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Normally, when a guy like Nigel hit on her, Beth would have shut him down fast. Too cocky, too aggressive, too thuggish. Not Beth’s type at all. But it had occurred to her that having a guy like Nigel around could serve her purposes. First: having a boyfriend would help to convince Adam that she just wanted to be friends. She liked the strange, space-obsessed man very much, and he was extremely good-looking, but she felt it would just be too much hard work to have him as a boyfriend. Second: Nigel was Adam’s opposite in every way. He was tough, uncouth, and confident to the point of arrogance. He smoked, had tattoos and swore with a creativity that Beth found astonishing. He knew nothing about space (or much of anything, Beth suspected). Just the kind of guy to help get any trace of Adam Raki out of her system, then get kicked to the curb after a month or two.
After all, it wasn't like she was going to take him home to her parents.
Still, that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the benefits while they were together.
As it turned out, one of the things Nigel did know a lot about was kissing. Right now, for instance, he had Beth pinned against her front door and was lazily undulating both his tongue and his hips against hers. She really would have preferred to remove her coat and boots before being greeted in such a manner but she could always set him straight on that later. Especially when his hand was wandering down to…
Knock knock knock.
Dammit.
She wondered if she could get away with pretending there was no one home, but Nigel pulled away, saying, “You wanna get that, darling?” and there was no way whoever was out in the hall hadn't heard him. So she turned and opened the door to find Adam behind it, a hopeful little smile on his face, even as he failed completely to meet her eyes.
“Hi, Adam, is everything ok?” she greeted him.
“Hello Beth, yes, everything is fine, I just wanted to see if you would like to come to the park and watch the raccoons with me this evening?”
“Did he say raccoons?” came Nigel’s voice from inside the apartment. Adam looked curiously past Beth to see the source of the question.
Sighing, Beth gestured for Adam to come in. Adam knew she had a new boyfriend but they hadn't yet met and Beth had been dreading it, a little. She didn't want to upset Adam, and Nigel could be quite intimidating on first impressions. Best to get it over with, though.
“Adam, this is Nigel, my boyfriend. Nigel, this is my friend Adam, he lives in the building too.”
Adam stuck out a hand, following social protocols, and Nigel just stared at it, completely ignoring them. There was a moment of tension, then Adam stuck his hand back in his pocket and simply said, “Hello, Nigel. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable just then. I know most people recognise a handshake as an appropriate gesture upon meeting but you may be someone who doesn't enjoy physical contact. I don't much like it either but I have taught myself to follow accepted social behaviours and therefore always offer to shake hands when meeting a new person.”
Beth noticed Nigel staring at Adam with a strange expression, something between fascination and amusement. Wanting to stop the man from saying anything insensitive, Beth blurted, “Adam has Aspergers Syndrome. It's—”
Nigel waved a hand at her, still looking at Adam, and said, “I know what it is, Beth, I'm not some ignorant fucker. And I think Adam would probably rather tell me about it if and when he wants to, isn't that right, Adam?”
Beth opened her mouth to protest that she was only trying to protect her friend, but Adam beat her to it. Nodding, he said, “Yes, thank you, Nigel. I would also prefer it if you didn't swear around me, as it makes me uncomfortable.”
“I'll keep it in mind, darling.”
Beth rolled her eyes at the endearment. Nigel didn't know that trying to turn the charm on with Adam wouldn't work.
“You are very quick to use terms of endearment, Nigel,” Adam pointed out, drawing a tiny smirk of triumph from Beth.
“I'm an endearing kind of guy, gorgeous.”
Adam frowned. “I don't think you should call me that. Firstly, because it isn't true, and—”
“Who told you that?” Nigel’s interjection was sharp, causing Adam to wince before he replied.
“Many people, lots of them in high school, but it is also evident in the lack of symmetry in my features.” There wasn't a trace of self-pity in Adam’s words. He might as well have been explaining how to put up a shelf. Not that Beth imagined he knew how to do that.
Nigel still seemed outraged, despite this, going to stand in front of Adam and placing both hands on his shoulders. Beth, who had found herself amused by the unlikely exchange, now braced for a freakout at the invasion of personal space. Instead, Adam only tensed slightly, as Nigel told him, “Look, Adam, I don't know about symmetry or whatever, but I do know that none of those little fuckers knew what the hell they were talking about. You're gorgeous, gorgeous. Stunning. And you don't let anyone tell you otherwise, got it?”
“O-okay, Nigel.” Adam dipped his head shyly, before adding, “Thank you.”
Nigel grinned. “Any time, beautiful.” He removed his hands from Adam’s shoulders and sauntered over to the couch, winking at Beth before dropping into it. She smiled at him in approval and added kind to small, frightened creatures to her mental list of Nigel's surprising good points.
She turned back to Adam, who still had a small smile on his face, and said, “Will you be ok to go to the park by yourself? I think I'm going to spend some time with Nigel just now.”
“Oh, yes, that's fine. Nigel seems very nice, I'm sure you will enjoy having sex with him,” Adam replied.
“Adam, that's… not appropriate,” Beth hissed.
Behind her, Nigel burst into laughter and beamed at the younger man. “Well said, gorgeous,” he told him, earning a tiny but pleased smile in response.
“Ok, Adam, time to go,” Beth insisted, opening the door in order to press the point.
“Oh, yes,” Adam said, moving towards it. “Goodbye Nigel, it was nice to meet you.”
“Bye, gorgeous,” came the reply. Apparently the pet name was there to stay.
“Goodbye, Adam,” Beth said firmly. If she slightly pushed him out the door, she considered it a necessary aid for someone who had trouble with social signals.
Closing it behind her, she suddenly felt Nigel pressed up against her once more. “Adam didn't put you off, then?” she asked, allowing him to kiss down her neck.
“On the contrary, sweetheart, I am feeling very good about fucking you right now.”
Beth smiled, surprised and satisfied that both Nigel and Adam had made such good impressions on each other.
***
“Ran into that cute little friend of yours earlier,” Nigel remarked a few days later, as he groped Beth on her way to the kitchen.
“Adam?”
“Yeah, cute little Adam. Does he always go on about space like that?”
Beth leaned back from the fridge, stopping her quest to find the green smoothie she'd made earlier. “Yeah, it's because of his condition, I think. He gets very passionate about certain things, space in particular, and he doesn't really know how to moderate himself. I know it can get a bit wearing but if you just tell him you'd like him to stop—”
“Why the fuck would I want to do that?” Nigel asked. “That gorgeous kid’s a fucking rocket scientist or something. Practically a fucking genius, all that shit about planets and nebulas and black fucking holes. Never heard anything like it in my fucking life, kept me entertained all damn afternoon.”
“All afternoon?” Beth repeated, weakly.
“Yeah, went up to his apartment, let him show me his telescope. Had to explain that I was kidding when I called him a rear window pervert but I don't think he was too offended. Said he'll show me the stars one night, if I want to.”
Beth tried to envision Nigel stargazing and couldn't get the image to come.
He waggled his eyebrows at her, ignoring her perturbed expression, and drawled, “Speaking of telescopes, how'd you like to see mine, darling?”
Beth groaned and shook her head at him. “Maybe later, Nigel.” She leaned back into the fridge and added, “Did you see a bottle of green juice in here earlier?”
“Yeah, baby, chucked it down the sink. Smelled like it had gone rotten.”
Beth just sighed.
***
“Beth. Um, Beth!”
Beth sighed and stopped in front of her door. She hadn't seen Adam since introducing him to Nigel a couple of weeks ago and she'd been a bit relieved about that, if she was honest. She hoped Adam had had enough time to adjust to her not being single anymore and they could just continue on as friends.
Nigel had seen the little spaceman a couple of times and told her to stop worrying, that Adam was a sweet kid, don't know why you think he's weird. She'd been about to protest that she would never say such a thing about Adam, but was cut off by Nigel deciding that then was the perfect opportunity to drag her to the bedroom and she'd forgotten all about it.
“Hi, Adam, everything ok?”
“Oh, yes, fine thank you.”
“Did you want something?”
“Um, yes.”
Obviously this was going to be one of those times when she'd have to drag the information out of him. “Did you want to come in and tell me?”
“Um, is Nigel here?”
Beth put a reassuring hand on his arm. “No, Adam, it's just me.”
“Oh. Then, no, thank you. Could you please just tell him thank you for his help with my grocery bags the other day. And also that he is wrong about mac and cheese being horrible muck and I would be happy to cook some for him to prove it.”
Huh. Maybe it had been more than just a couple of times, then.
***
Nigel was glaring at the weather forecast.
Nigel was watching the weather forecast.
Beth threw him a puzzled look as she settled down beside him on the sofa. She seemed to have trained him out of the habit of pouncing on her for sex the moment she came through the door, fortunately. In fact, she realised, it had been days since they'd done anything more than a quick fumble in passing. Time to fix that.
She pressed closer against Nigel and began kissing along his jawline. He barely reacted, instead pointing at the television with the remote and grunting, “Going to fucking rain tonight.”
“So,” Beth said, running a hand down his chest, “we'll stay in, keep each other warm.”
Nigel hummed in response, but otherwise seemed completely uninterested. “Little spaceman’s gonna be disappointed.”
Beth paused, confused. “What?”
“Some planet, or comet, or fucking star thing happening tonight that he was all excited about. Won't be able to see shit with all those clouds, though.”
“Sorry, are you talking about Adam?”
Nigel looked at her as if she was the one being weird. “Who the fuck else cares about the fucking stars?”
“It's just,” Beth took a deep breath, trying to understand, “I didn't realise you two were so close.”
Another strange look, this time Nigel's eyes narrowed, as if he was searching Beth’s expression for something. Then he shrugged, saying, “He's a good kid, that spaceman. Could do with a friend.”
Beth smiled. Nigel could be a pretty nice guy, really. “You could be like his big brother,” she said, leaning in to continue kissing.
Nigel, however, suddenly sprang from the couch like she'd stung him. “Yeah, something like that,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Y'know, I might go check on him, he’ll be fucking upset, probably.”
“Oh,” Beth said, trying not to be miffed that she was apparently less alluring than her weirdo neighbour. “Should I come with?”
“Nah,” Nigel said, waving his hands expansively, “you know he doesn't like too many people in his space. I'll be back soon anyway. Sit tight, darling.”
Beth felt a little dazed by the exchange, only able to watch as Nigel all but sprinted out the door. She wasn't exactly sure when he had become better friends with Adam than she was, but she couldn't find it in herself to object. It was probably more appropriate, given Adam’s crush on her, and besides, Nigel was only being kind. She felt bad that Adam would lose that when she broke up with Nigel, since he obviously wouldn't be coming around after that. Maybe they could exchange emails or something. If Nigel had one, that was. He did seem to be a bit Cro-Magnon that way.
***
It had come to this: Beth, searching for her missing boyfriend, had made her way to Adam’s door, knowing there was a better-than-good chance that Nigel would be there, just hanging out. It didn't seem to matter that hanging out was not something that Adam was really capable of, Nigel seemed to have worked his way into his space anyway. Beth supposed it was innocent enough, and it was nice for Adam to have found a friend. Even if it had to be her boyfriend.
She was concerned, however, upon reaching the door, to hear raised voices coming from the apartment. Perhaps Nigel had said something awful, and set off one of Adam’s episodes. She heard Adam cry, “Please, Nigel, we can't,” and in her concern, she let herself inside without bothering to knock, bracing herself for the sight of Adam freaking out.
Beth could only gape at the tableau: Nigel had Adam pressed up against the kitchen counter, his arms bracketing the smaller man. Adam, for his part, had his hands fisted in Nigel’s stupid dachshund shirt, and Beth couldn't tell whether he was trying to pull the man closer, or push him off. It occurred to her, with a jolt, that Nigel might be trying to hurt Adam for some reason and she managed to squeak out her boyfriend’s name in protest.
Nigel eyed Adam, who dropped his head at the scrutiny. Beth was jolted, again, by the realisation that Adam had been looking straight into Nigel’s eyes up until then. Before she had time to analyse this, though, Nigel pushed himself off the counter and stalked towards Beth, who had to consciously restrain herself from taking a step back.
Nigel placed both of his huge hands on her shoulders and made sure she was looking straight him before saying, “Beth, we’re through.” Each word was enunciated clearly, leaving no room for misunderstanding.
“Huh?”
Nigel sighed. “Beth, we are breaking up. I am no longer your boyfriend. Got it?”
No swearing, Beth noticed. Adam doesn't like swearing, she remembered, distantly, as she nodded at Nigel.
“Great,” came the response, and then the weight of Nigel's hands was gone and he was moving back towards Adam. Who was now smiling, Beth observed, why was he smiling? Oh god, she really hoped he wasn't going to start pursuing her again now that she was back on the market.
She had just started to rehearse the kind-but-firm speech she would have to give Adam, when Nigel once again pressed him against the counter and asked, “Ok now?”
Adam nodded and said, gazing up at the older man, “Yes, thank you, Nigel.” His voice was much softer than Beth could ever recall hearing it and she remembered that she hadn't asked what the hell had been going on before she burst in.
And then Nigel said, “Gorgeous,” and leaned in to kiss Adam.
“Nigel, what the fuck?” Beth couldn't help the outburst.
Nigel pulled back and looked at her disapprovingly. “Please don't swear in here, Beth, it upsets Adam.”
She could only goggle at him in disbelief. It was Adam who placed a hand against Nigel's chest, saying, “No, Nigel, it's ok. Beth has had a shock so I should go easy on her.”
“Adam,” Beth asked, utterly bewildered, “what is going on here?”
“Oh,” Adam said, brightly, “well, Nigel came over to see if I wanted anything and I told him that I wanted very badly for him to kiss me. And I shouldn't have said that but I have wanted it for a long time, since I met him really, and also because he actually meant if I wanted anything from the store, but I was tired of lying, because you know I don't like to, so I just decided to tell him. I was quite surprised when he said he wanted that too, and I had to remind him that he had a girlfriend – you – and so we couldn't kiss, even if we both wanted to.”
Adam paused for breath long enough to let Beth interject. “He had to remind you?” Nigel just shrugged.
“And then Nigel said, ‘That's easily fixed, gorgeous,’ and that's when you came in,” Adam finished.
“Great timing, really,” Nigel told her, smirking. “Saved me a fucking – sorry, love – trip to your door.” The apology had been directed to Adam, who wrinkled his nose but otherwise did not object.
Love? Did he just say fucking love?
“Ok, we all sorted? Everybody on the same page?” Nigel asked, angling his body back towards Adam. “Can I give you a proper damn kiss now, beautiful?”
“Nigel, you're still swearing,” Adam fussed.
“Damn is not a swear, Adam.”
“It absolutely is, Nigel, it—”
“Gorgeous, if I promise to work on the swearing – all the swearing – can I please just kiss you now?”
Adam beamed. “Yes, please.”
It looked like a really, really good kiss and Beth knew, beyond a doubt, that Nigel had never kissed her like that, sweet and tender. She watched as Adam slid his hands, slow and surprisingly sure, down Nigel's back to rest on his ass, and remembered that Adam had wanted to kiss her like that, and she hadn't let him.
Not bothering to be quiet, in fact slamming the door behind her in irritation, Beth stomped upstairs to search out anything that belonged to Nigel. It would all be going out the nearest window. She was only sorry he was wearing that stupid dog shirt, so she couldn't burn the thing right in front of him.
Years later, long after she'd moved out of the apartment, away from New York, she still sometimes caught herself wondering how it had happened. How, in trying to date a guy to get rid of Adam Raki, she'd somehow managed to do just that, by being got rid of herself, by his goddamn soulmate.