wasn’t very different from all the previous ones.
The only thing that was different was that Thanos had yelled that he’d wished to never see him again. Then he slammed the door hard and left Nam-gyu alone in his apartment. When Nam-gyu tried to call, he found out his number was blocked, and the rest was history. He spent two months bed-rotting until he eventually was forced to take life seriously.
So here he was, and it was getting better. Of course he still thought about Thanos, small bits of him still lingered in his life, like this scarf, and the toothbrush in the bathroom. Plus a very soft hoodie that Nam-gyu would never admit that he’d worn on the occasional. He also would never ever admit that he’d cried every time he’d worn that hoodie. It still had that expensive perfume scent, the one that just screamed Thanos.
Suddenly, Nam-gyu stopped in his tracks. He had a weird feeling in his stomach. Like a small flutter. It felt like someone was watching him. Or like someone was near. He’d never felt like this before, he didn’t like being watched so he picked up the pace again. He needed to get home so whoever was staring at him disappeared from his mind. Nam-gyu didn’t dare to look around to actually scout out who was looking at him, afraid that it might be some sort of tweaker who would attack him if his eyes lingered too long.
He walked past a park with a small playground, no one was there, good, no one was staring at him from over there.
But then he had to stop again. Because there was someone in the park. Somebody was sitting in the middle of the see-saw with their back turned away. But Nam-gyu could recognize that eyesore of a haircolour any day.
What.The.Fuck.
Why was Thanos here? He didn't even live in this area! Did he have a new partner who lived close to Nam-gyu? In that case why was he dating someone new so soon? Nam-gyu had almost sworn to celibacy after they broke up. He's fairly certain he's destined to live the rest of his life alone.
This must’ve been that looming feeling he'd just gotten in his stomach. It was like his body reacted physically before he actually saw the man. That happened when they were together too. Nam-gyu often latched himself upon Thanos before he even had time to think about what he did. Nam-gyu knew he'd been too clingy, but he couldn’t help it, he liked being close to Thanos. Emphasis on liked, as in past-tense. Nam-gyu would rather jump off a bridge than touch that man again.
He couldn’t see much else, since Thanos' back was turned towards him. But his shoulders were slumped, and a small trail of smoke came from his mouth.
Did he pick up smoking again?
Did he do it because he broke up with Nam-gyu?
Stop it. Nam-gyu had to keep his thoughts clear. Thanos was a past mistake, he didn’t care about him anymore. Nope, not at all. That’s totally why he kept the scarf and the hoodie. And the toothbrush, and the vinyls from artists Nam-gyu had never heard about until Thanos showed them to him. Nam-gyu had also kept all the photos in his phone, plus the ones he printed, but he put those in the back of the drawer of his nightstand. In conclusion, he'd totally moved on, that’s what he told his therapist and that's what mattered.
Okay now he's just staring at Thanos from an awkward distance. He needed to get a move on and leave. But he couldn’t take his eyes off him, Nam-gyu needed to know why Thanos was here. So his feet started moving without his brain actually telling them to. Once again, he was acting before he was thinking.
Thanos didn’t hear Nam-gyu walk up to him. But as Nam-gyu got closer, he could see that Thanos wasn’t actually smoking a cigarette, it was just a vape. Okay, that’s... Good? At least Thanos had kept his promise of not smoking while Nam-gyu was quitting himself. Not that Nam-gyu cared about Thanos keeping a promise even after they've broken up.
"What are you doing here?" Nam-gyu hissed out. Best to keep this conversation as quiet as possible in case people walked by.
Thanos jumped in surprise, his eyes widening as he saw who was standing behind him. He fumbled with the vape in hand before quickly pocketing it. But he didn’t stand up to greet Nam-gyu. How rude.
"Nam-gyu?" Thanos almost yelled out in surprise. "I, uh... I'm just chilling..." His eyes couldn’t even meet Nam-gyu’s. As if he was poison to look at.
Now since Nam-gyu had been stupid enough to act before thinking, he didn’t know what to say next. Okay so maybe Thanos was just in the area, big deal. Nam-gyu hadn’t anticipated how awkward this interaction would be. He overestimated his own confidence.
It was Thanos who broke the silence. He still didn’t look at Nam-gyu though. "You doing good?" Now that he wasn’t holding his vape anymore, his fingers kept fidgeting with his rings. When Nam-gyu glanced down at Thanos's hands, he could see a new tattoo, Nam-gyu couldn’t really tell what it was in the dim light from the one street light illuminating the park. But it looked sick as hell. Like some sort of Chimera monster.
Wait, what was the question?
“Oh, uh, I’m good, really good actually.” A bit of a stretch, but he was getting there, and whatever Thanos was doing here wasn’t gonna stop Nam-gyu from improving his life.
Thanos nodded slowly, still keeping his eyes away from Nam-gyu. “That’s amazing Nam-gyu, I know you won’t believe it when I say it but I’m really happy for you.” His mouth curled up into a small smile as he gazed at the few stars that were visible. If it weren’t for light pollution, the sky would be full of them.
“Why?” Nam-gyu blurted out before he had the chance to stop himself. Stupid, stupid brain.
“What do you mean ‘Why?’” Thanos finally looked at him. Now, Nam-gyu had to look away, because Thanos’ eyes almost pierced holes in Nam-gyu’s body. Like he was offended that Nam-gyu even dared to question him.
“Why do you care?”
“Because I’m trying to be nice.”
“But why are you trying to be nice towards me?” This all felt wrong. Was Thanos just here in the hopes of running into Nam-gyu and apologizing or something? Thanos wasn’t to be trusted.
"What are you doing here?" Nam-gyu finally dared to look Thanos in the eyes. He tried his best to look intimidating by narrowing his eyes at the other man. He needed to know what was going on here. Because the purple haired man wasn’t just chilling, it’s super cold outside and if he was being honest, he wouldn’t have such a problem even looking at Nam-gyu.
"Damn, what's up with these questions? Can’t a guy just chill at the park?" Thanos raised both his hands in the air as if he was claiming his innocence.
"You don’t even live in this area. And it’s freezing outside. You’re clearly here because you wanted to see me." Nam-gyu took a step closer to Thanos, he tried his best to look intimidating with the little height he gained when Thanos was sitting down.
Thanos just smirked. "What if I did?" He tried making some sort of smouldering face. But it looked more like he did bad duck lips, like those teenagers on social media who couldn't afford lip filler. "Wait, is that the scarf I got for you?" The attempted smoulder disappeared and Thanos pointed up slowly towards Nam-gyu’s face.
Shit, he'd totally forgotten he was wearing it.
"I, uh... Yes." Nam-gyu felt heat rise to his cheeks, which should’ve felt nice since it’s so cold outside. But since it was Thanos who made him blush he hated it. Thankfully the scarf was covering his cheeks and mouth so maybe Thanos didn’t see it.
Wait, did Thanos just say he came here to see him?
"Did you just say you were here to see me?" Nam-gyu pulled down the scarf to make sure his voice didn’t get muffled by the scarf anymore. He needed everything to be as clear as possible to get the right answers.
Thanos looked down on the ground, and Nam-gyu might not have the best sight right now, he'd forgotten his glasses at home, but he could swear he saw colour rise to Thanos' cheeks too. Thanos opened and closed his mouth multiple times in an attempt to speak up.
Again, without thinking, Nam-gyu sat down next to Thanos in the middle of the see-saw. Maybe if Thanos had Nam-gyu close, he would feel comfortable speaking. That’s a stupid thought actually. But Nam-gyu was conflicted. He wanted to know the truth, but he was also so fucking pissed at Thanos for leaving him like that.
Thanos gave Nam-gyu a once over before he looked away in the distance again. And yes, that blush was definitely real.
"I know it's stupid to go look for you like this, I don't even know why I did it." Thanos took a deep breath before he continued rambling. "I guess I wanted to apologize for being such a dick, it’s actually fucked up to leave a person like I did, and the fact that I blocked you is just petty behaviour from my side." His hands gripped so tight on his thighs that his knuckles turned white.
Nam-gyu could only stare for a moment. So he wasn’t here to gloat? Or flex with a new partner? He was apologizing…
"Yeah, that was pretty fucked up... And you really hurt my feelings." Nam-gyu felt his palms getting sweaty, why was he reacting in all the wrong ways? "But I’m not innocent either and you know it."
Then Thanos laughed, he fucking laughed. Nam-gyu’s mouth practically fell open in shock, but he quickly closed it when Thanos turned to look at him.
"It’s kinda funny that we blame ourselves now, but when we dated we always blamed each other..." Thanos gave Nam-gyu a sad smile and shuffled a little closer.
"Uh, um..." Nam-gyu stammered and looked down at their legs, almost touching now. Why was he getting so flustered? They were done and gone for fucks sake!
"Now don't go looking at me like that." Thanos smirked again, but he still had that nervous quiver to his voice, like he was trying to mask his nervousness with that smirk. "Makes me think you want me again."
Now his mouth dropped open again, he didn’t care about how ridiculous he might’ve looked staring back at him with eyes as wide as saucers. That weird looming feeling in his stomach had been switched out by something else fluttering instead. Gosh, his stupid body has to stop reacting to Thanos this way. He was supposed to be over him.
Why wasn’t Thanos over him? He was the one who yelled he never wanted to see him again. Was this just one big prank to make Nam-gyu hurt more than he already did? Because if it was then Nam-gyu will never leave his home ever again. He'll lock himself in his apartment and order delivery for everything he'll ever need. But what if Thanos was sincere? What if he came here for a second chance? But how much could a person change in three months? Probably not a lot, considering all of Nam-gyu’s therapy sessions were practically money down the drain now that he finally sat eye to eye with the person responsible for his poor mental state.
Nam-gyu couldn’t stop conjuring up any real thoughts, his mind was flooded with questions as he tried to figure out what Thanos was thinking. It was stupid, he shouldn’t be so obsessed with Thanos' thoughts. At least not to the extent of not being able to make up his own thoughts.
"Hello, earth to Nam-gyu!" Thanos' loud voice pulled Nam-gyu out of his head. Right, he'd forgotten to give an actual answer. What was he gonna answer anyway?
"I'm sorry for trying to flirt with you, I have no right..." Thanos scratched at the back of his head and looked awkwardly at Nam-gyu, who was still gaping in shock. He closed his mouth for the second time in this short time to give some moisture to his mouth.
"I guess, what I wanted to say was that I'm trying to do better, and you don’t owe anything just because I'm here telling you this, I just wanted to tell you that I'm extremely sorry for my outlandish behaviour and I-"
Nam-gyu seriously needed to stop acting on impulse because what the fuck did he just do? He interrupted Thanos' rant by kissing him. Thanos yelped in surprise, but the sound was muffled by their lips pressing hard against each other. When Thanos realised Nam-gyu wasn’t pulling away he softened into the touch.
Thanos' lips were a little chapped, probably due to the cold air of late autumn. But Nam-gyu didn’t mind. He opened his mouth a little bit, inviting Thanos' tongue inside. Fuck, he’d missed this more than he'd ever let on. And by the looks of it, Thanos had missed it too.
Nam-gyu tested the waters once again and placed one hand on Thanos' thigh. Thanos reciprocated that act by lacing his own hand in Nam-gyu’s hair. The hair in his neck rose immediately and he couldn’t help the shudder that wracked his body. Hopefully Thanos would think it was just the cold making him react that way. But that was just wishful thinking, Thanos wasn’t an idiot, he knew Nam-gyu’s hair was sensitive like that.
The cold didn’t bother either man at all, their hot mouths were too busy, both their tongues fighting to invade the other man's mouth. Thanos' tongue ran over Nam-gyu’s lower teeth, and Nam-gyu had to resist the urge to bite down and nibble at his tongue. He couldn’t take it too far now, here.
But then again, maybe he should, since they weren’t supposed to see each other like this. What’s the big deal anyway, his therapist and his mother weren’t ever gonna find out about this interaction anyway.
Nam-gyu’s teeth nibbled on Thanos' lower lip, and Nam-gyu could swear he heard a small moan escape between their lips. The purple haired man used his free hand to guide Nam-gyu’s hands to rest on his neck instead. He tensed up a bit as Nam-gyu’s cold hands made contact with his warm neck. Shit, that must’ve hurt. But he just chuckled against Nam-gyu’s lips and went on with it.
Thanos' mouth tasted like artificial strawberry, most definitely from hitting that vape earlier. Nam-gyu briefly wondered what his own mouth tasted like. But he discarded that thought when Thanos opened his mouth even more, pushing his tongue further into Nam-gyu’s mouth.
Warmth blossomed in Nam-gyu’s chest, sparks igniting as Thanos pressed himself closer. The scent of his perfume and the vape mixed together in a beautiful concoction. Thanos' bold and confident demeanor was dizzying and Nam-gyu couldn’t deny the butterflies occupying his stomach anymore. The warmth of their bodies consumed the both of them, Nam-gyu grabbed a hold of the nape of Thanos' neck harder to keep himself glued to the other man. Neither man could get enough of this contact. It was evident they had both missed this. Which is weird considering they could barely stand each other when they were actually dating.
Maybe he shouldn’t have done this, if he’d just kept walking when he saw Thanos sitting here, then this wouldn’t have happened. He would’ve been in his apartment, watching whatever lame TV show they broadcasted this time of year, with a bowl of noodles in his hands.
A string of drool hung between their lips when Nam-gyu pulled away to finally look Thanos in the eyes properly since the conversation had started. He wiped away the drool, he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face when Thanos once again widened his eyes in surprise.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have done that." Nam-gyu rubbed his hands over his face in an attempt to get any of Thanos' DNA away. He still didn’t know why Thanos was here, and he needed to know before his heart decided he wanted this man back in his life.
"No, I’m the one who should say sorry, Nam-gyu." Thanos scratched at the back of his neck, his hand lingered as he reminisced about the other pair of hands that had just been there. "I came all this way in hope to get you back or something. But like, you're clearly trying to move on and this clearly wouldn’t help." Thanos gestured wildly with a hand between the two of them.
Maybe Thanos had a point with that. But like, Nam-gyu couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss, and he kinda didn’t want to stop thinking about it. He kept his hands over his face, suddenly too shy to look at Thanos. "Hmmmm, I’m so stupid..." was all he muttered out.
He felt arms wrap around his body and a head leaning against the side of his own head. "No, you're not stupid", Thanos removed Nam-gyu’s hands from his face to take in his features up close "hey, hey, Nam-gyu, it’s okay..."
It burned in his eyes to even look at Thanos, but Nam-gyu stayed strong anyway. "But it’s not, I thought I knew what I wanted but this made me so unsure." His lower lip quivered as he spoke. Please please please don't cry now, cry when you get home.
Thanos wiped away a tear that accidentally spilled from Nam-gyu’s eye. Fuck his fucking pissy life. He couldn’t cry about this in front of his ex for fucks sake!
"You know, maybe the time we spent together earlier was like a test, a test to see how far we could push each other’s buttons." Nam-gyu raised an eyebrow at Thanos' words. Was he high or something?
"And then when we broke up it was also like a test, to see how long we could be without each other until one of us cracked." Thanos finally let go of Nam-gyu. Thank God. "Guess I lost both times didn’t I?"
Nam-gyu couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. Yeah, if that’s what makes Thanos see things in a more serious manner, making it some sort of game, then Nam-gyu was fine with that.
"I like it much more when you smile like that." Thanos beamed at him.
Okay so now they were both smiling at each other. What’s next? Thanos offering to walk him home?
"You want me to walk you home? It’s pretty late and it’s fucking freezing."
Nam-gyu almost laughed in disbelief. Did he just manifest this?
"Sure, you know the way..."
~~~~~
The walk home consisted mostly of Thanos and Nam-gyu reminiscing about past events from their relationship. But only the good ones. Neither one of them wanted to talk about any of the fights.
"But I told you about the rain and you still insisted on not bringing an umbrella!" Nam-gyu exclaimed. Thanos had begun some sort of rant about how he'd been sick for like one week after he'd forgotten to bring an umbrella when he and Nam-gyu went out together for dinner. The rain had hit them so bad and both of them were bedridden for almost the whole week after that.
"Well, you're an adult, you could’ve brought it yourself!" Thanos retorted. Usually, when they talked about stuff like this, they would’ve been frustrated about the other’s actions. But now it almost feels nostalgic to think about these memories. No bad intentions at all.
"I wanted you to suffer the consequences." Nam-gyu looked down on the ground, a bit embarrassed. If he’d known he'd get sick too, then he definitely would’ve brought the umbrella. "I paid the price too, you know?"
Thanos snickered at his comment. "Yeah, hope it was worth it..." he reached out for Nam-gyu’s hand absentmindedly. Nam-gyu took it immediately.
It was quiet for a moment before Nam-gyu spoke again. "I won't tell my therapist about this, by the way."
"Say what now?" Thanos turned his head with such force it looked like it might’ve fallen off. "I fucked you up that badly?" Thanos' face was ridden with guilt now. Okay, maybe Nam-gyu shouldn’t have said that.
"It’s not just about you, the therapy sessions." A lie. "I'm just trying to get my mind sorted and shit."
Thanos let out a sigh in relief. "Okay, good. Man I would’ve felt like the biggest piece of shit if I was responsible for that."
If only he knew.
Well, he might’ve just stopped going if this was gonna be a permanent thing, again...
"You’re not responsible for my feelings, Su-bong..." Nam-gyu didn’t even think about the fact that he’d used Thanos' real name. The whole Marvel-villian theme of his rap career was very important to Thanos. But Nam-gyu was an exception to that rule.
"I know, but I can’t help feeling responsible, you know?"
Yeah, Nam-gyu did, so he nodded.
The rest of the walk home was mostly quiet. If this would’ve been a date or some shit, Nam-gyu might’ve invited Thanos to stay the night. But this wasn’t a date. This was more like going outside when there was a tornado warning. Everyone tells you to stay inside but you are just stupid enough to go outside anyway and go and make out with the tornado.
Given that in this analogy the tornado isn’t an actual tornado, but a tall muscular man with hair as wild as his personality. A man who knew Nam-gyu and his body all too well.
They did hug each other as a goodbye though. Nam-gyu almost wanted to kiss him again. But he decided that he didn't wanna risk crying in front of Thanos twice in one night. But they did hug each other pretty tight, like they were afraid to let go of each other.
Later that night, Nam-gyu had found that his number was no longer blocked by Thanos, so of course he sent him a text thanking Thanos for walking him home.
Nam-gyu: thanks for walking me home tn, and also for unblocking me...
Su-bong: anytime baby...
~~~~~
Now the next week's therapy session was a lot milder than last week's. Nam-gyu had barely talked shit about Thanos this hour. Hopefully his therapist was gonna take this as a sign that Nam-gyu was moving on, becoming more mature in his choice of words. But no, it was just Nam-gyu too occupied by thinking about Thanos and everything they had been talking about this last week. They hadn't seen each other in person since last week. But they talked for hours on end every day. Not that Nam-gyu was gonna tell his therapist about that.
"You’re being much milder today Nam-gyu, would you say you're moving on?"
"Yup, totally over that piece of shit." Nam-gyu made sure to sound extra convincing so they could move on with this session.
But his therapist just leaned forward in his seat and narrowed his eyes at Nam-gyu. Like he could read his face, maybe he could, he had a degree in psychology. Maybe reading people’s faces was a part of the training.
"If you say so..." His therapist leaned back in his chair again and jotted something down in that stupid notebook. Nam-gyu couldn’t wait for this session to be over. If it weren’t for the fact that his mother knew about these therapy sessions then he would’ve quit going. But he couldn’t let his mother know he was talking to Thanos again. That would be worse than his therapist figuring it out.
When the hour was finally over, Nam-gyu almost ran out of the building. But he quickly gathered himself to not look like he was getting out of there in the hopes of talking to his boyfriend? No, his...
What would they even call each other? My boyfriend felt too intimate for the stage of their relationship. Did they even have a relationship?
Maybe he should just call Thanos his tornado, since that was how most of their interactions went. Wild, crazy and probably gonna spin out of control if Nam-gyu tried keeping this lie up to both his therapist and his mother.
Nam-gyu fished out his phone from his pocket and called the only person he wanted to talk to. It barely rang twice before Thanos picked up the phone.
"Heyyy, did your appointment go well?" Thanos' voice was laced with care. It almost felt a bit surreal. If this had been three months ago, they would’ve had a fight about this, somehow, some way. They always found things that didn’t matter and made a big deal about it.
But now, Thanos seemed interested in Nam-gyu’s life again, and Nam-gyu was too. Apparently Thanos was moving up i the music industry, he's in the middle of recording and album for fucks sake. Nam-gyu couldn’t say he particularly liked Thanos' music, but it was his work. And Nam-gyu was supportive any way he could.
So maybe if Nam-gyu could keep up the lie with his therapist, everything was gonna go smooth as sailing until Thanos and him figured out what to do with their relationship.
"Hey, it went... well..." Nam-gyu seriously needed to learn how to lie better. He can’t have both his therapist and Thanos spotting his lies due to his inability to sound convincing.
He could almost hear the cogwheels inside Thanos' head turning through the phone. "That doesn't sound like it went well." Thanos remarked. "What did you guys talk about?"
"Uhm, well, you know, things."
Wow, you’re such a great liar and such a convincing person Nam-gyu. You should get into politics. You'd fit in perfectly with all the potheads trying to rule this country right now.
"What do you mean 'things?'" Thanos asked, Nam-gyu could hear him shuffling around, probably sitting up straighter just in case this was something serious.
He wouldn’t be wrong to think that actually.
"I think he's onto me."