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Part 34 of Post-Trial to Second Trial AU
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2025-11-21
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2025-12-07
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Second Trial Aftermath: Karmic Punishment: Grounding Community Service

Summary:

To start their grounding, Satan and Mammon get introduced to Charlie's strange friends at the Hazbin Hotel.

Notes:

This is gonna be slightly different from what Season 2 of Hazbin Hotel has so Vox isn't going to be causing problems (until later) and Baxter's the newest member of the hotel. Also Angel's sticking around for now since I think he'd have some funny dynamics with Satan and Mammon. We'll get into that the more we see them doing chores and therapy sessions around the hotel.

Since Mammon and Satan are like brothers to each other and to Lucifer, we're going to see more of their relationships and how they dealt with Lucifer's absence and how they feel knowing he's come back.

We'll also see how they interact with Charlie since, while they're gruff jerks, they do care about her and she with them even though she's still disappointed with how far they've fallen.

Chapter 1: Welcome To The Hotel

Chapter Text

Satan and Mammon weren’t sure what to expect from Princess Charlie’s little hotel. They had heard rumors about it on social media and reports of the Exterminator angel attack reached even the other rings of Hell eventually. But when they arrived it looked…different from their niece’s Sinstagram posts.

“Did this place get…bigger?” Mammon questioned, looking at a photo saved on his phone.

Satan said nothing, too embarrassed he was actually being subjected to this nonsense…even if he knew deep down Lucifer was right. “Let’s just try to get through this first day with no issues, okay?” Satan muttered, pushing him to knock on the door.

Mammon groaned before knocking, flinching when he saw his niece open the door and hug him.

“Uncle Mammon!” Charlie cheered, giving him a squeeze before doing the same to Satan who awkwardly patted her head. “It’s so good to see you guys! Well, aside from the punishment circumstances.”

“G-Good seein’ ya, Chuckie,” Mammon greeted weakly, still awkward with the Morningstars being all…touchy-feely and shit.

“We are here for our…community service…” Satan told her, gently pulling her off and placing her down.

“Right! Of course!” Charlie clapped before motioning for them to follow her. “Come on in! I’ll introduce you to everyone!”

The two Sins glanced at each other before following the smaller woman inside, seeing what she had been busy with since they last saw her. There were Sinners running around the hotel, happily chatting away with each other. A small angler fish demon was chatting with an even tinier cyclops girl. A winged cat demon was behind the bar with a rather familiar looking spider demon leaning over it as a tiny pig was eating maraschino cherries from a bowl as a female sinner with one eye was tossing a bomb up and down like a juggling ball. Up on the second floor a red demon with a wide grin was watching over everyone while Lucifer and a grey woman were walking down the stairs.

“Dad! They’re here!” Charlie called.

“Ah good!” Lucifer grinned, flying up to his fellow Sins who were looking annoyed. “I knew you two would come. I mean, I could probably pull you up from your rings if ya didn’t but you two are…big so that’d make me pretty damned tired.”

“Are your bad jokes part of the punishment?” Mammon snarked, crossing his arms.

“Hey I have good jokes!” Lucifer retorted.

“When you tell me some, I’ll gladly laugh!” Alastor called, not flinching when Lucifer glared at him.

“Oh hardi-har-har, bellhop!” Lucifer laughed mockingly before flipping him off. He then turned to Satan and Mammon with a sheepish grin. “Sorry about him. Overlords can be very…annoying.”

“Dad, you know Alastor helped with the Hotel,” Charlie chided lightly. “Be nice.”

“Right, sorry. Let’s focus on these two,” he agreed. “Since you’re going to be coming by every now and then around here, you ought to get to know Charlie’s pals.”

“Yes! I have been dying to introduce you to everyone!” Charlie nodded before pulling Vaggie close. “This is my girlfriend, Vaggie. We’ve been dating for a long time now and she’s done SO much for the hotel and being the bestest person ever!”

“H-Hello,” Vaggie waved awkwardly.

Mammon was surprised Charlie actually was dating someone after that jerkface broke her heart in high school. He didn’t really care about dating or romance but if anyone hurt his favorite (and only) niece, he’d scare the piss out of them. Satan, however, could sense the angelic aura around her as his eyes narrowed. It seemed history repeated itself in the Morningstar line with Lucifer falling for a human and Charlie falling for an angel.

And an exterminator at that.

“She’s short,” Mammon commented, smirking when Vaggie’s awkward smile fell into a flat glare.

“Well exterminators need to be agile to face off against sinners,” Satan reasoned before looking down at the smaller woman seriously. “I respect their battle tactics…but I will not approve of you hurting my niece. Do we have an understanding?”

Vaggie knew Charlie’s uncles were protective but she wasn’t about to let them scare her. She loved her and wouldn’t back down from any teasing or implied threats. “I have no intention of hurting Charlie. Not now. Not ever,” Vaggie told Satan firmly.

Satan stared down at her before nodding in approval. “You picked a good one, Charlotte. She’s not like that himbo from the Von Eldritch family you were with.”

“Ugh…not Sev…” Charlie groaned, rubbing her temples at the idea of her dummy ex-boyfriend and his jerkface sister. Not wanting to dwell on that embarrassing part of her life, Charlie guided them to where everyone else was hanging out. “These are our guests and staff and my best friends!” She stood next to the short fish demon with a proud smile. “This is Baxter! Our newest resident! He’s a scientist!”

Baxter looked up at the Sins with slightly raised eyebrows. “Well I heard the Sins were quite a big deal around Hell’s other rings. It seems big is an understatement,” he commented, looking them up and down.

“Are they bad boys?!” Niffty asked with a manic smile, looking at Satan’s muscles in particular.

“We are the embodiments of Sin and rule our rings with iron fists,” Satan told her, expanding his wings for emphasis.

“I’ll take that as a yes!” Niffty replied.

Angel stared up at Satan, looking at his buff stature before grinning widely. “I bet you get ALL the demons to call you daddy, huh Mistah Satan?” Angel joked.

“That makes no sense. I have no offspring,” Satan told him flatly, oblivious to Mammon facepalming behind him. “Are all Sinners this strange?”

“He’s flirtin’ with ya, mate,” Mammon told him before giving the spider demon a stern look. “Don’t get any ideas, Spider-boy. I ain’t into that shit with anyone.”

“Really? So you don’t like Auntie Lev–MRRPH?!”

Mammon clamped a hand over Charlie’s mouth in a pleading way while shushing her. “Not out here, Chuckie!” he begged, glancing between Satan’s annoyed stare and Lucifer’s grin.

“Hey a fellow Aussie! Fuckin’ aye!” Cherri cheered from the bar.

Mammon looked at the cyclops with an annoyed frown. “Ozzie?! I am NOT that fire-brained chicken!” he corrected.

“Nah man I mean Australia!” Cherri laughed. “I was from there when I was alive!”

“The fuck’s an Australia?” Mammon questioned before seeing the cat demon absentmindedly shuffling cards like a pro. Grinning, he took a seat at the bar. “Finally someone that can speak my language! Ya play all the card games, mate? How about dice? Slots?”

“I dabble. I haven’t played in a while but I’m sure I could take you on,” Husk told him before glaring at him. “No soul bets.”

Mammon gave him a flat look before sighing. “Mate I can’t do that shit now that I’m ‘grounded’ so it’d have to be a friendly game,” he explained, a disgusted tone in his voice. “I’ll play ya but…don’t invite my niece. She’d take us to the cleaners.”

“Seriously?” Husk blinked before looking at his goofy princess with an impressed smile. “Well now I have to see that.”

Alastor was the last to meet the Sins, not losing his confident smile. “So you’re Charlie’s relatives. I feel like we should chat sometime.”

“All in good time,” Charlie told them all before looking at her uncles. “Since you’ll be here four out of three days of the week until dad and I think you’ve learned your lesson, let’s go over what you’ll be doing here.”

Lucifer cleared his throat as he pulled up a list. “First, chores around the hotel. You’ll be assisting Niffty and Vaggie with making the hotel look nice for guests and help wherever you’re needed. A little hard work can do wonders for everyone. That’s what those birdy bozos are hopefully learning. And that cowboy guy.”

“Tch. What, are you gonna put us in maid uniforms too?” Mammon snarked, flinching when Angel Dust and Niffty’s grins widened at that suggestion. “W-Wait wait wait! I was kidding, you perverts!”

“Now we wouldn’t make you guys wear that if you didn’t like it,” Charlie promised them, giving her friends a look.

“Aww…” they pouted.

“Next you’ll be attending counseling sessions to really get to the heart of why you did what you did. Talking through your issues will help a lot,” Charlie continued.

Mammon and Satan glanced at each other, knowing that would be hard to actually complete. They were the types to bury how they actually felt deep inside so going into why and how they are like they are was going to be tough for them. Satan usually just worked out or punched the inside of a volcano when he was feeling overwhelmed. And Mammon just tried to ignore those feelings until they went away since that was one thing money couldn’t buy.

“Third, you’ll spend time with Charlie, myself, and her guests/friends,” Lucifer told them. “You guys I think forgot how to really interact with your own people.”

“Oy! I talk with my customers all the bloody time!” Mammon retorted.

“Only when you want money from them, big guy,” Lucifer reminded him, poking his stomach. “You made yourself look like a jackass trying to out Ozzie and Fizz but Ozzie wasn’t going to let you do that since he loves Fizz.”

Mammon was about to argue but he couldn’t, feeling bitter that Chicken Brain grew some balls to protect the little brat.

Satan knew he was no better, only really interacting with the other Sins to make sure they actually did their shit or punishing demons that crossed the line. He wouldn’t mind spending more time with his niece since she’s grown up so much since he last saw her. Her friends might be a bit…strange but if they meant something to her, he could at least try. Lucifer however?

That…won’t be easy.

“I…suppose we can agree to those terms…” Satan muttered.

“Yeah…we’re gonna have downtime, right?” Mammon questioned, the very idea of manual labor and sharing feelings and shit really made him feel the ick.

“Oh don’t worry. I had a schedule drawn up so you guys will get down time mixed with your chores, counseling sessions, and quality time,” Charlie promised, handing them both laminated schedules. “Baxter helped me laminate them so they won’t accidentally get destroyed.”

“From how she described you both, I felt this was a necessary precaution,” the small scientist commented, ignoring their irritated expressions.

“I’ll show you your rooms you can relax in while you’re staying up here,” Charlie smiled. “It’s gonna be so fun seeing you both around again.”

As they followed their niece to the second floor, their cynical hearts began to crack just a bit. They were still leaders of their rings and wouldn’t take shit from anyone even after their punishment was over. But knowing Charlie still thought about them after all this time meant a lot to them.

…they missed her too.

[To Be Continued]

Chapter 2: Getting Organized

Summary:

Charlie helps her uncles get used to their new routine with a getting to know you game and starts to divide the tasks they'll need to do while at the hotel.

Notes:

thank you to bakayaro_onna for ideas for what Satan and Mammon could say during Charlie's getting to know you game. They'd be SO awkward at it since it's very kindergarten to them. I also wanted to divide chores between the both of them since this story is just how they start out at the Hotel.

Anything with these guys in future stories will either be cameos or small roles.

I also wanted to give chores to these guys that would be funny to see them do along with the therapy that they'll eventually have. Don't worry, Lucifer will be a part of that too but we gotta get these boneheads used to things at the hotel first.

Chapter Text

“Alright fellas! Let’s start with a getting to know you game!” Charlie smiled, clapping her hands together.

Satan and Mammon felt really awkward sitting on the couch amongst a bunch of sinners with Lucifer standing nearby to watch them. They were already pretty big guys so they felt too big to sit with everyone and being made to play a childish game. Satan was trying to keep a cool head but Mammon wanted to pull his hat down over his face from embarrassment. Lucifer was getting a kick out of this and was not-so-subtly taking pictures to send to the other sins for later.

“Erm…what is the point of this game?” Satan questioned.

“Well you’re new to what I’m trying to do at the hotel and we have some new friends staying with us so I figured this would be a good opportunity for you both to get to know everyone!” the princess replied brightly before turning to Baxter. “Would you like to start?”

“Ah of course,” the tiny scientist nodded before clearing his throat. “My name is Baxter” *clap clap* “I am part fish.” *clap clap* “and having well-folded blankets is all I wish.” *clap clap*

“Yay Baxter!” Niffty cheered, making the fish-like demon grin.

“That was pretty good!” Charlie nodded in approval before turning to Cherri. “You wanna give it a go?”

“Well I ain’t much for rhymes but I’ll give it a go,” Cherri shrugged before doing the claps. “The name’s Cherri Bomb” *clap clap* “I’m Aussie born and bred.” *clap clap* “And if ya try to fuck with me, I’ll kick ya in the head!” *clap clap*

“That’s my sugartits!” Angel complimented.

“A little violent but very true to you!” Charlie nodded before turning to her uncles. “Now who wants to go first?”

Mammon looked between everyone and Satan, who was giving him a pointed look, before letting out a whiny groan. “My name is Mammon…” *clap clap* “A greedy *HONK*” *clap clap* “I’m here because I was a jerk to an imp I wanted to punt.” *clap clap*

“A good start!” Charlie tried cheerfully before looking up at the dragon-like Sin. “Uncle Satan?”

Satan blinked slowly before turning to Lucifer. “There’s no way of talking my way out of this?” he guessed. At Lucifer grinning and shaking his head no, Satan let out a sigh. “Very well. My name is Satan…” *clap clap* “I am from Wrath. *clap clap* “I want to get this over with so I can return to my path.” *clap clap*

“Feels like we’re in fuckin’ kindergarten…” Mammon grumbled, crossing his arms with a pout.

“Great! Now that we have introductions out of the way, let’s work on assignments for you guys,” the princess stated. “I talked with my friends and had them pick out chores you can help them with because helping others is a great way to start on the path of redemption and forgiveness.”

“Barf!” Mammon gagged, wincing when Satan elbowed him.

“Shut it! You want to stay punished?” Satan hissed before looking at his niece. “What are these tasks you wish for us to complete?”

Charlie handed them both lists–laminated in case they wanted to tear them up or burn them–and they read over them.

  • –Fat Nuggets bathtime/feeding time.
  • –Assist Baxter with his experiments in his lab.
  • –Help Husk at the bar
  • –Organize Angel’s drag closet
  • –Organize weapons with Vaggie and Cherri
  • –Be Niffty’s cleaning/cooking assistant

“What, nothin’ from creepy smiling fuck over there?” Mammon questioned, gesturing to Alastor grinning in the corner.

“Oh if I come up with something, I’ll be sure you let dear Charlie know!” Alastor laughed.

“Trust me, you aren’t going to want to do anything for him,” Husk chimed in, glaring at the radio demon who was giving him a cheery wave. “Creepy fuck…”

“So…will these be permanently assigned tasks for the time being?” Satan guessed, examining each option carefully.

“Let’s call this first week a trial period for chores and if you don’t like a chore, you can switch out,” Charlie suggested. “That way it’s fair for everyone.”

The larger demons seemed to find this fair as they weighed their options. To the naked eye, it didn’t seem like they were too bad but for Sins that thought only of themselves and their own needs/desires…this was going to be a difficult first week. And that was only the chores; therapy was going to be an even worse task.

Eventually they came to an agreement with how the chores would be divided for the time being.

  • Satan–Fat Nuggets bathtime/feeding time.
  • Mammon–Assist Baxter with his experiments in his lab.
  • Mammon–Help Husk at the bar
  • Satan–Organize Angel’s drag closet
  • Satan–Organize weapons with Vaggie and Cherri
  • Mammon–Be Niffty’s cleaning/cooking assistant

“I’m surprised you want to be with Niffty cooking and cleaning,” Lucifer commented, peeking over their shoulders.

“Pssh! It’s just cleaning, right?” Mammon reasoned with a laugh. “Besides, if I help the little pipsqueak cook, I get first dibs on meals.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes before looking at Satan’s choices. “Wow you’ll get a double-dose of Angel, huh,” he mused.

“The pig is the spider demon’s pet, correct? It would be more efficient for me to be in close proximity for both chores,” Satan replied calmly.

“I don’t have a problem with that but you better be careful with my baby,” Angel warned, holding up Fat Nuggets protectively. “Nuggs means everything to me so I don’t want you hurting him. Especially at bath time.”

“If I can handle Princess Charlotte at bath time when she was a child, I can handle a pig,” Satan scoffed, tilting his head when Charlie’s face turned beet red.

“U-Uncle Satan! You didn’t have to mention tha-at!” Charlie whined, puffing her cheeks out when Mammon started to laugh.

“Oh yeah! The little booger practically made a game of it!” the Greed Sin cackled, turning to Lucifer with a grin. “R-Remember when you fell face first into the tub because she wanted to play! That was priceless!”

Lucifer crossed his arms with a flat look. “How could I? You brought it up every day for two weeks,” he snarked.

Vaggie looked up at her girlfriend with a knowing smirk. “Do I need to dig for stories about your early years from your uncles?” she guessed, laughing when Charlie let out a huff.

“THAT can come later!” she declared, patting her face to make the blush go away. “We also need to discuss therapy times.”

That made the uncles tense up; they knew that they would need to get this over with but they still didn’t like it. If Satan felt like he needed to get emotions out, he would go punch a volcano or do breathing exercises with Yogirt. Mammon would just roll around in his money or order takeout if he felt overwhelmed or whatever. But dumping all the shitty feelings they felt on their niece…didn’t feel quite right.

“Princess Charlotte, we appreciate what you’re trying to do for us…” Satan started.

“But ya already got shit goin’ on with this hotel thing. Trauma dumping on you ain’t fair,” Mammon finished.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be the only one you’re talking to,” Charlie explained, smiling at Husk.

“I’m sure I can use my skills as a bartender to help you two pinheads work through your bullshit,” Husk shrugged.

They were stunned at how blunt he was but if Lucifer and Charlie thought it was best, they could at least give it a try. And it wasn’t like they could say no in the first place so they conceded. Mammon would have afternoon sessions with the duo while Satan had evening sessions which was fair for everyone. Getting used to their new routine wasn’t going to be easy but they had to try.

At least to get this bull over with.

Chapter 3: Mammon's Chores

Summary:

Mammon gets a first hand experience of what common chores are like and why half-assing them won't end very well, earning him a lesson in humility.

Notes:

I figured it'd be funny to do each chore as a mini segment, showing exactly why Mammon needs this more than he realizes. Mammon I think also suffers from laziness as well as being arrogant so he needs to learn how to actually do things without hiring others to do it. And being rich as well as kind of dumb, he might not know how to do things most regular demons know how to do.

I figured it'd be funny to have him be disgusted at the idea of cleaning toilets and fighting one of Baxter's failed experiments. Though ironically, cleaning things is probably the thing he's best at of his chores.

With bartending with Husk, he underestimates what really goes into making drinks and having them not taste like ass. And while Mammon might be older than Husk, Husk has more experience in the real world and knows what it's like to make a bad deal so he won't be tricked by Mammon's offers to free him since he knows what happened with Fizz and his experience with Alastor. And him laughing at Mammon was just a funny mental image.

Cooking I could see him being the very opposite of Bee with. While Bee is a great cook, Mammon is awful at it which frustrates Niffty and she smartly has him stick to dishes while she tries to salvage the mess he made.

Baxter had the right idea making him do something simple to keep him occupied in his lab but he knows that a screwup is more likely than anything so he's prepared for the worst. And as frustrated as he was with Pentious being too soft, Pentious actually listened to instructions.

Chapter Text

Cleaning

Mammon had an annoyed look on his face when he had to follow Niffty around while she cleaned the rooms. It was annoying enough he’d be expected to cook meals later since he wasn’t a chef at all–that was Bee’s thing–but cleaning?! He had his servants for that or the Fizz bots if he felt particularly lazy that day.

“So what kind of bullshit are we doin’?” Mammon questioned, his voice flat.

“We’re gonna do some light cleaning! Dusting, cleaning windows, taking out trash, and cleaning toilets!” Niffty told him bright, completely unaware of the frown on his face. “And if we’re lucky, killing bugs!”

“Shouldn’t my niece call an exterminator?” the Greed Sin suggested. “I could probably find one for cheap.”

“Oh that wouldn’t be fair in the war I have with the roaches,” the small sinner giggled, creeping Mammon out. “See, if I add outside warfare, they’ll get smarter and take over the hotel. Nah it’s better I stab ‘em and spray ‘em into submission myself so I can become their queen.”

Mammon could only stare as the little psycho started laughing maniacally. ‘THIS is what my niece has been dealin’ with?!’ he questioned internally. ‘I’m royally fucked!’

They soon arrived at the first room where they needed to clean up. While it wasn’t as full as Charlie would have liked, there were still Sinners at least interested in the idea of the hotel and wanted to try. Unfortunately, that meant all kinds of messes for them to clean up. Beer bottles that one would hide under the bed, stains on the walls he didn’t want to know where they came from, and dust that could be so thick you’d have a few centimeters on your finger if you ran through it.

Niffty didn’t seem to mind it since it meant she could scamper around their rooms without getting in trouble.

“Okay! You can do the toilets!” Niffty decided, handing Mammon over the toilet and cleaner.

“Toilets?! Seriously?!” Mammon whined, groaning as Niffty pointed him towards the bathroom. Seeing no way out of this, he trudged over and silently hoped that it wasn’t too disgusting.

But to his horror, what was in the toilet was something glowing purple he couldn’t even identify.

“What the shit is that?!” Mammon yelled, turning as Baxter peeked his head into his room.

“Ah that was a failed experiment I couldn’t dispose of in my lab,” the scientist explained. “It seems that there’s some residue still left in the bowl.”

Mammon winced, shutting his eyes as he started to squirt some cleaner in the toilet and start to scrub. Though after a few minutes, a slimy tentacle began to form and steal the brush from the sin. Mammon let out some screams of pain as the scientific monster whacked him with the cleaning implement.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Knock it off ya *HONK* bitch!” Mammon yelled, grabbing a dustpan from Niffty to try and defend himself. “Back! Back ya creepy shit! BACK!”

Niffty watched with an amused smile on her face before turning to her scientist friend. “Ya gonna give him the solvent to stop the tentacle monster?” she asked, keeping her voice low as Mammon tried to strangle the tentacle.

“Mmm…not just yet,” Baxter chuckled, pulling out a notepad. “I am quite curious to see how long the remnants of my experiment combining with cleaning chemicals will last in a fight. Might prove useful in the future.”

 

Bartending

“Well…you look like you’ve had a day…” Husk smirked as Mammon walked himself over to the bar, placing a drink in front of the Sin.

Mammon turned to the cat demon with a flat expression. “How my niece puts up with this weirdness is beyond me…” he grumbled, downing his drink before taking a seat. “So what am I supposed to do with you?”

“Well as a bartender, I make drinks for anyone at the hotel. Alcoholic and non-alcoholic since not everyone likes booze,” the cat sinner explained. “I also listen to their worries and let them vent after a shitty day.”

“Ain’t that what those therapy sessions are for?” Mammon questioned.

“Charlie prefers keeping alcohol out of those appointments,” the cat shrugged. “Which, fair enough. Some things you’re more comfortable talking about with a therapist than a bartender. Though bartenders might as well have some therapist licenses."

“Fair enough,” the larger demon replied, blinking when Husk pulled out a binder and placed it in front of him. “What’s this?”

“A drink recipe guide,” he told him, flipping it open. “A lot of guests like complicated shit so you’re gonna want to memorize these drinks. Plus some have weirdass names so you’ll want an idea of what the fuck they’re talking about.”

Mammon began to read some of the names, his face scrunching in utter confusion. “Fuzzy Navel? Woo Woo? Sex on the Beach? Angels’ Tit? Monkey Gland? Harder Daddy?!” he read, looking at the cat with an irritated expression. “Are you fucking with me?”

“Believe me, as a whiskey connoisseur, this ain’t exactly my favorite to make but I still make ‘em ya know,” Husk reasoned before poking his chest. “And at my bar, you’re gonna actually learn how to make a good drink.”

“But I had other demons to do that!” Mammon whined, pouting when Husk gave him a stern look.

“Hey I don’t like my space bein’ invaded either but you fucked up so you’re gonna learn how to mix drinks even if I have to kick your ass to do it!” Husk ordered, pointing to the entrance behind the bar. “Now march!”

Mammon grumbled as he got up from his seat, ready to get a firsthand lesson in mixology from a cat with wings. Glancing at all the shit he had to use, he couldn’t believe this much work went into making drinks. It was just a splash of tequila and margarita mix to actually make something drinkable, right? And they’d get too drunk to really notice the taste so he could probably wing this.

Right?

[Later…]

“What the shit IS this?!” Angel questioned, holding his glass away from his person as far as possible.

“What?! It's a tequila sunrise!” Mammon retorted, crossing his arms. “Don’t be a fucking drink snob!”

Angel looked at the murky drink and the incredulous Mammon before shoving it away. “I’ve HAD tequila sunrises buddy and that looks like shit and tastes like mouthwash!” he told him, grabbing a bottle of water and gargling with it to get the taste out.

Cherri took a sip of her drink–a cherry vodka sour–before feeling her face start to pucker. “Oh mate ya added too much vodka! And the egg white foam looks like jizz!” she scolded.

“Why don’t ya go to that Australia place and get drinks from there, then!” Mammon snapped.

“At least the bars in Sydney know what they’re doing!” Cherri huffed, flipping him off before walking away with Angel who was muttering about needing to brush his teeth.

Husk looked at the stunned Sin before shaking his head. “Ya can’t half-ass this, man,” he sighed in a disappointed manner. “Mixed drinks have been crafted for a reason and a beginner like you can’t just improvise without risking your customers throwing up.”

“I’m the Sin of fucking Greed, ya know! If ya want someone that knows this shit, talk to Beelzebub!” Mammon snapped before crossing his arms. He then took a closer look at Husk, noticing a faint chain around him as he raised an eyebrow. “So…ya sold your soul?”

“Lost it,” Husk corrected, his voice gaining an edge to it. “Got too cocky and made a bet I shouldn’t have. Kept my powers…but lost my freedom…and my casino…”

Mammon then grinned as he decided to put on the charm. “I can appreciate a man that knows his shit when it comes to a good game,” Mammon began, barely noticing Husk’s feathery eyebrow starting to raise.

“Are there a lot of casinos and bars where you’re from?” he wondered.

“A good amount. Shame sinners like you can’t come see it,” the larger demon went on before leaning in close. “Ya know…a Sin has more authority than some measly overlord. Say the word and I can get ya out of whatever shit ya got yourself into. I could probably swing it so ya get your casino back too.” He then held his hand out, a hungry grin on his face. “What do ya say, kitty? Ya in?”

Husk stared at his hand and Mammon’s face before bursting out laughing, stunning the Sin. “T-That’s a good one!” Husk cackled, pounding the bar in hysterics.

“W-What are you laughing at?! I can do it! I am VERY wealthy!” Mammon reasoned, irritated he was being laughed at by a scruffy sinner.

Husk was still chuckling as he looked up at him in utter disbelief. “Y-You think I’m a moron?! If I sold my soul to a creepyass fucker like Alastor and regretted it, what makes you think I’d sell it to you?!” he went on, laughing even harder.

“I’m tryin’ to be generous here!” Mammon hissed.

Husk eventually calmed down before giving Mammon a serious look. “No ya ain’t. You lost your cash cow and reputation and want someone else to fill that void,” he guessed pointblank, stunning the larger man. “I ain’t some kid tryin’ to make it in the world. I’ve been around the block for a long time so I know when not to take a shitty deal.” He then poked Mammon’s chest, getting right in his face. “And if I’m going to get out of my deal, I’m doing it my way. Got it?”

Mammon nodded, stunned someone could get in his face and not take his shit. “W-Whatever…just an offer…” he muttered, glancing away.

“A shitty one,” Husk snorted before handing him the binder of drinks. “You’ll try this again next time. And actually study the measurements, will ya?”

“Fine…” Mammon moaned, annoyed he got embarrassed like that. “There had to be some way to get out of this...”

 

Cooking

“You again?!” Mammon frowned, seeing Niffty waving at him in the kitchen.

“Hi~!” Niffty greeted with a big grin. “I know you got your ass kicked while cleaning toilets but don’t worry! Cooking is easy and fun when you put your mind to it!”

Mammon rolled his eyes before noticing a pot simmering on the stove. “Are we serving that or should we dump it?” he asked, moving to take a closer look.

The tiny sinner girl immediately scampered to the counter to block him. “No no no! That’s Alastor’s special pot!” she told him firmly, holding up a wooden spoon as a weapon. “He said to let it simmer so we leave it alone!”

“Alright sheesh!” Mammon replied, holding up his hands. “Geez ask a fucking question…” He then looked around, trying to figure out how this worked. “So…what are we making if it ain’t…that?” he wondered, trying not to cringe at the hands sticking out of the stock pot.

“Today’s spaghetti night!” Niffty told him brightly, clapping her hands together. “It’s Miss Charlie’s favorite so I figured we could give it a try. It’s easy for a beginner like you!”

That rude comment made him scoff. “Hey I could cook if I want to! It’s just easier if I order in…”

“We do takeout nights sometimes but I like cooking for everyone,” the smaller replied, pointing to the pantry. “Get some pasta from there and I’ll get the water going.”

Mammon shrugged as he walked over to the cabinets, looking for the pasta box among all the snacks and other dry goods. He had to reach for it but eventually he found the pasta and pulled it out. Unfortunately for Mammon, he was holding it upside down and some of the noodles fell out onto the floor.

“Eh there’s still enough in the box,” he shrugged, kicking the dry pasta under the fridge.

“Hey! Don’t give the roaches that!” Niffty scolded, grabbing a brush to try and sweep them up. “They could use them as lances in the battle!”

“Pssh! They’re just bugs! Lighten up, shorty!” Mammon laughed, placing the remaining pasta in the box on the counter. “So I just turn the water on high?”

Niffty nodded, glad he was able to grasp that. But her eye bugged out when she saw him pour the rest of the pasta in before the water even started to bubble. “That’s not how you cook that!” she gasped in horror.

“It’ll go faster if we cook the water and noodles at the same time. Saves time for everyone.” he told her.

The next hour had Niffty trying to teach Mammon how to cook while attempting to fix his horrific messes. The meatballs he tried to form were lumpy which wasn’t too bad but the sauce he tried to heat up in the microwave was put in for too long and practically burned in the measuring cup. The pasta did eventually end up cooked…into a mushy glob that not even the biggest pasta fork could pick up without bending a bit.

“Ta-da!” Mammon grinned, proudly presenting his “spaghetti” to Niffty.

In front of the sinner was a bowl of mushy pasta noodles with burnt sauce and lumpy meatballs piled on top. She cut one open and was horrified to see it was burnt on the outside but still raw on the inside. “I…don’t think we can serve this…” she reasoned carefully.

“What, it’s still good!” he told her, taking a big bite as emphasis. He was trying to keep a straight face but all the contrasting flavors and textures were making it hard to do that. “S-See? Still edible–HRK!” He dropped the fork and ran to the sink, spitting out and rinsing his mouth out while Niffty shook her head.

“It’s okay. I can fix this but you?” She gave him some gloves and a sponge. “Dishes! Now, Mister Mammon!”

“Yes ma’am…” he muttered.

 

Lab Assistance

“How does one BURN meatballs yet they’re still raw in the middle?” Baxter questioned as Mammon sat in his lab, his face burning a deep green from embarrassment.

“That’s why I like easy-cooking meals!” Mammon ranted, huffing from humiliation. “Shit that’s already cooked or can be microwaved! I have no clue why Beelzebub likes doin’ this shit!”

Baxter rolled his eyes as he placed a test tube down. “Much like my work in my lab, cooking can be quite relaxing for some. Instant noodles and coffee are quite efficient for when I’m in the groove of an experiment.” he explained.

“Explains why it reeks like ass down here…” Mammon muttered before clearing his throat. “So what do ya want me to do?”

“You have been tasked to be my assistant so you will assist,” the small scientist told him. “Frank the Egg Boi has been feeling rather lonely since his fellow Eggs and Sir Pentious have…ceased to be so I will try to recreate the formula Pentious and I collaborated on to give him some companions.”

“Oh so ya want me to dump a bunch of shit into a beaker and see if it’ll make those Eggies walk and talk?” the Greed Sin guessed.

“Oh gracious no,” Baxter replied, shaking his head. “Niffty captured some roaches for me to see if they can be made into something more…useful rather than just being stabbed and having their corpses left around the hotel.” He pointed to a work table with a bug in a jar and some chemicals in test tubes. “I will need you to test each chemical compound on a single roach and report what happens.”

“Wait…that’s it?” Mammon blinked before letting out a relieved laugh. “Shit I can do that with my eyes closed!”

“I would prefer it if you didn’t,” he told him sternly, handing him a pair of goggles. “Science–mad or not–should always be done safely. There is an eyewash station just in case but until you are done with testing, keep those on.”

Mammon rolled his eyes but did as he was told. He was already attacked by a toilet monster, laughed at by a cat demon, and nearly threw up in the kitchen. He didn’t need to be scolded by a tiny nerd to make his day even more irritating. Sitting at his desk with a notepad and test tubes, Mammon got to work.

For something that was kind of fun in the movies, it was pretty dry work just squeezing a drop of colorful crap and writing down what happens. How was this supposed to be fun? His notes reflected that too.

  • Red goo–caused roach 1 to do backflips.
  • Orange goo–made roach 2 walk backwards.
  • Yellow goo–made roach 3 begin to do disco moves.

Admittedly that last one was pretty funny but this was getting really boring for the Sin. Looking around to make sure nerd boy was occupied, Mammon decided to pick up the test tube with green goo and added a few more drops. Science, after all, was based on curiosity and answering questions so what would happen if he used more than one drop on the little bugs?

“Okay buggy. Just relax and you’ll get a nice green shower…” Mammon chuckled, putting two more drops in the jar to see what would happen.

The bug began to jerk and wiggle around, causing the jar to shake and bounce on the table. The sudden noise, disturbing his concentration, caused Baxter to turn around with an incredulous look. “What did you do?” he frowned.

“I just added a couple more drops. And it's just a bug so I can just smash it if it acts up,” Mammon retorted.

Baxter rubbed his temples before giving him a disappointed look. “Do you want to know WHY I specifically said one drop per jar?”

*CRASH*

Mammon turned and saw the bug, who had grown to a larger size, grabbing the nearby flyswatter and began to smack the larger demon. “Not again!” he wailed, trying to dodge the hits but failing miserably.

Baxter could only shake his head as he grabbed a nearby extinguisher. “At least Pentious actually listened…” he muttered under his breath.

[To Be Continued]

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