Work Text:
a trick of three
a short au forsaken fanfic
I had to see him.
My hands shook, vibrating the steering wheel. The car almost swerved recklessly, my foot struggling to not press down. The drive felt like it would last forever. Panic drove my heart, tears stuck somewhere in my head probably.
At a traffic light, I ran the red stop-light, not caring if I’d get run over by another car. All the traffic lights looked like a mere blur to me. What I was trying to avoid—pressing the gas pedal further—was futile as I speeded past, merging and switching lanes, cars honking as I rushed past. I saw the building in the corner of my eye, the parking-lot half empty. I stopped in the middle of the lot, pushing my car door open.
Please let him be safe.
Please.
My footsteps sounded hollow against the floors, every room around disappeared in my vision. Except for one room at the end of the hall which seemed too far for me. I walked faster, but the hallway stretched. I started running, bumping into one of the workers. They gave me a look, and whatever they said came out as mouthed, a ringing high-pitched sound infecting my ears. The sound of my beating heart was louder than my breathing, the lights burning my eyes.
Pushing past the person whose face was blurred, I made my way to the door, falling on my knees when I realized how much I pushed myself. I twisted the door handle back and forth, forgetting which ways door handles turned.
Finally, my senses came back. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. Trying and trying, because that’s the last thing I can do. For myself. For him.
I stood up, my knees bruised from the previous impact. I gently opened the door, seeing a tiny observation room with a huge window that looked into the cell Elliot was in, staff standing on the side and watching his every move. The difference was, he wasn’t moving. He was in the corner of the padded white cell, his ears covered and curled up so I couldn’t see his face. I couldn’t stand looking at him, so I looked around the room instead.
Staff of the asylum took notes, murmuring at a respectful level and glancing at the readouts on their monitors. They’d point the tip of their pens at Elliot’s trembling figure who was clutching his ears as if he’d rip them off. They were doing nothing about the amount of tears that fell on the padded floors, his hair messed up, no longer in that neat low ponytail, instead dropping around his hung head like a waterfall.
“He keeps praying to someone. Like they’d make it stop,” one muttered to the person next to them, keeping an eye on him. “He’s probably seeing unimaginable things. That’s why he can’t scream or have violent behavior.”
The person next to him nodded in agreement, writing down what was told. “Being mute like that . . . I can only conclude he’s seeing things.”
Someone approached, not smiling or frowning, but anything made me uneasy. I was afraid he wasn’t okay. Everything in the environment around I took as a sign.
“Sir? You’re his emergency contact when we checked his phone.”
I didn’t recognize who they were, but they wore pale scrubs and a badge I couldn’t read myself. I didn’t care who they were, anyways.
“He’s been asking for someone. That’s why we called you. He’s very shaken as you see, but—“ they paused for a second, looking at Elliot, who was pressing himself against the corner like he wanted to get away from whatever was there, “—he calmed down the slightest when we mentioned your name several times.”
My name.
I saw the way he flinched as seconds passed, my eyes looking around the room again. “Let me in there.” I sounded too desperate, maybe even begging, but that’s what I wanted.
They put a finger up to stop me from speaking, reading something on a paper. “We’re evaluating that.” I was about to protest, but they spoke first, “He’s not showing any signs of aggression. He could panic more if you go inside, however, or maybe even worse. We’re trying to find a way where neither of you get hurt.”
One of the staff who was sitting on the chair and taking notes stood up, their clipboard tucked in their arm. The other looked at them expectantly. “We’re considering supervised access for him to enter the padded cell. Give the team a few more minutes. We’ll figure out something that doesn’t startle Elliot Builder any further.”
I closed my eyes for a second, trying to calm myself down for both of our sake’s.
“You can take a seat outside if you’d like. We’ll call you back inside if we decide you can enter.” the staff member explained. I didn’t push any more questions or comments, leaving the room and plopping down on the chair.
My elbows dug into my knees, my hands covering both sides of my face and sighing. I knew who did this. By heart.
It was my fault.
In the beginning of August, I got closer to Elliot. But before that, he hated me. Badly. He sometimes tried to hide it, but he gave this look and sharp tone whenever he was about to kick me out of the pizza place. He’d stand behind the counter with his arms crossed, narrowing his eyebrows and sometimes even slamming his palms on the countertop. It was supposed to be a threat, and it worked for a while.
I kept coming back, however. Even after the hacking from c00lkidd in 2014. He blamed me for being irresponsible. And heaven knows he was right.
I gave up trying to get a good reputation from him again. Every attempt from me was futile. I talked to Noli more instead. He was a cult leader and an old friend. A god.
He was the one who gave me c00lkidd. During my college days, I was the first to greet him. Next thing I knew, I saw that small baby at my front door, sleeping and wrapped in a blanket. I took him in.
The only pizza place in the neighborhood was Builder Brother’s Pizzeria, and the only employee was Elliot. During the middle of July, my son wouldn’t stop asking for pizza. I tried explaining to him that I’m blacklisted, but never told him it was because of his doings. Except the sparkle in his eyes couldn’t make me say no, and I went back to the pizzeria.
I could at least try talking to him again, I thought to myself on that day, keeping c00lkidd under Noli’s care. I knew Noli watched over him when I didn’t.
“Noli,” I called out softly, and in front of the TV a white beam illuminated quicker than I could blink, Noli standing there with his voidstar in hand.
He tilted his head, appearing rather quickly. “Would you like something?”
“I’m going to get c00lkidd some pizza. Watch him for me, alright?”
Noli hesitated somehow before looking down at peaceful c00lkidd, which I took as an agreement and dismissed myself, strolling down the neighborhood to the pizzeria.
I opened the glass doors, but instead of the usually annoyed Elliot, he looked surprised. His eyes widened when he saw me again. His fists unclenched. His shoulders tensed for a second, about to say something, before slumping and replacing his words with: “Hi.”
“What can I get for you today?”
I took my hand out of my pocket to rub my eyes, making sure I wasn’t dreaming. I looked for anyone who might be around me to ensure he was talking to me. I cleared my throat, pretending my voice wasn’t hoarse from surprise, “Uh—cheese pizza—?”
He took one more look at me before lifting his hand and tapping on the machine to take my order.
“ . . . It’s been quite a while. About one or two years.” Elliot shifted his gaze down at the floor. It was rather awkward.
After that interaction, I started coming more consistently. Mostly because of him. Noli grew more suspicious the more times I called him to babysit c00lkidd, each day I left for a longer amount of time.
Then I noticed more than the big things his personality showed. The small things. For example, how he’d cover his smile whenever he laughed. He’d trace words on his hand to remember them. He’d tuck his shoelaces inside his shoe whenever he was too lazy to tie them. And I loved those things about him. It made me want to get to know him better.
Maybe even date him.
The day I asked him out, he covered his face with his hands before squeaking out, “Yes,” peeking through his fingers, wanting to see my reaction. I tried to look confident, but both of us ended up laughing.
On a weekday, I was gone for maybe two hours. I limited myself for c00lkidd and so Noli wouldn’t get bored. I lost count of how many dates I went on with him—(which was in the pizzeria because he refused to go anywhere else)—and I brought him to my house and showed him every room. I thought maybe one of the rooms would become his one day.
My chest tightened when my hand hovered above the doorknob of c00lkidd’s room, different scenarios crashing inside my mind. I knew if I didn’t show him everything, nothing would change. That doorknob I remembered which way turned, entering the dim room. c00lkidd ran to me first, and I crouched down to his level. But c00lkidd pulled away almost immediately, looking up at Elliot.
What would he think of the same kid who burned his workplace?
He was silent at first, but his expression wasn’t reliving the memory. Instead, he seemed more accepting.
“c00lkidd. This is Elliot.”
I wondered if Noli would be pissed from the constant change of pattern for everyday I called him. After that singular visit, I had Elliot just come over. He grew fond of c00lkidd in a way, and as time progressed, he started warming up to him. Every now and then, c00lkidd would run up to Elliot and hug him by his knees from the height difference. Elliot at first only patted his head, soon day after day, he’d get comfortable enough to pick c00lkidd up and hug him back.
c00lkidd sat on his lap whenever Elliot and I were talking. I never realized how good Elliot was with kids until then.
Elliot twirled c00lkidd’s hair in his finger, kissing the top of his head. “His horns are getting pointy.” he tapped on c00lkidd’s horn, gesturing to them. “Do you do anything about them?”
I shook my head, scoffing softly. “I don’t know. I don’t really know anything. Do you have any ideas?” I scooted closer, inspecting c00lkidd’s horns myself. Elliot hummed.
“It’s okay. They look cute on him.” He hugged c00lkidd tighter, c00lkidd giggling and grabbing his ponytail that was resting on his shoulder.
I saw the way he held c00lkidd with such affection. “Let’s not make my child a personal teddy bear,” I teased. Elliot didn’t listen, closing his eyes and burying his face in c00lkidd’s hair.
“La-la-la. I don’t think anyone cares.” Elliot smirked, opening one eye. “He’s more quiet. Why is that?”
I shrugged. “Maybe he’s more calm when you’re around considering you’re a . . . “ I turned towards him, not being able to focus on my words with the look on his face, “ . . . beautiful person.”
“Don’t flatter me, Sev.” Elliot chuckled, ignoring that c00lkidd was trying to chomp on his hair. I kept my eyes locked on him, wanting to admire him for as long as I could.
Both of us had the same idea. His hand cupped over c00lkidd’s eyes as I pulled his chin so I could kiss him properly, not hurried because there was simply no need. We didn’t stay like that for a long time since c00lkidd was already trying to wiggle free from Elliot’s hand which was currently working as a blindfold. I pulled away, acting like we didn’t do anything so c00lkidd could remain oblivious.
A few days later, we became “official," which is such a boring word. I was his boyfriend? I don’t know how to word it without it sounding awkward.
Usually, c00lkidd would call Elliot by his name. He only used his name to ask for food, like for a grilled cheese or something. But he started calling him “dad.”
c00lkidd would start wailing in the middle of the night, despite him being almost ten-years-old. When Elliot would lay next to me and hear those ambulance-like cries, without a hint of him being tired he’d get up and lift c00lkidd, slowly pacing around the dark room and holding him. Every time he did that I watched, no matter how exhausted and sleepy I was. Normally I’d freak out. But he didn’t.
He'd hold c00lkidd until his sobs were reduced to soft sniffles.
Do you think people saw him in the same way I did? I hoped they did. That they saw him just as majestic as I did. The world deserves to see beauty too. The world deserves to see what I never deserved, but was right there.
He sat on the edge of the bed, carrying the now-asleep c00lkidd in his arms. “He should sleep with you,”
“I don’t know. He drools very badly.”
“That’s your worst concern?” he whispered, raising an eyebrow and not buying it.
“I never thought about it.”
“So clearly I’m the genius.”
He rested on his back, lifting the sheets so he could slip in. He placed c00lkidd in-between the both of us, still hugging him close. I tried not to laugh, silently hoping one day c00lkidd would call him “dad” and not be wrong.
“I love you.”
Then Noli found out.
And I found out Noli was in love with . . .
Me.
Noli was the one who gave Elliot hallucinations, monstrous to the point I can’t imagine. I thought he wouldn’t do it. I made a deal with him so he wouldn’t. But once he found out I was with him, he snapped. My fault. Mine.
I turned my head towards the door that creaked open, one of the staff calling me in.
“They’re allowing you to enter the cell. We have a backup team prepared if any inconveniences happen.”
I made my way inside the room, walking to the side where the cell door was. I stopped in front of the door, looking back at the staff. One of them nodded and the door opened automatically.
I saw him.
Some can say he was a mess. It was true, but not for me. He was Elliot.
His uniform was wrinkled and the collar was almost drenched in sweat, his visor on backwards and tears staining the floors. His hair tie was all the way across the room, hair disheveled and hands pressing against his ears. I couldn’t get myself to go up to him. Not even speak. I heard his muffled whimpers, followed by flinching and more flinching.
I got the courage to come forward, keeping a good amount of distance from him. Then I saw him relax in a way, his hands loosening from his ears. A bit of his eye peeked through his hair, seeing me. I reached for his hand that was near his ear.
“Do you see me? Can you hear me?” My hand reluctantly grabbed his, his hand falling from his ear to his sides. He didn’t respond.
Elliot gripped my hand tighter, like he was showing me he was still conscious in a way. Tears filled the brim of my eyes. I wish I could take his pain. That it was me. I knew I never deserved him from the start.
His breathing was jagged, the air around growing colder. I rubbed his hand with my thumb, trying to find his eyes. “Elliot . . . “
Please.
I want to be wrong with myself for the first time if it meant you were safe.