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“Soda baby, I don’t think Pony wants to play right now. Why don’t you leave him be for a bit?”
Karen Curtis watched her second son reluctantly back away from the chair where Pony was reading. The younger boy’s focus was so intent, it seemed like he hardly noticed the toy truck his brother was holding out to him.
“He never wants to play with me anymore,” Soda whined, climbing up on the couch and leaning against his mother. He didn’t have any tears welling up in his eyes, but Karen knew it was still a possibility.
She set aside the pair of her husband’s work pants she was folding. “You spent all afternoon yesterday building your stick fort in the backyard, remember?” she reminded him gently. “And today he wants to spend time reading, and that’s okay, right?”
“I guess.” The glum look on his little face tugged at her heart.
She really did feel for him. It was an. . . interesting time in their house. It was strange, really, mostly because Darry was about to start junior high, but Soda was also getting to the age where he wanted to act older than he was. (He still acted like a nine-going-on-ten-year-old most of the time, though. He just couldn’t help it; acting different than how he felt didn’t come naturally to him.) And although Pony still thought his big brothers hung the moon, he was already becoming comfortable with being by himself.
The strangeness was on full display on an afternoon like this one. Darry was with some of his new friends he’d be playing football with when school started, and Pony was obviously in a world of his own. Normally Soda would find one of the other boys to play with, but Steve was with his mother visiting their family in Kansas, both Two-Bit and Johnny said they couldn’t when Soda went over to their houses to ask, and Dallas Winston wasn’t even around anymore to be found. The boy’s father had up and moved them to New York last year. Karen found herself worrying about Dally often.
On an afternoon like this one, Karen could tell that Soda didn’t really know what to do. He’d spent most of the morning running around both the back and front yards by himself until Karen had called him in for lunch. He ate a sandwich and drank a glass of chocolate milk like someone was timing him (though she had to admit he at least sat still while doing so), then went back to Pony, trying to get him to play.
But he just couldn’t convince his little brother to put down the book, and that had a sobering effect on Soda. It’s like all the energy was sucked out of him. Karen watched as the glum look on his face turned to just plain sad, and she decided the laundry could wait.
“Sodapop,” she said, pushing the whole basket aside, “I need your help with something.”
He sat up with a small spark of interest. “You do?”
“Yep. You know those flowers I got the other day? I need to put them in the planter out front. Think you can help me with that?”
“Okay,” was all he said, but he hopped up off the couch right away with a smile.
It was all teeth and that made Karen smile, too. “Pony baby, we’re gonna be outside, okay?”
Pony gave her the briefest of glances and a nod. “Alright, Mama.” If he broke his concentration at all, Karen couldn’t tell.
Soda was already outside by the time she got to the door. The flowers were grouped together in several plastic trays, ready to be transferred. He jumped from tray to tray, inspecting each of the flowers with more interest than he’d had inside.
“Come here, you little frog,” Karen said. She grabbed a bag of soil from the porch. “We’ll fill up the planter first, then dig some holes for each of the flowers to go into. What do you think?”
“Okay, Mama.”
He stood beside her as she poured the dirt out of the bag, watching patiently for all of ten seconds. Then he gave in to his instincts and stuck his hands in the planter. He was content at first with just letting the dirt spill over his hands and arms, but before long he started digging in the soil until his fingers were caked with it.
Karen looked at her son with an amused grin. It was like there was a joke only he could hear with the way he was laughing. Then before she knew it, her breath hitched in her throat and she had to stop what she was doing. Soda didn’t take much notice; he just played in the dirt some more while Karen quickly tried to compose herself. She’d always had to do that, ever since Soda was a toddler and she started noticing the similarities.
People always said Soda acted like Darrel. Karen couldn’t keep count of the number of times she’d heard “like father, like son,” when it came to those two, and she really couldn’t deny it. Soda was like his dad in many ways, but more often than not Karen’s mind went to someone else.
Because what most people didn’t know was that Soda was just like Karen’s little sister, Nina. The aunt he and his brothers never knew. Born too early when Karen was almost two, Nina was always small for her age, but she made up for it with her big personality. The way she could make anyone laugh, the way she was always friendly with everyone. She could always understand certain things about Karen and everyone else she loved that no other kid could.
Then one cold, awful winter when she was just ten years old, Nina got sick. The walls on their old house out in the country just weren’t thick enough to keep the wind out. And back in those days, money, medicine, clothes –anything that could’ve helped– were all scarce. By the time the doctor could tell them it was pneumonia it was too late. They moved to town after that, right around the same time that Darrel’s family did, when the bank took their farm.
And now no one but Karen knew that Soda was just like Nina. Anyone else who would’ve been able to see the similarities was gone. That was what hurt Karen the most sometimes.
“Mama, what’s wrong?”
Karen looked up, and in a second she was pulled almost all the way back to reality. Soda’s cheeks and forehead were now streaked with dirt, which didn’t quite make sense because she hadn’t seen him touch his face. It nearly made her laugh. His eyes, though, were full of concern. Of course he could tell she’d been thinking about something other than the flowers. Soda didn’t always pay attention when he should, but he always made sure to pay attention to other people. It was one of the things he did best.
“Oh, I just-” she hesitated. Sometimes she told the truth and sometimes she didn’t. “I was just thinking about my sister and got sad.”
Soda nodded knowingly. He didn’t say anything, but he moved closer to Karen, watching as she poured the rest of the soil out of the bag.
She cleared her throat. “Alright. Start bringing the flowers over, will you?”
With Soda’s back turned, she took a deep breath to fully regain her composure. She’d think about Nina later. She’d wait until Darrel was home, and then she could afford a few minutes in the bathroom to herself, or she’d wait until the boys had gone to bed.
She managed to clear her mind for about a minute as she stood up and helped Soda with the rest of the trays. Her thoughts wandered, though, back to how things were changing for her boys. She knew how it was for Darry, who was ready to grow up and be around kids his own age more; she’d felt the same way when she was a girl, and she was sure Nina had felt wronged by that at times, just like she was sure that Soda wished for Darry to play with him as much as he used to.
Karen could also remember the times when Nina had acted like she was too cool for her big sister, though. She didn’t think Soda was that way with Darry quite yet, but she wondered if he ever felt like Pony was that way with him. She doubted Pony actually thought he was too cool for his brothers, but he was just becoming more independent.
So, she thought she maybe understood why Soda was so stir-crazy today. He was caught in the middle, and she worried about that on days like this.
At least she could do something with these thoughts, like try to help Soda, or at least distract him for a little while.
He’d already dug out a space in the dirt, the soil now beneath his fingernails as well. “Which one do you want to plant first?” Karen asked.
Soda surveyed his options. His eyes moved back and forth a couple of times, before eventually landing on a bunch of yellow daisies. “That one.”
“Good choice.” She got the daisies out of their tray and placed them where Soda had dug. “Now we have to pack the dirt around it and make it nice and snug,” she told him.
They repeated that process until the planter was full. It was an array of color: red snapdragons, pink begonias, purple amethysts, and a few sprigs of lavender. Karen leaned back, sitting on her heels with a sigh and admiring their work. A look of amusement spread across her face when Soda did the same thing.
“Well Soda, what do you think? Looks pretty good, doesn’t it?”
He nodded. “I like all the colors. They look real pretty.”
“It’s kinda like putting together a puzzle, isn’t it? Having to figure out where each one should go.”
“I guess,” Soda shrugged. He looked at the flowers and took a big breath, more words on the tip of his tongue. “I don’t really like puzzles, though. This is more fun.”
No, Karen thought to herself, he doesn’t quite have the patience for that, I suppose. She went to wipe some of the dirt off of his face, and he only squirmed away once. “Well that’s good. Thank you for helping me.”
He hummed in response, sticking his fingers back underneath the soil. “Hey,” Karen nudged him, “can you do one more thing for me?”
“Yeah.”
“Can you fill up the watering can and bring it out here? It’s on the porch.”
“Sure!” He smiled another toothy smile and began to bound up the front steps.
“Be careful!” she called out after him. “Don’t go spilling a bunch of water on my floors!”
If Soda could hear her, he gave no indication of it. Karen sighed again and got to her feet, dragging the planter back to its normal spot up against the porch, then she threw away the empty soil bag in the trash bin that sat at the side of the house. As she came back around to the front, Soda walked through the front door, holding the full watering can as steady as he could.
He made it down the steps without spilling even a drop. He set it on the ground with a thud, and they both crouched down again next to the planter. Karen was just about to reach for the can when Soda shuffled his feet.
“Hey Mama?”
She paused for a second, eyeing him. “Yeah, Soda baby?” He seemed more serious than he had been just a second before.
“You think I should play football when I get bigger? Like Darry?”
She’d only lifted the can an inch or two off the ground, but she set it back down immediately, trying not to seem thrown off by his question. “Well, do you think you might want to?”
“I don’t know.” He scratched at the side of his head, not looking at her. “Maybe I should since Darry does.”
“Honey,” she said carefully, “just because Darry does something doesn’t mean you have to.”
Soda shuffled his feet again, this time kicking the planter softly. “I probably wouldn’t be any good at it anyway.”
“What makes you say that?”
Just as quickly as he had turned serious, Soda shrugged and smiled, but Karen could see that his eyes weren’t lively like they usually were. She knew to look for things like that.
“Darry’s good at lots of things that I’m not. He’s good at school.” He took a breath. “So’s Pony. And he reads lots of books.”
Karen fought to keep her face from breaking completely. The last school year, and even the one before that, had been difficult for Soda. His report cards had been full of what his teachers called “below average marks.” Most of the problem was that he just had a hard time focusing in class. Karen and Darrel had been through multiple meetings where they heard all about it, and she always wondered how much the teachers told Soda himself.
She wished Darrel were here now. He’d always had trouble with school, too, and she thought he might have a better idea of what to say.
“Soda,” she grabbed his shoulders so he was facing her. It only took a few seconds for him to look her in the eye. “You try your best in school, I know you do. And you’ve got to keep doing that, okay? Always try, even when it’s hard, but honey- if you do that and your grades aren’t like Darry or Pony’s, it’s okay, alright? Sometimes that’s just how things work out and it doesn’t mean anything about you or your brothers. They have their talents and you have yours, okay?”
He nodded and said, “Okay, Mama,” but Karen thought he was just saying it for her benefit. She shifted so she was sitting instead of kneeling, taking Soda with her.
“Have you ever noticed how most of the time, Darry and Ponyboy won’t play together unless you’re there?” she asked.
“Sorta.” He nodded again, with slightly more conviction than before.
Karen smiled. “Well, either that or they only play together because I told them to.”
That made Soda laugh, and she let out a small breath of relief. She hoped she was getting through to him. “But really, Soda, you're good at bringing them together. And it’s the same with your friends sometimes, right? Like when Steve and Two-Bit argue, it’s usually you who can make them get along.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“I’ve seen it happen plenty of times, so I know so. Now-” she said firmly, “that doesn’t mean it’s your job to make them get along. They’re responsible for that themselves. Steve and Two-Bit, your brothers, everybody. But being able to bring them together like that is a good thing to be good at, Soda. It’s just one of the many things you’re good at.”
The smile he gave her was real this time, and it was all teeth again. “Okay, Mama.”
Karen pulled him to her. He hugged her back, holding on tight in a way that tugged at her heart a little bit. He wasn’t so grown up yet that he didn’t need a hug from her.
Soda only let go of her when he heard the truck pull up to the curb. Darrel hopped out with a grin already on his face and waved at them. “Hi, darlin’,” he greeted as he came up the sidewalk. “What’ve you been up to, Pepsi?”
“Look, Daddy!” Soda ran to meet him. “We planted these!”
Darrel knelt down next to Karen and gave her a kiss. “They look real nice, Soda. You guys did a great job.”
The two of them watched while Soda carefully lifted the watering can and poured it out over the planter. When he was done, he stood still for a moment and looked over his work.
“Anything else fun happen today?” Darrel asked.
Karen glanced at Soda, who kept his eyes on the flowers. “Not really. I did some laundry. Darry’s with his friends, Pony’s inside reading. And, uh, Soda and I talked about how he doesn’t have to play football like Darry when he gets older if he doesn’t want to.”
She raised her eyebrows a little, trying to indicate to him there was more to it and she’d tell him later. He seemed to get the message, nodding slightly before nudging Soda on the shoulder.
“Shoot, Pepsi, ‘course you don’t have to if you don’t want to. You think I did everything my brother did?”
Soda thought about it for a moment before he shook his head. Darrel messed up his hair, earning a laugh. “Nope, I didn’t. I’ve always been a maverick like that.”
If it had been any other situation Karen would have snorted at his words, but she kept that to herself. All she allowed herself was a smile as Darrel talked more about how it was good for Soda to do his own things.
“What about the rodeo? You liked doin’ the mutton bustin’ a few years ago. I think they let kids your age enter the junior competitions.”
Soda’s eyes lit up. Karen thought of all the pictures he had taped to the wall in his and Darry’s bedroom: horses, cowboys, magazine cutouts showing scenes from Gunsmoke. But she shook her head. “I think he might be a little young yet for rodeo, don’t you?” she said with a pointed look at Darrel.
“Well. . .” Darrel trailed off, stealing a glance at Soda. After a moment he sighed. “Your mama’s right, buddy. Maybe in another year or two.”
If Soda was discouraged at all, he didn’t show it. He just nodded and hopped from one foot to the other. “Alright.”
“But hey,” Darrel sat up a little straighter, “I heard that old Mr. Merril is lookin’ for some help at the stables over there. Maybe that could be somethin’ for ya. What do you think?” he asked Karen.
She reached for her husband’s hand. “I think that sounds like a lot of fun. Soda?”
He started to jump up and down. “Yeah!”
Darrel scooped him up on his next jump and placed him between the two of them. “Alright then. We should talk about it some more, but maybe we could call Mr. Merril, or go over there in the next few days. Sound good?”
“Sounds good,” Soda beamed.
“C’mon.” Darrel stood up and helped Karen to her feet, then Soda. “Let’s go inside and sit on the comfy chairs.”
Soda ran ahead of them and found that Pony was done reading. It was only a few seconds before Karen could hear them planning out a race track in the living room for their toy trucks and cars. She and Darrel just laughed. They might get to sit down, but they knew it wouldn’t be a quiet evening for them.