Chapter Text
BoBoiBoy was happy. Commander Koko Ci gave him and his friends three months off from missions. It was a good gift after having to fight against Kira'na and it was good that BoBoiBoy was able to stay in earth and take care of Tok Aba with Ochobot.
And all was going well, no fights, no need to be on alert, no need to be anxious as if something was going to happen at all. But still he couldn't sleep at night, he can't feel at ease when all that memories of him hurting and putting his friends in harming ways, haunted him every night, filling his heart with aching guilt.
Unlike him, Ochobot could recharge his energy, and BoBoiBoy kept staring at the ceiling, not thinking about anything in particular, but the feelings in his chest still wouldn't go away. And sleep never came.
Next day, he got up from the bed and started his day with some breakfast made by his Tok Aba before both of them got to the Kokotiam. Even with BoBoiBoy worry of his grandpa getting sicker, Tok Aba always said that he was better and he was able to take care of the business.
Ochobot also helped around, as always, and Gopal came with no money to ask for his usual favorite drink that in the end he didn't pay. It was the same routine, but a peaceful one.
BoBoiBoy friend's didn't need to worry about him dying or losing control, and BoBoiBoy didn't need to worry about enemies that wanted to kill him and harm his friends. It was a good vacation, but still BoBoiBoy couldn't stop feeling guilty about what had happened in Baraju and he didn't stopped feeling guilty about Gur'latan. In fact, he didn't even get over Windara.
But still his friends were there, they were safe and sound and they were talking to him and laughing with him and enjoying the peace. So everything was alright, everyone was safe. And that's the only thing that mattered, so he better suck it up.
And they enjoyed their day together.
Gopal and Qually laugh, eat and enjoy their time with the rest.
Yaya and Ying talked about the homework that they needed to get done for The day after tomorrow, having to do 5 pages of the book, thanks to suggesting it should be 5 instead of 3. Still the girls obviously enjoyed it.
BoBoiBoy and Fang were bickering and talking with each other as the whole group were getting near a park, a park were BoBoiBoy used to play with Gopal when they first met and BoBoiBoy was playing with his soccer ball as Gopal kept telling him to help him because he didn't know what type of powers he had.
It was a good memory.
BoBoiBoy looks around, and he couldn't stop feeling nostalgic for some reason. He remembers the first time he moved to Tok Aba house, he remembers how he met Gopal, Yaya and Ying in his first day here. He remembers meeting Adu du, Prob and Ochobot.
Everyone liked the view, and saw how some kids were playing to be them. Because obviously they were popular here, and many children, although they loved Boboiboy, also played at being other members of the group, and the girls really wanted to be strong and independent like Ying and Yaya.
Everyone enjoyed to see how they were acting as them and yelling their movements and fight with Imaginary Villains. That boosted Fang ego, when he saw a kid acting like him and summoning his shadow dragon, he even tried to rubbed it on BoBoiBoy face, and BoBoiBoy could only answer with a chuckle and a sarcastic comment as another kid also acted like him and became Thunderstorm. It was all so similar when he and Fang fought each other, while he was Thunderstorm.
But even that feel of nostalgia, slowly started to twist into a wish.
The wish that things could go back to the way they were. Well, preferably that Fang was his friend already and Kaizo wasn't attacking him.
But he knew that it was a foolish wish, he should be grateful about what he have. But he wants to feel like that little kids...When things were easier, when be didn't need to be a galaxy hero with the whole world in his shoulders. And yes, he had learned to relay in his friends more but still that didn't take the burden away, even if he knew he was loved and supported by others.
He wishes that maybe one day...He will be able to live normally. He's only 15, he should be in school, even when he really don't enjoy having to do homework or exams, but still that's easier than having to fight enemies that want you dead or take away your powers, or that hold a grudge that isn't even because of you but because of who came before you.
As other's were still talking and joking, and reliving memories thanks to the little kids who were playing to be them. BoBoiBoy was still wondering when things started to go downhill. And even if he had good memories with his powers and being a hero, still he couldn't stop wishing for a normal life, with a normal family and a normal dream.
Then, the little kids were called by their respective parents.
Yaya and Ying talked to them before that kids went home, same with Fang, Gopal, Qually and BoBoiBoy too, even with the feelings that he had stuck in his chest.
Yaya and Ying talk about how cutes that little kids were, Fang was still babbling about how popular he was with little kids and Gopal and Qually were walking beside Fang giving him annoyed and funny looks, maybe mocking him because of his way of reacting.
But BoBoiBoy stood in his place. Looking at a child who was with his dad who had come to pick him up, and a weird feeling started to settle in his chest.
And the only thing that he thought was...
What did he do wrong?
What did he do for his father not coming home again.
Not a call.
No video call.
No message.
Just overwhelming silent.
And things weren't getting easier when he saw in each part, parents with their kids, having fun or just talking or walking to school.
BoBoiBoy couldn't help but sit in the park where he used to play, he couldn't help but watch how children and parents played together. He couldn't help but watch Gopal and his parents eat together, and although Gopal sometimes preferred his mother's curry, he still showed love for his father.
He can't stop that feeling anymore.
Envy it's eating him up. Jealousy is poisoning him, and the pain only multiplies it further.
BoBoiBoy that night, again, couldn't sleep. Ochobot was already charging without him realizing that BoBoiBoy, again, wasn't sleeping.
BoBoiBoy couldn't shake that image. That little kid hugging his dad, and taking his hand to walk towards his home where his mother awaited for both of them.
He twisted and turn, wondering where his father's was.
He wondered if he wasn't just that important.
He wondered if he wasn't enough.
He wondered if he was actually...Unloved.
That night. He didn't sleep. And neither the following nights.
And that became increasingly noticeable when he started falling asleep in Papa Zola's class earning a hit from his ruler and of course, Gopal and Fang laughed at it. BoBoiBoy could only apologize, chuckle, look annoyed at Fang and Gopal and keep acting as if he wasn't about to fall asleep just because his body couldn't keep pulling all nighters Because his brain wouldn't let him sleep in peace.
All the nights were the same thing, over and over again, it doesn't end. He sleeps at least one hour and the next one it's a nightmare full of his last mistakes. Or he doesn't sleep at all because he's brain it's too busy making him think about all the times he puts his friends in harm ways. It's getting tiring and he's starting to hate it.
And even in his exhaustion, he starts to notice the worrying looks on his friends faces. As if somehow they knew that BoBoiBoy wasn't sleeping. And it's not a surprise, It's not like he hides his feelings well, and he looks tired and down.
Yaya talked to him, and tried to show that she was willing to help him out, even she said that she will give him a basket of cookies, which was quickly rejected with the excuse that he wasn't hungry and had just eaten, but that he appreciated it.
Ying also tried to ask what was wrong and why he looked tired, just to be meet with the lie about that he wasn't sleeping well thanks that he was excited about some plans that he made with Tok Aba, but it was all a lie.
Gopal and Qually offered food, and comfort and even if BoBoiBoy welcomes it, still they weren't getting to the end of the mystery of why he wasn't sleep well or looked down.
And Fang, friend and rival of BoBoiBoy couldn't help but see something different in his close friend. He could see how he looked at each parent that passed by with their kids, he saw how he looked when Gopal went home with his dad when it was time to eat, he was able to saw that flicker of envy or jealousy that showed up when he saw the soccer team play on the school's football pitch, just like he used to do.
Fang knew well the feeling of jealousy. He used to be jealous because Boboiboy was more popular than him, or because Boboiboy was always the center of attention. But there was a point where he started to respect BoBoiBoy and saw him as a friend, and he has been saved by BoBoiBoy and he had saved BoBoiBoy before too. They were close friends that started as enemies, and even sometimes instead or staying in the spaceship, he stays at Tok Aba house with BoBoiBoy.
Maybe he can confront BoBoiBoy soon, and see if he can get the young hero to open up. Because it was clear that the state of him, wasn't the best, and they are supposed to be in vacations.
And vacations were made to make you feel happy, better and relaxed, but that didn't happen with BoBoiBoy. He seems to be on the edge all the time, as he was expecting the worst.
But how could they blame him when Adu Du has interrupted his vacations before, and their trips, for example, the Loopbot time, when he tried to take Loopbot and all became a loop for BoBoiBoy until they saved Loopbot from Adu du. It was no surprise that BoBoiBoy was waiting for something messy to happen.
BoBoiBoy tried his best to stay awake in everything they did. If the gang decided to go to the beach and play, then BoBoiBoy tried to stay put and try to stay awake to enjoy that moments with his friends. But in school, or even when they were in their TAPOPS base for some reason, he fall asleeps.
Why was this happening? Why he can't sleep anymore.
Each night, it was another nightmare, it was another reminder of himself being a failure.
He sees himself in Baraju, he sees his friends in the ground, Injuried and all because of him. He sees the castle of Windara, Its weak structure and debris, all because he didn't control his tier 3.
He wants to have control again.
He wants to feel that he isn't a monster, that he won't end up like Rek'taka but all he do when he unlocks a new tier it's cause trouble and harm to others. He can't keep his sanity at this point, he can't control himself, he forgets everything each time.
And the nightmares doesn't stop..
He sees Ochobot, he sees Ochobot in Probe's clutches when he was controlled by the faulty power sphere. He hears him yelling at him and asking for his help, but he was useless.
He sees Kira'na, he sees Kira'na looking at him with hatred. She looked at him with hatred and disgust, pointed her sword at him, and it was as if she were there. And he was in the floor, weak, injuries, useless again.
"Rek'taka"
That's all she says, and BoBoiBoy can't help but cry, and hug himself.
He hurts people.
He had harmed his friends.
His body doesn't obey him, no more.
And this power had become a bigger responsibility that he ever had. And he feels so tired of being a hero.
The next thing that happens, it's that his friends were looking at him with their own injuries as they gave him the back and with a hurting expression the dissapear. And again, the voice it's there. Kira'na voice it's there.
"Rek'taka."
BoBoiBoy wakes up, sweating and with tears in his eyes and he saw how his room was a mess. And he wasn't in his bed, he was laying on the floor and a burning smell caught his eye when he saw some stuff in his room burned.
There were some burned books and notebooks, and some newspapers he had hung on the wall were also burned. The edge of his desk was burned.
It was like when Api (fire) first appeared. But the damage was made in his own room.
Soon Tok Aba stormed into the room, with a worried look and Ochobot by his side.
BoBoiBoy had already sat down on the half-burned carpet, and he looked at his grandfather and Ochobot without understanding what had happened. But he was still crying, he was still tembling and he didn't have the courage to say something because he knows that his voice would break at the spot.
Tok Aba gaze softened, and he took some steps towards his grandson before sitting in that yellow carpet and hugging him, trying to comfort that kid that was there.
Tok Aba saw it.
There on that burnt rug, there was no hero, nor was there a villain, but a lonely and wounded child.
And it felt like it was his fault for not seeing it sooner.
And BoBoiBoy could only cry his heart out in the chest of his dear grandfather, who had tried to fill the spot of a father. And Ochobot was there by his side, as a little brother.
And BoBoiBoy appreciate that Tok Aba was taking care of him, but he couldn't stop feeling that sickening feeling of the want of having things that others had and he didn't.
He was a hero, he had powers, fame, friends. He have what others want. And still he ain't satisfied, because the only thing he wants it's his family.
He wants his mother.
He wants his father.
He wants a united family again.
It's that so much to ask?
Is it selfish to want a normal life, again?