Archive of Our Own

Miscalculation: 

Even though he was expecting it, Steve still jumped when in between his punches, Natasha Romanov appeared in his periphery. The assassin seemed to blink into existence, and Steve twisted to defend himself automatically, letting out a breath of relief when he realized it was his team mate.

Even so, he knew better than to let down his guard around her, especially when her face was as blank as a sheet of empty paper. Steve had never been good at reading other people, but he liked to think that he could at least read how people were feeling at the moment. (He ignored the niggling at the back of his mind that reminded him how he never could understand Tony.) Natasha’s face now revealed nothing. She stood by the side of the gym, hands at her side, staring at him with impassive eyes.

Steve fidgeted slightly, unnerved by her stillness.

“Tasha?” he asked quietly.

She didn’t so much as twitch, but her eyes sharpened.

“When the Vienna news came out, and we were called in, I was prepared for Tony to lose it.” She began.

Steve turned away, his heart sinking.

Her eyes tracked his movement, but she didn’t budge from her position, “Imagine my surprise when Tony didn’t so much as blink.”

“Nat…”

“I was beyond surprised that he offered to send Barnes to a psychiatric facility.” She stated.

Steve jerked in surprise, he hadn’t known that Tony had mentioned that little tidbit to her.

Natasha interpreted his reaction correctly, and narrowed her eyes at him, “We were partners, keeping secrets from each other would’ve been counter-productive.” She said coldly.

Steve flinched at the implication. “Nat,” he defended, “I wanted to tell him, believe me –”

“You lied to me Rogers.” She spat, stalking closer, “I trusted you and you lied –”

“You lie all the time too!” Steve threw out, regretting the words immediately.

Natasha paused, something unreadable flashing across her face before she shut down even more. Steve winced, “Nat I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that –”

“Yes you did.” She tilted her head up, “I lie all the time, that’s true. But it’s also my job to do so. Your hypocrisy is so –”

“I’m just tired of everyone blaming me for this whole thing!” Steve snapped, throwing his arms in the air. “Fury, Rhodes, the team, you – I know I made a mistake, I know that I screwed up somewhere, but if everyone would just stop blaming me – I know what I did wrong, and I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do –”

“Funny you should say that,” Natasha growled, “Considering the amount of grief you gave Tony about Ultron.”

“I didn’t –”

“Didn’t you? We were all there Steve, we all blamed him for Ultron. But you gave him the most hell about something that went out of his control.”

Steve fell silent at that.

The assassin pressed on, “Ask yourself Rogers, why would Zemo’s whole plan hinge on a single video? Why would he bank his whole plan on the chance that Tony didn’t know about his parents?”

Steve knew the answer to that. It was because even a stranger could read him so well to know that he didn’t dare to tell his friend the truth. And Tony was his friend. He woke up in cold sweat at night, hearing Tony’s anguished ‘So was I’ over and over again. He hadn’t meant for the genius to think as though the past few years had been nothing, he hadn’t meant to sound like he chose Bucky over Tony (but he did didn’t he? He chose Bucky over all of them) but he couldn’t let Tony kill Bucky either.

Sometimes his mind would whisper to him that if Tony truly wanted to kill them, all he needed to do was turn the unibeam on them. (the same unibeam that ripped through Bucky’s metal arm like a knife through butter)

All the anger drained out of him, “I know Nat, believe me, I know. I wake up every day and I wonder how different things would go if I had just told him, but I was so afraid that he would hunt Bucky that I – I just, I told myself that I would tell him, but then Ultron happened, and then we had to train the new Avengers, and then this just came out of nowhere –”

“Those are excuses.” She cut him off, “You had a dozen opportunities to tell him, but you never took it. You told me that you would tell him, and I trusted you to do it.”

“Would you have done it? Tell him? Even though it would ruin him?”

Natasha looked him steadily in the eye and replied, “Yes I would. Because he never got over his parents’ death, and because he deserves the truth after a life of betrayal.”

Steve looked down.

Natasha sighed, “Why didn’t you listen to me when I told you not to make things worse?”

Steve lifted his head, “Nat, they were going to shoot Bucky on sight! How can I stand by and let them do that?”

“They weren’t going to.”

“Yes they were!” Steve stressed, “Sharon told me, she said that they had orders to shoot him on sight!”

Natasha shook her head, “This is why you’re supposed to communicate with us Steve!” she hissed, “Tony and I managed to convince them to change the order to bring him in, if their orders were to shoot, they would have gunned you down in that tunnel.”

In a rare gesture of expression, she flipped her hair behind her shoulder, “Barnes is a war hero. We played up that angle to try and get them to change their minds because of the public backlash if it was ever leaked out that the government killed Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.”

“They already ruined his reputation by broadcasting the lies that he was behind the bombing!”

“And you didn’t think there wasn’t something called a follow up? Knowing the truth we could have released evidence that it wasn’t him, proof that it was Zemo behind it and Barnes was a victim!” she snarled.

“I couldn’t trust the government!” Steve shouted, “Not people with agendas, and definitely not after what happened with SHIELD –”

“Shut your mouth Rogers.” Natasha hissed, her tone so venomous that Steve took a double take.

He flinched at the deadly look in her eyes and the near imperceptible pain, “You’re not the only one who suffered through SHIELD’s fall. You were there for what? Three years? Four? There are people who have been in SHIELD for their whole lives. There are people who didn’t have a home outside of SHIELD, who had nowhere to go when SHIELD collapsed, who had to start their life from scratch because they didn’t have money, or contacts or jobs. So don’t tell me about SHIELD because you still had a place to return to, you still had the Avengers and you still had Tony.”

Whatever response he had in mind died in his throat, because what could he say to that? He’d been so adamant about the betrayal of trust when SHIELD revealed themselves to be HYDRA that he had never considered the other people who had nothing but SHIELD. He had forgotten that there were agents, scientists, personnel of SHIELD that had their lives turned over because of his simple command. He had been so focused on Bucky that he never even thought about what happened to SHIELD personnel after the organization was destroyed and their secrets betrayed. If Clint's family had been recorded down, he would have been responsible for painting a target on their backs. How many people had he screwed over? How many of them had families? Innocent children, wives, uncles, aunts - people who didn't know what they worked as, people who could have been killed because of their enemies. Steve tasted bile at the back of his throat. He had been so caught up with the realization that HYDRA was back that he hadn't thought of the consequences of his actions. He had looked at one organization become his enemy and began looking at every governmental body the same way.

“Tell me Rogers, other than mission debriefs, reports, and the occasional meeting with the higher ups in SHIELD, did you ever talk to anyone like the Council?” she questioned, knowing his answer already. “You never had to deal with the political fallout because Tony was the one who dealt with it. Did you think that once we saved the world we could go back to bed and all would be right in the morning? Did you never think where Tony disappeared to after our missions?”

Steve had, but he had assumed that Tony was busy being Tony – hiding in his workshop or being dragged to SI meetings by Pepper. The thought that he had been trying to fix things… it never crossed his mind.

“Relief efforts don’t just enter countries on a whim.” Natasha said, and Steve refocused on her, his whole world being turned upside down, “Tony has to ask the country’s governing body for permission before he can send relief efforts in. If they didn’t want the help, we can’t just force our way in, no matter our intentions.”

“Why did he never ask any of us to help?” he asked quietly.

Natasha cocked her head and smirked humorlessly, “Who would he ask? Thor? For all that he’s a prince, he knows nothing about diplomacy and politics on his world, let alone on ours. Bruce? He’s a scientist, he doesn’t know how to navigate anything other than the lab. Clint? Clint hates politics with a vengeance. Or you maybe? America’s icon? You know nothing about politics Rogers, why would he ask you? I helped him as far as I could, but I’m an assassin, I retrieve information, not deliver it.”

“Tony is the one person on the team who knows how to play the people better than I can, and that’s because he’s been brought up to do exactly that. Not every battle can be won by hitting the other guy as hard as possible.” She finished, her eyes hard and unyielding.

Steve exhaled shakily, “The Accords…”

“Were meant to be amended. Nobody in their right mind would sign a document without trying to amend it in some way. Everyone wants to benefit in this world Steve, you can’t get everything you want. That we managed to work like this for so long was a miracle by itself. It just means that our damage control isn’t enough. It means that the various countries are not happy with their people becoming collateral damage.” The Black Widow stated evenly.

“Ross shouldn’t have put them in the Raft.”

Natasha shrugged, “Obviously it was illegal – knowing Tony, he’s going to make Ross pay for that. But considering that we had a kill order on you and your team…”

“He what?” Steve gasped, staring at her in horror.

“After Barnes escaped from the facility, Ross put out a kill order on you, Barnes and Wilson. Tony talked him into allowing us to bring you in instead.”

The lump in his throat was suddenly hard to swallow. “I owe Tony a lot don’t I?” he whispered.

Natasha jerked her head, “We all do.”

Steve licked his lips, “I – can you explain to me what the Accords were about?”

Natasha blinked in surprise, “Why?” she asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

Steve sighed, “I,” he chuckled and smiled deprecatingly, “For all that I say that Tony is allergic to admitting his mistakes, I guess I am too.”

He took a deep breath, “I still don’t believe in handing over control to someone else, but – but I want to try and understand the Accords. I want to know what you and Tony had in mind about amending the document, and I want to see if we can reach a compromise.” He said firmly.

Natasha stared at him in thinly veiled shock, but recomposed herself soon enough. She eyed him for several moments longer than nodded, “If you’re sure, then follow me.”

She spun on her heel and stalked out, barely a whisper in her footsteps.

For the first time since he flew off in Leipzig, Steve felt his heart lighten.