Work Text:
When Jungkook finally stumbles across the tiny playground set on top of a gentle slope in the middle of an empty park it feels as though he has been walking for hours. He hadn’t had a destination in mind when he had begun his wandering but something about the gently swaying swing set and the lone slide make him feel as though he’s found one anyway. There is something terribly familiar about this place, something that tugs at his heart, something that he can’t find a name for.
He sits on the swing. It’s too close to the ground for his long legs and his feet trail in the mulch as he pushes himself slowly back and forth. He tries to remember the last time he visited a playground. It’s difficult, time has blurred his memories, but he can recall the feeling of giddy joy in his chest as he flew higher and higher on the swings, the way his young heart had beat fast as his feet seemed to tough the sky, the wind whipping through his unruly hair. He can even remember the sting from the tarmac as he scrapped his palms after a failed dismount. The memories of happier, simpler times almost bring a smile to his face.
The park is silent and the loneliness hits him and suddenly it’s a physical weight on his chest and Jungkook can’t breathe. His ribs are being crushed until they’re on the verge of breaking, his lungs collapse in on themselves but it’s not painful, in fact he can’t feel a thing. An emptiness reverberates around the hollow of his chest and Jungkook wonders when the last time he had been able to breathe without struggling was and finds he can’t quite remember that either.
Up there on that hill, sitting on an old swing set that creaks as he moves Jungkook feels as if he is the only person left on earth. The thought drifts through his mind lazily like a small scrap of paper caught by the breeze and he feels so detached as he thinks of all the people he wouldn’t miss. His mom and dad flash through his mind only to fade away just as quickly. His bratty siblings, friends he hadn’t talked to in months all appeared only to vanish again. He didn’t miss them but the loneliness in his chest still aches.
There was one person he would miss.
His fingernails score angry red lines all along the back of his hands but Jungkook barely notices, his mind too filled with white noise. His fingers continue to scratch almost of their own accord, a nervous tick he developed as a child, scratching his skin raw, picking away old scabs, reopening wounds that had only just healed.
Taehyung would scold him if he was here but Taehyung wasn’t here, no one was. The urge to call the older boy was strong but Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to be a burden. Taehyung was probably asleep like the rest of the city, who was Jungkook to take that away from him?
His phone is in his hands but Jungkook can’t remember fishing it out of his pocket. He scrolls through his few contacts, most of whom he hasn’t messaged in far too long. In fact there is only one name in his recent history.
Taehyung’s grinning profile picture stares back at him and he wants to hit call so badly but he can’t. The ache in his chest is stronger now, throbbing until it is almost a second heart beat and his hands are trembling.
He can’t call Taehyung, he won’t. Jungkook looks at his picture and tells himself this is enough. But the dull beat of emptiness in his chest says otherwise.
Out of nowhere his phone buzzes and Jungkook almost drops it.
Taetae <3
hey kookie you k?? :)))))
01:03
Jungkook stares at the message. Why was Taehyung awake? He should be asleep.
Im good tae
01:06
Taetae <3
liar
01:06
Jungkook’s heart stopped and his breath froze in his throat that now felt as though it was constricting. Of course Taehyung would know, Taehyung always knew. His hands shook as he typed a reply.
its nothing i promise
01:08
Taetae <3
Bullshit kook where r u???
01:08
Idk
01:09
Taetae <3
Kookie…
01:09
>_>
01:10
tell meeeee dont make me go looking
01:10
Im at a park
01:11
Taetae <3
Which park?????
01:11
Idk
01:13
Taetae <3
Kookie istg im not playin games wua boy???
01:13
Jungkook sighs. It didn’t look like Taehyung was going to give up. If he didn’t answer soon Taehyung would actually start roaming the streets looking for him. Jungkook decides to ignore the way that thought causes a spark of warmth in his chest. He didn’t deserve someone like Taehyung.
Im in the park near the new shopping mall
01:15
Taetae <3
got it :D stay put im on my way <333
01:15
It was done. Taehyung would be here in minutes. Jungkook wants to call him and tell him not to bother but nothing he could say now would stop Taehyung. All he can do is wait.
The time drags by and the longer the silence around him remains unbroken the more the anxiety in his gut grows and manifests into a feeling of overwhelming nausea.
Taehyung wasn’t coming.
He had given up on him.
He had finally realised what a nuisance Jungkook was.
He had finally realised he wasn’t worth the hassle.
His fingers are scratching more rapidly than before and it feels like there are bugs crawling just underneath his skin and no matter how much he itches he can’t get rid of the tingling feeling. He doesn’t stop even when his twitching fingers begin to draw blood. The red stands out vividly against his pale skin and he knows it will be a bitch to wash away when it dries under his fingernails but he doesn’t stop.
“Aren’t you too old to be playing on the swings?” the deep voice behind him is casual and light if not a little breathless. Jungkook doesn’t have to turn to know who it is, even if they weren’t the only two who would possibly be here, in a totally deserted park in the middle of the night he would recognise that voice anywhere.
His hands still and the swing next to him rattles as Taehyung sets himself down. He’s also much too tall for the swing but that doesn’t stop him rocking back and forth in time with Jungkook.
“Seriously kookie, what are you doing out here all by yourself?” his voice is so gentle Jungkook can feel a lump forming in his throat. He suddenly wants to ask Taehyung why he cares so much. Instaed all he can do is shrug. He tries to tuck his red bleeding hands into his sleeves but Taehyung notices, of course he does.
“Kookie…” Taehyung manages to put so many emotions into that one word. Somehow when Taehyung says his name like that it’s filled with an overwhelming amount of care and concern and worry and there’s a question there too but Jungkook doesn’t say anything. He also doesn’t resist when Taehyung gently tugs his hands toward him. He lets him roll up his sleeves exposing the scratched skin, even in the dim light of the florescent street lamps it looks bad but it still doesn’t hurt like it should.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Taehyung asks softly and all Jungkook can do is shake his head, not even able to form words, let alone force them out past the painful lump in his throat. He makes himself glance at Taehyung’s face. He’s not sure what he expected to see, disgust, frustration, pity maybe?
Instead the look on Taehyung’s face is just sad. A sorrowful little smile tugs at the corner of his lips and his eyes are full of concern. It was almost worse than seeing frustration or disgust. He hated to see Taehyung upset like this, hated even more that he was the one who caused it.
“Hey,” Taehyung murmured, “look at me.” and Jungkook obeys. This time Taehyung is smiling again but now its without the sadness as he carefully squeezes Jungkook’s hand. “It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay. At all. But hearing Taehyung say it almost made him want to believe it.
“And look what I brought!” Taehyung beamed as he let go of Jungkook’s hand momentarily to rummage around in his pocket. A moment later he produced a small box. Looking closer Jungkook can see it’s a box of band aids. His heart stutters. Why did someone as wonderful as Taehyung care about him this much?
Taehyung opens the box and pulls out the first band aid. Jungkook holds his hand out as Taehyung tears off the wrapper and Jungkook notices the band aids have various superheroes and cartoon characters on them. Of course they do. Its Taehyung after all.
The empty ache in his chest is replaced with a spreading warmth. Taehyung’s tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth as his brows furrow in concentration as he carefully places the sponge bob band aid on the first of Jungkook’s scratches. Once Taehyung is satisfied the band aid his on right he lifts Jungkook’s hand to his mouth and presses a gentle kiss to it and tingles run down Jungkook’s arm and down his spine.
It’s almost like Taehyung’s touch is melting away the ice inside Jungkook and the numbness is beginning to evaporate. Feeling leaks back into his limbs and with it the pain in his hands sharpens. As if reading his mind Taehyung asks, “does it hurt?”
“No,” he says it so quickly, his voice rough from lack of use. It’s almost a knee jerk reaction. Don’t let them see your pain, don’t let them know you’re weak. But judging by the look Taehyung gives him he isn’t fooled.
“Liar,” Taehyung’s voice isn’t harsh, it never is. In fact he’s almost teasing and Jungkook can’t help but smile faintly back. Seeing this only makes Taehyung’s grin grow wider.
“What am I going to do with you?” Jungkook shrugs and Taehyung goes back to bandaging his hand. Every time he finishes applying a brightly colour band aid he seals it with a kiss, like a ritual and Jungkook just watches, enjoying the press of Taehyung’s lips through the band aid, the tickle of his warm breath.
He isn’t sure what it is about Taehyung but whenever he’s with him Jungkook feels vulnerable. At first it terrified him, never in his life had he ever felt vulnerable around anyone, not even his own parents. But then he realised that around Taehyung he could be honest, he could be himself and he didn’t have to pretend or try to be perfect all the time.
When he was with Taehyung Jungkook could actually breathe.
He didn’t even realise he was crying until he felt the first tear trail down his cheek. Taehyugn looked up and saw it too. He offered Jungkook a little smile and reached up with his thumb to wipe the tear away. But once he had started he couldn’t stop and before he knew it Jungkook was crying, Tears flowing down his face, his nose running as his shoulders were wracked with sobs.
He knew he must look like a total mess but instead of leaving Taehyung pulls him into a bone crushing hug, the swings creaking as they moved. Jungkook sobs into Taehyung’s shirt and Taehyung runs his hands through his hair, murmuring words of comfort close to his ear, pressing kisses against his forehead.
When he was with Taehyung everything hurt, his hands, his heart but that was okay. Because while it was painful, Jungkook would take the pain over the nothingness any day.
Jungkook cries and Taehyung holds him close until it finally seems like he has run out of tears. He pulls away from Taehyung, looking up at him sheepishly.
“Sorry about your shirt,” he says with a smile, his first real smile in a while. Taehyung looks down at his tear and snot stained shirt and snorts dismissively.
“Don’t apologise,” he says smiling, “I think its Jiminie’s anyway.” At this Jungkook lets out a chuckle. Yes it hurts sometimes but being around Taehyung is also the best feeling in the entire world. He looks down at his bandaged hand, the pain already dulling and he can feel his heart fill with affection, chasing out any of the stubborn loneliness.
“Thank you, Tae,” he whispers. He is never going to be able to articulate how much the fact that Taehyung was willing to go through all this trouble just for him means to him, how much Taehyung means to him but he can at least try, “For everything, thank you.”
“Don’t mention it Kookie,” Taehyung smiles as he reaches out and takes Jungkook’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Jungkook squeezes back, the feel of Taehyung’s solid hand holding his is like an anchor keeping him grounded and he is eternally grateful for the wonder that is Kim Taehyung.
They stay like that, sitting side by side on the old swing set, swaying slowly hand in hand as the stars twinkle overhead and up there, surrounded by the empty park it feels like it’s just the two of them. The silence is no longer deafening but peaceful.
Jungkook never wants this moment to end, he never wants to let go of Taehyung’s hand, he never wants to leave their quiet little world. But he knows he has to, has to face real life and while that thought scares him and makes his fingers twitch he know with Taehyung by his side he can do it.
Slowly Jungkook lifts Taehyung’s hand to his mouth. Gently, as gently as Taehyung had been, he presses his lips to the back of his hand, peppering the soft skin with delicate kisses, murmuring ‘thank yous’ as his lips brush Taehyung’s knuckles, tracing his blue veins and every single freckle. Jungkook’s never been very good with words but hopefully he can show Taehyung.
When he looks up Taehyung is looking at him the way someone looks at something precious.
“It will be okay Jungkook,” and Jungkook knows it’s not a statement, it’s a promise. He meets Taehyung’s eyes and the last of his doubt dissipates.
He nods. It won’t be easy but if nothing else he believes in Taehyung and if he says it will be okay then there is no doubt in Jungkook’s mind that he is absolutely right.
Jungkook looks at Taehyung, feels his hand holding his like he will never let go and he is able to breathe again.