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It may seem strange, but Jean starts brainstorming his plans for Valentine’s Day a couple of days before Christmas.
While people complain about holiday decorations or candies going on the shelves before the next holiday has even come to pass, Jean understands. Because he has to know what pastries or cakes or pies he wants to highlight each holiday. He believes in offering a diverse collection of baked goods year round. Plus, it keeps his mind active and his creativity flowing.
He looks through the front windows of the shop, watches the snow fall for several moments. Winter is, perhaps unsurprisingly, Jean’s favorite season. The quiet, the stillness. People hurry a bit more than usual, because they’re desperate to get inside from the biting chill. But Jean takes his time during the colder months. He feels like he can breathe easier with the humidity finally sucked from the air. With less people on the streets, he feels comfortable taking longer walks to do his best brainstorming.
It’s colder than usual tonight and Jean forgot his gloves at his apartment, otherwise he would be roaming the brightly lit streets, pondering his options for Valentine’s Day themed pastries.
His sister has the day off and she’s been pestering him to come by and make her dinner, so naturally, Jean is screening her texts until he’s finished brainstorming. He has to lock the shop up and sent one text reminding her of that, but she doesn’t care.
Jean lets himself get lost in his thoughts, knowing only a handful of people might stop in on their way home from their jobs. It’s later in the evening, close to closing time, but there is a high rise office next door to the bakery and Jean knows at least one person might stop by.
He might be a psychic, or maybe he just knows this person’s routine, because a few minutes later the bell above the front door dings. Jean doesn’t bother looking up from the cake he’s designing. The drafty cold air brings a whiff of the man’s cologne right before he drops into the seat across from Jean at his table.
“You’re still here?” Jeremy asks, unwinding his scarf from around his neck.
The question gets Jean to look up. Jeremy’s hair is windblown despite the hundred foot walk between buildings and it almost makes Jean smile to see. He’s also lost his tie and unbuttoned the top of his dress shirt, which isn’t shocking. Jeremy always likens his ties to nooses and complains about the lack of business casual in his dress code.
“Elodie has the day off. And Tanner is sick, so I am closing the shop in his stead.” Jean flips his sketchbook shut and leans back in his chair.
Jeremy smiles, the closest thing to sunshine that Jean has seen in weeks of gloomy overcast skies. “Aren’t you a nice big brother, not forcing your sister to close so you could have the option to go home on time. You know, you could have just locked up early. A lot of people have already left the city for the holidays.”
Jean gives a shrug and pushes his chair away from the table. “I know at least one person who cannot go without his sugar fix…” He trails off as he walks behind the counter and locates the pastries he already packaged in anticipation for Jeremy’s arrival.
The bakery actually will be closed for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It would be a great couple of days for business, but he and Elodie travel to the suburbs to see Kevin and his family every year. He doesn’t know Jeremy’s plans for the holidays; they don’t quite know each other that well yet. So he had packed a bunch of Jeremy’s favorites as an early Christmas present and just had to wait for the man to stop by after work.
Jeremy follows Jean to the counter, abandoning his coat and scarf at the table with Jean’s sketchbook and cold cup of earl grey. “Woah, what’s that?” His eyes get comically large at his glimpse of the bag, another sight tempting Jean to smile.
“Your Christmas present. Do not make a big deal about it.” Jean pushes the bag across the counter. “Would you like to stay as I close up, or do you have places to be?”
“I don’t have anywhere to be tonight,” Jeremy says offhandedly as he starts digging through the bag. “Damn, Jean, you really packed this to the brim.” He glances up with a sparkle in his eye. “I’m starting to think you might actually like me.”
“Nonsense. Erase those thoughts from your mind.”
Jeremy ignores Jean’s demand and takes a bite of a chocolate croissant, smiling smugly from where he leans his elbows against the top of the pastry case.
He tells Jean about his day, explains why he was stuck at the office for so long tonight. There is some sort of big report due right after Christmas that Jean doesn’t even try to understand. All he knows is Jeremy’s boss doesn’t give a shit about Christmas Spirit and works his employees to the bone.
After that, Jeremy goes quiet for several moments, seemingly content to watch Jean count the money in the register and collect the profits of the day. He hums along with the quiet playlist Jean has on for ambiance. A few weeks ago, Jeremy and Cat assisted in curating said playlist, saying Jean had to add all the classic Christmas songs. Jean did not care, but he didn’t have the heart to turn them down.
He’s gotten so soft since opening this bakery and meeting these people.
When he’s done with all the cash handling, Jean moves on to collecting the leftover pastries. He sorts through what needs to be donated and what can last another day or so. The silence hangs over them and Jean is honestly surprised Jeremy hasn’t thought of a new topic to yammer on about just for the sake of talking.
Jean clears his throat and glances up at the other man. The bags under Jeremy’s eyes are more severe than usual. His caramel waves, usually a character of their own, look flat and lifeless. Now that he’s done with the croissant, he leans his head against his crossed arms, simply watching Jean move back and forth. He doesn’t react to Jean’s throat clearing, so that means Jean has to be the one to break the silence.
“Are you going anywhere for the holiday?”
There. No one can ever say he doesn’t try to get to know people. It’s not that he doesn’t want to know more about Jeremy, he just doesn’t want to…complicate things. Further than they might already be, that is.
Jeremy is his favorite customer, well, maybe his second favorite. The top spot belongs to Catalina, who works at the floral shop across the street. They have lunch together every day that they’re working and she’s helped Jean broaden his horizons baking wise so many times that she is truly a priceless friend.
So Cat may be Jean’s favorite customer because she is also his best friend, but Jeremy is Jean’s favorite customer because he is so kind and beautiful and everything Jean has ever wanted in a life partner. But that’s neither here nor there. There is nothing to be done about that, no matter how much Cat and her fiance protest Jean’s stubborn assumptions.
“Ah, no. I’m not traveling this year. I haven’t for a few years, actually, not since I moved here with Cat and Laila.” There is something sad and wistful in Jeremy’s voice that makes Jean want to pry. Jeremy always carries this sort of sadness that Jean can’t figure out and he is never the one to start the conversation about it, preferring to wear a bright smile and pretend nothing is wrong every time Jean raises a questioning eyebrow.
“So you are spending the holiday with them?” Jean slides a piece of fudge across the top of the pastry case, watching Jeremy’s face light up at the sight. “It was going to have to be donated,” he says by explanation, not wanting Jeremy to think he did it just to see the other man smile.
Jeremy nods as he chews. For once, he waits until he’s swallowed before speaking. Maybe he can learn manners after all. “Cat’s family lives too far away to justify a two day trip and Laila’s family is out of the country right now on business. She’s also chained to this project like I am, so we’re expected back in the office on the 26th.”
It had been a totally happy coincidence that everyone already knew each other, save for Jean, so he was able to just be absorbed into their group and he didn’t have to seek out companionship on his own beyond meeting Cat. He has yet to spend time with anyone besides Cat outside of his little shop, but he thinks he may have no choice but to join them for dinner in the new year. Laila has threatened to go on a hunger strike if Jean doesn’t join the next group dinner.
“If you and Elodie need somewhere to go, you are more than welcome to join us,” Jeremy says, almost hesitantly. He vaguely knows about Jean’s family situation, but only because his sister has a big mouth and loves to tell everyone their life story.
“Thank you for the offer, but we’ll be visiting a family friend.” Jean finishes up the last of his inventory work and begins to gather his belongings, turning lights off as he goes. Once he’s turned the music off, he and Jeremy return to the table at the front of the shop to put their coats on.
“Well, have safe travels. Thank you again for the goodies. I feel bad because I didn’t get you anything for Christmas, so that’s totally unfair, but I won’t say no to free pastries.” He gives a nervous smile and Jean actually thinks about taking back the baked goods so he doesn’t have to think about giving Jeremy any reason to be nervous.
“It is not a big deal. I told you that when I gave you the bag.” Jean packs his sketchbook and pencils into his bag and wraps his scarf around his neck enough times to keep the wind out.
He walks Jeremy to the door and opens it for him then follows him outside, locking the door behind them. This is a well rehearsed dance of awkward goodbyes and well wishes for the other to have a good night, knowing they will more than likely see each other the next day.
Even with Jean going out of town, the time apart won’t be any longer than whenever Jeremy doesn’t come by on the weekends. Really, Jean doesn’t even know why he’s thinking about this, as though he cannot bear to see the other man for two days.
Before he has the chance to head toward his train stop after saying good night, Jeremy grabs him by the elbow and halts him in his tracks. Jean turns in his grip and raises his eyebrow, curious what else he could have to say.
”Happy holidays, Jean. I hope it’s a good one for you guys.”
Jeremy may have said he didn’t get Jean anything in return, but he doesn’t have to. The genuine and bright smile he wears whenever he sees Jean is enough to outweigh the value of any material gift.
Jean swallows hard and musters up a small, but genuine smile of his own. “Happy holidays, Jeremy.” He puts his hand over Jeremy’s for the briefest of moments, wondering why the man hasn’t invested in gloves yet, then turns to head home.
Halfway down the street, he allows himself to glance over his shoulder one time, just in case he can catch a glimpse of Jeremy’s back, heading in the opposite direction.
Jeremy is still standing outside Jean’s bakery, as if frozen in time, staring at Jean with wonder on his face. The snow is starting to collect in his dark hair and Jean resists the urge to go back and question the meaning of all of this.
He tears his eyes away and carries on home. He clenches and unclenches his fist, memorizing the warmth of Jeremy's hand beneath his own.
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Jean is starting to think he made a mistake in installing such bright lights in his bakery on New Years’ Day. He wishes it wasn’t totally uncouth to wear sunglasses while working, and he also wishes his sister would keep her voice down. He’s pretty sure she’s yelling on purpose.
“I am going to take my lunch break,” he tells Elodie, who is piping icing onto a tray of cupcakes in between customers.
She perks up and sets the icing aside with a smile. “You’re actually taking a break today?”
Jean scoffs and rolls his eyes, then winces at the way the movement makes his head throb. “You are not getting a break today, since you insisted on making me drink so much with you last night.”
“You just couldn't let your baby sister drink all by herself,” Elodie says in a sing-song voice.
“You should have gone out with your friends,” he responds, pulling the strap of his apron over his head after wiping flour off on it. He usually doesn't mind the feeling of flour on his hands, but everything is a sensory nightmare today.
“And leave you to ring in the New Year alone?”
“I would not have been alone,” Jean huffs. Not that it would have mattered, anyway, because he enjoys his own company and would have watched a movie with a bottle of wine that would have been more gentle on his head this morning. His cat is plenty good company and she doesn't bully Jean with tequila.
Elodie ignores his pathetic claim and returns to experimenting with the design she wants Jean to use for Valentine’s Day. It’s taken her a while to give a shit about the bakery beyond a paycheck, but Jean is happy to see her flex her own creativity and offer him some assistance with design.
The lunch rush comes in while Jean is trying to take his own lunch, so he ends it early to assist Elodie with taking custom orders and restocking the inventory after the groups of hungover patrons have their fill of sugary sweets. The idea of being so hungover and having that much sugar makes Jean feel sick to his stomach, personally, but he won’t say no to the business.
He tries to continue his lunch and continue brainstorming his Valentine’s Day ideas after the rush dies down. Since he isn’t serving any customers, Jean gives in to the desire to wear his sunglasses and puts on his pair of noise cancelling headphones while he sketches.
The last couple of designs he’s come up with for a cake all look like shit in his opinion. He isn’t the biggest fan of pink or red and worries it might look tacky. And now Jean is starting to worry there isn’t a romantic bone in his body if he’s struggling this hard. While he doesn’t particularly care for several holidays, he was at least able to tap into the holiday spirit and create something satisfactory.
Everyone loved his layered cupcakes that were made to look like snowmen and he gave into Elodie’s insistent demands to make cake pops that look like lollipops. But something about this upcoming holiday is giving Jean pause.
He sighs and flips the sketchbook shut, blaming his lack of creativity on his hangover, and leans back in his chair to close his eyes and take the time for a quick nap instead.
Jean is woken up by a gentle hand on his shoulder after what feels like a five minute nap. He startles at the touch and startles again when he sees it’s dark outside after removing his sunglasses. The noise canceling headphones really did their job, letting Jean fully fall asleep instead of just dozing off. He slides the headphones down around his neck and glances up to see who woke him up.
Jeremy smiles at him, biting his bottom lip to keep his real amusement at bay. “Hey, sleeping beauty,” he jokes.
“What time is it?” Jean rubs his eyes and glances around the shop, seeing it’s totally empty except for Elodie behind the counter and the older man who’s been sitting in the corner all day, reading a book.
“Late enough for me to be leaving work,” Jeremy replies, sliding into his spot across from Jean. He already ditched his coat and scarf and work bag somewhere. It seems his boss took mercy on everyone because Jeremy is surprisingly wearing just a soft looking crewneck and jeans. “Your sister said you’ve been knocked out over here for hours.”
Jean groans and holds his head in his hands. “I was hungover. And so tired. Elodie is a drunk menace. I do not recommend having a younger sibling.” He doesn’t know anything about Jeremy’s family, only that Cat cautioned Jean to avoid asking about it and to let Jeremy bring it up first.
That is more than fine with Jean. He understands the feeling all too well.
When he lifts his head, he notices that even the mention of a hypothetical sibling has dimmed Jeremy’s smile. “Did you at least have fun? Cat told me you turned down her invite.” His expression changes as he sticks out his bottom lip.
“I do not know if you have noticed, but I do not actually care for things like the holidays,” Jean grumbles in response. “The state of my shop does not reflect my actual interests.”
That gets a laugh out of Jeremy, which is exactly what Jean wanted. “I bet if you joined us last night you would have had fun, regardless of your feelings for celebrating.”
Upon closer look, Jean can see barely concealed marks on Jeremy’s neck. For whatever reason, that sours Jean’s stomach as much as the hangover does. He tries to keep his frown under wraps and drags his eyes away from Jeremy’s neck to focus on his face instead.
“I do not know about that. I am not very fun at social events.” Jean gives a shrug and decides to change the subject. He notices that Jeremy doesn’t have any of his usual treats. “How long have you been here if you have already eaten?” He narrows his eyes at Jeremy.
Jeremy holds his hands up with a sheepish smile. “I only got something small. Your sister is running the store like the Navy and refused to give me the discount you usually give.” He throws a pout Elodie’s way and Elodie sticks her tongue out at him. “Plus, I wasn’t sure if you’d actually wake up, so I didn’t plan on staying super long.”
Jean nods slowly, listening to Jeremy talk. His stomach starts rumbling, actually experiencing hunger for the first time all day. He glances at the clock, then looks back at Jeremy and surprises himself when he says: “are you still hungry? I have not eaten all day. We could…go get something to eat, if you would like.”
There is nothing comparable to how beautiful Jeremy’s next smile is. Jean wracks his mind for anything similar to this radiance, but comes up short. It makes his chest feel funny and his stomach twist in a way similar to hunger, but not like anything he’s experienced before.
“Seriously?” Jeremy practically jumps to his feet and starts bundling up. “I’ll look to see if anywhere is open, since it’s a holiday. We might have to walk or take a train somewhere.”
“I do not mind,” Jean replies, gathering his things as well. “Give me a moment.”
Elodie looks at Jean like he is the most obvious, embarrassing person she’s ever met. She is totally unimpressed with him and Jean can’t find it in himself to care that she is going to tease him relentlessly about this later.
“Can you lock up tonight? Do not forget about the new sourdough starter in the back. Check its progress and send me pictures.” Jean buttons his coat and waits for Elodie to answer him.
“Whatever. I’m only doing this so you’ll stop looking at him all moony eyed whenever he comes in.” She rolls her eyes and stands up straight instead of continuing to lean against the counter.
Jean stares at his sister, mouth parted in surprise. His jaw is not dropped, no, Jean is not the type to look so unbecoming. “I do not know what you are talking about,” he says before turning his back on her.
Jeremy waits by the door, adorably wrapped up in his scarf and coat. He’s wearing gloves tonight, which Jean comments on. Jeremy mutters that he was tired of his hands always being so cold and Jean tries to banish the thought that he could easily keep Jeremy’s hands warm if he wanted.
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After a nonstop onslaught of holidays between Halloween and New Years, Jean is grateful for the reprieve that the month of January provides.
Many despise the month because of the dopamine crash that comes as well as the overall gloomy atmosphere. Jean doesn’t mind it. He welcomes it, even. February is the most dreadful month, in his opinion. It starts the next triple threat of holidays with Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day and Easter. And Jean is still struggling to find inspiration.
Since getting dinner with Jeremy on New Year’s Day, Jean finds himself swindled into venturing out into the city a few more times with Jeremy, as well as Cat and Laila. He finds that he actually enjoys sharing meals with his friends versus eating alone or with his sister.
The worst part of this newest development is the more Jean sees Jeremy outside the safety of his bakery, the more he has to admit to himself that he has a sickening crush on the other man. It makes him feel like a child whenever his heart starts beating harder at the sight of Jeremy simply walking through the door. He starts looking forward to the end of the day when Jeremy stops by even more so than usual, when he had previously just enjoyed seeing a familiar face each day.
Even worse, whenever Jean sits down to continue brainstorming, his thoughts drift to Jeremy. Instead of pinks and reds being used for his designs, he starts playing with shades of brown. When he first noticed this, he thought it was bizarre and was puzzled on why this was happening, until the next time he saw Jeremy and realized that he was spending a lot of time staring into Jeremy’s big, beautiful and brown eyes.
Well, he can’t design a brown themed Valentine’s Day display even if that’s all he can think of these days.
Jeremy breaks their routine when he comes in during the morning before going to work halfway through January. He looks like shit, to be honest, which Jean is surprised by. His hair is limp and he looks like he hasn’t gotten any sleep, like he was up tossing and turning all night.
Jean catches his eye while Jeremy is in line and asks Tanner to take over on taking orders so he can step around the counter. “What are you doing here?” He asks, further taking in Jeremy’s poor appearance. “Are you okay? Are you sick?” He’s prepared to make Jeremy a cup of tea with lemon and honey if he is sick, knowing that always makes Jean feel better.
“I’m okay. Sorry. I just wanted, I don’t know, a treat before work.” Jeremy gives a pathetic little shrug and avoids Jean’s eyes, which is also a break in routine. Usually, Jeremy makes Jean feel electric under his skin with his unnerving eye contact.
This behavior makes Jean want to take care of Jeremy, makes him want to fuss over him and cheer him up. “What would you like? Do not worry about paying, it will be my treat.” He resists the urge to reach out to put a comforting hand on Jeremy’s arm. Surely that wouldn’t actually bring him any comfort, but Jean can’t deny he has the instinct.
Jeremy finally looks at him, his big, sad eyes making Jean feel even worse about whatever could be going on. “You don’t have to do that Jean. I didn’t come in for a hand out.”
“Who do you think I am? The type to give away things for free for no reason?” Jean scoffs and walks back behind the counter to pick something he knows Jeremy likes anyway. He gestures for Jeremy to meet him at the end of the counter as he wraps the pastry up.
Over the past couple of months, Jean has noticed that Jeremy prefers chocolatey pastries, but he’s also fond of blueberry and lemon poppy seed scones, so that’s what he chooses. It’s a bit healthier than a chocolate muffin or a cheese and guava danish. Jean also selects a broccoli and cheddar quiche that he could have for lunch later in the day.
The desire to fuss and comfort has taken over, after all.
When Jean hands the bag over, he lets his hand linger on Jeremy’s for a moment longer than what could be perceived as normal. Jeremy notices, much to Jean’s horror, and he watches as Jeremy stares at Jean’s hand. “So are you going to tell me what the matter is?” He blurts out to divert Jeremy’s attention to something else.
Jeremy crinkles the bag in his hand and avoids Jean’s eye again when he admits: “I had a terrible date last night. Again. I feel like every date I’ve gone on lately has been terrible so it’s just kinda getting to me.”
Jean frowns. He hates both the idea of Jeremy going on dates with other people, despite not doing anything to make his interest known, and he hates the idea of Jeremy then feeling bad about himself because of how poorly the dates were going. He has to wipe the frown off his face, or at least play it off as more of a sympathetic wince.
“Like, is it me? Am I the problem?” Jeremy continues to say. “I can’t think of any other reason. Laila says I have terrible taste in men, but that can’t be the only issue if it’s this bad every time.” His shoulders slump with defeat.
“I have a hard time believing you are the problem, Jeremy,” Jean says, gently. “You are a very lovely person.”
Jeremy stares at Jean long enough to make Jean feel as though he said something wrong, then follows up with: “right. Lovely. I’m sure you think I’m so kind, too?”
Jean stills at this change in tone. “I mean, yes? You are kind. I like that about you.”
That somehow seems like the wrong thing to say as well, since Jeremy is the one to frown this time. It looks all wrong on his face. Jean can’t recall ever seeing Jeremy frown, even after bad days at work.
“I do not understand. Did I say something wrong?” Jean asks, taking a step forward. He glances around the shop, relieved to see no one is paying attention to them.
Jeremy shakes his head. He sniffles one time and starts to back away from Jean. “Um, thanks for this.” He holds up the bag. “I have to get to work. I’ll see you around.”
Jean doesn’t get a chance to stop him or ask him to stay long enough for his sparkle to come back, so he gets to watch Jeremy practically run away from him.
He can’t say he’s terribly surprised when Jeremy doesn’t stop by on his way home that evening, but it still stings for reasons Jean can’t explain.
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Their routine continues to be broken by Jeremy avoiding the bakery and, by extension, Jean.
It’s been over a week since he last saw Jeremy and Jean starts to think he totally overstepped the last time they saw each other. Although he isn’t sure how, since all he did was say he thought Jeremy was a lovely person. And the free food couldn’t have been the final straw, either, considering Jean gives Jeremy things for free or at a discount all the time.
Maybe Jeremy finally caught on to Jean’s embarrassing crush and decided to cut it off at the bud before Jean had a chance to fall even further.
He can’t even ask Cat if he did something wrong, because it would be inappropriate to involve someone else who is also friends with Jeremy. Plus, Cat has been friends with Jeremy longer than she’s been friends with Jean, even if their friendship is stronger and deeper than any friendship Jean has had before.
“You’re pouting again?” Cat asks when she slides into the chair opposite Jean’s while he’s on his lunch.
“Is this your way of asking how my day is?” He replies, certainly not pouting, even if his mouth is turned down in a frown and he’s been looking at everything with furrowed brows, trying to seek out a familiar shade of brown passing his windows.
Jeremy wouldn’t even pass by the bakery on his way home, considering he lives in the opposite direction and only happened to stop in the bakery by total accident one day, looking for shelter from a sudden storm.
That day was a small miracle, the first of many that Jean would be experiencing after meeting Jeremy. It was close to closing time and Jean had been rethinking his original plans to keep the bakery open late in the evening in case people wanted a late night snack, since no one ever stopped by this late.
But Jeremy did. And Jeremy continued to stop by late in the evening, always being roped into staying past quitting time at the office. Even if Jeremy came by at a normal time, Jean started to enjoy all the work he got done when time stretched on and the store got quiet.
His employees complained about it, but Jean had no problem being the one to close up most nights. It didn’t matter that he was also the one to come in early and open the shop. So long as no one figured out why he kept the bakery open so late, he didn’t see why anyone should care about Jean’s split doubles. It was his shop, after all.
“What’s your problem, anyway?” Cat nudges his foot under the table, ripping Jean out of his thoughts about the early days when he was trying desperately to not learn too much about the piece of gold he’d been lucky enough to stumble upon. It was not good to look a gift horse in the mouth, or however the saying went.
Jean accepts the sandwich Cat picked up for him and starts unwrapping it as slowly as possible to put off answering her question. He meticulously folds the paper that his sandwich came in until it is as small as it possibly could be. With every fold, he wishes he could be better at talking about his feelings.
To make his day worse, Elodie comes by their table and hands Cat a slice of white chocolate cheesecake—her favorite.
“So you’ve noticed his bad attitude, too? Isn’t he just awful to be around right now?” She huffs and crosses her arms, glaring at Jean. He rolls his eyes at her dramatics. “The only good thing to come out of this slump is how much he’s been cooking, which means I get all the leftovers.”
“I am not in a slump,” Jean argues half-heartedly. He definitely is in a slump and he hopes Elodie doesn’t elaborate on exactly why he’s been so down.
Because of course she noticed right away, the first day Jeremy didn’t come by. There were extra chocolate croissants when Jean usually sold out of them first thing in the morning. He always saves a few for Jeremy, or even bakes more if he can’t justify denying a customer their purchase.
Cat pouts when Jean won’t spill the details of his bad mood. She waits until Elodie returns to the back room to work on icing some cakes. “I won’t push, but if you need to talk, you know you can always come to me, right?”
“I know,” he answers with a nod, finally digging into his sandwich.
While he eats, Cat tells him about the latest date she went on with Laila, then the movie night she hosted the night after. Jean had technically been invited, but he opted out of going in fear of running into Jeremy and being forced to find out why the other man was avoiding him. And Cat avoided talking about Jeremy’s presence at movie night, which really sealed the deal that Jean had done something wrong. Jeremy probably told them about his obvious feelings and Cat probably felt bad for him.
He doesn’t see Jeremy again until that Friday, and it’s not even within the bakery.
Jean is on his way back from his apartment where he took a midday nap after being at the bakery much earlier than usual to finish fulfilling a large custom order. He spots Jeremy stepping out of the bakery and looking around before he starts to head back toward the office.
So he is stopping into the bakery, just when Jean isn’t around. Jean freezing in his tracks on the sidewalk to watch Jeremy’s retreating back until he disappears into the building next door, feeling a terrible pain in his chest.
A part of Jean wants to just turn around and go back home, but that would be unprofessional and very unlike Jean. He’s gone through worse things than getting the cold shoulder from a man he’s sorta-kinda-in love with. He returns to work and pretends he didn’t see Jeremy ducking out of his own shop when he isn’t there. He doesn’t ask Elodie at the counter what Jeremy wanted, even though she keeps looking at him like she has something to say.
The next day, Saturday, is usually Jean’s day off but he’s fallen so behind in his planning that he has no choice but to come in and start taking down the mid-winter decorations in preparation for Valentine’s Day. He could do a lot of work from home, but his mind is way too preoccupied with everything that isn’t work related to get anything done. So working in the bakery it is.
At least he gets to dress comfortably, not like his usual uniform is restrictive, but he much prefers wearing clothes he doesn’t mind getting dirty when actively baking and today he gets to wear his favorite navy blue hoodie with sweatpants.
He’s halfway through unsticking all of the stupid glass snowflake appliques that Elodie demanded go on the pastry case when he hears someone clear their throat then call out his name.
Jean sighs and lets his shoulders slump in defeat before turning to face Jeremy, because of course he came on Jean’s day off. Maybe he had been hoping Jean wouldn’t be there so he could indulge again without seeing Jean, but the second Jean gets a good look at Jeremy’s face, all of his petty and bitter thoughts dissipate.
Jeremy looks even more of a mess than the last time Jean saw him. It’s like he’s cried so much in the time between last Tuesday and today that his eyes are permanently swollen and his nose is all red in a way that Jean usually thinks is cute, if it’s from the wind, but this whole image before him makes Jean feel sad more than anything.
“Um, sorry, your sister texted Cat that you were here and …” Jeremy trails off with a shrug and a small, sad smile. “Wanna talk outside?”
Jean’s hands are full of stickers he plans to toss, so he just sets them on top of the pastry case and goes to retrieve his coat. As he shrugs it on, he leads Jeremy past the group of people who just came in and a little down the block before turning down an alley to shield them from the wind whipping down the street. He leans against the brick behind him, crossing his arms and tucking his hands under each arm since he forgot his gloves inside.
“How have you been?” Jeremy starts, as if he isn’t visibly unwell both physically and emotionally. Jean wants to laugh at this question, but if this is how Jeremy wants to start…whatever conversation he wishes to have with Jean, then Jean will play along.
“Fine. Busy, I suppose. Next month is one of our busiest months of the year and I have a lot of preparation to do. That is why I am at work today.” He watches Jeremy shiver and shrink further into his coat that’s not even zipped up all the way. Jean sighs and reaches out to zip up Jeremy’s coat. Then he unwinds his own scarf to wrap it around Jeremy’s neck, since the fool isn’t wearing one. “Did you even try to bundle up before you left your house?” He asks, the usual teasing tone back in his voice.
Jeremy shakes his head, watching Jean’s movements with an even more miserable look on his face. “I got Cat’s text and kinda ran out the door in case you left before I got here.”
Jean purses his lips and steps out of Jeremy’s space to lean against the wall again. “I do not want to know why my sister has Cat’s number. I do want to know why you thought you had to run here when you have not stopped by once in almost two weeks.”
“Well, I,” Jeremy stops and presses his lips together. “Cat said you’ve been in a bad mood and I was worried it’s my fault, so I wanted to come fix things.”
“I thought I did something wrong, said something wrong. Overstepped some line.” Jean pauses, searches Jeremy’s face for any clue about what he’s thinking. For the first time since they’ve met, Jeremy isn’t wearing his emotions on his face. If he is, they’re too clouded by whatever has him this sad. “And then I was mad at myself. For putting too much value on your daily visits that it could affect me that much.”
“No, no, Jean, you didn’t do anything wrong, I promise.” Jeremy is shaking his head like a dog trying to get water out of his fur. It makes his hair more disheveled than usual and Jean wonders if there’s any time that his hair is tamed or if it always looks this wild.
Jean always wants to comb his fingers through Jeremy’s hair, always wants to fix it for him, wants to find any silly excuse to touch him.
Not now. Maybe not ever.
“Okay, so what happened? You know I do not like to pry…but I want to pry this time.” This admission of wanting to know something more about Jeremy is as close as he’ll get today to admitting he wants something more in general.
“I got home from California yesterday. That’s where I’ve been since I last saw you. I got a call at work from my sister that my mom had a stroke so I caught the next flight. I almost didn’t, because I don’t speak to my family, haven’t since I moved to Chicago, but..” Jeremy trails off and Jean is horrified to see tears forming in his eyes.
“Jeremy, I am so sorry,” he says, earnestly, instead of reaching out to preemptively wipe tears before they could fall. He squeezes his own arms, resisting as strongly as he can.
“I wish I could say that’s all that happened, but in the end I’m glad I flew out, because she ended up passing away. I would have returned after making sure she was okay, had a return flight scheduled for the day after I got there, but overnight she…” Jeremy pauses to shrug and gives a humorless laugh. “After that, I had to spend the next week with my family ignoring me or only speaking to me to mock me, to say I only care about her health when it’s convenient—“
Jeremy breaks off with a truly sad whimper as the tears start streaming down his face. Jean gives up on his restraint and steps into Jeremy’s personal space so he can wipe away his tears, hoping his cold fingers can cool the warmth he feels in Jeremy’s cheeks. He knows how terribly hot his own face gets when he cries, mostly out of embarrassment, but Jeremy’s cheeks are flushed and it’s not from the wind.
He feels terrible about the way he only worried about his own feelings this whole time and feels even more terribly that he knows he isn’t the most comforting person. Anyone could do a better job than … whatever he’s doing. But then Jeremy is leaning into Jean’s touch, closing his eyes, furrowing his brows as he tries to collect himself.
“Jeremy…I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. It is not easy to lose a parent, even one you have a difficult relationship with. I understand, at least, a little bit of what you are going through.”
“Even if you are just pretending to care, it’s better than what I’ve dealt with for the past week.” Jeremy opens his eyes and won’t look at Jean, but he also doesn't pull his face from where Jean gently cradles it in his hands.
“I am not pretending, I do care. I do not like seeing you upset. You might have thought I was taking pity on you last time, but all I wanted was to make you happier.” This gets Jeremy to look at him and there is an inexplicable expression on his face. Jean has never seen his eyes look like this. They’re warm and something Jean could melt into, but there’s something else he can’t put his finger on.
For some reason, Jean suddenly feels embarrassed about what he’s saying, but he can’t pull his foot out of his mouth and continues. “You have a face for smiling, not frowning. I quite like your smile, too.” He drops his hands from Jeremy’s face and crosses his arms again, in a self-conscious way this time.
Jeremy chooses to not address any of that, he just gives the smallest of smiles. Jean isn’t sure if he’s relieved or disappointed. He’ll ruminate over that later when he’s up late overthinking every interaction he’s had with Jeremy in the last month.
“Um, so,” Jeremy starts after shaking out his hands, probably to get feeling back in them after standing in the cold so long. He looks a little more chipper, his usual sparkle returning to his eye, even if it is a bit dimmed. “I would have been able to tell you about what was going on…but I don’t have your number. And I didn’t want to ask Cat, cause that felt weird… I guess I could have asked her to relay the information that I was out of town, but once I realized you were possibly upset because of me–”
Jean cuts in quickly to say, “I was. I need you to know I was disappointed that you were not stopping by.” He’s not sure why it’s important to say, but he is also starting to think Jeremy isn’t seeing all the underlying things behind Jean’s words. He has to start getting more explicit with Jeremy, now that he knows he didn’t cross any lines.
Jeremy presses his lips together again, but a real smile tugs at the corners of his mouth and he looks terribly amused at Jean making a fool out of himself. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it, spends a few moments pressing buttons then holds it out to Jean with a hopeful look.
“Only text me when you are unexpectedly going out of town,” Jean says as he types his number in. Except he doesn’t hand it back. He sends a text to himself from Jeremy’s phone so he in turn has Jeremy’s number as well.
After that, Jean sends Jeremy home with another bag of free pastries and other things that should comfort and make him happy, like a freshly baked baguette and some soft cheese that Jean sells at the bakery, provided by a local farm.
Later that night, Jean gets a picture from Jeremy. It’s his coffee table covered in a bunch of half eaten pastries. It makes Jean snort and when he sends a question mark back, Jeremy claims he couldn’t decide which ones to eat because they all looked delicious. Then, for no reason that’s obvious to Jean, he sends a selfie. It’s a terribly cute photo–Jeremy has his hood up and he’s under a mound of blankets, but he’s smiling one of his real and big smiles and that’s what matters to Jean.
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It comes to Jean, suddenly. The solution to the problem he’s been having.
He continues to have a hard time thinking of traditional colors and themes for a Valentine’s Day display, until he thinks about the shade of pink of Jeremy’s wind flushed cheeks. Or the way his bottom lip gets darker, more red after he’s bit it nervously.
He thinks about caramels and chocolates and shades of brown that can be wrapped in the colors of love.
Jean’s bakery transforms overnight at the start of the week leading up to Valentine’s Day. Pink, red and white streamers burst out of the ceiling. Paper hearts dangle over the registers. Cat and Laila assisted Elodie in making paper chain garlands in various romantic colors. Every table is covered in delicate, doily-esque tablecloths that the girls found at thrift stores around the city. Elodie begs Jean to let her wear ribbons in her hair the whole week, which he allows because the idea is very cute, he has to admit.
She tries to tie one in his hair and he only relents when Jeremy chimes in that he thinks it’d be cute to see. So he cares a lot about Jeremy’s opinion and he’s whipped, big deal. When Jeremy comments on Jean wearing shades of blue, that blue is his favorite color, maybe Jean goes out and buys a couple more blue articles of clothing. Maybe he doesn’t.
He ends up being more than satisfied with the bakery’s decorations and the updated menu. Despite struggling for inspiration for the last two months, this becomes one of his favorite menu overhauls. He’s perfected his red velvet recipe and offers custom made heart shaped cakes. Elodie helps make cake pops, since Jean continues to think he is above selling them in his shop. If his sister wants to spearhead that campaign, then she may as well take one product off his plate.
The custom orders become a little out of hand and Jean pulls many long nights just to turn around and return at an ungodly hour. Jeremy, of course, stays as long as he can each night until Jean catches him dozing off against the counter or at one of the tables. Sometimes it's even in the middle of a sentence.
Jean watches him, always, with a fond smile. The first time Jeremy comments on how often Jean has been smiling lately, Jean thinks he’s been found out, but Jeremy muses about what could be making Jean so happy.
There is a special custom order that Jean is working on.
He can only work on it when Jeremy isn’t around, hence the early mornings. It takes a couple tries to figure out what he wants it to look like, what he wants it to taste like, if it will come out too cheesy or the perfect amount of romance. Truthfully, Jean used to struggle with things like this. He’s never thought of himself as much of a romantic despite always yearning and longing for something more in his life. Working on this project, watching it come together in a satisfactory way, allows Jean to realize he likes pouring his heart into something to give to another person. Especially when he is pretty sure the other person is willing to accept his heart and hold it gently, with love and care.
Laila has always been considered a friend, but Jean decides he owes her a great debt for all the ways she’s helped him this week. Perhaps the biggest favor she’s done is make sure Jeremy’s schedule is free on both Wednesday and Friday evening. Wednesday for Jean’s secret plan to go into effect. Friday for, well, Valentine’s Day itself. The other big favor is her letting Jean into the office after hours on Wednesday.
“He’s going to absolutely die, Jean. I mean it. I don’t think anyone has ever done something like this for Jeremy,” Laila gushes, clasping her hands together over her heart. For a second, Jean fears there are tears in her eyes, but her smile is so bright and excited that they could be tears of happiness.
She leads him to the elevator, glancing at Jean every couple seconds like she can’t believe the sight in front of her. It makes Jean smile to himself. He thinks if he can get this sort of reaction out of Laila, who isn’t even the intended recipient, then he hopes he will receive a similar, if not a better, reaction from Jeremy.
“The suit is a nice touch. Very romantic.” She presses the button to open the elevator and doesn’t notice Jean’s hesitance before stepping into the death box. He shoots up a quick prayer to whoever listens after seeing her press the button for the twenty-ninth floor. Who knew this building even had twenty-nine floors? More than, he concludes, after seeing there are buttons that go all the way to forty.
The doors of the elevator are reflective, so Jean focuses on making sure everything looks okay instead of panicking over the long ride to the top. His suit is a gray one, typically only used when Jean has to meet with his banker to make sure his business loan is still good. All of Jeremy’s comments and compliments on Jean wearing blue will hopefully pay off with the light blue shirt he paired with it. Both colors are much lighter than Jean usually opts for, but he thinks he looks alright.
When he squints at his hair, he spots those pesky streaks of gray that have come in since opening his own bakery. Cat and Laila usually fake swoon whenever they find more of them, claiming he looks “dashing.” He thinks Cat said something about him being a silver fox at an early age. The memory almost makes him roll his eyes. At least his hair looks less messy than usual, since he put in the effort to tame the curls.
He adjusts his grip on the box in his hands, makes sure he isn’t crushing the bouquet in his arms. Cat was also a huge help this week, especially with the bouquet planning. Jean wanted something unconventional, not a typical bunch of flowers that he could grab from any grocery store. Jeremy is special and deserves something as unique as he is. All he knows is the combination looks lovely, something he would display in his own home. Cat listed all the flowers she included in it but Jean only remembers something about peonies and lilies. There are roses, of course, but Cat mixed them in well with the other pink and peachy flowers.
He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t realize they’ve made it to the twenty-ninth floor until the door dings then opens. Jean freezes, suddenly concerned this is a terrible idea. Laila catches his expression and gently tugs him through the doors. She smiles encouragingly at him and fixes the lapels on his suit jacket then reaches up on her tip toes to pinch his cheek.
“His cubicle is on the other side of the floor. No one else stays as late as we do, so don’t worry about anyone seeing you. Although, Jeremy would be very happy to brag to anyone who listens that you’re there for him. Good luck. And text us later!” Laila gives him a soft push in the right direction and returns to the elevator before Jean can change his mind and follow her back downstairs.
This is the first time that Jean has felt truly nervous since the day he opened his bakery. His whole life has taught him that there are worse things than failure, that he can always get up and brush himself off and try life again, that it’s worth chasing his dreams and going after what he wants. Jeremy is a combination–a dream to chase and something he wants so desperately he’s now standing here, willing to make a fool out of himself.
Jean can hear Jeremy before he sees him. Music floats through the empty office space and carries all the way to the elevators. He can’t place the song, but he does know he’s heard Jeremy hum it before. Jean follows the music and as he gets closer, he can hear Jeremy singing along. This makes him feel better, because Jeremy is a terrible singer. Not everyone can be perfect, no matter how close to being an angel from heaven Jeremy is.
Luckily for him, Jeremy’s back is facing Jean as he approaches. His hair is all mussed up on one side, like he’s been tugging at it as he works. He’s wearing a pink dress shirt and Jean thinks he can see a burgundy tie hanging over his shoulder. It should be tacky and cheesy, but both colors look so nice on Jeremy’s tan skin. Jean can already imagine how his flushed cheeks will complement it as well.
The only way he can think to get Jeremy’s attention is to clear his throat then call out the other man’s name. It does the trick and Jean has to stifle a laugh at how quick Jeremy spins in his chair, almost falling right out of it when his eyes land on Jean.
“Jean–I. Wait. What?” Jeremy springs to his feet, his eyes darting everywhere. They pause on the flowers, linger on Jean’s chest for some reason, jump to his face and then zero in on the box in his hands. “What’s the meaning of all of this?”
It’s impossible to hide his amused smile as he watches Jeremy fumble for words and decides to grant him some mercy. Jean crosses the last couple of yards between them. “Can you hold these for me?” He asks, offering the bouquet to Jeremy, who nods perhaps too many times than what’s necessary. Good, he’s eager and excited. “Thank you,” Jean says, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his smile from growing out of control. He might be just as eager as Jeremy is.
“Are these for me?” Jeremy practically croaks out. His eyes are fixed on the flowers so he misses Jean’s nod, but he lifts the bouquet to his nose to inhale deeply. “Wow, they smell so good.”
While Jeremy is preoccupied with the flowers, Jean opens the box he’s been carrying so carefully since he left his bakery. He flips the lid open to display a small, heart shaped cake. The base color of the icing is blue and the letters and decorative piping is in a complementary shade of yellow. Despite all of Jean’s agonizing over what’s an appropriate baked good to sell for Valentine’s Day, in the end, all that mattered was making something so Jeremy that no one could ever second guess who it was for.
“For the last several years, I have only ever spent the holidays with my sister. Sometimes we visit a family friend, sometimes I would rather eat glass than sit across from him at another long meal.” Jean can feel Jeremy’s eyes on him again, but he’s focused on admiring his work on the cake in front of him. He has the box turned away from Jeremy to not ruin the surprise.
He continues, “and I have never really cared one way or another. About what I do for the holidays. But the last couple of months have given me pause.” Jean looks up, taking in the curious and patient expression on Jeremy’s face. “I do not want to spend this holiday alone this year. I do not really wish to spend any other holidays alone, if this one goes well.”
Slowly, cautiously, to make sure he doesn’t drop it, Jean turns the cake box in his hands to show Jeremy. He spent an almost embarrassing amount of time perfecting the script in the center, making sure it wouldn’t look too cramped within the decorative piping.
It reads: Will you be my valentine?
Jeremy stands there, stunned into silence. But Jean doesn’t take that to mean it’s a negative silence. There is a beautiful flush blooming on Jeremy’s face, nearly the shade of his tie that still hangs loosely around his neck, one half tossed over his shoulder. After a full minute of staring at the cake, Jeremy drags his eyes up to Jean’s face. For the second time in an hour, Jean watches in mild horror as tears form in someone’s eyes.
“Is it too much?” Jean asks quickly, just about to close the lid when Jeremy waves his hands back and forth and pulls the box carefully from Jean’s hands. “Why are you crying, cheri?”
He knew he was going overboard. Maybe the suit, ridiculous as it is, weirded Jeremy out and he’s crying because he has no choice but to stop being Jean’s friend and to stop coming into his bakery. Or maybe Jeremy hates the colors he chose for the cake, expecting something more traditional. Jean’s thoughts start to spin out, from the stress of not wanting to fuck this up, until Jeremy is setting the box off to the side of his desk.
Jean steels himself for rejection up until the moment that Jeremy has his hands on the lapels of Jean’s suit jacket, tugging him closer until there is negligible space between them.
“Of course I want to be your valentine, Jean. Are you serious? This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.” Jeremy lets out what sounds like a dreamy sigh as he gazes up at Jean, his eyes no longer glassy with tears. “You’re kind of my dream guy. I think I need to pinch myself.”
Something comes over Jean, another bout of bravery perhaps, as he rests one hand on the small of Jeremy’s back and uses his other hand to finally comb Jeremy’s wild hair into place like he’s thought about hundreds of times since the first time they met. “It is me who is dreaming,” he replies softly.
Jeremy slides his hands up Jean’s chest to rest them on the sides of his neck, touch so soft Jean almost thinks he’s imagining it. “Do I have to wait to kiss my valentine until Friday?”
The question shocks a laugh out of Jean, which has Jeremy looking at him with an even more intensely hungry gaze. What an odd man. “No, you do not have to wait. I do not want to wait.”
With permission, Jeremy pulls him down for a kiss. He skips the pretense of being shy and chaste and goes right for a passionate first kiss. Not that Jean minds.
Jean backs Jeremy toward his desk and parts from his extremely enticing mouth long enough for Jeremy to hop up to sit. He pulls Jean back in, spreading his legs so Jean can settle in between them, resting one hand on the surface behind Jeremy while he tangles the other in Jeremy’s wonderfully soft, brown waves.
Just when Jean starts to worry that their escalating kisses might turn into something not safe for work, Jeremy pulls back with a gasp.
“The cake! I really want to try it. I’m sorry. That’s totally not sexy.” Jeremy laughs and Jean is so endeared by him that he can’t help but steal a few more kisses.
“I brought forks,” Jean replies, turning in Jeremy’s hold. He doesn’t dare move too far away, just enough to be able to open the cake box. The forks are tucked away in his suit jacket so he pulls them out, then decides he only needs one. “Do you mind sharing?”
“I just had my tongue in your mouth, so I would hope you don’t.”
Jeremy opens his mouth with a mischievous glint in his eye when Jean turns back with a bite on the fork. Jean feeds him the bite, smiling when Jeremy lets out a pleased sound. “It’s lemon! You remembered that I like lemon cake?”
Jean smiles more, incapable of being anything but incredibly soft for Jeremy. “Of course I remembered.” He tucks loose hair behind Jeremy’s ear, letting his fingers linger against his skin now that he’s allowed to touch. To keep himself from getting incredibly sappy before they have even had a date, Jean takes his turn eating a bite.
“How long have you been keeping this secret?” Jeremy wraps one of his legs around Jean’s, effectively further trapping Jean in his hold. “I’ve been over every night for the last week watching you bake and I don’t think I’ve seen any cakes like this.”
“I took a half day today,” Jean admits with a half-shrug. “It does not take me long to bake cakes. The icing is what takes the longest. I put it in the oven this morning and spent the afternoon icing it once it cooled down enough that it would not melt.”
They take turns feeding each other bites, breaking into laughter when Jeremy accidentally gets icing on Jean’s face. He wipes it off then licks it off his thumb, smirking around it. Jean pushes his face away, hoping to cover Jeremy’s sight enough that the other man won’t catch him flustered.
“You are a menace. You mean you have been hiding this for the last several months? I thought you were kind and innocent.”
This makes Jeremy laugh more. He tosses the fork aside and loops his arms around Jean’s neck. “I had to behave so I didn’t scare you away.”
“Nonsense,” Jean mutters, leaning in to kiss him again. It’s even sweeter this time, with the taste of icing on both of their lips. He thinks it will be like this every time he kisses Jeremy and hopes it stays true.
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