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I almost hit someone with a crowbar today. Jesus. He came up from behind and scared the living shit out of me. Nearly pissed myself. Then I nearly started crying.
Embarrassing first impression, sure. But you don't know how relieved I am to have almost killed someone.
That's a wild sentence to say, reading back, but in this economy??? A miracle. I can almost believe God is real.
He's not the nicest guy in the world. He's kind of a fucking dick, actually. But he has a name, and it's Chi Cheng, and he's alive.
Holy shit. He's alive.
They've been traveling together for who knows how long at this point. A month, maybe? More? Less? Hell if Wu Suowei knows. The days and nights just kind of meld together now.
Honestly, Wu Suowei's just glad he's found another survivor. And Chi Cheng isn't the best company, sure– he's grumpy and quiet and kind of an asshole, but he is company, and Wu Suowei will take what he can get.
Anyway, it isn't like Wu Suowei isn't kind of an asshole himself.
Still, though. Doesn't he go crazy from the silence? He should be glad that Wu Suowei's talking so much. He's doing both of them a favor, actually! Stimulating their brains in such dire circumstances.
Chi Cheng is unamused, ungrateful, and unappreciative. “Don't you ever get tired of listening to your own voice?” he snaps, the longest thing he's ever said to Wu Suowei thus far.
Rude. But it's fine. Wu Suowei's used to it at this point. All he gives Chi Cheng is a small grin. “Duh. Why do you think I'm trying to get you to talk?”
Not that it's working.
“Besides,” Wu Suowei says. “Aren't I the nicest? If you just walked around in silence by yourself, you might go crazy.”
“Between you and that, I'd rather the latter,” Chi Cheng says, not even bothering to turn around.
Wu Suowei makes a short kind of squeal of indignation, but Chi Cheng's broad shoulders are only getting smaller as he continues further and further away.
“Asshole,” he mouths, to Chi Cheng's retreating back, before following after him.
Does he ever get lonely, Wu Suowei wonders.
Despite Chi Cheng's initial animosity, and perhaps his begrudging if huffy acceptance of the fact Wu Suowei isn't going anywhere, Wu Suowei likes to think Chi Cheng doesn't actually hate him.
On a good day, he might even say Chi Cheng's grown reluctantly fond of him in ways the man would never admit. Wu Suowei thinks that, if he does, he might just spontaneously combust.
“Wouldn't that be a way to go,” Wu Suowei says. “Chi Chengㅡ survived the apocalypse. Death by… I don't know. Feelings? Vulnerability?”
Chi Cheng spares him A Glance, but ultimately ignores him.
Wu Suowei grins at him, anyway, full of teeth. “Don't worry, Chi-ge. I'll cry at your funeral.”
He thinks he hears Chi Cheng huff.
Something warm fills Wu Suowei's chest. It's the warmest he's ever felt since the whole Earth went and died. Fuck yeah, he thinks. A win.
Wow. It’s been God knows how long of traveling with probably the most riveting person alive. Every passing day is a barrage of the most novel experiences known to man. Truly irreplaceable.
But you know, I actually kind of like it, this weird ass unspoken little thing I have with Chi Cheng. Keeps me sane. Breathing. Keeps the loneliness from eating me up alive.
On a good day, I might even think: maybe Chi Cheng likes it too.
I made him laugh today. Fuck. It was tiny, but in Chi Cheng speak– I feel like the best goddamn comedian to have ever lived.
It's been a long time since I've heard anyone else's laugh besides my own.
He's probably got the most beautiful laugh in the world.
Chi Cheng isn't there.
That's the first thing Wu Suowei realizes when he wakes up– somewhere in the night. The second thing he realizes is that it's cold.
Their shared satchel of supplies is there. His sleeping bag's there. But his actual bag isn't. Wu Suowei is alone. It's cold. He's in the middle of rubble and dirt and nothingness, and he's alone.
“Chi Cheng?” he calls, ignoring the way his voice shakes. “Chi-ge?”
Silence.
Louder– “Chi Cheng?” He stands on shaky feet, whipping his head around like he might be able to see something in the darkness. Like Chi Cheng might just materialize among the ruins, that usual infuriating indifference in his eyes, like he hadn't just left Wu Suowei here– alone, abandoned, in the dark. Like maybe he just needed to piss, or that he'd checked on something.
He forces his eyes open even as the sky starts to fade into a lighter blue. Even as the sun starts to rise over half-toppled buildings. There's nothing.
Sunlight's starting to hit his skin. Wu Suowei still feels cold.
Wu Suowei waits at first. And when he feels like he might lose his mind waiting– he starts to look.
He roams a self-imposed perimeter around him. Nothing. Nobody. He goes back to camp. He looks again. Nothing, nothing, always nothing.
He doesn't know how long it's been. He doesn't dare go too far, because what if Chi Cheng comes back and he isn't here? What if they get separated forever? Then Wu Suowei will be lonely again, he'll have nothing, no one–
But what if he isn't? What if he's left him? What if he's dead? What if Wu Suowei's just going to wait here forever, until the sun explodes or he starves and rots alone?
It's cold.
By some miracle I found a pack of smokes buried under the rubble. It's only been a night and I've gone through most of them already. I left two so we can share when he gets back.
If he comes back.
God. Where the hell is he??
The asshole. The bastard. If he went and died I'll figure out how to bring hjm back and kill him myself.
He's woken by footsteps.
Immediately, he springs to his feet, whips around, stands eye to eye with– Chi Cheng. Standing there. Like he was never even gone.
Wu Suowei stares. At least the bastard has the sense to look even a little apologetic.
“Hey stranger,” Wu Suowei says, grinning, forcing civility through his clenched teeth. “Fancy seeing you here. Absolutely asshole fucking move you pulled, by the way.”
Chi Cheng's face twists, and he glances away, but he says nothing. Wu Suowei feels his hackles rise. He scoffs, stepping back.
Chi Cheng tosses something wrapped in cloth at his feet. Its contents spill out upon impact. Food. Measly toiletries. Wu Suowei purses his lips, poking at them with his foot as if they would bite.
“Thanks,” he mutters, reluctantly.
Chi Cheng grunts, charming as always.
“You still aren't off the hook,” Wu Suowei says, as the other makes his way to his sleeping bag, but he gathers the things into his arms anyway.
64?? Whatever. Who's keeping count.
I can hold a grudge if I feel like it. Chi Cheng's not the only one who can pull off the silent treatment. Fucking watch me.
So what if I miss talking to him? So what if he keeps staring at me with that helpless little shimmer in his eyes. Boyfailure looks way too good on you Chi Cheng. You're not going to make me fold.
I will prevail. Until Chi Cheng apologizes. Or kneels. Or the universe caves in on itself. Whichever comes first.
Knowing Chi Cheng, I'm betting on the universe.
He actually had the guts to call for me today. “Wu Suowei,” he said, and I nearly caved. I think that might be the first time he's ever initiated a conversation.
But no. I stayed strong. Too fucking bad for him. He can go eat rocks.
They've set up camp at what appears to be a ruined basketball court. Chi Cheng's made a fire, and now Wu Suowei's watching as the firelight bounces off his skin, sets his hair aglow with oranges and golds. Then he looks at the fire.
He hears Chi Cheng sigh. Then, like it greatly pains him– “I'm sorry.”
Wu Suowei stops in his tracks, looking up. “Sorry? What did you say?”
Chi Cheng looks constipated. “I said I'm sorry.”
He blinks, once– twice.
“Wow, you're apologizing,” Wu Suowei says. “Is this another sign of the apocalypse?”
He can see how Chi Cheng's jaw tenses. Good, he thinks. Be mad. Be frustrated. Serves you right.
Chi Cheng sighs. Wu Suowei's mouth quirks the tiniest bit.
“That was really fucked up of you.”
“I know.”
Wu Suowei lets the words hang, soaking into the air between them. He digs into his pocket. “Want a smoke?”
The cigarettes are a bit crushed at this point, but smokes are smokes. Chi Cheng stays blessedly quiet as he reaches for the stick Wu Suowei's offering, and for that brief, single moment, their hands brush.
Something zips, where their skin touches. Wu Suowei quickly pulls his hand back, lighting the cigarette on the fire.
Chi Cheng does the same. Wu Suowei watches from the corner of his eye as he takes a slow drag in, smoke unfurling in wisps around slightly-parted lips.
Wu Suowei laughs awkwardly, trying not to think of the way his skin still tingles, warm. “That shit will kill you.”
Chi Cheng shrugs. “Might as well,” he says, more smoke spilling out of his mouth.
Wu Suowei takes a long drag of his own so he doesn't have to respond.
It hits him– they've been traveling for so long but they've never really touched.
It hits him– It's been so, so long since Wu Suowei's been touched.
The thought crashes into him all of a sudden. This is what the rest of his life is like now. Just him and Chi Cheng and the vast emptiness of the whole entire world. No more mom. No more Xiaoshuai. Just– this.
This coldness. This loneliness.
He misses holding someone. He misses being held.
He hiccups. Fuck.
In his periphery, Chi Cheng moves. “Wu Suowei–”
“Shut it,” Wu Suowei mutters, taking a long hit from his cigarette. He chokes on the smoke, coughs, scowls. Glares at his hand– shaking. His eyes are blurry. “I'm not crying, shut up.”
He can't cry. If he starts now he won't be able to stop.
“I never said you were,” Chi Cheng says, his voice calm as always, but there's a small panicked strain to it. Wu Suowei could laugh.
It's just. He just.
“Can I just,” he says, ignoring the way his voice is shaking, the way his ears burn red, “Can I just get a fucking hug. Please.”
Chi Cheng sits, frozen.
Wu Suowei bristles again, cheeks burning. “Or not. Fine–”
But he's being tugged closer, and he's being engulfed in Chi Cheng's arms, and it's so, so warm.
“Oh,” Wu Suowei says, against Chi Cheng's broad, firm chest. He's so much wider like this, and his skin feels so warm, even through their clothes. Arms wrap around him, bony from months of living off whatever meagre meals they can scrounge up, but they're the softest arms Wu Suowei has ever felt.
“Oh,” Chi Cheng says, after him, as Wu Suowei wraps his own arms around Chi Cheng's neck.
Oh. It seems to say everything they need, all at once.
“This is nice,” Wu Suowei says. “This is really nice.”
Chi Cheng doesn't say anything more, but he roams his hands over every patch of skin he can reach, and Wu Suowei lets himself melt into Chi Cheng's arms.
He hugs me now.
We never fucking talk about it but he hugs me and it's the best fucking feeling in the world. He puts his hands on my shoulders. He steers me away and guides me when I stumble off track. Tugs at me to get my attention. Sleeps closer when it's too cold.
Necessity. Maybe. Desperation. Need. How real is it, falling in love at the end of the world?
Is it stupid? Insane?
I don't care. I need this. Because. Because.
This. This could be something precious.
In this cataclysm– this could be something ours.
Chi Cheng's hands are always warm. I think he looks so, so pretty in the moonlight.
I think it's real. I think it's the only real thing I have anymore.
It's another night by the fire that Wu Suowei turns to Chi Cheng and says, "Kiss me."
He expects Chi Cheng to do it, in all honesty. He expects Chi Cheng to pull him in, to kiss him, because he knows, he knows–
He doesn't expect Chi Cheng to freeze, to falter, to– to pull himself away.
Wu Suowei sits there. Speechless. Stupid.
Chi Cheng says, "You don't want that.”
Wu Suowei opens his mouth, closes it. He can't help the ugly little laugh that rises in his throat, disbelieving. “What's that supposed to mean?”
Chi Cheng's not looking at him. “If it wasn't for this situation,” he says, “You wouldn't have liked me at all.”
Ridiculous. He's actually–
Wu Suowei scoffs. “You have no idea what you're talking about.”
"Wu Suowei,” Chi Cheng says, like he's tired– and that. That might be the part that hurts the most.
Wu Suowei tenses, pulling back completely. “Don't tell me how to feel.” His knees tremble as he stands. His hands shake, clammy as he curls and uncurls his fingers.
Chi Cheng catches him by the wrist. “Don't leave.”
“Why not?" he snaps, but he's turning around. But he's searching Chi Cheng's eyes, for a flicker, for a trace– "Why not, Chi Cheng?”
Chi Cheng knows what he's looking for, what he's asking for. They both do. And yet.
“Because then you won't have anyone to talk to,” is all Chi Cheng says. “You'll go crazy.”
Wu Suowei snorts. Weak. Tired.
Falling in love at the end of the world– Wu Suowei thinks he already has.
Chi Cheng's wrong.
I've thought about it. Again and again and again. I know if I met him in the Before, I would have fallen in love all the same. Wholly, deeply, unequivocally.
But what does that matter now?
It won't change anything. It won't change the fact that we met in the After, that we know each other Here. Now.
The last living people in the world.
“If you could,” Wu Suowei starts, staring up at the ceiling fan. It's hanging onto dear life overhead, ready to plummet down on him at any moment.
That would be a way to go. Chi Cheng could put it on his gravestone: Wu Suowei, doomsday survivor. Died by ceiling fan. Son, friend, post-apocalyptic situationship.
Chi Cheng moving inches away from him breaks Wu Suowei out of his thoughts. He's shifted to lie on his side, propping his head up on one hand. Wu Suowei can feel the familiar weight of his gaze, the piercing dark of his eyes. “If I could– what?”
Right. Wu Suowei swallows.
“If you could see anyone again,” he says. “Who'd you want to see the most?”
Chi Cheng goes quiet.
“...I don't think this is a productive conversation.”
“Well, you signed up for this,” Wu Suowei says dryly. “You won't kiss me and you won't let me leave. What else is there to do.”
Chi Cheng's voice is terse. “Talk about something else.”
“Like what,” Wu Suowei says, almost laughing, though the words come out sharper than he means, the sting they leave on his tongue enough to make him wince. He sits up, smiling wryly down at Chi Cheng anyway. “The weather? The view?”
Chi Cheng is silent. Wu Suowei looks away, at some crack on the concrete floor, breathing in, breathing out.
“I think I'd want to see my mom,” he murmurs. “Or my best friend.”
There's a long pause, before Chi Cheng finally speaks. “I think I'd want to see my best friend, too.”
Wu Suowei glances sideways, lip quirking. “You had friends?”
“Ha, ha,” Chi Cheng says, flat– dry. “No, we fought. Never made up.”
His tone is neutral, almost aloof, but there's a slight waver at the end, like the tiny tremors in his fingers. Wu Suowei swallows. “Oh. Sorry.”
Chi Cheng huffs, waving it away– along with the tremble in his hands, his voice. “I found him in bed with my ex.”
Wu Suowei says weakly, “At least you don't have to worry about cheating boyfriends anymore.”
Chi Cheng stares at him.
Wu Suowei has the decency to look away, sheepish.
“You're seriously bad at social cues,” Chi Cheng says, the faintest flicker at the edge of his mouth.
Wu Suowei feels the awkwardness dissipate, replaced by something else– perpendicular. Not quite unease. Not quite comfort, either.
“Well, what are you going to do? Push me away?”
Chi Cheng does just the opposite of that.
He tugs Wu Suowei down, kisses him– sweet, then hard. Curious, then desperate. Wu Suowei lets himself be pulled in. Lets himself kiss back, lips sliding against lips, fingers tangling in hair, the heat of their bodies so entwined that they might as well fuse together.
Chi Cheng's lips are chapped. Wu Suowei's are too. He isn't sure when he last brushed his teeth.
It doesn't matter. It's him and it's Chi Cheng and it's perfect.
Chi Cheng found you. He found you and read through you and called me a fucking loser, you traitor.
Then he kissed me again. We can just do that now. Kiss and kiss and kiss like it's the only thing that matters.
I think the world might just be starting again.
“You seriously cannot be looking for lube,” Wu Suowei says, as Chi Cheng ravages through whatever is left of the gas station they’ve happened upon.
Chi Cheng doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to.
Wu Suowei sighs, looking over all the shelves that had been toppled over, what's left of the stocks piled underneath them. He helps Chi Cheng dig through the mess.
Chi Cheng tosses another bottle of pills behind him in his unceasing search, swearing when he comes up blank. “When the apocalypse happened, was humankind's knee jerk reaction having sex?”
“Have you seen us?” Wu Suowei says, laughing. “Yes.”
He lets Chi Cheng dig through the piles first, as he wanders through what else is left of the mostly-ransacked store. He spots something by his feet, and with a small laugh, picks it up off the floor. “Chi-ge,” he calls, sing-song. “They've got Viagra.”
He doesn't see Chi Cheng's face, but he knows he looks insulted. “I never need that with you, Wei Wei.”
“Perv,” Wu Suowei says, but not without affection. He tosses it aside; stares out the broken glass walls. “You know, I'm kind of sick of this city.”
Chi Cheng pauses, the rustle of his hands stopping. “We can get out.”
Wu Suowei grins dryly. “And walk for fuck knows how long? Yeah, no thanks.”
“There are motorcycles outside,” Chi Cheng says, casual; matter of fact. “I know how to hotwire them.”
Wu Suowei stares. Chi Cheng only blinks back, tilting his head.
“And you never thought to mention that?”
“It never came up,” Chi Cheng says, face doing that thing where he's laughing at Wu Suowei but pretending he isn't. “And you never asked.”
Unbelievable. Wu Suowei still stares at him a few moments more. Then he huffs.
“Fuck the lube,” Wu Suowei says. “Get me out of here, Chi-ge.”
And so Chi Cheng does.
Xiaoshuai, I'll be honest– you'd fucking hate him. But also… you'd never let me live down the fact that I got with him in the first place.
I think my mom would love him. She'd probably spoil him instead of me. Chi Cheng would probably laugh.
Xiaoshuai, I want to spend forever with this man. Is it bad that I do? Is it bad that I'd rather the world had ended, than live in the reality where I might not have met him at all?
They manage to find a motorcycle with fuel. Chi Cheng hotwires it. Wu Suowei watches the engine rev to life and says, "You know, I think it's really fucking hot that you know how to do that."
Chi Cheng smirks. "You want to fuck on the motorcycle?"
"You're a fucking sicko," Wu Suowei says, faking disbelief. "Right here in public?"
Chi Cheng shrugs. “Nobody’s here to see."
Wu Suowei lets out a morbid little laugh and lets Chi Cheng pin him onto the motorcycle seat anyway, laughing harder when the man actually pulls out a bottle of lube.
After that– after that, they just ride. Aimless. Guided by nothing but the horizon. Wu Suowei clings onto Chi Cheng's back. For the first time in what feels like forever, he can't remember the last time he felt lonely.
They stop at a dilapidated convenience store in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. There's even a field and shit, across the street. A search procures them some dented cans of processed food and a lukewarm can of cola that they share between them, sitting on dead grass and dirt.
"Romantic," Wu Suowei says, taking a sip of the cola and immediately making a face. "Ugh. That's nasty.”
Chi Cheng shrugs like, what the hell can we do? And takes a sip of his own, before immediately gagging.
Wu Suowei laughs, pulling him closer so he can rub at his back. Their foreheads press together.
“Hey,” Wu Suowei says.
“Hey,” Chi Cheng says back, slow, steady.
“You know. This is our first date."
Chi Cheng makes a small choked noise. "It is."
Wu Suowei grins, already thinking up the most awkward first-date-small-talk questions he can manage. Chi Cheng must see it in his eyes, because he sighs.
Wu Suowei preens, already knowing he's won. He pulls back, but his hand searches for Chi Cheng's.
"Where'd you work? When this was all..." he makes a vague gesture with his free hand.
Chi Cheng squeezes. "Does it matter?"
Not really, but– "I’m trying to see if we could have met in normal circumstances."
“Well, my family was rich,” Chi Cheng says, tilting his head up at the sky. “Filthy. Yuanduan enterprises. I did some work for the company. Mostly though, I just fucked around.”
Wu Suowei gapes. “That Yuanduan enterprises? That Chi? Damn, you're spoiled spoiled.”
Chi Cheng only shrugs, a small smile playing on his lips, like he can't even be bothered to deny it. “Well? Any connections in that brilliant brain of yours?”
Wu Suowei purses his lips, thinking.
"Well, my ex-girlfriend was a gold digger. The worst type. Awful.” He lets out a humorless little laugh. Even the memory of Yue Yue is bittersweet. “Imagine if she started dating you and I tried getting between you, and fell for you instead.”
Chi Cheng huffs. "Sounds like the type of shit you'd pull."
“Sounds like the type of shit fate would pull,” Wu Suowei adds, almost unthinking.
Chi Cheng looks at him. “You believe in that?”
Wu Suowei could say something corny but true. But he only shrugs, dismissing the question entirely.
Theres no use thinking about that now.
"At least we can see the stars now,” he says instead. “We never could, before.”
It's kind of like a fucked up vacation at this point. A roadtrip from hell. A summer romance except there's literally no such thing as a summer anymore and the universe is trying to spontaneously combust.
How messed up do you think it is that it's at a time like this that I feel the least lonely I have in years?
The last of the motorcycle's fuel leads them to a smaller city. There's a church– still mostly in one piece, miraculously so. Wu Suowei's never been religious, but he stares at it, considering.
“Hey Chi Cheng,” he says, smiling when Chi Cheng turns his attention to him. Wu Suowei tilts his head. “The church there's intact. Wanna get married?”
And– like Chi Cheng has done, to every little whim Wu Suowei's had thus far– Chi Cheng's eyes light up, and he nods.
There is no priest or pastor. No audience. No friends in the pews. No mother to walk Wu Suowei down the aisle. No ancestors to bow to. No traditional clothes and tea ceremony. No wedding rings.
It's rubble and dust and filth. Smashed pews, Wu Suowei's stained sweater, Chi Cheng's torn jumpsuit. They have no real idea what to do. The taste of flat cola still sticks to their mouths as they murmur their vows.
Stupid shit like– I've wanted to fuck you ever since you nearly hit me with a crowbar, and I promise to still want to fuck you every day hereafter (Chi Cheng) – or: I promise I won't make you eat the expired canned goods next time, but you still will for me, won't you? (Wu Suowei).
Stupid shit like– I promise I won't leave.
Stupid shit like– ‘til death do us part.
They bow to the Heavens and the Earth. They bow to the ghosts of their families. They bow to each other. Chi Cheng kisses him at the altar and it's perfect.
In the middle of the aisle, Wu Suowei wraps his arms around Chi Cheng's neck. “Dance with me first before you defile me,” he says, then– teasing– “Laogong.”
“You're a menace,” Chi Cheng says, reverent, and Wu Suowei kisses him.
They dance there. No music. No people. Wu Suowei thinks he remembers a song– flickering at the edges of his mind.
Maybe it's too sad, but Wu Suowei thinks it's perfect.
On the Earth's final night, he sings, looking at the shine in Chi Cheng's eyes– I only want to hold you tight.
To hold you even as the waves crash into the wreckage–
We wait for the universe to still.
At the steps of the church, Wu Suowei leans against Chi Cheng's side. "I think the sun might explode soon."
Chi Cheng says, "Better than dying a slow and painful death,” and nestles his head against Wu Suowei's.
"Morbid as always, Chi Cheng." He pauses, thoughtful. "Wouldn't it be really beautiful though? Dying like that?"
"Don't talk like that."
But Wu Suowei can't stop.
"You know, it's funny. When everything was fine, I just lived every day on autopilot. Day by day, I just... existed. Even when the world started ending, I kept fighting to live, but I also kept thinking– what else is there to live for?
And now there's literally nothing around me but rubble and disaster. Nothing to keep fighting with. And for the first time I'm sitting here and thinking– it's just my luck isn't it, to finally find a reason to live at a time like this?”
Chi Cheng says nothing, but he wraps an arm around Wu Suowei's side, pulling him impossibly closer.
It's funny. So funny that Wu Suowei might just laugh so hard he cries.
And it only took the end of the world.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Maybe: maybe in the future, hundreds or thousands or millions of years from now, life will grow on this desolate land once again. They will dig up skeletons like we've dug up our ancestors, and they will wonder what came before.
And maybe they'll find us– what's left of the last living people in the world. Maybe they'll find us, and find the way our love endures.