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Daniel wasn't as clever as he thought he was.
That wasn't to say that Daniel wasn't smart. Far from it, he was without a doubt one of the smartest people Dylan knew.
But Dylan also knew that Daniel certainly thought his current emotionless mask was perfect; it wasn't.
Dylan could tell that something was wrong- very wrong.
Daniel was on the couch pretending to read a book, surely very confident in how convincing his fake reading was- it wasn't convincing, at least not to Dylan. Admittedly he had learnt to read Daniel very well at this point. He knew a lot about the man, including the fact that he certainly didn't want to talk about whatever was bothering him in that moment…
Maybe Dylan could just let it be. Maybe Daniel was okay- not perfectly alright, but possibly without need of immediate help- But that was clearly wishful thinking.
Dylan suddenly noticed the way Daniel's bottom lip had started quivering. He flipped the page in his book, and did his best to subtly wipe away a stray tear; then he put that mask back on, returning to the rather bored looking expression he had been wearing before.
Dylan's chest ached, he couldn't let Daniel suffer like this. Especially because he knew Daniel had been dealing with some pretty serious depression lately- and just when things had been starting to look better Daniel’s boyfriend had broken up with him.
Daniel had been holding up impressively well, but Dylan couldn't help but feel that he was bound to fall apart sooner or later…
He knew what he needed to do.
With a sigh he walked over and took a seat next to Daniel on the couch,
“What're you reading?” He asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
Daniel looked up at him very clearly distressed by his presence,
“Nothing important,” Daniel replied shortly.
“Daniel,” Dylan said softly, deciding it would be better to just cut to the chase, “I'm worried about you.”
Daniel scoffed at this, “You shouldn't be.”
“Really? So you're feeling perfectly alright?”
“I don't want to talk about this,” Daniel said with a shake of his head, turning his attention back to the book he certainly hadn't read a word of.
“If you really can't talk about it right now I'll respect that,” Dylan replied, and he meant it even though the idea of leaving Daniel alone with his thoughts pained him.
Daniel didn't reply for a minute and Dylan became quickly convinced that Daniel in fact was not ready to talk. He was about to try and find a new less serious topic; but then Daniel did reply. His voice was quiet and weak, and he didn't take his eyes off the book, but he spoke with purpose,
“I wanted to kill myself, Dylan,” He paused, taking a shaky breath, “And he left me because I ‘didn’t pay enough attention to him’.”
Dylan felt his heart break just a little, the gentle ache in his chest suddenly blossomed into a sharp pain, “I didn't know that was why he left.”
“Well it was,” Daniel said, closing his book but not looking up from it, “He was mad at me because I was despondent, because I wasn't happy enough for him, because in my current state I wasn't enough for him,” His grip on the book tightened, “He never once asked if I was okay- he just ignored every red flag and got mad at me for not being normal.”
Dylan just nodded. Daniel wasn't looking for input in that moment, so Dylan just let him keep talking uninterrupted,
“I just- I just can't stop remembering- remembering…” Daniel’s voice suddenly gave out, he grimaced, clearly willing himself not to sob, to just soldier on.
Dylan put a hand on his shoulder,
“Take your time.”
Daniel gave a small nod.
It took a minute, but Daniel did regain his voice,
“He was here. We were on a date- But I- I wasn't okay…” He paused, “I kept- kept coming up with reasons to leave the room, and every time I did I would just find some dark corner to hide away in, and- and-” Another pause, longer this time, “I would just think of how much better off the world would be without me- How I couldn't imagine facing another day- I just wanted to free the world of myself and I of it,” He gestured dramatically as he spoke, but he stopped there, hands froze in the air, “but I couldn't do that, I- I would just picture how you would feel- how the other Horsemen would feel… I couldn't hurt any of you like that,” He slowly lowered his hands. He crossed his arms, hugging himself tightly for a moment, “But I could hurt myself… so I would scratch my arms till I bled…” His eyes briefly shifted to his sleeve that certainly hid a thankfully healed over scar, “It made me feel like I had control,” His voice was suddenly more meek than ever before, “I just can't believe that while I was praying for death- and clawing up my arms, he was… He was just mad at me…” It was here that Daniel finally gave in and allowed himself to properly cry.
Dylan didn't waste a second, he instantly pulled Daniel into a hug.
Daniel felt so small and fragile. Dylan wanted to shield him from the world, keep him safe from people who would hurt him, people like the man who had so claimed to love him.
Dylan guarded the Horsemen with his life, and he couldn't help but feel like he had failed.
He had let someone hurt one of his Horsemen…
Daniel pulled away slightly and Dylan let him go. Daniel was sniffling a bit, and the occasional tear still trickled down his face, but he had stopped sobbing at least.
“I wish I’d never met him…” Daniel said, his voice hoarse but still intensely bitter.
“I know,” Dylan said with a sigh, “But you're going to be okay,” Dylan put a hand back on Daniel's shoulder, “You're strong, Danny. You'll make it through this.”
Daniel shook his head lightly with a humorless laugh.
“You will,” Dylan reassured him, “I know this is horrible right now,” This earned a poorly muffled sob from Daniel, which Dylan felt awful for, but he continued, “But that will pass. You're going to be okay again, I promise.”
Daniel gave a reluctant nod.
“And Danny, I want you to remember that everyone under this roof cares about you- we won't get mad at you when you're not feeling okay,” Dylan said, pausing before he added the most important part, “We love you. We need you. We always will, Daniel.”
As soon as the words were spoken Daniel looked up at Dylan, he scanned his face, checking for any last bit of dishonesty; but of course there wasn't any to find.
Still he asked, “You- You mean it?”
“Of course I do. Anyone here would tell you the same thing,” Dylan replied, “And someday you're going to meet some wonderful person who you're going to love, who's going to love you, who's going to treat you with all the kindness and care you deserve.”
Daniel smiled at this, it was a very small smile, but it was a smile,
“Thanks, Dylan…” Then after a long pause he very hesitantly said, “Can… Can I have another hug?” He sounded so deeply embarrassed that someone as great as him would ever make such a request- which was ridiculous.
“Of course you can,” Dylan pulled Daniel into a tight embrace.
He knew that there was no amount of hugging that could fix what had happened or protect Daniel from anything like this happening again, but somehow he felt like it might.
Maybe if he held Daniel tight enough he would just magically be okay… That wasn't true of course.
But it was true that Daniel would be okay eventually.
Time and the love of his new found family would heal him.
Although at that moment, as Dylan held Daniel close, he got the feeling that they were both pretending that this hug would somehow skip that long wait… It was an entertaining lie they had created, and wasn't that the whole point of being a magician?