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On most days, Jean Havoc is the picture of contentment. Today, however, he is not. There is something wrong with him, and the moment he walks into Eastern Command after a long weekend, Riza Hawkeye notices it.
The first tell is that, for once, he's exactly on time. Usually, he smokes in his car in the morning and shows up ten minutes past their actual start time- something that Roy has allowed to slide as long as Havoc compensates by bringing him some sort of snack from the break room.
On that note, the second thing is that Havoc, who tends to come with snacks and drinks in hand for everyone who arrives earlier than him, storms in empty handed and plops down into the chair by his small desk.
At this point, the entire team is already staring at him, trying to piece together what the hell is going on. Roy is the only one who doesn't seem to give a damn, sitting at his large desk in the center of the room, reading a newspaper rather than actually doing anything productive. When Havoc starts to go through his stack of waiting paperwork in what Riza thinks might be furious silence, the others look away, but she continues to stare.
There's definitely something wrong with him. However, it's not really her business, and she knows that. While she's fond of him, they're nothing more than coworkers. He's technically her subordinate, even. It wouldn't be right for her to pry. As long as he treats the others decently and doesn't let whatever's bothering him affect his work, it's best not to pry. She has enough issues to deal with on her own between her and Roy, anyway. It's only been ten years since Ishval and they still have a seemingly infinite amount of work to do, things to atone for, people to hold accountable- including themselves. In the grand scheme of things, Havoc's foul mood is unimportant.
Maybe Roy realizes that, too. Riza glances over at him again to see that he's already looking at her. When she meets his warm charcoal eyes, he simply raises an eyebrow and allows his gaze to flicker to Havoc, who is still ignoring the entire team.
Roy just shrugs and returns to his newspaper. A silent signal to leave the matter alone, just as she'd wanted to do in the first place. At this point, she's learned not to question how she and Roy have developed this way of communicating without saying a single word. Her stomach sinks when she thinks about it in depth, anyway- because right now, they can't be together. There's a good chance that they'll never be able to be together, even when, or if, Roy does become Fuhrer. Their work and his reputation are both too important to risk. It could work if they were able to keep it a secret, but…
It's not fair of her to expect that much of him, is it?
They've never had a conversation about it, as is the case with many things. It's just something that they both know. To Riza, though, it's better that way. If thinking about it makes her stomach sink, she fears what talking about it aloud might do to her.
Perhaps Roy sees what she's thinking in her eyes, or perhaps he's in a particularly good mood today. Whatever it is, he smiles at her in a way that she assumes is meant to be reassuring. Kind.
With that, she smiles back, lets out a soft sigh, and gets started on her own work.
Whatever Havoc's issue is, it will sort itself out eventually- and if it doesn't, they'll find a way to fix it. For now… It's simply not her place.
Two days pass, and it seems that Riza and Roy aren't the only ones to notice Havoc's sour disposition. Despite having told herself that Havoc's personal life isn't any of her business and that she shouldn't involve herself, Riza continues to keep an eye on him in the way that she's always kept an eye on the team. It's apparent that the rest of them are thrown off as well, and unlike Riza and Roy, they actually ask questions and try to help as it becomes progressively worse.
When Havoc snaps at Fuery over a misplaced request for weaponry from central, Fuery is kind enough to respond calmly and try to convince Havoc to come outside with him for some fresh air, only to be met with immediate refusal that he lets roll right off his shoulders.
When Falman reminds Havoc to use the copy paper sparingly due to a delay on the most recent shipment of the stuff, Havoc lets out an obnoxiously load groan of frustration and pulls at his hair, which has Falman coolly asking if his old spine injury from his encounter with Lust is bothering him as a result of the cold weather- though that only earns him a loud, bluntly spoken no.
When Breda makes a joke to try to lighten the mood, Havoc doesn't so much as listen, let alone play along and laugh like he usually would.
Even Riza becomes desperate enough to try to join the team on their mission to make Havoc feel better, but her attempt proves fruitless as well. She brings Havoc a coffee on the third morning, silently setting it on top of his desk. She brewed a fresh pot for him and added in just the right amount of sugar and cream to meet his preferences, even topping it with the expensive peppermint chips that are only kept in the break room during winter.
Havoc downs the drink in one go and doesn't even thank her.
The atmosphere in the office quickly turns rancid over those few days, leaving seemingly everyone other than Roy bothered by Havoc's sudden downward spiral.
Riza realizes by the end of the third day that she's been taking Havoc for granted for years. She misses him coming in late with arm fulls of treats, even if she used to scold him for it before. She misses his loud joking and laughing with Breda even though it used to give her headaches. Hell, she even misses the obnoxious way he ruffles Fuery's hair just to screw with him and the way he constantly tries to get Falman to go bar hopping with him when it couldn't be any more evident that the poor man wants nothing more than to stay in with a book.
For the last three days, it has been nothing but Havoc tapping his heel under his desk, anxiously pacing around, hyper fixating on work, and appearing as if he's actually on the verge of shooting himself with his own pistol.
Riza decides, since Havoc making everyone else miserable and it's affecting their work, that she wouldn't be wrong to ask. They're all sitting at their desks, going over a security detail for Fuhrer Grumman's upcoming trip to Xing when Havoc glances up and lets out a groan the second the ceiling light shines over his cobalt blue eyes.
"Is everything alright, Havoc?" Riza questions, tilting her head in his direction. "Do you need to step out? If you have a migraine, you can-"
"I'm fine," Havoc snaps, to which Riza blinks and allows her gaze to flitter to Roy again. He just shrugs, the same way he had a few days ago, which has her realizing something else. Roy knows what's going on, he knows why it's happening, and he either expects her to be able to figure it out on her own or doesn't expect her to care. She looks back at Havoc, and that's when it hits her. She hasn't seen him smoke in days. At that, her jaw drops, but this only seems to make Havoc more frustrated. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Riza pauses. She doesn't know exactly what expression she's wearing, but in all seriousness, why wouldn't she be looking at him like that? He hasn't smoked all week, he doesn't have a cigarette behind his ear, she can't see the outline of a cigarette pack anywhere in his pockets, he's been a frigid bitch for three days straight, the office actually smells like something other than smoke for once, and…
Jean Havoc has quit smoking, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Maybe he's embarrassed, or maybe he fears that he'll fail. It's glaringly obvious now that she thinks about it. He's done a horrid job of hiding it; between his awful moods and his lack of eating, it really couldn't be more obvious, but she decides it's best not to humiliate him any further during what must be an already-excruciating, mortifying withdrawal experience.
"No reason in particular except for the fact that you're overdue for a haircut. Your hair is probably an inch or two over regulation, so unless you want to start tying it back like mine, you need to trim it soon. I expect it fixed by tomorrow," She mutters, both worried about Havoc's now-evident symptoms and agitated by his attitude. Hopefully, her treating him like she normally would for the rest of the day will help somewhat. "And for the love of god, please start ironing your clothes. Your uniform is looking more wrinkly than my grandfather, and unlike Rebecca, you're not pretty enough to get away with being this much of a mess."
For the first time all week, Havoc laughs.
Almost as if on cue, Rebecca Catalina calls Riza the moment that she gets home and asks- not demands, asks- for them to go on a shopping trip together, which is how she ends up on the busiest shopping strip in East City carrying an ungodly amount of bags. Not bags full of things that she has bought, of course, but bags full of things that Rebecca has bought.
Naturally, Riza recognizes the pattern. A last minute shopping trip that she's been asked to go on instead of dragged to with her best friend is a telltale sign that something is wrong and the only solution is retail therapy.
Except, when something is wrong with Rebecca, she doesn't talk. She does… Whatever this is, and drags Riza along to act as silent emotional support while she buys things she doesn't really need. Honestly, it's something that Riza doesn't mind. Black Hayate, who is on a harness and a leash that's attached to her wrist, seems happy to get out of the apartment and be active for a while despite his old age- and Rebecca, unlike Havoc right now and even unlike Roy on his bad days, is always good company.
It's freezing cold on the street, winter having come early. They haven't seen snow or ice in East City yet, but it's frigid and chilly in a way that seeps into Riza's bones through her coat and thick pants, and she can see her own breath in the air.
They enter another clothing store, where Rebecca leads her to a rack full of dresses. All Riza can do is stand and watch as Rebecca goes through them, and then… Coughs. Hard. Riza shifts all of the shopping bags to one hand so she can use the other to pat Rebecca's back, concern etched into her features at the way Rebecca seems like she's suddenly on the verge of hacking up a lung.
"Ugh, I hate people that smoke," Rebecca complains, glaring back towards the store's entrance. Riza follows her gaze to see a woman with a cigarette in hand, blowing smoke all around the entrance despite the no smoking sign that she's certain was plastered on the front door. She leaves the store, but the smoke lingers, leaving Rebecca a coughing mess as Riza pats her back. "It's so gross."
"Is that so?" She asks.
Truth be told, Riza hardly ever notices smoke anymore. Between Havoc's old habit and Roy's use of flame alchemy often leaving smoke in their wake, she's nearly become immune to what was once an insufferable stench. She doesn't let anyone smoke in her apartment, and she's sure to keep her clothing clean of it when she can to be considerate of others, but it doesn't bother her like it does Rebecca.
"Don't even get me started. There's this guy…" Rebecca huffs, and she's turning to storm out of the store to get away from the scent. Riza quickly follows behind her with the bags still in hand and Hayate happily trotting at her side. Once again, they take the street of the shopping strip with Riza walking by Rebecca's side and admiring the other woman's face. She looks more stressed than usual, fed up and agitated, which is evident in the furrow in her brow and the angry-looking tears that prick at the corners of her coffee-hued eyes. "No- no, I shouldn't bother you with this shit."
Maybe that's true. Rebecca has been looking for a partner for years with no luck, and any time she vents her frustrations to Riza, Riza never has any idea what to say or what advice to give. Rebecca is more experienced in relationships than her anyway and doesn't seem to want advice when she rants about the terrible men she chooses time after time, so all Riza can do is sit awkwardly and listen- because the last fifteen years of being in love with Roy Mustang has left her inexperienced and stiff when it comes to matters like this that most other women seem to have knowledge in.
Still. Rebecca is her friend, and a good one at that. Riza doesn't vent to her often, if at all, but Rebecca has in fact come through on the rare occasion that Riza's needed it; whether it be helping with organizing and helping carry out The Promised Day coup, bringing her homemade food when she's been sick, or dragging her out of the house for shopping trips during her bad depression spells.
On the rare occasion that she actually can, she wants to pay it forward. If listening to Rebecca complain about whatever man has pissed her off recently is the only way to do that, then she's happy to do it.
"Why do you assume you'd be bothering me?"
"You're not super into romance. Never have been," Rebecca shrugs. "I'd just be boring you."
"You're my friend," Riza calmly argues, to which Rebecca's eyebrows lift just slightly in surprise. "Nothing you say is boring to me, and you know I can keep a secret, Rebecca."
They stop at a nearby cafe, where they each get a coffee and sit down across from each other at a table. Hayate lays across Riza's boot-clad feet as Rebecca finally starts to explain the reason for this entire outing.
"There's this guy that we work with that I really like," Riza supposes she should've seen that coming. While the fraternization laws are still in effect, they've been altered since Grumman's ascension to be less strict. There's so many loopholes to them now that, as long as couples aren't in a position like Roy and Riza- in the same command center, on the same team, with a massive difference in rank between them- they're allowed to date. "He's pretty much perfect."
Riza blinks. That… Is not the way that Rebecca usually talks about men. The description is generous and leaves her wondering both why Rebecca is so upset and who the hell it could possibly be.
"But?"
"But he fucking smokes! It's infuriating… I mean, seriously, he's otherwise perfect. Gorgeous, tall, sweet, romantic… I think he's into me, too, but he's been smoking like a goddamn chimney for years and I don't think he's stopping any time soon," Rebecca groans, and it's apparent that she's on the verge of a meltdown over this. She's crying enough that even though she's repeatedly wipig the tears before they can fall too far, her mascara is smudged around her eyes. Her nose starts to run, so Riza hands her a napkin to wipe it with. She thinks that'll be the end of it, but Rebecca keeps rambling, becoming increasingly upset as she does. "It'd be fine if it were one every once in a while, I guess, but every time I see the guy, he's got a damn cigarette in his mouth! He reeks of the shit all the time, it's seeped into his clothes- he at least has the decency to not smoke indoors at his place because it's a rental, but I bet the second he gets into his own house, he's gonna smoke inside and let the stuff seep into the walls there, too."
The description immediately makes her think of Havoc. A tall, attractive, sweet, romantic man who smokes far too much for his own good… Who's suddenly quit smoking.
She freezes in place, damn near choking on her coffee as the epiphany hits her like a goddamn brick. Rebecca Catalina, after years of looking for the right person, has finally fallen in love- and it's with Jean Havoc- and he loves her, too, enough so that he's quit smoking for her. Riza had no idea that they were close in that way, let alone…
"So…" She starts after a long moment, unsure of just how much she should reveal. She wonders if Rebecca has any idea that Havoc is in the process of quitting right now. "You're in love with him, but you won't be with him because… He smokes?"
"You make it sound ridiculous, but you know I have asthma! I can't handle it! He tried to give me his jacket a couple weeks ago and it sent me straight into an attack, not to mention how worried I am about him ruining his lungs. We fought about it right before we were supposed to go to what I think was a date, I went home, and… I haven't talked to him since. He's been avoiding me at work, too. Won't even look at me."
Riza hadn't noticed that, given that Rebecca works in a different area under different command, but it does further explain Havoc's nasty mood. A couple's quarrel.
"He's probably just embarrassed," Riza explains, well aware that that's exactly what it is. Havoc hasn't openly told anyone about his attempt to quit, and given the recent information… Riza can understand why, given the secondhand embarrassment that comes with the mental image of a date between the two being totally ruined by Havoc giving Rebecca his smoke-laden jacket and ending with them fighting over his vice in the middle of the street. "I understand why it's a deal breaker for you, but what if he stopped smoking?"
"I don't think he likes me enough to quit. We're not even dating… I mean, when I told him I was worried about him and thought he should quit, he looked like I'd broken his heart or something. It's just… Not gonna happen. He has other options who'll be happy with him the way he is, and…" Rebecca cleans her face with the napkin one more time before leaning back in her chair and letting out a sharp sigh. "Well, so do I, I guess."
"You'd be surprised the kinds of things people are capable of doing when they love someone," Almost as if on cue, her back aches around where the worst of the burn scars are, and she thinks of Roy; of the things they've done to each other, for each other. She's curious about what he's doing right now and if he's thinking about her, too, before deciding that they both have more important things to worry about. "Maybe what happened was a wake up call for him. Maybe… He hasn't been talking to you because he feels guilty and is trying to figure out how to fix it."
"It's a nice thought," Rebecca shrugs, clearly having no idea- because she hasn't had to see Havoc in misery for days from the withdrawal like Riza has. Right now isn't the time to say something, though- not when Havoc is still agitated and suffering. Surely, when he's ready, he'll tell Rebecca himself. "We should get going so we can finish up soon."
Riza nods and finishes the last of her drink before grabbing the bags and Black Hayate's leash. With that, her and Rebecca walk out of the restaurant and resume their shopping spree, and yet…
She can't get Roy off of her mind.
Riza decides to be kinder to Havoc after that.
Not in any grand, big way- no, she's too uncomfortable with such open displays of affection to do that sort of thing- but she tries her best to be nicer to him in little ways that she thinks might help with his withdrawal, from leaving drinks on his desk when no one else is watching to sliding him mints every time he looks like he's on the verge of breaking. Over the next week, though it's still apparent that Havoc is struggling and utterly exhausted, things get better. The twitch in his hands goes away, he's able to hold amicable conversation again, and he doesn't look like he wants to die.
Even better, Riza still hasn't seen him smoke.
That Friday, the work day goes by in an instant, and the team leaves right on time to make their weekend plans. Roy and Riza, however, stay behind to clean up the office and finish up some paperwork in peaceful silence. When she's finished sweeping the floors, she slings her bag over her shoulder to head for the door, ignoring the urge that she always has to ignore; the urge to stay, the urge to talk to Roy about something other than work or atonement, the urge to love.
But when she looks out through the door's glass window to see none other than Havoc and Rebecca walking down the hallway together hand in hand, smiling at one another, the world seems just a little bit brighter. A small smile comes over her face as she watches the scene unfold.
That's when Roy speaks.
"I take it you figured out why Havoc's quit smoking all of a sudden?"
Riza hadn't even realized that he stood from his desk, but he is, in fact, standing behind her and looking out the window as well. She nearly jumps out of her skin and turns to see him smirking down at her in that fond, too-soft way he always does when they're alone.
"What makes you say that, sir?"
"You've been all soft on him since Monday," Roy chuckles, and it's true.
Of course he'd notice.
"Maybe," She mutters, leaning back against the door. "I take it you knew all along."
"Obviously. They avoided each other for a while and now that he's quit smoking, they're back to normal. I figured he couldn't have any other reason to stop so suddenly unless it were for someone else, and he doesn't care about any of us that much," Roy circles back to his desk to reorganize it, stacking his papers and putting some things away in his drawers before glancing up to meet Riza's gaze again. "Though I will say, it took me by surprise at first… And I never really expected him to stick with it the way he has."
"That's fair, but if he was quitting for her, it makes sense that he'd be more motivated to actually do it."
She reaches to open the door as Roy follows behind her. They walk out into the hallway together, side by side, their steps in perfect sync just like they always are as they head to the exit.
"People are capable of doing remarkable things for those they love," Roy shoves one hand into his pocket, but it's what he does with the other that makes Riza's face bloom with warmth. He gently places it over her back to pull her slightly closer to him, with his gloved fingers grazing over the bottom of the scars he left over the array through her uniform. She leans into him rather than away, knowing that no one will think anything of it. It's a chaste touch, after all, isn't it? They've always been close. It just looks like he's leading her somewhere- she should let herself have it, just this once. "I think that's part of what makes us human."
"Yes," She swallows. "I suppose so, sir."
"You know, Riza-"
It's the first time he's said her name in years. Riza is so surprised to hear it that she immediately turns to stare at him with wide honey-hued eyes, unsure if she's heard him right and ready to object before she can even really think about it.
"Sir-!"
But Roy doesn't apologize or stop talking, not even when they walk through the exit of Eastern Command and find themselves standing on the steps.
"I think if Havoc can quit smoking for his girlfriend-"
"She's not even his girlfriend yet-"
"-then I at least owe you dinner, after everything."
Riza doesn't miss the implication. After all these years, Roy Mustang is asking her out on a date. She freezes and pulls away from him, staring up at his face as she stands there frozen, just to see if he's joking.
And he's not. That's the most insane part of it all. He actually looks surprisingly nervous for a man his age with his experience asking a woman out on a date, his cheeks even redder than she's sure hers are and his gaze downcast. When she speaks, he flinches slightly, as if expecting her to reject him immediately.
"Dinner, sir?" She questions, unable to help the small, amused laugh that slips out from between her lips. It's funny, the fact that he's all flustered like a teenage boy. At the same time, it's ridiculous that he's even asking her on a date when they both know what it could cost them if they were caught breaking the fraternization laws. "Really?"
"Sure. We can go somewhere nice, be discreet about it," Roy offers. He smiles before continuing, clearly surprised that she's bothering to ask questions instead of giving him a flat out refusal. "We're together all the time, anyway. People will assume it's work-related. It's not like anyone really cares anymore, anyway."
"The bounds of your recklessness never fail to surprise me, even after all these years," She sighs. It would be smart to deny him now, but… It's damn near impossible when he looks at her with those charcoal eyes with his, practically radiating hope and optimism in the way that he somehow always has, even in the worst of situations. "But you know I have a hard time saying no to that face."
"Then it's settled?"
Riza shakes her head as they head together towards her car.
"Not necessarily. You know better than anyone that I'm not that easy to win over. You think a simple dinner will work?"
Roy doesn't even seem remotely phased, simply climbing into her passenger's seat when she unlocks the door and staring over at her as she sits in the seat next to to him and starts the car.
"Well, to be quite honest with you, I didn't even think you'd agree to dinner in the first place."
"I was tempted not to," She admits, and then pauses. In all honesty, she had never imagined a day where Roy would acknowledge their relationship at all, let alone ask her out. She hadn't been prepared for it. But now that her mind is flooded with the possibilities, she can't help how she overthinks what this might mean for them. "I don't… I don't want to do secret dinners and whatever the rest of this is for the rest of our lives. I certainly don't want to get attached to the idea of this and then have you get promoted to Fuhrer and marry someone else or-"
"Are you kidding?" He laughs as Riza starts to drive aimlessly around the streets of East City, as if the idea is ridiculous. "Like I'd ever choose anyone else."
"I appreciate that, but I… Couldn't possibly ask you to want to keep this a secret and-"
"Then it's a good thing you're not asking. I'm insisting," Roy leans back in his seat and crosses his arms, allowing his eyes to fall shut. "I'm already a general. The second I get that last promotion, you're mine- forever- if you want to be."
"I do."
As soon as she says that, Roy reaches over, resting a gloved palm on the center console. Riza shifts to drive one-handed and rests her spare hand on top of his. Slowly but surely, their fingers intertwine.
And with that, they go to dinner.