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Chapter Text

The fields were a sparkling sort of golden, filled with the most picturesque grain he had ever seen. The sun was setting over the distant, tree-filled horizon, smearing the sky with pinks and oranges and giving everything a shadowy look.

Chapter Text

Arthur held a strange object. It was small, round, and glowing; something unusual, to say the least, to be found in his King's hands.

"What's that?" Merlin quipped as he wiped the table down behind the chair his master was sitting in, the warlock's eyes on the strange orb. It made him feel... peculiar.

Arthur was frowning. "A trinket the witchfinder sent me; apparently, he wants to get on my good side early." He smirked. "He says that it's very rare, apparently took him ages to find." He brought it up to eye level. "Didn't even know for certain it existed."

Merlin's blood went cold at the mention of the witchfinder. "What did he say it does?"

"Apparently, when activated, it sort of... lights up the magic in a person." Arthur shrugged. "If it works, I suppose it will be fairly useful to find sorcerers."

There was a loud clang as Merlin dropped the candelabra he had been dusting.

"What on Earth-" Arthur turned in the chair to look at the man behind him. "Merlin, you clumsy oaf."

"Sorry, sorry," Merlin said sarcastically, bending down underneath the table (cursing himself as he found the silver thing had broken) and trying not to have a mental breakdown. 'I suppose it will be fairly useful to find sorcerers.'

As Arthur turned back around and focused his attention once more on the sphere in front of him, Merlin whispered a quick spell to put the candelabra back together again. He smiled at himself smugly. These were the times he was glad he had magic. Screw saving Arthur's life a hundred times over, maybe putting candelabras back together was his destiny. Merlin chuckled to himself quietly, but then cleared his throat, as Arthur was probably expecting a response of some sort.

"What do you mean, 'If it works'? Do you think the witchfinder was lying about its powers?" He stood up quickly, hair flying, candelabra in hand. Arthur still had his back to him.

"I don't know," Arthur said, "possibly. I think it's more a matter of how we'd be able to activate it in the first place."

"Why?"

"Well, apparently, the only way to activate it is to use the very same magic it's finding in it's presence." Arthur said. "There's no way it'd ever be activated; Camelot's sent a clear enough message to sorcerers that they're not welcome here."

Merlin's face was a complete mask of horror, now. Bracing himself, he slowly lifted his arm to eye level...

The entire limb was emitting a faint, blue glow. Faint, but pretty dang obvious.

Freaking candelabras.

"But, then again, how many sorcerers have barged in here, even in the last year," Arthur gestured with his hand wildly, "for revenge and what have you?" He sighed. "For a city banned of magic, there seems to be a whole lot of sorcerers prancing around here."

"Um... yeah," Merlin said weakly. His voice sounded strange. Raspy.

Arthur must have sensed that. "Merlin? Are you alright?" He made to turn around.

Paniking, Merlin ducked under the table again. "Yeah, of course, yeah," Merlin swallowed. "Just... dropped something." Please don't be able to see me please don't be able to see me please don't be able to see me...

"Really?" Arthur teased. "You, dropping things? What is the world coming to?" The King turned back around, clearly pleased with himself. Merlin nearly collapsed in relief.

"Clot-pole." He muttered under his breath, but his horrified gaze was still resting on his arm.

"I heard that!" Arthur yelled back at him. Merlin grinned, but it felt wrong on his face. He needed to get out of here.

"I'll be... going now, Arthur, I need to..." Merlin coughed, trying to think of an excuse. "Go... do something... for Gaius." He finished lamely. Quickly, he stood up, practically running out of the room.

And he nearly, nearly made it. If Arthur had just been a little slower to turn around...

"Ah, yes, because that sounds like a likely sto-" Arthur's eyes widened, taking in Merlin's frankly obvious, 'Hey, look! I'm a sorcerer!' glow just as he rounded the corner. Arthur stood.

Chapter Text

Merlin was out of breath by the time he had reached the physician's chambers, stumbling up the stone stairs and into the room as quickly as he possibly could. When Gaius saw a glowing, terrorized warlock rush into this room and slam the door behind him, needless to say he was a bit worried.

"Gaius, I..." Merlin panted. "Witchfinder... magic..."

Gaius' eyes widened. Word had spread to him of the particular stone the witchfinder had 'gifted' Camelot with, but he had never suspected that it might actually work. He had never, in all his years, seen anything like it before. After all, wouldn't it have likely already been in Camelot's dungeons by now if it did exist?

"Did anyone see you?" The old man asked, concerned. He was glowing, for heaven's sake.

"No doubt," Merlin said, running his fingers through his hair and beginning to pace, even though he was already out of breath. "Oh, God, Gaius, what do I do? If he sees me like this, he'll explode!" Merlin swallowed. "He'd do something rash, I wouldn't have the time to explain..." Gaius walked over and put a sympathetic hand on the boy's shoulder. "Gaius," he said, his sad eyes meeting the old physician's, "I'm frightened he'd kill me."

"My boy," Gaius said, sighing sadly. "You know Arthur would never intentionally hurt you."

Merlin didn't protest, not aloud, but his argument could be seen clearly enough within his sad, blue eyes. Unrequited love was painful enough. Merlin knew a lot more about pain than you might expect.

"Now," Gaius said, trying to convince himself he wasn't changing the subject, "How are we going to fix this?"

Merlin, taking a breath, looked away. "I've tried some spells. Nothing works."

"We'll just have to try some more, then, won't we?"

Merlin nodded, his eyes flitting back to Gaius'. "And if still yet nothing works?"

Gaius shook his head. "Something will, I promise you."

The door opened with a bang.

Simultaneously, the two whipped around to face it, Gaius' face was one of surprise and Merlin's one of terror. He took a step back.

It was Guinevere. Her eyes widened as they landed on Merlin and the faint light his body was emitting. "Merlin, my God, it's true-" A hand flew up to her mouth and she ran, distraught, out of the room.

Merlin's heart leaped, and his mouth opened of its own accord. "Gwen!" He shouted. "Gwen, come back, please!"

As he stepped out of Gaius' rooms, he saw her small form rapidly turn the corner, and, in a moment of hesitation, chose his friendship over his safety. As fast as he could, he bounded down the corridor after her, ignoring Gaius' shouts behind him to come back. Whipping around the corner, he opened his mouth to call out to her again...

But instead ran right into someone else's chest.

Stumbling back, mumbling a profuse amount of apologies, he looked up to see the last face he wanted to see. It was Arthur. Gwen was clutching his hand, standing behind him, tears streaking down his cheeks.

"Merlin..." Arthur looked as if he was deciding whether to laugh or scream at him. "Please tell me there's some simple, obvious explanation for this." He was still trying to blame it on old, clumsy Merlin.

Merlin swallowed, trying to quickly think of an excuse that he would accept. Anything but the truth, the one thing he wanted more than anything else to tell. But he didn't think of anything fast enough; his mask of indecision only affirmed Arthur's doubts.

"No, no," Arthur said, shaking his head. "This can't be true. We were friends-"

"And we still are!" Merlin interjected. "I'm still the same person!"

"Are you?" Arthur's eyes hardened. "You've lied to my face for how long? For years, Merlin, I-" Arthur looked beside himself. "I trusted you!"

Merlin flinched away. "I had to."

"Had to? Oh, that's right, lying is the only thing sorcerers can do, right?"

"Imagine I had told you the truth! What would you have done?"

Arthur's eyes were answer enough. He stepped forward, and Merlin took a step back. "Don't you think you could have trusted me enough to have found out for yourself?" His voice was scathing. "Or perhaps we never really were friends. Was that, too, just part of your little game?"

"Arthur!" Gwen gasped, from behind him. Merlin looked to her, finding a tiny sliver of hope still inside of his broken heart, somewhere.

"Don't make him angry." She finished, whispering to him. She looked absolutely terrified.

Merlin's heart felt as if it were collapsing in on itself. Gwen was afraid of him; afraid of what he'd do to Arthur. The thought made him sick.

"I would never hurt you, Arthur." He protested. "All I've ever done is for you-"

"You're magic." Arthur spat. "All this time, you've had magic."

"Yes, but-"

"No, stop." Arthur said, putting a hand up. Merlin stopped. "I'd rather hear nothing at all than more lies."

Merlin shook his head from side to side, slowly. "No, Arthur, no more lies, I swear-"

"How can I take anything you say to be true anymore?" Arthur yelled, the fury inside him seeming to have snapped. Merlin just stared at him, open mouthed, wondering how his whole life could fall apart so quickly. And to think, he had dreamed of this day. The day all his efforts would be recognized. And- as he had fantasized on many nights, although he knew it would never be true- as would his love.

But then words came out of nowhere. Harsh, cruel words that Merlin swore literally ripped through his soul.

"Leave Camelot."

Banishment. That was what he would get in return for all he had done.

"What?" It was a ghost of a word. A broken word from a broken man. It's better than burning, he told himself. It's better than burning.

"Leave. Camelot." Arthur repeated. Merlin didn't have the strength to do anything but stand there, deathly still, in front of him. "Now!" Arthur exploded, and his hand went to draw his sword, the metallic noise making Merlin's heart leap out of his chest.

Forcing himself to remain composed, he nodded solemnly and, visibly holding back tears, turned away. "For you, I'd do anything," he said quietly, looking over his shoulder.

This time, the large wooden door into the Physician's chambers only very softly clicked closed. Gaius looked over to see Merlin, eyes closed, leaning with his back against the wooden door.

"Merlin?" The old man asked, his expression getting increasingly worried as he studded the young lad. He looked... like the manifestation of melancholy itself.

Gaius stood. "Merlin!" He insisted, feeling his heart flutter at the sight of his ward so upset. So... crushed.

Taking a few steps forward, ignoring his old, aching bones, he heard he floorboards creak under his feet. Merlin's eyes slid lazily open. They shone with unshed tears.

"He knows." Merlin's voice was completely and utterly heartbroken.

For a long time, a time that felt like hours, the old man didn't say anything. How could he? This man, a man so selfless it took his breath away, had dedicated the rest of his life to protecting a man who, if had ever found out he had given up so much for him, would have him punished. He had closed his eyes again, and was very visibly trying very hard not to fall apart completely right then and there.

"I'm sorry," the old man said finally, solemnly. Merlin's eyes were so different- their always present mischief, the smile that nigh on never left them... gone. Leaving cruel, blank sorrow in their wake.

"What can we do?" His hollow voice asked. "How will I be able to protect him if I'm not in Camelot?" In a rush of desperation, Merlin pushed himself off of the door, past a startled Gaius who was still forming an answer, and into his room.

"Perhaps you could disguise yourself and come back?" He called. Merlin walked back down his steps not long after, looking down as he sifted through the pages of his magic book.

"No," Merlin said. "The orb will still work. They'd be able to tell when I'd-" Merlin took a breath, and they both silently agreed to ignore that it was to stabilize himself emotionally. "I'd use magic." He reached the old, wooden table and set the book down, engrossed in the pages within.

"You could ask the druids for help?" Gaius suggested.

"What could they do?" Merlin said, laughing humorlessly. "All they have is more magic. Magic I would be punished for using."

Gaius sighed, racking his brain for anything that might help.

"If only I was any good at something other than magic!" Merlin yelled. "But I can't even hold a sword, let alone wield one! I'm useless without magic." He buried his face in his hands. "I've failed my destiny. I couldn't even do the one thing I was asked to do with my life."

"My boy," Gaius said, coming over to rub his back, "you've done the best you could. Don't blame yourself for his close- mindedness against magic."

"But it was I who was, in part, to blame for his strong view against it."

"Don't give up hope just yet," Gaius encouraged.

Merlin lifted his head up, wiping his eyes. "You're right," he said softly. "I'll keep looking."

"As will I," the Physician agreed.

It was several hours before either of them spoke.

"I've found something," Merlin's quiet voice spoke, breaking the silence.

Gaius looked down at him from where he was up on the balcony, sifting through old papers. "Have you?" The old man fumbled to get down. "Give me a moment." Merlin pointed to the page as soon as his guardian had reached him and watched as his guardian's eyes scanned it.

As soon as Gaius read what the page held, his expression grew solemn. "Merlin..." he warned. "This spell is... extremely powerful. I don't think you realize the extent of what you'd be doing-"

"But it's just what we need," Merlin said softly. "It's my duty to protect his life." He looked up at Gaius and tried to smile. "The least I can do is give him mine."

"It will hurt." Gaius warned. "Badly."

Merlon shook his head, shrugging. "Anything. Anything for him."

Gaius' eyes looked into his, and the physician realized with a start how old they looked, for one so young. They say a little suffering is good for the soul. But too much of it, living a life like this... it was too much for any soul to bear. Gaius put a hand on the young man's shoulder, squeezing sympathetically. "Alright." He said, reluctantly, and pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry, Merlin."

"Don't be." Merlin said. "I this is what I was meant to do."

"I'm so very proud of you," Gaius said, looking himself on the verge of tears, the seriousness of the situation sinking in.

"I'll be back," Merlin said, edges of his mouth twitching up to soothe the old man, and with a flare of magic, he disappeared. It was late enough that he knew he would find Arthur in his chambers, so that was where he was headed. He thanked the stars that Gwen had not married him yet. If he had to deal with Gwen in Arthur's rooms, too... he shuddered at the thought.

As he opened his eyes, he was relieved to see he had arrived in the right place. He had only just learned that spell when he was 'out picking herbs for Gaius' a few weeks ago. (which roughly translated to 'picking some herbs but mostly practicing powerful magic in the depths of the forest') Merlin smiled sadly, thinking of how different things were only that long ago.

Taking on an air of seriousness, Merlin stepped forward, watching Arthur's chest rise and fall in sleep. "You'll be a good king," he whispered, nearly inaudibe. "Maybe someday someone will teach you that magic isn't all bad." He placed a hand down near Arthur's chest, not quite touching it for fear of waking him, and ran the spell through his mind again. Closing his eyes, he braced himself. And, finally, he opened his mouth and whispered the words.

It felt like... it felt like his life was literally draining from him... which, he supposed, it was. His life energy was leaving him. Or, rather, he was giving it away. He could feel all his memories draining from him, and it hurt worse than he'd imagined it would. A lot worse.

Memories of his mother, memories of Gaius, memories of Freya, memories of his father, memories of Will. Memories of Arthur, in the days before he hated him. In the days when they were friends. In the days that would never happen again.

Of everything that coursed through him, that hurt the most. Tears were already beginning to well up in his eyes, but instinct told him he still had 25 years left to give. Against his will, a small whimper of pain escaped his lips.

And Arthur's eyes flew open at the noise.

Recoiling so fast that Merlin actually ran into the opposite wall, Merlin's magic was severed off in one painful moment. A tear fell.

Arthur's face went from hesitant surprise to seething anger in less than a second- and all of it, every drop of emotion, was directed at Merlin.

Merlin's bright blue eyes struggled to stay focused on the man in front of him.

"What are you doing?" Arthur seethed, full- out glaring at the warlock in front of him.

Merlin snapped, anger taking over his body, making him shake with the force of it.

"I'm giving you my life, Arthur!" Merlin shouted, choking over his own words. He took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself, calm the part of himself that wanted to scream at the man until his throat was sore. "Now shut up and let me finish." He whispered.

Merlin cast a wordless spell to keep Arthur in place. Arthur's glare turned exponentially more sour when as saw his eyes flash into gold.

The warlock stepped forward slowly, trying not to remember how much the spell had hurt.

"I'm trying to help you, Arthur," Merlin pleaded. Arthur's glare didn't falter. Merlin could practically hear his thoughts. There was no convincing his king.

Merlin lifted his hand and placed it firmly on Arthur's chest, starting the spell again.

The memories started draining from him again, all the life he could never have, and he made a valiant effort not to cry.

It didn't work.

Tears fell- they never seemed to stop. His life was literally seeping out of him, and it hurt.

But finally, finally, he had finished. The deed had been done. Now Arthur would be safe, invincible, even, for the amount of time he had given him.

Merlin had left himself with a day. A day more on this Earth. Just to say his goodbyes.

Merlin pulled his shaking hand away, and released the holding spell he had placed on his king. Surprisingly, Arthur didn't move. Merlin had expected violence, he supposed, but he only spoke: two words. Two words that broke Merlin's heart even though they had been spoken before. "Leave Camelot."

Merlin stumbled back a few, shaky steps. His legs felt like they could just collapse any second.

"Leave Camelot, or I will make you leave." He spat.

Hesitantly, sadly, he nodded. "You won't need to," he said sadly.

Merlin allowed himself three more seconds, just to look one last time at his king. Then, he set his jaw and disappeared.

xXx

There was a crackling sound, one that made Gaius jump. "Merlin!" He exclaimed, seeing the slumped- over figure in the corner of the room. The boy was clutching his stomach. "Merlin?" Gaius asked again, shuffling over to meet the boy.

But before he could get any closer, the warlock's hand flew into the air in a gesture that he should stop moving forward. And then, Merlin promptly threw up.

His brow creasing in worry, Gaius quickly went to fetch a bucket of cold water and a cloth for the young man.

Cautiously approaching Merlin from behind, who seemed to be better now, he took the damp cloth and dabbed his forehead. It was scalding.

Gently, Gaius ushered the shaking boy towards his bed and laid him on top. An unspoken conversation passed between them as their eyes met, an Gaius' softened. "How long did you leave yourself with, Merlin?" The physician asked softly.

Merlin's eyes flitted away from his. "A day."

Gaius gasped. "Merlin!"

Merlin scrunched up his eyes. "I only wanted to say goodbye to Mother."

"My boy, I'm not telling you that you gave too little; I'm telling you that you gave too much. You don't think you could have given yourself a little more? A week? A month, perhaps? Surely you deserve that much, for all you've done!"

Merlin didn't even open his eyes. "It's not a matter of what I deserve. It's a matter of what Arthur deserves, and how much of that I could give." He let out a long, shuddering breath. "I gave as much as I could."

"Merlin!" Gaius scolded. Merlin's eyes flew open. "For once, think about yourself! Think about the people who love you!"

Merlin's smile was bittersweet. "I have." He reached out a hand to clasp Gaius'. "Of course I have. You, and Mother." Merlin's voice shook. "I've spent years with you, and we have this time, now, together, and I left myself a day to be with Mother."

To think that one of the kindest souls in the world thought that a grand total of two people loved him. The thought struck Gaius speechless.

What would it feel like, to give your heart and soul to someone, at the risk of your own life?

What would it feel like to know that the reason you were risking your life, the reason you were in danger was not only the horrors and monsters you faced in order to keep this person safe, but because if this someone ever found out of all your sacrifice, they would have you killed?

What would it feel like to give everything to a person who would cast you aside without a moment's thought? To punish you for something you could not change?

What would it feel like to love somebody that you knew, you knew, without a doubt that they would never, ever love you back?

And yet you loved them anyway.

Well, Gaius supposed, Merlin knew.

"I should be leaving soon." Merlin's ragged voice broke through Gaius' thoughts. Reluctantly, he nodded at the boy.

"Of course." He said. "Give your mother my love." As if he was only paying her a visit. As if he would be coming back in a few days.

Merlin tried his best at a lighthearted laugh. "I'm sure she already knows that, Gaius."

"Nevertheless," Gaius said.

They were then left to stare at each other, in silence. Neither needed to say the unspoken words aloud to make them any more true.

And then, with a nod of his head, Merlin was gone.

xXx

Hunith gasped as she saw her son appear before her eyes. "Merlin!" She exclaimed gleefully, rushing over to envelop him in a hug before she even got a good look at him.

"Hello, Mother." Merlin's voice sounded so happy.

Hunith smiled and pulled back, to look him in the eye. That was when she frowned. He was as pale as death, and shaking like a leaf.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" She asked her son, putting her hand on his arm to steady him.

Merlin smiled; one of those smiles that you knew were purely for another's benefit. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

The man I gave my life to hates my guts. I have less than a day to live.

Hunith was listening, a frown now gracing her features. Merlin looked down, and reached to grasp her hand, holding it in both of his. "I have until the sun rises." He said quietly.

Hunith gasped. It sounded more like a sob. "What?"

No, no, Merlin thought. If she sheds her tears, I won't be able to keep mine in any longer.

"It's alright, Mother," Merlin murmured, once again stepping forward to press his mother to him. "Avalon will welcome me."

Hunith was shaking in his arms. "But why so soon? Who is taking you from me?"

Merlin blinked back tears. "It was my choice." He felt sick again. His chest felt as if it were crushing in on him.

"Don't tell me it was that... Arthur figure!" Hunith exclaimed, pulling away and cupping his face in hers. "No, no, Merlin, don't tell me you gave your life up for another! Did you not think of yourself once? Oh, Arthur better be babbling his brains out with gratitude- to be taking this gem away from the earth-"

"Mother." Merlin interrupted. His voice broke.

The only thanks I got was a banishment.

Hunith's eyes were brimming with tears. "I'm sorry, Merlin, let's spend what..." She had to take a minute to gather herself. "What time you have left the right way, hmm? Come, let's bake something together."

Merlin smiled, following.

It was a night full of memories.

They had shared a loaf of nice, warm, homemade bread by candlelight as they allowed the memories to come rushing back; of when little, tiny, flour- covered Merlin, always eager to help, would mix and kneed the things she instructed him to. The way his eyes would flash gold, the bread rising as he clapped his hands, saying, "Helping, mama!"

His confused face as she would bend down, take ahold of his tiny little shoulders and sternly say, "No. No magic, Merlin."

"Why? Not... like?" Hunith could never stand his heartbroken face.

She would pull him close, kissing his forehead, saying, "No, honey, I think your magic is beautiful. Other people just... think differently."

"Okay." Would come his quiet answer.

"Thank you, Merlin." A proud smile on her face. "I couldn't have asked for a better son."

There were a lot of tears that night.

Even the Druids weeped. They weeped with an intensity of sadness that few of them had ever felt before. For they knew the spell Emrys had performed. It was said to be the greatest gift anybody could ever grant someone; they themselves had only seen it gifted to another once, long ago.

They all felt the world shudder as it felt the great loss of pure magic. The death of Merlin Emrys. The grand funeral went on for days.

A great roar was heard from the mountains, where Kilgharrah was said to reside, and then all went silent.

Like I said, there were a lot of tears that night.

But none from Arthur Pendragon.