Work Text:
It was Winter, dark yet the street lamps shone the path by the water fountain. There stood two men, under the snowflakes and the cold winter air. "Riddle don't you think we should go back? It's getting cold" And that was the truth, Riddle knows. It was childish for wanting to stay out just a little bit more. "Can't we just... Stay a little bit longer? Please?" how could Cater resist? Riddle was never this willing to break the rules, considering how it was nearing lights out at heartslabyul. Of course Cater knows that Riddle knows, and he can see how happy Riddle is at that moment, not the stern and rule obsessed former-tyrant that he knows. Cater also knows exams are popping up in just a few weeks until winter break, that's what usually runs Riddle dry. "Okay, just a little bit longer" Was all Cater said.
To be honest, Riddle never cared much for winter; it was just another months where everything is darker and the wind gets colder—big deal. The soul-changing magic of Christmas had never really affected him. Even as a child, all he could remember were a few blurry memories of his body, appropriately thrown against a window with a workbook in his hand and his eyes watching each snowflake falling outside with the wish that he sets aside as "not that good" of being outside. It was just now, Cater convincing him to walk after dinner, then playing in the snow— Riddle had never been this happy about the dark winter he knew, it was so bright and blithe, and Cater being there just made it better.
And as for Cater, he's always seen winter as a time to cocoon himself in his room, scrolling past midnight and silently withering away during the winter solstice. Not that he thinks anyone in his immediate family would notice, much less his friends. But for some reason, this winter was brighter, like a fire-y red. Maybe winter wasn't lonely anymore. Maybe he wasn't alone.
By the Water fountain, the snowflakes fell, the cold winter air breeze passed, and it wasn't dark anymore. The two lone figures standing, staring at each other, hand in hand, one smile to the other.
"I love you" Riddle whispered. His love was different, Cater knows. It was exhausting, temperamental, and complicated— but it was love, and Cater will love Riddle even if that was his kind of love, the kind that his mother inflicted onto him. "I love you too" and for once, it doesn't feel suffocating.
Suddenly, Cater threw a handful of snow at Riddle, causing him to jump in surprise. Cater gave him a cheeky grin before running away knowing that Riddle would strike back. And strike back he did— they were having a Snowball fight before they knew it, the air was filled with laughter, boots digging on the crisp snow, and the light illuminating the garden was like a halo to both of them.
"Woah!" Cater yelped as he accidentally slipped backwards, his hands grabbing onto Riddle as they both fell down in the snow. He expected a scolding, but the redhead next to him had a smile plastered on his face and began laughing. He was adorable, way too pretty, and Cater loved it. A noise ruptured from his lungs, he was laughing. Actually laughing.
Before long, the laughter died down. The two were lying on the ground, their bodies flat but their heads were turned to each other.
"You're an idiot, Cater diamond"
"And you're beautiful, Riddle rosehearts"
In the quiet halls of Heartslabyul, and the even quieter common room. A couple was snuggling on the couch, romantic? sure. But to Cater, it was a nightmare. He didn't know that his own best friend loved his "crush" But, to be fair, they didn't tell anyone. And it was Cater's fault for pulling away. So really, Cater shouldn't be this devastated for something he caused— something he wanted.
It was a few weeks before graduation, the last term nearly coming to an end before he and the other 3rd years go to their internships in their fourth year, leaving little time to visit their old dorms. And even smaller time to see Riddle.
"Oh, Cater, good to see you. Where have you been?" well shit, they noticed him. Cater saw how Riddle looked and face palmed his face to Trey's chest, not daring to look at Cater, it was so immediate it almost hurt. But they haven't been talking to each other, not after what happened, not after what they both said to each other. Trey knows they haven't been talking, but he doesn't know why, so he just gave an apologetic smile to Cater with his hands on Riddle's back. "Oh! Trey~ just the person I wanted to see!" Straight out lies "I was just out with some friends down at the town ya know? Gotta make these last moments count before leaving campus next year" Cater said in faux happiness as he waved his phone as if it'll try to convince Trey when he doesn't need convincing. Because really, why would Cater say he's been rotting in his room for months if he weren't outside putting face so no one worries why he's missing? Obviously he wouldn't say that.
Not that he's mad at Trey, how could he? Trey was one of his closest friends, it wasn't Trey's fault for loving, plus, how could he ever hate someone he loved before in the past. And let's all be honest, everyone and their mothers know that it's better to date Trey than to date Cater— so really, Cater didn't blame Riddle for dating Trey. "Okay, at least you had fun, Cater." Really, how could he hate Trey so much when he's treating him and Riddle so well with that smile on his face and Cater is so terrible he's having these thoughts behind his back.
"Right! I made some extra tarts for the unbirthday party tomorrow, let me go get some" Trey knows Cater doesn't like sweets, and Cater knows that Trey knows about him and Riddle fighting, and Cater also knows that Trey is scheming. Cater knows a lot and apparently so does Trey which he absolutely DOESN'T appreciate. "Yah no, it's fine babes I'm already fu—"
"I insist!" oh what the fuck.
"No really, Trey I should head back and finish my wor—"
"I INSIST!" Trey said so adamantly, before Cater could get a word in Trey already softly settled Riddle in a comfortable position and dashed out of the room to the kitchen. Cater fiddled his hair solemnly. It's just him and Riddle now, talk about awkward.
A few moments passed without either of them speaking, Trey knows that Cater hates silent rooms that don't involve studying. Damn Trey for knowing a lot, cursing Trey in his mind helped ignoring Riddle though. Petty, he knows, but how could he talk to his ex after practically ignoring him on a random sunny Tuesday and sending a "I'm breaking up with you" text on Magicam, with no context, no closure. All because Cater's complicated mental issues worsened leaving him spiralling. Cater feared Riddle might hate him if he told him what happened, or if he already hated him, or maybe he'd send him in a mental asylum or something for being bat shit crazy-out-of-his-head— and why is taking Trey so long to fetch one slice of tart????
Can't Cater just leave and excuse himself and tell them he had school work to finish before graduation? But that would mean talking to Riddle which he didn't want, but then just leaving without a word sounds so harsh to Trey who didn't do anything wrong (unless if the set up was intentional) but then again it's so awkward Cater might just drop dead and die. In the back of his mind, Cater was already dead. Killing himself even, because he's very close to doing that in reality.
". . ."
". . ." okay he couldn't do this anymore.
"Tell Trey that I need to finish up school work! Kay thanks bye!" Cater forced out his usual tone and a smile, wincing internally because of how fake it probably looked, if Riddle was looking. Was it obvious Cater wanted to leave? Maybe, he doesn't care. He wanted out. "Stop." shit shit shit, not right now Riddle. "Cater, please. Why... Why did you leave me? Was I not enough?" Riddle's voice shook as he spoke. Cater wasn't ready.
He stopped right where he stood, while his back was facing away from his past lover, nails digging on his palm. He wasn't ready.
"I thought you loved me! Was it all fake?"
"... Why aren't you looking at me?"
"I still love you, Riddle. Of course I do."
The way Riddle's voice shook for an explanation breaks Cater's heart into pieces, when had he not loved Riddle? He'd always love him, no matter if Riddle loved him back or not. But does loving Riddle really matter when he loves someone else now? Considering it was all Cater's fault, all he could do was blame himself, he had no right to loving Riddle, much less missing him.
There were days he hated Trey, hated how he loved Riddle like how Cater loved him. Then he hated Riddle, for somehow loving someone he thought had no chance with Cater, what was so different about Riddle? Or maybe... Cater was always destined to love but not to be loved? But how could he hate the two people he loved the most, those days where he was in his room, doing nothing but spiral in his head, he knew one thing; It was all his fault, there was no one to hate but himself. And of course, it was the two people Cater lover so much that was destined to be together while he watches on the sidelines of how happy they both are. They were made for each other, Cater doesn't deserve their happiness, their light. And they don't deserve Cater's sorrow and despair that's rooted down in his heart because he knows if he loves too much it'll just hurt, them and himself.
"You still love me? Then why—"
The sound of shoes echoed through the hallway, effectively shutting Riddle up. Trey was holding a plate with a slice of raspberry tart, looking confused at the two. "Sorry it took so long" He can sense the tension and both of them know, but really, Cater just wants to leave. He took the plate out of Trey's hands with a solemn smile, maybe for the love he had to let go, or maybe because of the confrontation. "Thanks a lot Trey, I'll tell you what I think of it later. Gotta go!" Cater choked out a laugh before rushing back to his bedroom with a slam.
It was a curse, to love so much. But they don't deserve someone like him. Someone so impered, imperfect, a disaster, they can't handle him and he knows.
It was winter, rather dark for Cater's liking. They were given the chance to come back to NRC for a few days before the winter break that year, how could Cater deny seeing his old friends? After all, NRC was the only place that wasn't too dark nor too bright, to him, it was just right, and maybe he'll never experience it ever again, because no matter what, it is warm. It was home. He arrived mid-afternoon , it was perfectly sunny in the heartslabyul dorm. That was until he was mid-way teasing Ace that the weather decided to start snowing. The second year was so exciting he practically took deuce by the hand to get their coats and warmers to go outside to see the snow. Really, Cater envied them. He watched by the distance to see a garden full of smiles, so bright. Too bright. Cater doesn't deserve that.
With a coat, a hat, the scarf Trey gifted him in their first year and the gloves Riddle made specially for him, Cater went to get some fresh air. He hasn't seen Riddle nor Trey since he came back in heartslabyul. He was honestly relieved, a bit sad, but relieved. Being here reminded him of the heartbreak, the pain, but Cater always had a hard time hating things that he loved. Even if it leaves a deep red scar on his body.
His thoughts took him a stride, looking around hoping he didn't get lost in the nearby forest only to be met with the old water fountain in the back of heartslabyul. The snow dropped down elegantly to the ground, the lights eliminated the path, and surrounding the couple in front of him in its halo. For once, Cater had his hair down, the breeze was perfect in their moment— hand in hand, their hair dancing through the wind as their face was mushed together, wanting and taking. It was soft. It was love. It was something that Cater could never even think to achieve. They were perfect and he was shallow. Cater was a mess, but he softly smiled at them, knowing that they won't even notice him as he leaves. He loved them too much to let go, but they loved each other so— who was he to deny their happiness?
Winter was a dark brooding fire, it was warm, it was bright, and shallow and dull. The water fountain held their past love, and the present. Cater could only wish them well.
"Cater! You're getting snow in my hair— ack! Stop!" Trey was trying not to laugh, faux anger plastered on his face, obviously a lie. The secret garden held many secrets, and one of them was the old water fountain that still poured water everyday, even if the stone surrounding it was nearly withered, vines hugging like an embrace, and moss on it's surface. It was old, but it was beautiful. Trey loved it and so did Cater.
"C'mon Treyyyy it's not that bad! Just a little snow! Don't be— wah?! Watch out for the hair!" Cater laughed as Trey threw a Snowball right back at him. Leading Cater throws another back, then Trey, then Cater again.The small Snowball fight caused a ruckus that they accidentally hit an old Radio that was abandoned with magic.
'Bzz— Oh, the weather outside is frightful. But the fire is so delightful'
"Hah! It actually worked!" Cater said crouching down in front of the radio with a big grin on his face, pointing at the radio so Trey could see."huh, a miracle" Trey fixed his glasses with a smile, too, stuck on his face.
'But since we don't have a place to go. Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!'
"Then a dance?" Trey did an exaggerated bow in front of Cater with a hand out to offer, it was warm."You know me so well" Cater took his hand before yelping as Trey made him spin before dropping Cater on his arms, safe and sound.
'And it doesn't show signs of stopping—'
Laughter filled the air as they danced in a messy and silly movement, Feet nearly stomping in each others as they moved around and then to the left before nearly falling on each other again.
'And I brought some corn for popping'
Cater doesn't want it to end.
'The lights are turned way down low. . .'
"Cater I love you" was left unsaid as Trey held Cater in his arms.
"Trey, when will you be mine?" the bitter remnants of Joy flooded Cater's mouth as his hands twitched for Trey's skin.
'Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it— bzz...'