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Tron was quiet when Beck returned.
It was the kind of quiet that meant Beck had screwed up, and they’d soon be having a stern discussion. He couldn’t even begin to guess what about, though. Everything went well on his latest mission. He hadn’t done anything reckless that he remembered.
“Alright. Spill. What’d I do.”
Beck braced for a lecture.
Tron flicked his windows out of frame and stormed over to Beck.
“Why do you keep taking your helmet off in public?”
Frag. Of course. Beck forgot about that.
“It got itchy?” he quipped, unable to think of an excuse.
He’d gone helmetless a couple times early on. He wasn’t used to the tint, and had forgotten that this wasn’t like his welding visor that he could just ditch when it got in the way. Tron had caught him, rightly tore him to bits and he never did it again.
Until recently.
Every so often, just for a second or two when he was sure no-one was looking, he’d drop the mask. It was a stupid, risky habit. He couldn’t explain it. He just…needed to.
“We’ve talked about this! You could be seen. It endangers you, it endangers your friends.” He didn’t sound angry so much as bemused. That was somehow worse.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”
“That’s what you said last time. But I saw you tonight. On the storehouse, right above Pavel and your garagemates. You know better than this.”
Now Beck remembered. He’d thought the mountain was obscured. He should’ve known Tron would spot him anyway, somehow.
Beck shrank further into himself and shrugged noncommittally.
“It’s stupid.”
Tron looked about to agree with him, but thankfully clammed up in time.
“I can’t take it anymore.”
He flicked up a hand to cut Tron off.
“I’m not quitting, don’t worry. I just…
I have got to tell someone about this, or I’m gonna go insane. Going to work every day, pretending everything’s normal. When we can all see I blew off my second shift in a row for no apparent reason, and I’m long out of excuses. People don’t even ask anymore. They don’t bring me tasks, don’t invite me to plans. Just assume I’ll be away. And they’ll probably be right. And then I have to play dumb whenever people mention the Renegade. Or badmouth me to me. It feels like some weird dream.” He didn’t know which side of his life felt more real anymore, mechanic or renegade.
“I need someone to know that it exists, I’m sick of pretending to everyone that I don’t have this whole other half of my life. I can’t just forget about it, because the reminders are everywhere.”
He sighed.
“I know it’s ridiculous, but some days, some part of me doesn’t even care if I get spotted. Just the waiting and the sneaking and the lying. No matter the consequences, it would mean I don’t have to hide anymore. But I’d definitely get killed. I know. It’s dumb. I’m sorry.”
“Able figured it out.”
“It’s not the same. And he’s too close to it. He disapproves of me even doing this.”
Tron made a face.
“I’m aware.”
“I know he just wants to protect me, but I don’t need that, I need him to get it. To know why I’m doing this. If I tried talking to him, he wouldn’t understand and it’d just make it feel worse.”
Beck pointedly avoided bringing up his only other option, considering he was speaking to him right now. Tron had been through so much. It didn’t feel right complaining about this to him. Beck’s troubles were nothing in comparison.
If Tron noticed, he didn’t comment on it.
He heaved a deep sigh. “Remember that friend of yours you wanted to bring in? Mara?”
“I thought you didn’t want her to join.”
“Neither did you, in the end. I also said she’d be there when the time was right. Sounds to me like that time has arrived.”
Beck’s mind flinched away from the idea initially. He’d had to reject her pretty harshly, and he didn’t imagine she’d like finding out she was lied to. “But that meant talk to her as the Renegade. This is different. Oh, she would kill me if she found out the truth.”
“No, she wouldn’t. She might be angry for a while, but…she’d understand. She did the same thing herself, running around with her gang of masked vandals. At your inspiration, I might add.”
“So now you’re in favour of bringing her in.”
He nodded.
“I’ve heard good things about her.”
Beck tried to imagine how the conversation would go. Would she be concerned? Angry? Interested? She seemed to have a crush on the Renegade, after all.
“Well, I’m ready to be yelled at.”
“Me, too. Able will not be happy.”
“What if she invites Zed? Next thing we know we’ll have the whole garage in here.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”