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Day 21: Fleviarty "Watching a scary movie together +undesirable"
What should be done with a wannabe horror movie director who accidentally turned himself into a goat while looking for a "cool prop" for his latest film? Not a question Eve would have considered needing to know the answer to, but alas Jason Moreno is currently being cared for by Cassandra, and his hard-drive of "movies" is about to "accidentally" go missing in the chaos.
Of course it doesn't hurt to check into them first, so Flynn managed to rig the external hard drive to connect to the TV in the little Library apartment.
If the setup of Jason's "studio" is any indication, the movies themselves probably won't be any sort of indulgence, but to make the whole evening much more cozy and palatable, Eve made a point to use the door portal to pick up a pizza from New York City, specifically one from a pizzeria just down the street from the Metropolitan Museum that apparently was a place that Prospero found unthreatening enough to allow one James Worth to eat lunch there.
Because of the insinuations, Eve had assumed he would never want to eat there again, but James had insisted that he wanted to share this with her and Flynn. So a pajama party with bad movies feels like a good way to create a new memory.
However, Eve quickly realizes that even with low expectations she truly hasn't prepared herself for just how horrendous these movies actually are.
The first hint comes when Flynn finally boots up the hard drive and sees several random, messily arranged folders. The most interesting looking one seems to imply a series of horror themed Sherlock Holmes films so of course that is the one he clicks on.
"Are there not copyright laws that would make this kind of thing illegal?" James asks in confusion.
"Since when are you concerned about illegal?" Flynn playfully snorts before grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a bite, not even bothering to swallow before speaking again. "You have excellent taste in food by the way. This pizza is really good."
James turns away from Flynn in disgust as a piece of half chewed crust falls out of his mouth.
The look in his eyes is so pitifully distraught when he finally makes eye contact with Eve that she can't help but giggle before responding, "Babe, you're public domain now."
"Public domain?"
Flynn dabs his mouth with a napkin before adding an explanation, "It means that legally anyone can make a Sherlock Holmes adaptation." After another moment of quiet, clearly slightly wine drunk reflection, he again adds, "We technically have some pretty interesting content of you that I'm sure nobody has thought of making."
For a moment Flynn and James share a strange look and it takes Eve a bit longer to figure out what they are implying, but when she gets it she has to blurt out something she never thought she'd say. "Nope, nope, nope, no…we are not releasing a sex tape."
At least both men have the gall to look ashamed and Flynn mutters, "Yeah, the negative PR that would generate for the Library would probably lead to Charlene's ghost coming back to kill us…or to watch it, which is definitely worse."
Eve rolls her eyes and takes a sip of wine before responding, "Okay, we're here tonight to watch bad scary movies, and as a potential character in said movies, I think James should pick out which one we watch."
After a few minutes it is decided that although Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Atomic Potato Babes sounds "interesting" the most likely to not be painful choice is Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Loch Ness Monster.
This opinion is immediately questioned by all when the film opens with several tiny bikini clad women sunbathing at the edge of a fake Loch Ness before being chased by what appears to be a borzoi dog painted green.
"That is not remotely appropriate clothing for the climate of Scotland, even in the months of summer," James states in confusion.
"How does this make sense for the plot of a Sherlock Holmes movie?" Flynn hisses.
"Well, we knew it was going to be bad," Eve hears herself add. Still, when a fake severed leg hits the camera just as Eve is reaching out to grab her own slice of pizza she can't help but cringe.
For the next several minutes although the Holmes and Watson "actors" wear the title of actor quite dubiously, and the fake Moriarty is the most generically stereotypical Victorian villain possible despite the film presumably taking place in modern times, nothing particularly notable happens.
This all changes when Moriarty, the fake one, not the one who is currently in the kitchen refilling his and Eve's wine glasses, apparently decides to spy on Holmes and Watson while wearing an interesting disguise.
"Why are you dressed like that?" Flynn yells in frustrated confusion and because he happens to be staring right at James when he yells, the other man almost drops the two wine glasses.
"Flynn, we are all wearing comfortable pajama garments."
"Sorry, I meant the fake you," Flynn again looks embarrassed and James turns to glance at the TV where "he" is currently wearing an inflatable T-Rex costume that for some reason also contains a kilt, Scottish hat and bagpipes.
"Ah yes, I think I would also quite like to know the answer to that question."
As he sits back down next to her and passes Eve a wine glass, she can't help but quip, "I don't know, but I kind of want to see fake-you playing the bagpipes." The comment is meant purely in jest because this movie really is insanely bad, but shortly after when Holmes and Watson make comment on the "costumed street performer" Fake-Moriarty does in fact somehow begin playing the bagpipes while still wearing the inflatable T-Rex costume.
When Fake-Moriarty plays an apparent offkey note Holmes deduces that the performer is an imposter and most definitely Moriarty. To Eve's ears the bagpipe music sounds reasonably normal, at least for being played by someone in an inflatable T-Rex costume, but really, what does she know about this?
The chase scene that follows looks as if it should have Yakety-Sax playing over it until Fake-Moriarty hides himself behind a fountain and Holmes and Watson run past obliviously somehow even though the hiding spot was terrible.
This scene is so awkward that James actually mutters, "Despite our acrimonious past I genuinely feel offended on behalf of the real Sherlock Holmes."
Fake-Moriarty begins to chant something in really bad quasi-Latin and then somehow the movie gets weirder.
The borzoi from earlier, who to be fair looks like it is thoroughly enjoying itself, reappears followed by…"Are those zombies?" Flynn asks in amazement.
"Narratively that would be suggested, but visually the performers merely look sleep deprived," James responds. Eve has to agree with the sentiment that the probable zombies look like exhausted college students. At least they are clothed in weather appropriate garments.
Either way, the dog and the zombies chase after Holmes and Watson and Eve is almost certain she spies a squeaky toy sticking out of Holmes pocket, likely to get "Nessie" to stay in chase. Bleakly, Eve realizes that the movie still has another hour and thirty minutes left and she finds herself voicing this concern.
The two men look at her for a moment, looking just as frustrated as she feels and then Flynn states, "Why don't we all start betting on what happens next?"
"I'm not betting against you two," Eve snorts. Betting against two men known for ridiculously good perception seems like a really bad idea. Even half drunk she assumes she will lose.
Flynn however, looks offended. "Eve, not a single thing has made sense about this movie so far. You're just as apt to guess correctly as we are."
To be fair, he is correct, but unfortunately so correct that the closest anyone comes to being right is when James predicts that "Nessie" will catch Holmes. However, he fails to predict that when this happens the dog will reach for the pocketed squeaky toy and end up pantsing Holmes who then forgets his accent and lines and yells "Aww, fuck!"
Before it can be agreed on if this means he wins the bet, prize undecided, they are all shocked by the far more disgusting and horrifying scene of Fake-Moriarty still in his inflatable T-Rex costume doing something that is probably supposed to look sexy with a character that may or may not be Irene Adler.
"I fear I am not drunk enough to forget how my name is being insulted by this," James mutters as Flynn looks like he is going to become ill.
"Oh look, we're out of pizza anyway," Eve tries to fake casualness while purposefully turning away from whatever is going on onscreen and how horrifying it is even in an obviously badly simulated form.
Flynn finally regains his composure enough to quickly disconnect the hard drive from the TV without caring if it is damaged in the process. "So, I think we all can easily predict that the next course of action is to burn this."