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Alastor was lying down on the couch, face down. They were in Alastor’s room, and Alastor was upset. “It’ll be okay, Bambi, we’ll get through it,” Lucifer soothed Alastor.
Earlier that day, one of Vox’s drones snapped a picture of the two. In the picture, Lucifer and Alastor played with rubber ducks in the pond behind the hotel. Alastor was hesitant at first when Lucifer wanted to do so outside instead of the bayou. And he was right to not want to. Lucifer sees that now, but wasn’t Alastor overreacting just a little bit? Vox has put him through way more humiliation before than just a picture of him with a rubber duck in his hands.
“I’m afraid you don’t phantom the severity of the situation, my dear,” Alastor grit out through his teeth. Lucifer in fact didn’t get it. It’s just a silly photo. Alastor has got himself kidnapped by Vox before who made him go to parades of humiliations, tied up in a chair. He was made into a joke before. A big one. And that didn’t make him mope around before. Lucifer wanted to understand he really did, but as always Alastor refused to let him understand. “Well can you… enlighten me?” Lucifer needed to understand. He wanted to help Alastor, but he couldn’t if he didn’t know what went through his head. “Lucifer, leave.”
Lucifer sighed but didn’t move. He was sitting in front of the couch, his knees drawn up. he really wanted to help, after all he’s the one who caused it. He always caused those around him to suffer. “…Please?” Lucifer asked with a smaller voice as he tightened his grip around his knees. “Lucifer, don’t.” “But-” “Out,” Alastor commanded Lucifer. Lucifer buried his face in his knees, but didn’t move. Alastor always tried to send him away when he felt bad, but he always regretted it. So Lucifer decided he won’t give in this time. It made Alastor feel even worse every time he gave in and left, and if he can make it even slightly better then Lucifer will stay.
Alastor snapped his head up. His smile so tight that it’s basically a grimace, his brows furrowed together. “Lucifer, get out for fucks sake!” Alastor yelled out, his voice distorted from the intense radio filter. Lucifer flinched and his eyes widened. He took a deep breath before speaking. “No. You always feel even worse when I leave-” “That’s because it’s not about you when I do. Right now you’re the one who caused it, so get out!” Alastor yelled out.
Lucifer’s heart sank. Still he held back the tremble in his hands and took another deep breath. “I won’t leave you like this, love. We both know you don’t mean that. It’s okay that you’re scared-” “Sacred?” Alastor snarled. “Lucifer I’m not you. I’m not scared. You forced me to play with your stupid ducks. Then you forced me to go outside with them. And Vox managed to capture it, meaning it will be all over the news next morning. The feared Radio Demon playing with rubber ducks and his majesty. How do you think that makes me look? So thank you for that, now that you’re done, it’s time for you to leave.” Alastor no longer screamed. His voice was disturbingly even and that’s why it hurt so much. There was no hesitation, no regret in his voice. Lucifer stared at him as if he couldn’t believe his own ears.
“You don’t mean that,” Lucifer whispered. He couldn’t trust his voice to be even if he spoke any louder. “I meant every word, sire.” Lucifer shut his eyes. He hoped this was all just a nightmare, that he would wake up any second. He had a lot of those lately, didn’t he? He counted to ten but he didn’t wake up, he was still here. He opened his eyes again. He looked at Alastor who was now sitting up with a sharp glare on his face. His usually gentle lover, suddenly sharp and cruel. “You need to leave, your highness.” Alastor demanded. He knew that Lucifer hated when he used royal titles while speaking to him. Alastor was trying to be cruel to push him away, Lucifer knew that, but the knowledge failed to soften the blow. “No,” Lucifer refused with a shiver in his voice. Alastor’s antlers grew in size as he stood up. Loud static rang out as Alastor’s pupils turned into radio dials. “No?” “No Al, I’m not scared of you and I’m not leaving. You can’t push me away every time you feel emotion.” Lucifer protested. Lucifer stayed sitting in front of the now empty couch, he wasn’t moving. Backing down without a fight is what cost him Charlie and Lilith and he wasn’t gonna make the same mistake again. Alastor stood above him, the static getting louder by the second. It hurt Lucifer’s ears but he wasn’t gonna leave. Not this time. “I love you Al, we can fix this if you let me in. You don’t have to fight this alone. That’s what lovers are for, so you don’t have to face the world alone-” “I didn’t ask you to love me.”
Silence engulfed the room in an instant. The sentence held a definitiveness to it that was hard to swallow. Lucifer stood up in that moment. Hurt clouded his mind and suddenly in front of him stood the Radio Demon. Not Alastor. “We’re done.” The words tasted like poison on Lucifer‘s tongue. He didn’t look at Alastor, he just opened a portal and walked away. He couldn’t look at Alastor, he didn’t want to see indifference in those crimson eyes.
Lucifer was washing the dishes as Charlie approached him. He turned to her and gave her a warm smile. At least he still had her. It’s been a month since he broke up with Alastor and considering Alastor hasn’t even tried to reconcile with him, Lucifer deemed it was truly over. Charlie put on her typical smile before she cleared her throat. “Do you wanna talk about it?” She prompted ever so gently. “I’d rather not.” “Did he hurt you?” “Duckling, I just said I don’t wanna talk about it.” Lucifer sighed as Charlie’s smile wavered.
He appreciated Charlie’s concern, but if he was truly honest, he’d rather fall, engulfed in flames, from heaven again, than talk about his pathetic breakup. Maybe Alastor was right, he was the weak one. Lucifer finished the dishes and decided to go back to his room. He hasn’t even seen Alastor since they broke up. He was sure Alastor was using his shadows to make sure he wouldn’t appear anywhere Lucifer was. He could have sworn just yesterday, he saw one in the corner of his eye. A shadows walked out of a corner just as Lucifer was leaving.
Lucifer hummed a low tune to himself as the elevator went up to the top floor. As if the breakup wasn’t bad enough, he was also the only one to share the top floor with Alastor. Lucifer waved his hand as if waving away all of his thoughts. He resumed his humming when the elevator screeched to a halt, throwing Lucifer off balance and making him fall back. “What the hell!” The elevator stopped between two floors with no signs of it deciding to spring back to life. Lucifer searched his pockets before he internally groaned in realization that he left his phone in his room. For a second he thought he would just teleport out. Then he thought that maybe he could use this situation to wind down. He needed to think without the chance of anyone interrupting him. So he sat down against the wall.
He began thinking, and in retrospect that might have not been a good idea. Images of the breakup flashed in his mind and Alastor’s words rang out in his ears. “Alastor sure knows how to hit where it hurts.” Lucifer murmured to himself with a pained chuckle. He realistically knows Alastor didn’t mean any of that, that he was just scared, but it didn’t make it hurt less. And hurt it did. Lucifer felt a sting in his eyes, the tears he didn’t allow himself to shed that night or any of the days that followed. Hot tears rolled down his face and he could no longer hold the sobs that escaped him. Lucifer drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. Just like that day, except now he was alone. His breathing quickened and panic burned through his whole body.
He couldn’t stop crying. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t catch his breath and his lungs burned. Horns grew from his forehead, resulting in a headache. And his wings came out to reflexively wrap around his body. Darkness swallowed his frame as the broken sobs wracked his body. He laid down on his back, one knee up and his forearm shielding his eyes from the elevators light. he continued to cry and cry. He hadn’t any idea of how long he was laying there before he passed out.
“-fer, Lucifer, Lucifer?” Lucifer felt a warm hand holding his face. He unconsciously leaned into it. Then he sprung up with wide eyes. He turned to the voice and his eyes met crimson ones. Worry flooded the other man’s face and Lucifer’s mouth fell open. Alastor. Panic clouded Lucifer’s judgment as he hastily teleported without thinking of where he would land. Now what circle of hell was he in? Lucifer found himself sitting in the middle of a forest. He groaned when he realized how stupid that must have looked for Alastor. First he found him laying unconscious in an elevator, tears staining his whole face. And then he teleported out of existence without even saying anything. Lucifer had hoped to talk at first, but when a month passed of Alastor’s avoidance, he just gave up.
A shadow moved in Lucifer’s peripheral before he wiped his head around. It tried to hide behind a tree but it was clumsy and slow. It must have been a new shadow that Alastor was still training. Which explains nothing about why he would choose that one to spy on him. Lucifer stood up and cautiously approached the shadow. Before it could de-materialize he caught it’s wrist. “Y- um… what are you doing here?” Lucifer realized he didn’t actually know what he hoped to achieve by catching the shadow. It couldn’t talk and Lucifer didn’t even know what he wanted to ask. Yet he did it anyway.
The shadow tried to gesture something but Lucifer couldn’t tell what it meant. Lucifer deemed it wasn’t worth reading into it and he looked around once more. Then it dawned on him. And his stomach sank. “This is Alastor’s bayou…” Lucifer whispered under his breath and the shadow frantically nodded its head. Lucifer immediately let go and tried to teleport out. Only to remember that in the bayou his magic clashed with Alastor’s and he couldn’t teleport here. The bayou was practically endless and he was in a part of it he has never seen before. Alastor knew his way around but he didn’t.
Lucifer broke into a sprint. It was only a matter of time before Alastor arrived. He was sure Alastor has felt Lucifer’s presence interfering with the bayou’s magic. And he had a small amount of time to either somehow get out. Or more realistically get a head start. It made sense now. The shadow was here before him, it wasn’t spying. It was trying to warn him of where he is. Why he had teleported into the bayou, was something he wasn’t ready to face yet.
As he ran he felt the air shifting. Alastor entered the bayou. He could swear he heard a faint call of his name. Which meant he had enough distance for now, but that Alastor was quickly catching up to him. He wasn’t ready to face him. Not like this. As Lucifer ran through the trees his hand caught on a bush and golden glint of blood spilled out. “Shi-” He cursed out before silencing himself. He tucked away his wings as they caught on everything. Then he slipped. He yelped out as he fell into the bayou’s water. He swam up and was about to crawl out to continue running away, but the sight absolutely captivated him.
The water sparkled and the trees around it casted beautiful shadows. He felt tears building up in his eyes again. “Fuck. What am I running from…” Lucifer muttered as the tears slid down his face silently. He just floated in the water staring into the distance of the pond.
“Lu!” Alastor called out relieved to see Lucifer. “Fuck Luce, get out of the water… are you alright?” He asked as he saw the tinge of gold mixing with the translucent water. Lucifer couldn’t turn around to face him. He wasn’t ready. He just floated in the water trying and hoping to freeze the moment just for a little bit longer. The gold pouring into the water didn’t bother him much at all. It seems he got hurt more than he realized while he ran through the bayou. But he couldn’t die so he didn’t worry. He submerged himself under the water. He hoped the water would wake him up, give him energy to run again. He wasn’t sure how long he held his breath for. As he resurfaced water splashed around him. Alastor jumped after him.
Warm hands reached for Lucifer’s hand. “For fuck’s sake Lucifer, don’t scare me like that!” Alastor yelled out, panic and worry soaked his words. Finally Lucifer looked at Alastor. He was a mess but then again Lucifer probably looked even worse. His hair wet and messy, his ears were pined tightly to his head. His eyes were wide with panic and heavy eye bags settled in his face. His smile was tight and uncomfortable. Lucifer didn’t even notice Alastor pulling them out as he took in his whole frame. “Lu? Wha- are you okay? You’re bleeding.” Alastor spoke so gently it made Lucifer’s stomach twist at the contrast of their last encounter.
“Al?” Lucifer tested the waters. To see if he’s imagining all of the care and gentleness that he hasn’t seen in a month. To test if it’s still his Alastor. “Yeah it’s me.” At least submerging himself into the water washed away his tears. He didn’t want Alastor to see him cry right now. Alastor looked at him cautiously. He was ready if Lucifer ran away again. And Lucifer hated that because he really wanted to. Lucifer’s wounds closed up right before Alastor’s eyes and Alastor sighed in relief. Seems he forgot how fast the angel’s regeneration is.
“Wh- can we talk?” Alastor choked out. Lucifer closed his eyes. He had two options. Face Alastor like a grown man, or give in to the fight or flight instinct pulling at him. His wings flowed out automatically and Alastor flinched towards him as if to catch him from flying away.
“You were right.” Alastor dropped the radio filter over his voice. His bare voice made Lucifer flinch is surprise. “Wha-” “I felt way worse when you left. Although I suspect this time it was my fault… no it was my fault every time.” Alastor admitted, defeat coating his words. Lucifer started at him, mouth agape. “I know what I said was inexcusable, but I need you to understand that I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry dear.” Something in Lucifer shifted. Now that Alastor cleared up the suffocating parts, Lucifer began feeling frustrated. Because while Alastor was never that cruel as he was a month ago, it was a pattern in their relationship even before that. Alastor got mad, Lucifer did everything to fix it and Alastor pushed him away. Never once in their relationship has Alastor said he loved him. And he was patient. He told himself Alastor just needed time, but the fact that he never said it is what made his comment form a month ago that much worse. “I didn’t ask you to love me.” Lucifer replayed the moment in his mind.
“You know Al, that’s damage that no amount of love can fix, especially if you don’t choose it.” It came out harsher than Lucifer intended. Alastor looked down at the ground, his smile getting even more tense. Silence stretched between them. Lucifer could practically hear Alastor thinking. The sounds of the bayou seemed to quiet down along with Alastor. “I don’t know how to- how to not push people away.” Alastor said hesitantly. Vulnerability wasn’t his forte and he wasn’t completely sure how one should speak about his feelings. “I- I know it’s unfair of me to ask but… can you give me another chance?” Alastor paused for a second. “I was thinking I could ask Charlie for help with my…” “Emotional constipation?” Lucifer finished for him with a bittersweet smile. “Yeah, that.” Alastor’s smile relaxed a bit. He had hoped it broke some of the ice.
“Okay… I’ll give us another chance. Although I think you’re forgetting something.” While Lucifer was still angry and hurt, he cannot lie and say that the sentiment didn’t phase him. And what’s most, he missed Alastor. Alastor tilted his head in confusion, he couldn’t tell what he was forgetting. Then a spark light up. “…I love you Lu.” Alastor smiled shyly. Lucifer took a moment to bask in the feeling of finally hearing it. “Okay can you get us out of here now? We’re soaked and I’m getting cold.” Lucifer grinned hesitantly. They were still on thin ice and neither of them were sure where it was safe to step. However they were determined to make it work. Finally the both of them. As Alastor lead them out of the bayou, Lucifer leaned into his side and whispered softly; “I still love you.”