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Susan's fingers were so light they could have been imagined. Veklin almost wished they were. Gentle touches on her skin, wrapping the bandage snug around the shallow gash left in her arm after their last mission. A scratch really, barely worth mentioning, but Susan had insisted, although why was beyond her. It would have healed on its own in a day or two, and she was used to the pain.
Susan tucked the end of the bandage in. Tight, but not uncomfortably so. Veklin's skin was prickling, muscles still tensed. She stared hard at the floor, away from Susan. This was unnecessary. They didn't have time. But she couldn't make herself move.
Didn't want to.
Susan reached for the medigel and wound dressing. Veklin's breath hitched as she lightly turned her face towards her in order to reach the cut on her forehead. The gel stung as Susan applied it, with an insignificant pain that she could usually ignore, but seemed amplified by the stillness of the room.
Susan's hand dropped to her own and squeezed it tenderly when she was finished with the dressing. Veklin's hearts were thudding in her chest. She swallowed thickly.
“I can be your friend, Veklin. I won’t tell anyone.”
The traitorous voice she usually kept locked in its cage now lifted its head, whining and scratching at the bars. What harm could a friend do? Close allies were useful in war, and while Susan’s approach was somewhat unorthodox, together they had gotten things done. And though she would never admit this out loud, she liked how Susan spoke to her. Not cardinal to soldier, but equals. Friends, even.
But she couldn’t forget when she was with Susan. In the midst of a mission her mind narrowed, razor sharp and fluid, focused on her objective, planning, observing, adapting. Susan pulled her back into the rest of the universe. Brushed her thoughts with a warm edge. Knocked her a single nanospan out of sync with her body. With Susan, she felt…safe.
A sudden chill washed over her. She snatched her hand away from Susan, sharply turning away once more. A profound feeling of self-loathing overcame her. Stupid girl. Why would you think you could ever have this? It rattled around inside her, tinged with Ollistra's cutting contempt.
"We have to get moving. We've wasted enough time already," Veklin said abruptly, harsher than intended. She stood up, roughly brushing Susan off, and started towards the doorway.
"Veklin—" Susan started.
Veklin faltered but did not stop.