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Ennoshita stares down at his phone screen with something very close to panic swirling in his gut as he reads and rereads and re-rereads the message in their group chat again and again. The chat - which today is named narita’s shoes smell like fish for reasons that Ennoshita had not bothered scrolling back far enough to figure out - had started off normal. Just the usual Saturday night chatter about practice and upcoming games and homework and who had what for supper which had spiraled into a brief bout of Tanaka and Noya going up against Narita and Kinoshita in some kind of spat or another (again Ennoshita hadn’t bothered to read the full conversation, mostly skimming through and latching on to the bits and pieces where Noya called Kinoshita a “snarky sassy asshole” a minute before he said he loved him so much and he was amazing and the like) and had somehow led to this…
The last three messages in their group chat:
dragonsenpai: hey Chika. Can I play an important role at your wedding?
dragonsenpai: like the other groom?
ROLLING THUNDER: yo that waS SO SMOOTH RYUU
And one single message, sent moments later, in his chat window with just Tanaka:
dragonsenpai: no but for real i really like you a lot… go out with me?
Ennoshita lets his phone drop to the kitchen counter with a dull thud. Then he snatches it back up, types out a quick message, drops it again and walks away to bury his face into his pillows.
dragonsenpai: no but for real i really like you a lot… go out with me?
Chikara: TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE THAT IS NOT HOW YOU CONFESS TO A PERSON
He can hear his phone buzzing against the counter top back in the kitchen as he gets a slew of notifications, most likely from the group chat, but he doesn’t bother moving his face other than to allow himself to breathe.
Tanaka likes him. Like he really likes him. Ennoshita is… not entirely sure how to handle that. Sure he likes Tanaka back. They get along really well and Tanaka has these moments of calm where he leans against the wall next to Ennoshita and kind of settles against Ennoshita’s side near the end of practices for a few minutes to center himself and Ennoshita has found himself wondering if Tanaka is like that more often when he’s out of the spotlight. If the loud, exuberant, shirt whirling Tanaka is just a shell to keep prying eyes away from that softer Tanaka.
The shirt whirling Tanaka is the one who sent that message in their group chat, he’s sure. All brash actions and unwavering enthusiasm. Ready to laugh it off or turn it into a playful thing between them all if it goes wrong. And Ennoshita is sure if he were to go skim those messages he can hear buzzing his phone across the counter he’d find just that since he never responded; Tanaka and Noya joking it off, most likely fake proposing to each other and planning out an elaborate wedding.
But it was the soft Tanaka, the one that leaned into him after a long practice and showed up early to help the first years and fell asleep on Ennoshita’s bed after trying to study an entire afternoon and immediately apologized upon waking for supposedly wasting Ennoshita’s time, that sent the message in their private chat. It’s that Tanaka who probably sent a couple more messages asking if Ennoshita was there and immediately apologizing when Ennoshita didn’t answer.
It’s that Tanaka that greets him Monday morning before practice.
Ennoshita hadn’t bothered responding to anything in the group chat the rest of the weekend - which wasn’t unusual for him especially when he checked his phone after half an hour and saw there were close to 370 messages in the chat since he last looked - and he hadn’t sent Tanaka anything else because, honestly, he wasn’t sure what to say.
He had spent the rest of Saturday night and some of Sunday morning thinking about Tanaka. The thought of dating him didn’t bother Ennoshita in any way. But it’s not like he had spent a ton of time thinking about it before either.
They stumble into the club room in the middle of the group; Hinata and Kageyama and Noya already in the gym, Daichi and Suga in the club room, some of the others shuffling through the school gate not far behind them. Ennoshita doesn’t mention Tanaka’s question and Tanaka doesn’t either. They exchange the usual greetings and banter and it doesn’t feel wrong or strange. But it is quiet.
Tanaka’s energy is almost a little manic that morning and it just draws Ennoshita’s attention to the quiet underneath the bravado. He catches Narita and Kinoshita glancing between him and Tanaka a few times and Noya looks like he’s going to say something before he gets distracted by Yamaguchi asking him to receive so he can practice his serve. But other than that it’s business as usual.
Though he can’t quite seem to keep Tanaka completely out of his mind now. He stares down at his notes in class, sight going blurry and distant as he loses focus and wonders what it would be like to hold Tanaka’s hand. Warm, surely, but would it be sweaty? Would the roughness of Tanaka’s had feel odd against his own palm?
He catches a classmate doodling out of the corner of his eye and remembers seeing Tanaka’s notes for one of his classes and realizing just why Tanaka was failing so many tests. He remembers sitting down with Tanaka and trying to figure out a way for Tanaka to take notes that worked for him, the warmth where their bodies bumped and elbows dug into arms, the way Tanaka’s eyes had glimmered with something he couldn’t quite understand when they had finally figured out something that seemed to work.
Tanaka doesn’t flood his thoughts, doesn’t sweep him away or turn him into a useless pile of mushy goo. But, Ennoshita wonders as he grabs his lunch and joins Narita, maybe that’s because he’s already so much apart of Ennoshita’s thoughts and he just never realized it.
After school practice is a lot like morning practice was. Ennoshita keeps catching glimpses of that other Tanaka, mostly when Tanaka doesn’t think anyone is watching him and he takes a moment to drop his shoulders, drop his guard, before taking a deep breath and charging back into the fray. Tanaka flashes him a smile near the end of practice and Ennoshita pauses, lost in the way Tanaka seems to radiate joy at that moment. Then he blinks and Tanaka is chasing Noya down with the ball cart and a laugh that echoes through the gym and makes Ennoshita’s lips twitch towards a smile.
So maybe he really kind of likes Tanaka too.
He stares down at his phone and watches their group chat - today it was named noya is the blister on my heel <3 Kinoshita - fly along his screen. He doesn’t pay much attention to what’s being said. Mostly because it’s some argument about a manga he’s never read and also because Tanaka isn’t participating at all. Ennoshita stares at their private chat and wonders what Tanaka is thinking right now. If he lets his guard down at home and relaxes into something quieter, something softer.
The orange dot pops up on his recent list when Tanaka messages him and he sighs when he reads it.
dragonsenpai: sorry about all that. forget I said it, yeah?
Chikara: Why?
dragonsenpai: obviously because it made you freak out and disappear for the weekend. so… yeah sorry.
Chikara: I never said no.
dragonsenpai: yeah i know that. you never said yes either though
Chikara: No. I didn’t. I said that’s not how you confess to someone.
Chikara: You don’t confess in a group chat and then in a private one if you see the person face to face nearly every day.
Chikara: It’s only decent to confess to them face to face so they can see the sincerity in your eyes and hear your words in your voice.
Tanaka doesn’t respond so Ennoshita rummages through his backpack and digs out one of his notebooks so he can start studying. But his eyes keep darting back to his phone each time it vibrates, checking the screen to see if a new message from Tanaka has popped up. It takes nearly an hour before one does.
He admits he might have been ignoring his homework for the last ten minutes in order to debate whether or not he should ask Tanaka if he’s okay or something.
dragonsenpai: so if i were to ask you face to face…..?
Chikara: You’ll have to try it and see I guess.
dragonsenpai: you should answer your door
He hears a knock at the door.
It’s strange that a simple knock can make his pulse thrum like it is.
His hands have never felt so clammy wrapping around a doorknob.
Seeing Tanaka standing in front of him has never made his stomach jump around like this.
“Hey.” Tanaka’s smile is an interesting mix of the various parts of him. It’s mostly soft and quiet, with a touch of nerves, but his layer of confidence and excitement is pasted over it, giving his face a kind of nervous joy that he can’t remember seeing and can’t quite process being directed at him.
“Hello.” Ennoshita doesn’t know what to do. It’s not an uncommon feeling for him. But being uncertain has never left him feeling quite so thrilled.
“So I, uh, may have been told that I was being kind of stupid and lame because of what I said. And I may have been told that confessions should be done face to face so… here I am.”
“Here you are.”
He’s never really felt the need to fill silences with anything, generally content to just let things be however they are. But he wants to say something. Wants that soft joy to cover Tanaka’s face like a sunrise and wants it to be because of him.
“So, Ennoshita.” Tanaka clears his throat and for a moment it’s all gone, all the bravado and brashness and confidence flickers out and all Ennoshita can see is that quiet Tanaka. He wonders when he began thinking of that part of Tanaka as something that was a gift. A precious thing that Tanaka let him - him and very few others - see. “I really really like you. Like a stupid amount and I think about you a lot and all the little things you do that you don’t even realize make me want to just curl up in your presence. Will you go out with me?”
There’s a bridge here. Ennoshita can feel the hollowness under his feet as he crosses it. Can feel the nothingness pressing in all around him. Can feel the trembling of his nerves as he looks into Tanaka’s eyes and prepares to take a step forward.
It’s not panic swirling in his gut as he smiles.
“I think I’d really like that. Yes. I’ll go out with you.”
It never was panic.
Excitement and panic sometimes feel a lot alike when you’re not talking face to face.
ROLLING THUNDER has renamed this conversation to “RYUU AND CHIKA SITTING IN A TREE <3 <3 <3″