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The words Christopher said reverberated in Luke's ears as he stalked off toward the entrance of the Windsor Club.
For now.
For now.
I look at you and see the passion eyes of May
Everything at Richard and Emily's vow renewal had been going so much better than he had anticipated. Other than the passive aggressive remarks about his clothing, Lorelai's parents had pretty much left him alone. He shared a look with Lorelai during the ceremony that had made his heart soar. Sometimes, he couldn't believe his luck.
He loved being with her. Her joy, her quirks, her passion. Even when she was being a pain in the ass, all it took to shut her up now was a kiss. He loved her even when she was being a pain in the ass. He knew he could be a grouch, and he didn't care. And most people in the town didn't try to change him. But Lorelai liked to push him out of his comfort zone. If it was anyone else, he would have told them to go to hell. When she did it, it somehow didn't seem so bad.
Life was a game to her, but damn it, if their relationship was also a game to her, he was out.
"Luke!" Lorelai called, running after him as quickly as her heels would let her. He slowed, but didn't stop walking. He was too angry to think straight. She finally caught up to him, and pulled his arm. He stopped, and looked down into her flushed face. "I don't know what he was talking about Luke, you have to believe me!"
He wanted to crumble, to forgive and forget, but he kept repeating Chris' words in his head and he felt fresh waves of anger. And something that felt a little like heartbreak.
"Is this just for now?" he asked, his voice low.
Lorelai shook her head wildly. "You and me, this is real," she said, still holding his arm. She squeezed, and gave him a reassuring smile. "Chris is old news, he's my past. You're … " she trailed off.
He wanted her to say it. He wanted her to admit that the two of them, they were forever. That was how he felt, and he'd told her so. He'd told her he was all in, what the hell else was that supposed to mean? He was putting all his eggs in the basket of their relationship, and he needed to know that she felt the same.
But she didn't finish the thought. She just looked up at him, hopeful. He bit back an angry retort. She thought he would just follow her around like a puppy, do anything she wanted. Because that's how their relationship had been for the last 8 years. He just dropped everything and did what she asked. But that was before, when he did it with no expectation of anything in return. But now, he had expectations. His heart was on the line, and he expected her not to break it.
He shrugged off her hand, and started walking toward the exit again. He heard a cry from Lorelai, something that sounded like despair, but he kept moving.
"Luke, stop!" she said, desperately.
"How do I know?" he spat out, spinning around to face her. She had been hurrying toward him but stopped suddenly.
"Know what?"
"Know that this isn't just for now?"
But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me
"I-I don't know what you want me to say," she said, stepping toward him, her head cocked to the side. He tried to ignore how beautiful she looked, how desperately he wanted to forget this and just take her back onto the dance floor. He needed to be strong.
"Say you'll marry me," he said. After the words left his mouth, he widened his eyes in shock. He hadn't meant to propose to her, but it just slipped out. But after they were out there, in the air between them, he meant it. He didn't want to take it back. He grabbed her hand, looking into her shocked face. "I want to marry you," he said. "I've wanted to marry you for years. But I'm not doing this thing with you if it's just for now."
She stared at him, mouth agape. He felt his heart breaking into tiny pieces, dissolving into his gut. Steeling his resolve, he gave a quick nod, and turned to walk out the door.
"Yes!" she screamed, just before he reached the heavy doors. He froze. "Yes, I'll marry you!" she yelled, sounding hysterical.
When he turned to face her, he expected her to be looking upset and scared. Afraid to lose him. But instead, she was beaming. She ran to him, wobbling a little as her heel gave way to the side. He caught her as she leapt into his arms. A laugh bubbled up from his chest and he couldn't help but match her wide smile.
"Are you sure?" he managed to say.
"Oh god yes!" she said happily. He kissed her, and she returned it eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. "Luke, of course I want to marry you," she said tenderly, as they pulled apart. "I didn't think you ever wanted to get married. You know, all that talk about the box and the ducks and mating for life and all."
He felt a flush of embarrassment as he remembered the asinine speech he had given her when she was about to marry Max. "You know I was just jealous, right?" he said. "I want to be married. I want what my parents had. I want that with you."
I haven't lived one day not lovin' you only
Loving Lorelai had never been easy. Despite the fact that she hadn't been the type to run around with a new guy every week, there had been a few, and he had hated every second of seeing her with someone else. A few casual dates in the years before Rory started Chilton, and then there had been Max. Oh god, Max. He'd thought then that his chance had passed forever. The chuppah had been half wedding present and half goodbye. He honestly didn't think their friendship could continue the same as it had if she had gone through with it. Max wasn't stupid, he probably could see how Luke felt about her a million miles away.
The way that he felt about her was different than any other relationship he'd had before, but only because they started as friends. When he met Lorelai, he just wasn't in the right frame of mind for a relationship. He barely even noticed how attractive she was. She also annoyed the hell out of him. It wasn't until he started fixing things at her house and seeing her at town events that he started to see past the wacky persona she adopted as her public face. When Rory had the chicken pox and he made her those mashed potatoes, he caught a glimpse of a tear-stained and worried face, and that was when he knew.
"Lor!"
They both turned to see Chris following them out into the lobby.
"Get the car, babe," she said, stepping out Luke's embrace. "I'm going to pose pretty for that stupid picture, then you and I are blowing this popsicle stand." He watched as she brushed past Chris with barely a glance. Chris looked bruised, standing alone in the middle of the ornate lobby, and Luke felt a shiver of satisfaction. He gave the other man a smirk, then strode toward the valet desk.
And though devotion rules my heart I take no bows
Lorelai went back into the Rose Room to be present for the mandated picture. Rory was waiting next to her parents, looking much less disheveled. She gave her daughter a look to let her know they were going to discuss what she had walked in on only minutes before. As she sidled up next to her mother, she gave the camera a fake smile, but murmured into her ear, "Luke and I are getting married, and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it. Don't expect an invitation."
She heard the gasp, but didn't react. She posed for the flash, and then walked away, hearing the satisfying click of her heels against the floor.
I got the wedding bell blues
As Luke navigated the Jeep back towards Stars Hollow, the silence was palpable. "I'm sorry," Lorelai said quietly, leaning her head back on the headrest to watch Luke.
"For what?"
"For all that crap that Chris said. For whatever my mom did to make him think that was okay."
"It's fine," he said.
"No, it's not fine." She was just getting warmed up. "This is it, I'm done with her. I keep trying and trying, but nothing I do or choose or want is ever good enough."
"You don't mean that," he said, as they passed the Stars Hollow sign.
"I do mean it," she answered vehemently. "I'm done with her." They were quiet until Luke pulled up in her driveway. He sat back against the seat, his hands still at 10 and 2.
"You weren't just saying that, before, were you?"
"Saying what? I said a lot of stuff just now."
"That you'll marry me."
"What? Luke, no." She reached out to squeeze his thigh. "I want to marry you." When he looked up at her, she was smiling. The heaviness that had been pushing against his chest ever since the confrontation with Christopher dissipated. He let out a relieved chuckle, and reached for her. They met in the middle with a sweet kiss. "Take me to bed, fiancé of mine," she said, waggling her eyebrows at him.
Later that night, they were laying on her bed, sheets twisted around them, naked and sated. Lorelai propped herself up on her elbow, looking at him. "So I guess we should have that discussion now, then."
"Which discussion is that?" he asked, thinking this was probably leading up to one of her bits.
"Well, I know you think 4 in 4 is crazy, but what about 1 in 4?" His eyes widened. Not what he was expecting.
"Uh, sure," he said, bewildered.
"2 in 4?"
"Oh, I don't know…"
"How about we start with one and see how we feel?"
He pulled her closer, nuzzling her neck. "Works for me."
"Should we start practicing? You know, make sure that when the time comes, we know what to do?" He rolled on top of her in one swift move, and claimed her lips in a kiss. "I'll take that as a yes," she murmured.