Chapter Text
“Baby, wait, please.”
Jungkook called out to you from behind, his voice trembling. You could feel his fingers pulling at your sweater as he tried to stop you, but you ripped yourself from his weak grip and bit your lip. He didn’t try a second time, but you stopped anyway.
Jungkook hastily caught up to you, appearing in front of you and looking at you helplessly. “Please”, he quietly pleaded. “Please don’t leave.”
You felt your chest clenching but didn’t say anything as hot tears threatened to spill from your eyes. Instead, you took a deep breath and looked at him as firmly as you could.
“Tell me why”, he requested, his eyes wide and round and you flinched internally, wanting to hide from this sight, but on the outside, you stood upright and looked at him coldly. “I can’t anymore, Jungkook”, you explained, and although you had tried to prevent it, your voice now sounded weak and desperate, just as desperate as his, and at the sound of it, your shoulders sank down and you lowered your head, defeated in the cold of the night.
“I can’t.”
Jungkook was quiet but you could hear the silent gasp and finally, your eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry”, you added and your voice was shaking although you did your best to hide how your heart was aching, clenching your fists until the fingernails sank into your palm and sharp pain ripped through your veins – overshadowing the dull pain that spread in your chest, but only for a second. Then you were pulled back into reality by Jungkook’s rough voice, so bright and full most of the times, but now, it was empty and he spoke slowly as if the words that rolled off his tongue were the first he ever spoke.
“I understand”, he replied, but you could clearly feel that he couldn’t, with every wave of his warmth, with every wave of his scent it washed over you. For a second, in the back of your head, a tiny voice whispered how futile and dumb all of this was, but then the pictures replayed – the fans crying and screaming at you who stood in the middle of the red carpet, looking at all the angry faces in shock until Jungkook hastily pulled you towards the safety of the door, not even sparing them a glance as their insults were directed at him more and more, “Jungkook, you left us”, “She doesn’t deserve you”, “We love you more”, “You don’t like us anymore”, and the voice shut up.
You took a shaking breath, trying to calm down the mess in both your head and your heart. “They’re important to you”, you said, knowing that he was aware you spoke about his fans. “Important to BTS. I’m not gonna make you lose them just because we’re dating. It’s not worth it.”
Jungkook looked up, sudden anger burning in his eyes, just a tiny spark surrounded by the endless darkness of fear, despair and sadness. “It’s worth everything!”
You swallowed thickly, your heart screaming at your head that it was wrong and your head screaming at your heart that it was necessary, and now the tears overflowed. “Go back, Jungkook”, you whispered. “Just go.”
His hands fell down to his sides, the young man was staring at you and his brows furrowed in confusion at the words that were so unlike you – something you’d never say, “It’ll be fine” or “We’ll manage” was something you’d always tell him when times where rough, and now he saw you standing there, head hanging low, blue eyes avoiding his glance, lips pressed together in an attempt to prevent the sobs from spilling, and he felt his heart exploding and deflating at the same time.
“Please”, he managed to choke out, his voice raspy and weak, “Y/N, please, you know we can-”
He fell silent at your glance, your eyes so dark and hopeless, something he had never seen before. “Y/N”, he repeated, this time in shock, and quickly stepped up to you, he couldn’t care less about how your body stiffend and how you raised your hands in resistance.
His arms pulled you close faster than you could try to push him away, and the same second his warmth engulfed you, the first sob slipped from your lips and you cried against his shoulder, grabbing fistfulls of his shirt and pulling, and he grimaced in pain when he felt your heart beating hard and fast against his chest like a captivated bird hitting against the bars of its prison again and again in the desperate attempt to escape.
The bird would always, always eventually break and spend the rest of its life on the ground of the cage.
He pressed his eyes shut, clenching his teeth and forcing the tears back as he listened to the sobs that made your body shake uncontrollably in his arms, not matter how tight his grip was. He realized he couldn’t stop it, rubbing soothing circles into your back as you held on to him for dear life, your fingers stiff and not willing to let go, your heart aching and fluttering at the same time, your eyes burning from all the tears.
Jungkook swallowed.
“Please”, he rasped out once again, this time burying his nose in your hair, closing his eyes and praying that you would give in to his pleads. “Please don’t leave.”
His words reminded you of what had happened and you felt your throat burning with the words that were tumbling off your wet lips now.
“I can’t, Jungkook”, you responded, voice shaking and breaking, forcing your fingers to let go of his shirt, forcing your feet to take a few steps backwards, skin leaving skin. Both of your hearts felt as if being ripped apart due to the wall you built between them, with shaking hands and screams of pain, but you still built it and Jungkook could see in your eyes that you wouldn’t stop.
“I’ll wait for you”, he whispered, now tears glistening in his eyes, and he approached you once again and grabbed your hands, his big palms rubbing over your cold skin. “I’ll wait for you, so please come back.” His tears were on the verge of falling but you just slowly pulled your hands out of his grip although your skin already burned at the loss of his touch. “Maybe”, you vaguely answered and tried to flash him a weak smile.
You failed miserably, and watching his tears finally spilling and rolling down his perfect cheeks made you suck in a harsh breath. He looked at you as if his world was currently being destroyed, as if there could never be happiness in his life, as if his lips could never curl into a smile anymore and his eyes could never shine with love again.
“Y/N, I beg you”, he whispered and you could see he was wrecked, his mind running in circles to find the answer that would make you stay. “I’ll do anything.”
You couldn’t watch him cry, and that was why you pulled the hem of your sweater over your hand and reached out for his face to wipe the tears off his skin. “You can do something”, you replied and winced in pain at the expression that spread on his face, stupid hope and the endless will to comply to your wish. Tears were burning in your eyes and you gritted your teeth, voice breaking as you continued.
“Don’t wait for me.”