Chapter Text
I, Charlotte Dompler, eventually came to hate Pam Pimling.
It wasn’t always like that, believe it or not. You’d think a miserable, pragmatic bitch like me would be naturally allergic to someone like her- All sunshines and cheers. But Pam has a way to worm into your heart before you even notice it’s happening; before I knew it, she had quietly burrowed her way into my good grace.
It was nice, at first, having someone at work who didn’t make me want to blow my brains out. The endless grind suddenly had color. The tired old routine was replaced with a smorgasbord of quirks and eccentricities that Pam brought to the round, worn down table in the breakroom. Hell, she was cool enough to hang out outside work.
She made that jump- coworker to friend- with such grace, I couldn’t tell where the lines blurred. Until one day she was just there, sitting beside me, laughing, drinking, living, and somehow, I was calling her my best friend.
Granted, that’s not saying much. I’m not exactly spoiled for choice in that department. I’ve got a few people I game with sometimes. Ellen, I tolerate most of the time, Glep simply existed somewhere in my peripheral vision, But Pam, she was the one in focus. The common denominator in all my memories is how much she overshadowed the blur of colorful characters, sticking out like a pink, smiling thumb.
She's got this way of existing that makes everyone else look like static. Why would anyone in the world ever try to shine, knowing Pam Pimling would always shine brighter?
That’s what I thought, sitting across from her in that shitty bar. Neon lights flickered above her, painting her face pink, blue, pink again. I don’t even remember what song was playing. All I saw was Pam. The place smelled like liquor and sweat; the kind of spot where dreams go to die quietly in a corner booth. But not hers. Never hers.
She was talking to me about her future. About kids, and a husband, and warm, freshly dried laundry, Y’know, all that bullshit.
It felt almost conservative in nature. Surely, Pam didn’t really think that way. She was just chasing what she never had; a stable family, parents who actually liked each other. I only visited that shithole she called “home” once, and that was enough to understand why Pam was the way she was.
I couldn’t fault her. Coming home to warmth, to comfort, folded laundry and a nice dinner. Yeah, that’s the kind of delusion even I can get behind. I just couldn’t imagine being the one folding the laundry. Still, the way she talked about it… It made it sound like this very distant reality, like a kid talking about being an astronaut.
Sometimes, I’d catch myself thinking too long about it. Does she know she’s thirty-four now? Not that I buy into the “biological clock” shit, but even so- ten years to meet someone, get serious, have kids... she’d be cutting it close. Forty-three and pregnant sounds like hell.
…but what do I know? It’s not my call. I don’t even want kids.
(...)
What do I even want, truly?
I’ve never been much of a planner. I can barely think past next week. But if I had to imagine ten years ahead, I guess I’d want to be doing exactly this… drinking cheap beer, listening to bad music, sitting across from Pam.
I didn’t dare unpack what that said about me.
“Charlotte,” she said suddenly, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Ah, fuck. Sorry, I was spacing out. What was it?” No annoyance in her face. She just smiles, patient as ever.
“I said, what do you think you’ll be doing in ten years?”
I gulp the last of my beer, wipe my mouth on my sleeve. “I dunno. I hope it’s this, though.”
She tilts her head, curious. Perhaps a bit worried. “Drinking in a lonely bar…?”
“Hanging out with friends, dude.”
“Oh,” she laughs, light and unbothered. “That’s really sweet, Charlotte!”
“Yeah, don’t make it weird.”
“I hope we’re hanging out in ten years too!"
As she says this, some guy hurls in the booth beside us. Pam winces, and the sound, paired with the smell was enough to get a grimace from me too.
“I hope it’s in a nicer place, though.”
“Yeah. This place sucks.”
That was a lie. Nowhere Pam was could ever suck.
At least, that’s what I thought back then.