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“My… dei…”
The sound of his name coming from his sleeping lover stirred Mydeimos awake from his sleep. Phainon’s dreaming, he thought to himself, better now wake him.
He was about to fall back asleep when he heard Phainon’s voice again. The words coming from his mouth struck him like thunder.
“Don’t… leave me… not again…”
Crap, he’s having a nightmare. It’s the third time this week, Mydei thought while rolling over to face Phainon. The next thing he saw completely shattered him.
Phainon was tensed, all curled up in a ball, shaking, and with tears running down his sleeping face. Even if it was a common occurrence in their nights ever since restoring Amphoreus, it still was enough to worry Mydei.
Phainon rarely talked about his troubles with anyone, except for Hyacine and him, and sometimes Mydei wished he could help him other than giving him comforting words and kisses.
“Please… don’t die… not again…”
Having seen enough, he gently shook his partner’s shoulder, trying to get him to awake from this antagonising dream.
“Phainon,” he whispered, “wake up…”
After a few moments, Phainon woke up in a scream, sitting and crying loudly. Hurriedly, Mydei sat up to comfort his panicked lover, shedding a few tears himself.
“Hey, shhhhh” he whispered, trying to keep his composure, “it’s ok, shhhhh…”
Despite feeling Mydei’s arms around him, Phainon had trouble coming back to his senses, breathing heavily and letting loud incoherent sobs.
“Shhhhh, it was just a nightmare… I’m here now…” murmured Mydei as he started rocking his poor lover.
This seemed to help Phainon come back to his senses slowly. Mydei kept going until loud screams became little hiccups.
“My…dei…” Phainon let out between sobs.
“Hey, shhhhh… you don’t have to say anything. Try to breathe first, okay? Do you want me to do that with you?”
Phainon nodded, taking a shaky but deep breath. Mydei followed suit, the two of them breathing together at an even but slow pace.
They stayed like this for a while, just calmly crying and calming themselves down. After what seemed like hours, Phainon broke the silence.
“I’m… sorry you have to deal with me…”
“Nonsense! It’s not your fault,” Mydei murmured, “you’ve been through enough already, there’s no need to apologize.”
More tears were coming out of Phainon’s eyes; he heard those words so often, and yet they still had an emotional impact on him.
“Hey, it’s okay… Do you want to tell me what happened in your dream?” asked Mydei, softly.
“…I think you know already…” Phainon whispered.
“It’s okay if you’re not ready to talk yet. I’ll be ready to listen once you’re ready…”
Phainon nodded, holding Mydei tight and crying in his arms. Right now, the only thing he wanted was to hold his love closer and cry. And Mydei understood that well.
He himself had a few nightmares before. Mostly about losing Phainon again. But they were rare and he had gotten used to them. A bit too well if he had to be honest…
But with Phainon it was different. They were frequent and often turned into panic attacks just like this one. And the only way to stop them were to hold Phainon close and remind him that he was safe.
After a few minutes, Phainon finally talked.
“You died… I killed you… it felt so real that I thought—“
“Shhhhh, take your time, love…”
“I thought I lost you again…” Phainon cried, “I’m tired, Mydei! Everytime I go to sleep I have to relive this moment over and over again and I fear that those endless cycles are coming back to me again and again and —“
“Hey, they’re over now,” whispered Mydei while gently playing with Phainon’s hair, “you’re safe now, and I’m still here. Alive…”
“Alive…” Phainon repeated.
“Yes…”
Mydei kissed Phainon’s forehead gently, with all the care he could give him.
“We’re both alive and as well as we can be,” he whispered, “and if someone wants to tear us apart, I will make sure that it doesn’t happen again…”
“…what if you—“ Phainon was cut off by Mydei giving him a soft but short kiss. Just long enough to distract him from these dark thoughts.
“It won’t happen… I promise…”
They stayed in silence for a while, just holding each other in a tight, loving grip. Phainon yawned, the high of his attack coming to a halt.
“I don’t want to go back to sleep knowing that I’ll be alone again…” Phainon worried.
“I’ll stay with you like always… Do you want me to sing you to sleep? I think it would help you…”
He nodded, lying his head on Mydei’s lap as Mydei began to sing a Kremnoan lullaby. Phainon loved hearing Mydei sing, especially when he sang in Kremnoan. People around Okhema would often say that Kremnoan sounded rough and aggressive, but when it was Mydei, he never failed to make it sound heavenly.
Slowly, he began to feel sleep coming to him as Mydei played with his hair once more.
“Good night, Phainon,” he heard before he completely fell asleep.
This time, peacefully, dreaming about Mydei’s arms around his and soft lips on his forehead.