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Elphaba winced as yet another flash of lightning lit up the room. She forced her eyes closed and pulled the blanket over her head, trying to dim the sound of the loud thunder that was stealing her sleep. ‘Just take deep breaths,’ she told herself, ‘you’ve faced worse than this.’
Glinda had been asleep for hours. Fortunately the storm hadn’t woken her up.
Ever since their first time at the Ozdust, Elphaba had found friendship in her roommate. Still, she didn’t want to be seen in a vulnerable state like this. No one could know that the notorious Elphaba Throbb was scared of something like-
Another crack of thunder soared through the night, snapping her out of her thoughts. Elphaba froze. There’s no way she was getting any sleep tonight.
She needed something to do. Something to set her mind off this gruesome storm. Something to distract her. Practising her spells was too risky tonight. Her emotions weren't under control, to not even begin about her magic. She could cause too much harm if she practised right now. So she did the only other thing she could think of, and went to the library.
It had never been the plan to attend Shiz. Shiz had been Nessa’s plan. Nessa’s life.
But secretly Elphaba’s dream.
Studying there had always felt like a distant wish, an impossibility. So now that it was happening, she couldn’t help but give her absolute best. She had never been ‘popular’, as Glinda liked to say it. Elphaba was used to feeling unadmired, so she had no trouble with being the school’s outcast. She had always been one.
Instead of wasting her energy trying to win over people, she chose to put her energy in her education. Knowing this was her only shot at becoming something more. Something other than just being the governor's shameful daughter, something other than being Nessa’s scary sister.
Madame Morrible’s lessons gave her that feeling of capability, and she was beyond thankful for that. But Elphaba was no fool. She knew her other subjects mattered too. To be able to be good at magic, intelligence was a necessity. And should her magic ever fail her, she needed her intelligence to rely on.
Tonight she chose to study history, one of her favorite subjects.
Until a few weeks ago.
She sighed. Oh how she missed doctor Dillomand.
When Elphaba entered the library, it was almost unrecognisable. The normally bright room was now only lit by a few candles. Whereas the space was normally filled with the noise of chatter, and bookpages turning, it was now filled with the sound of loud, hustling wind and thick drops of rain clattering against the window. Even the library, one of Elphaba’s favorite places at Shiz, had currently lost its charm thanks to the storm.
Carefully she slipped through the door, walking as quietly as possible. As if it was dangerous to even move. The room was much colder than her bedroom, Elphaba noticed, and she cursed herself for not putting on a sweater over her nightgown.
Slowly, she made her way towards the shelf containing the school’s history books. On her way however, a loud thunder clap filled her ears, and yet another lightning strike lit up the room.
Elphaba shrieked. As a reflex, she hid under the nearest desk she could find.
She couldn’t think. Couldn’t stand.
Only panic.
In the dark corner that was created by the desk and a library wall, she hid her frightened form away. Trying to shield herself, she curled herself up as small as possible. Her hands were covering her ears, trying to dim out the sound of thunder. Eyes squeezed shut. She tried to focus on her breathing again, but the fear was just too intense.
I never should have come here. She thought. In her bedroom she had been just as scared, but at least it wasn’t so cold in there. She desperately wanted to go back, but the loud cracking of thunder made it unable for Elphaba to move.
Suddenly it was as if she was a little girl again, trying to find shelter from the storm in an old shed, or under a few bushes.
‘It’s storming tonight’ her father said on that petrifying tone ‘you know what that means.’
‘I don’t want to go father please’ she begged ‘it has never worked before.’
‘Maybe this time it will’ he hissed. Elphaba tried to run away, but the governeur grabbed her by her arm and dragged her downstairs.
‘No!’ she screamed ‘no father please!’
On the way to the front door she saw Nessa, who was just watching the whole thing like it was something she had seen a million times before.
‘Elphaba’ Nessa whispered, and gave her a small, shameful wave. 'Good night sister’ Elphaba knew it wasn’t Nessa’s fault, but seeing her felt like a sting, a reminder of the childhood she could've had.
‘No!’ Elphaba protested ‘Father let go of me please!’
‘Elphaba!’ the sound of his icecold voice entered her ears
‘No, please!’ tears were running down her cheek
‘Elphaba!’
‘It won't work!’ she protested.
‘Elphaba!’ she heard again. But this time, her father’s voice was different. Less…frightening. Still, she kept protesting. ‘It won’t work’ she said over and over again. ‘It wont work’ she let out a sob.
‘Elphaba can you hear me?’
‘It won’t work’ she whispered ‘It won’t work.’
‘Elphaba…’ This voice was definitely not her father’s.
With a gasp she opened her eyes.
‘Elphaba’ the man in front of her sighed in relief. ‘Are you all right?’
His eyes showed more worry than anyone had ever showed her. But she was too shocked to answer.
Those eyes belonged to no one other than Fiyero Tigelaar.
Elphaba was still panting in fear when he took both of her hands. Her breathing was out of control. Carefully, he placed one hand over his heart, and the other over her own. Both of her hands were now covered by his, trapped between their heartbeats and his touch.
Her heart was pounding compared to his.
‘It’s all right’ Fiyero said gently. She was still breathing very heavily.
‘You’re safe.’ he whispered. The look he gave her was so caring Elphaba couldn’t help but feel safer indeed. She tried to breathe more in his rhythm, and felt her heartbeat slow down a bit.
‘You’re okay.’ he put his forehead against hers.
The complete surprise of this newfound proximity was enough to snap Elphaba completely out of her fear. No one had ever been so close to her. She allowed herself to lean on him for just a few seconds, still weary from what she just experienced.
Suddenly the realisation came.
This was Fiyero.
She quickly slipped her hands out of his and pulled away. Elphaba looked at him with a mix of shock, anger and shame. It’s bad enough that someone had seen her like this. But it’s even worse that of all people it was him.
However, the look she was receiving was nothing of the sort. Fiyero’s eyes were a complexion of worry, compassion and… disappointment?
‘Elpha-’
‘Don’t-’ she snapped, her voice trembling ‘You were never here. I was never here. You never saw me. This didn’t happen.’
Elphaba turned away in order to move from under the desk, but a gentle hand on her shoulder stopped her. She made the mistake of looking at him, giving him the chance to place both of his hands on her shoulders.
‘Elphaba’ the way he said her name almost brought tears to her eyes. He said it with such desperation, she almost believed he cared. ‘You don’t have to be strong with me.’
At that she folded.
A single teardrop escaped her eyes. Apparently this was enough for him to embrace her. Delicately he wrapped his arms around her trembling body. At first Elphaba didn’t know how to react. People didn’t really hug her. Glinda did. Sometimes Nessa too. But not people like Fiyero, and not like this. Still unsure, she gave in to the hug, and tentatively laid her head on his shoulder. Eventually she relaxed. For a while, they just stayed like that, wrapped around each other.
‘So, I’m assuming you don’t like storms?’
Elphaba let out a small, unamused chuckle. Only Fiyero could make a joke in a situation like this.
‘I know it’s embarrassing.’ she uttered with a small, trembling voice that surprised Elphaba herself.
‘No it’s not.’ The honesty in his response gave her chills.
‘I’m afraid of being king, that’s embarrassing. I’m a prince for Oz’s sake.’ Now it was his turn to let out an unamused chuckle.
This time however, Elphaba could not bring herself to do so. Slowly she lifted her head to look at him. To really look at him. His smile could not mask the true emotion behind the statement. Fiyero did care about his responsibilities. She had always seen through his facade of course, but to hear him actually admit it was a novelty.
‘Why does that make you scared?’ She didn’t ask this in a judgemental tone. No. Her voice was full of compassion, and curiosity. It made Fiyero stare into her eyes just a little longer before answering.
‘We both know I would make a very bad king Elphaba’ he admitted shamefully.
‘How would you know’ she countered ‘you don’t even-’
try, she wanted to say, but suddenly the realisation clicked. He doesn’t try, so he doesn’t fail.
The look Fiyero gave her confirmed what she thought.
‘You can’t disappoint people if they already think you’re incapable. From that point there’s only relief that you’re not as bad as they thought, or acceptance that what they thought is actually true’ he broke their eye contact and looked to the ground.
Both of them knew that one day, he would have to be king. Only, Elphaba didn’t think he would make such a bad king. He helped her rescue the lion cub a few days ago. This proved that he had a good heart, and that he had his principles on the right end.
Before she could reassure him however, he changed the subject.
Restoring their eye contact he murmured ‘What got you so afraid of storms?’
Elphaba swallowed hard. He had just given her the full naked truth about his fear, it would only be fair if she granted him the same.
‘When I was little’ she said quietly, ‘father made me stay outside when it was storming. I could only come inside if the storm was over, no matter how long it lasted. I spend endless nights in the rain, in the cold, hoping the storm would pass. The drenched clothes, the darkness,... it was… terrifying.’
Fiyero could only stare at her, with an intense sorrowful gaze. ‘Elphaba that's…'
She didn’t let him finish. She needed to get this over with. Fast. She had never told this to anyone, and it felt strange. She just couldn’t think about it for too long.
‘If I was already inside before the storm, he would drag me through the house and throw me out. Like I was a piece of garbage.’ her voice broke, and she felt a tear running down her cheek.
Fiyero wrapped his arms a little firmer around her this time.
‘You didn’t deserve that’ he whispered, almost angry. ‘Why would he do that to you?’
‘Father…he hoped that the rain would one day… that the rain would wash my green away.’ Elphaba turned her gaze away from him, eyes pointed to the floor. ‘And then when I came in after the storm, still green of course, there was such disappointment.’ she flinched, as if physically remembering the pain.
‘I tried everything’ a few more tears were flowing over her skin ‘I scrubbed in the bath until my skin was open, I spent time in the sun, then a lot of time avoiding the sun, I drank flasks and flasks of milk. Everything so that I could one day stay inside during the storm. Everything to make this green disappear.’ She gestured toward herself.
‘Thank Oz it never did’ he whispered, and embraced her with the firmest, warmest hug Elphaba has ever felt.
For a few clock ticks, she allowed herself to just be in the moment. To feel safe, to feel accepted. To lean into his touch and hug him back with the same strength he gave her.
Until she realised who’s arms she was in.
More brutal than intended, Elphaba broke their embrace. ‘I should go back to bed.’
He nodded ‘You’re right. The storm seems to be over.’
He was right.
She hadn’t even noticed the thunder stopping.
Fiyero crawled from under the desk first, since he was the one mostly blocking her way. Like the gentleman he was of course, the prince extended his hand to help her up. Elphaba rolled her eyes and stood up on her own, ignoring his hand.
‘What were you doing here anyway?’
She then noticed a book sprawled open on one of the desks on the opposite side of the room
‘Do you secretly study at night?’
Fiyero couldn’t help but chuckle at her statement. ‘No, you study at night. I just couldn’t quite sleep. Needed a distraction’ He scratched the back of his head, while looking out the window.
‘Why?’
‘Some thoughts were keeping me up.’
At this, he locked his eyes with hers again. His gaze so full of longing it made Elphaba’s heart stop. For a moment, time stood still.
As if pulled by a string, they both stepped closer to one another, never breaking eye contact once. Before she knew it, their faces were only inches apart. The blue composition of his eyes was one like a sea she was willing to drown in. She could feel his breath softly grazing her lips. Unable to help herself, she replaced her gaze from his eyes to his lips, wondering what it would be like if they-
No.
‘We can’t’ she whispered
‘I know’ he answered. The tone he used was so raw.
When Elphaba found his eyes again, they were glassy, filled with disappointment, and something else she couldn’t quite place. Sorrow? Longing?
He turned away before she could find out.
‘Goodnight Elphaba’ he said before leaving the library.
She didn’t respond. Too stunned to speak. Too ashamed. What was she doing? How could she even think about- He was her best friend’s boyfriend for Oz’s sake. Guilt and shame consumed her right on the spot. Even if he wasn’t Glinda’s boyfriend, there’d still be no way someone like Fiyero Tigelaar would have eyes for someone like her.
Sighing, Elphaba walked towards the door. It was time she went back to sleep.
As she made way for her retreat however, she spotted the book Fiyero was reading. Not wanting to leave any signs of what just happened here, she picked up the book to put it away.
What kind of book would a prince like him read? Curiously, she looked at the title.
Everything you need to know about lion cubs: the whelping years.