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Kagiura opened the door to his shared dorm room, and was met with a sweet scent. He sniffed the air, confused, before he saw Hirano crumpled on the floor.
"Woah, Hirano, are you okay?" Kagiura went to move forward.
Hirano threw up a hand. "Stop...! Don't... Just..."
"Okay, okay..." Kagiura shifted back. "What's wrong...?"
"We're not... Meant to have mixed dorms..." Hirano got out, squirming. He was in one of Kagiura's hoodies, the younger man noticed.
"Okay... What's that got to do with this...? You should get back in bed, if you have a fever. Want me to get you anything?"
"It's heat." Hirano snapped at him.
Kagiura paused. "But... You're a beta?"
The blond shook his head. "No, it's just better that everyone thinks that... I wasn't meant to go into heat until the term ended, and I could go home..."
"Okay... Well, do you want me to do anything? Call the office, or..."
"They don't know either..." He grumbled, holding his head.
"Does anyone here know?"
"...Sasaki, he knows..."
Kagiura felt a spark of jealousy, before Hirano spoke again.
"Slipped up with him, too... It's okay, though, he's safe... Travelling like this will make me sick, and I can't take public transport, so I'm doing this here..." He sighed, and he looked so tired. Kagiura ached for him.
"How can I help?"
"Get out, probably..."
"...My nose is pretty weak. You were probably in preheat for a week before now, and I've only noticed your scent today. I'm not affected yet, if you want me to do anything for you before it gets too bad."
He would've loved to say that was the only reason. Not that he wanted to see Hirano cute like this, wanted to be there to help him, to protect him.
Hirano looked wary. Kagiura knew how vulnerable omegas were during their heats, and he didn't want Hirano thinking he would take advantage of him.
"I'll be careful, I promise. The minute it starts to affect me, I'll go stay with someone from the basketball team. But right now, you need some help, okay? I'll do whatever you ask."
"No sex..."
Kagiura tried not to blush. "No sex, I promise. If I try anything, you have full permission to stab me."
Hirano nodded slightly. He sighed, dragging himself onto his bed.
"The infirmary has items for omegas. Say you're getting them for a friend, not for me..." He took a careful breath. He sounded exhausted. "If you find Sasaki, he'll help, but don't get anyone else."
"Okay." Sounded easy enough. "Are you alright here while I go grab stuff?"
Hirano nodded, laying against his pillows. He didn't have enough to make a nest. He looked cute. Kagiura shook his head, trying to shake those thoughts out.
He jogged down the halls, not wanting to leave Hirano alone for too long. What if he thought Kagiura abandoned him? And worse, for being an omega? Kagiura didn't want to stress him out, especially since he was in heat.
He slipped into the infirmary. Luckily, the nurse was out. He found the omega supplies cupboard and opened it. Blankets, cushions, pills, artificial alpha scents, way too much. Kagiura didn't know where to start.
"Hello?" Kagiura heard.
He whipped around, ready to start spitting excuses, but it was just Miyano.
"Oh, Kagiura..." Miyano glanced at the cupboard, but thankfully didn't question it. "The nurse is out?"
"Yeah." He shifted on his feet. "I, uh..."
"Do you need help?"
"Uhhhhh-"
Miyano ignored him, piling up a basket. Blankets, some painkillers, a bunch of soft things. He kept away from the alpha scent sprays.
"How do you-"
"Sasaki isn't great at keeping secrets. He knows I'm safe, though. Hirano would kill him if he found out." Miyano smiled at him slightly. He passed over the basket. "Take good care of him."
Kagiura nodded dumbly. "Uh, right. Thank you."
Miyano grabbed an ice pack and waved on the way out.
"Hirano?" Kagiura warned before coming in.
The scent was still there, sweet and soft. Hirano cracked an eyelid from his bed, where he'd burrowed under the sheets.
"Hey..."
"Hey." He set the basket down. "I got you stuff."
Hirano, with effort, managed to sit up. Kagiura moved the basket within his reach and the blonde picked through, building up a proper nest on his bed. He took two of the painkillers and set them on the bedside table.
"Thanks..."
"Yeah, sure... Do you want food or anything?"
Hirano huffed, like having to think about all of this was too hard. "We're not meant to have food in the dorm rooms..."
"But you're stuck in here for a while, right? Too long to go without food."
Hirano just mumbled, sleepy now that he had a nest to protect him.
"...Okay, well, I'm going to make sure you don't starve. What can you eat like this?"
"Sweet stuff..."
"Okay. I'll be back, alright? You're okay?"
"Yeah, yeah..."
Hirano curled up small in his nest, breathing in the scent from Kagiura's hoodie. Thankfully Kagiura hadn't questioned him wearing it. Hirano didn't want his kouhei knowing he found comfort in the younger's scent.
It didn't hurt yet. At home, alone and locked away in his room, it hurt. Deep and aching in his stomach. He felt safe here, which was strange, considering he had always chosen to hide away at home. He thought it'd be safer, since there weren't any alphas, but he'd never started his heat as calm as this. He had scars on his sides from clawing at himself during heats, just trying to get through the night. He traced them now, feeling the silver ridges, and felt no need to do it again. Hopefully it lasted.
Kagiura came back again, speaking to him to not scare him, so he knew it was Kagiura and not someone else. The younger man sat by his bed, a tray of iced buns in his hands.
"This is all I could find. I'll go out at dinnertime to get something else for you. Is this okay?"
Hirano nodded. His body was so heavy. He didn't want to eat, but he knew sugar would ease his heat and make it a bit more manageable. He pushed himself up, laying flopped over the side of his nest, and took one of the buns.
Kagiura smiled, happy to see Hirano eating. Hirano was spurred on by that, trying to finish the bun. His appetite had gone down the drain, but eating was good for him.
"Thanks..." He forced out. Talking was tiring. Everything was tiring.
"Sure." Kagiura chirped.
Like his sense of smell, Kagiura's scent was rather weak, too. Mild alpha, almost low enough to make Hirano think he was a beta. Hirano couldn't let his guard down just because he didn't smell dangerous, though. He had heard enough horror stories.
"Kagiura..."
"Yeah?"
"You need to leave when it starts affecting you. I don't care if you think you're stronger, or... Whatever alphas come up with... You need to go, for me. Please..."
Kagiura nodded softly. "I will. I promise. But I'm not abandoning you once I can't stay anymore, okay? I'll still bring you food. If it's really bad, I'll send someone else."
Hirano opened his mouth to say something along the lines of 'no the fuck you will not', but Kagiura spoke again.
"I know, I know. I won't tell anyone. I'll send Sasaki, or Miyano."
"Miyano-"
Kagiura suddenly looked sheepish, and Hirano felt a jab of betrayal.
"Did you...?"
"No, no! He, uh, he knows. But it wasn't me, I promise."
Hirano took a breath, trying to soothe the ache in his chest. "Figures... Sasaki is shit at secrets... Miyano is safe, I guess..." He dragged a hand through his hair.
Kagiura recognised Hirano starting to get stressed. He set the tray down and tried to amend the situation.
"Sasaki wouldn't tell anyone else, right?"
"No..." Hirano grumbled. "He wouldn't tell anyone he thought would hurt me. I doubt he told anyone other than Miyano. Still..."
Kagiura bit his lip. "Sorry..."
"Why are you sorry...?"
"I'm stressing you out."
Hirano scoffed weakly. "Sasaki is stressing me out. Not you."
Kagiura still felt bad. Hirano took another bun and licked the sweet icing off.
"I'll be fine. If I had to pick someone to know, it'd be Miyano. The only issue is it'll play into his BL fantasies..."
"Huh?"
"Nothing." Hirano set the bun, now plain, back down. "I need to sleep."
"Oh, sure. What do you want me to do?"
"...If you're still okay, you can stay for longer. But you have to leave if you start feeling it."
"I told you, I will..." Kagiura offered a smile. "I promise, okay? Nothing's gonna happen."
Hirano hummed, laying down in the nest.
Hirano woke up hot and sore. Kagiura's scent had weakened, faded. The room was dark and lonely. He couldn't stop the whimper that escaped his throat.
He'd left, after all. It was stupid of him to think Kagiura could withstand his pheromones, anyway. He was an alpha. I should be grateful, Hirano thought. He left instead of hurting me. It could've been worse.
The thought didn't soothe him much.
He whined softly, hugging himself. His fingers found those indents on his sides, from heat after heat alone.
He hadn't been prepared this time. In the past he'd been able to cut his nails short, or cover them with bandaids to try and minimise damage. It never protected him fully, but it was better than nothing.
His nails were longer, now. Not excessive, but not cut to the finger like he'd prefer. They dug into his skin like knives, hard enough that he cried out.
He felt blood pool straight away. He tried to be quiet, curled tight in a ball. He hated it. The dark pit in his stomach. It was sick and consuming. He could barely feel his nails in his skin now, eaten up by the miserable loneliness.
The door clicked open and Hirano flinched. He whined, the words not forming. Don't come in. Go away. Leave me alone...
The alpha approached and Hirano braced himself, trying to hide under the blankets.
"Hirano? Are you bleeding? Shit..."
"Kagi...?"
"Yeah, it's just me... What happened?"
Hirano sniffed. The sick feeling eased. Kagiura hadn't abandoned him. He came back.
"You left..."
"Yeah, for ten minutes to go to the bathroom... I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd get scared. Are you alright?"
Hirano tried to drag in air. How pathetic, letting his kouhei see him like this.
"M'fine..."
"Did you hurt yourself?"
"Just scratched up my sides..." Hirano covered the scratches with his palms, trying to soothe the stinging.
"Let me see."
Hirano glanced at him. Touch was bad.
"I don't think..."
Kagiura wasn't listening. He pulled the first aid kit out from under the bed.
"It'll be okay. You can't be bleeding all over your nest, right?"
Hirano didn't look sure. He'd calmed down from his panic, but he was still shaky, face tear-stained. Kagiura felt awful for leaving him.
"It's okay, I can do it..." Hirano protested weakly.
"You're barely awake." Kagiura offered his hands. "Please."
Slowly, Hirano sat up straight and nodded. He pulled up the hoodie, exposing reddening, bloody scratches just underneath his ribs. Kagiura winced in sympathy.
"Ouch... I'm going to touch now."
Hirano cringed when Kagiura touched him, turning his head away. He didn't tell Kagiura to stop, though, so he carefully cleaned up the blood. He was about to patch up the marred skin when he noticed something else - layers of silver underneath the scratches. He paused, tracing the raised skin.
"Hirano... Have you done this before?"
Hirano tensed under him, jaw taut. "Not on purpose... It gets hard to cope during heats... Alone..."
"...You don't have anyone to help you?"
A tight shake of his head.
"That's... Awful..."
"I don't have a partner, there's no other option..."
"Yes, there is." Kagiura insisted, concerned. "Friends, or family. Not to do the, y'know, but as support. When I had my first rut, my mum was always around when I needed her, and knew when to back off. It made it feel manageable."
Hirano was looking at him like that was something he had never even considered. Kagiura had to hold back from hugging him.
"Has no one... Has no one ever done that for you...?"
Hirano's eyes filled with tears and he lurched forward, into Kagiura's arms. Kagiura caught him, hugging him close.
"Hirano...?"
"I hate heats... They're an awful week of being alone and in pain in the dark... This is the first time I haven't felt so miserable... My family won't come near me during heat-" He broke off into raspy sobs. Kagiura held him tight, rubbing his back.
"I'm sorry, Hirano..."
"Please don't leave..."
"I won't, I won't." He petted Hirano's bleached hair. "I won't let you be alone. I'll stay as long as I can, and if I can't safely stay with you, I'll make sure you have someone else. Okay?"
"Okay..." He murmured into Kagiura's shirt.
Once Hirano had calmed down, Kagiura covered the scratches and gently wiped the blond's face with his sleeve. Hirano retreated back into the nest, wary and embarrassed. Kagiura tried not to make it worse.
"Do you feel okay...?" Kagiura asked softly.
Hirano nodded, rubbing his eyes. He laid back in the nest with a sniffle. "Sorry..."
"You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I feel stupid..."
"You're not."
Hirano dragged his gaze to Kagiura. After a breath, he spoke, slow and deliberate. "I don't know what my body wants from me... It feels nice when you touch me, but I'm scared I- I don't know..."
"We can touch without having to do anything." Kagiura said, trying not to get distracted by how much he wanted to touch - not anything serious, just comfort. "If you're only comfortable holding hands or something, that's okay. I won't push for more."
Hirano eyed him. "I could... Try that..."
"Okay. You lead, I'll be where you want me."
"Stay there..." Hirano ordered, reaching an arm out.
Kagiura stayed still, letting Hirano tentatively take his hand.
"You're okay..." Kagiura murmured, gently squeezing his hand.
"I... Shit, this is harder than it should be..."
"Do what you need to."
He spent the rest of the night on the floor by Hirano's bed, never letting go of his hand. He wasn't letting Hirano wake up scared like that again.
He yawned, stretching his free hand. His back ached, but it was worth it to see his senpai sleeping peacefully. Kagiura pressed a light kiss to Hirano's pale knuckles, the nails still ringed red.
He was going to marry him someday, he knew it. For now, though, all Hirano wanted was company. Kagiura was happy to take the part. Companion, protector, friend. He was just happy being close to him.
Hirano woke up worse than yesterday, but calmer. He groaned softly, touching his burning forehead.
"Fuck..."
"You okay?"
Hirano's eyes shifted to him, like he didn't think Kagiura would still be beside his bed.
"...Yeah. Just hot. Could you get me to the bathroom...?"
Kagiura nodded. Hirano was hesitant to leave his nest but managed, letting Kagiura help him over to the little bathroom. In order to accommodate all secondary genders at the school, they had a small bathroom in each dorm room, as well as the communal bathroom on each floor.
Kagiura gave him some space, putting headphones in. Loud enough to cover up noises, quiet enough that he'd be able to hear if Hirano needed help.
Hirano pressed his forehead into the cold tiles on the wall, panting softly. As if the other symptoms weren't bad enough, his body had to do this to him as well. He didn't want to be thinking about that crap. He wanted to be doing schoolwork, studying with Kagiura, talking to his friends.
The aching in his gut returned with the self-pity, and he whined softly. He cleaned himself up the best he could and then sank back down against the tiles.
"Kagiura...!"
Kagiura came back in, no change in his expression. Perfectly accepting. Hirano thanked the universe for giving him Kagiura as a roommate. Someone who cared without any strings attached.
Kagiura helped him up, and Hirano let him, leaning into him.
"Shit..."
"What?" Hirano looked up at Kagiura's face.
"I can smell you..."
Hirano took a shaky step back, almost staggering into the wall. "Don't-"
Kagiura shook his head, moving back so he didn't scare Hirano further. "No, no, you're not in danger. I promise. I can just... Usually it's not this strong. It's not doing anything to me, I promise."
Hirano stared at him, back pressed to the cold tiles, backed into the corner like an animal. He whimpered softly, cradling his head.
"You need to leave as soon as it does... Promise me..."
"I will, Hirano. Let's get you back to bed, okay...?"
"Promise...!" His voice broke.
Kagiura looked at him. Scared and shaking in the corner. Scared of him. He took a breath.
"I need to tell you something, Hirano."
Hirano whined, and Kagiura shook his head. "It's nothing bad, I promise. Just... Listen. After my first rut, anyone with a scent was so overwhelming. For whatever reason, my brain just couldn't filter all the information. I'm on pills to weaken my sense of smell and reaction to pheromones. Even smelling you right now, it's only because you're in heat and we've been in the same little room for days. It's still not doing a thing to me, I promise. And I doubt it will."
Hirano stared, processing. Checking for lies. Kagiura pulled the bottle from his pocket - he'd been keeping it on him since Hirano had gone into heat, in case Kagiura needed some extra help.
Hirano shakily took it, reading it over. He nodded once.
"Okay, I... I believe you..."
"Can I help you back to bed, then...?"
"Yeah..."
Kagiura slowly stepped forward, offering his hands. Hirano pushed off the wall and took them, trembling lightly. He walked slowly with Kagiura.
"Sorry for doubting you..."
"It's okay. You're keeping yourself safe, I understand."
Hirano melted back into his nest, cheeks still pink. Cute...
Kagiura went to sit on his bed, but Hirano reached out.
"Wait, Kagi..."
"Yeah?" Kagiura took his hand and Hirano nuzzled into it. Kagiura tried to hide his blush. "Uh, what are you..."
"Feels nice..." He murmured. He lifted his sleepy eyes to meet Kagiura's. "Stay...?"
Kagiura swallowed.
"Yeah... Sure."