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Bakugo was no stranger to nightmares. Living a life where he was used to bottling everything up, never telling anyone anything unless through anger, or occasionally acts of service, made it so that his pain and fear found him when he most vulnerable. When he was alone, in the dark of his cold bedroom, his guilt found him. He hated how weak he was, he hated how he used to treat people, especially Midoriya. He was a bratty little kid, convinced he was the best, when in reality, he had nothing to show for it. Unless you could consider getting kidnapped and, fuck, dying, to be something that happened to "the best."
He never told anyone how he felt. They probably had some sort of idea, while he wasn't one to talk about his feelings, he also wasn't the most graceful at hiding how he felt. But even behind the outbursts, behind the constant need to get better and train to be the greatest, he still felt scared. Scared that he would find himself in another life-threatening position, where someone would have to give up their power for him again. The guilt killed him.
And this night, it was no different. The guilt, the trauma, the pain, found him deep in his sleep, where he couldn't fight it off with a hard workout or a sparring match with Kirishima.
Kirishima.
This time, the dream was something unfamiliar. It was him, and he was fighting a villain he had never seen before. And as far as he was aware, he was losing the fight. The villain had him by his neck, and fuck, his mouth, it was covered, his mouth was covered again. He tried to scream, a wrecked, pathetic thing, but nothing more than a weak whine came out. He thrashed, sending rogue blasts into the villain's body, but the villain only laughed, dark and sinister. Then, they leaned in.
"You'll never be good. You tried so hard, just to fail. You poor thing."
The voice was mocking, laughing an evil laugh, one that made the blonde nauseous.
Then, a familiar voice.
"Bakugo!"
It was Kirishima. Kirishima had found him in his dream.
"I got you, bro!"
Kirishima activated unbreakable, charging towards the villain, attacking head on. The villain stumbled, and Bakugo was released, causing him to fall to the ground, clutching his stomach as he spit up blood.
"Bakug-"
Before Kirishima could finish, he fell to the ground, a vacant look in his eyes as he hit the ground with a sickening thud
Then, the dark figure, the villain, loomed over him, laughing that same, evil laugh.
"What did I say? You tried so hard, only to hurt someone close to you again. You're pathetic."
Bakugo shot upright in bed, the sounds of his own labored breathing filling his ears. His eyes darted around the room, searching for any sort of semblance that this was real, not another sick reality he couldn't escape. His sweaty hands gripped his blanket tight enough that his knuckled turned white. After gulping in a few more breaths, he stumbled towards the door, opening it clumsily and stepping out into the brightly light hallway.
This is real, you're real.
Bakugo grumbled in annoyance, heart rate still elevated and mind awry, as he made his way to the kitchen for a cold glass of water. He needed to snap out of it. Maybe his dream was right, he was pathetic. Letting a stupid dream get to him.
He shuttered as he remembered the contents of his dream, the imagery of Kirishima's cold, vacant eyes haunting him even when he was awake. Bakugo couldn't afford to destroy another talented hero like he had done to All Might and Deku. He wouldn't.
After gulping down a glass of water and splashing his face with cold water, he checked the time on the clock in the common area.
2:14 A.M. He needed to be awake for his morning run in three hours.
Bakugo groaned as he flopped on the couch, too unmotivated to go back to his room. His room didn't exactly spark feelings of comfort right now anyways.
He sat there for god knows how long before hearing light footsteps behind him. He didn't stir until the person spoke.
"Bakubro?"
Kirishima.
"Why are you up at this hour, shitty hair?"
"I should be asking you that."
Kirishima sat next to him, leaning into the blonde slightly. After the war, that became somewhat of a normalcy for them. When Kirishima had found out that Bakugo died, and then nearly died Again, he often initiated physical touch just to make sure the blonde was really there, that he was safe. Bakugo wasn't about to yell at him for it, as if he hadn't been stupid enough to get himself killed in the first place. So, he let it happen. Sometimes, he secretly enjoyed it. Right now was one of those times.
"So..why are you up?"
"It's nothing."
"Bakugo, you're staring forward at nothing, and you're scowling. I'm not stupid. If you don't wanna tell me, it's fine. But you don't have to lie."
Bakugo was quiet for a few minutes, and like Kirishima had promised, he didn't press any further, he only leaned into the blonde slightly further.
"Nightmare" Was all Bakugo offered before going silent again
"Ah" Kirishima responded, as if he knew all too well.
"I...I think that I'm not actually as good as I make myself out to be."
Kirishima stayed quiet.
"Shit man" Bakugo breathed, his voice wavering
Kirishima glanced up at him with questioning eyes. Bakugo knew what he wanted, he wanted to know what the dream was about. But he couldn't- he couldn't let Kirishima know he was that weak. Couldn't let him know he was dreaming about him. So he opted for the things he could bring himself to explain.
"I've always had nightmares. Guess it comes as a byproduct of being an emotionally unavailable asshole. After the war, they shifted to something different. They happen more, and they're more graphic."
"I get them too...I...Bakugo, I see you dying. Right in front of me. My hand is outstretched for you to take, but you're right out of my reach. I can't save you in my dreams."
This breaks any sort of wall Bakugo has left up. He sighs shakily as tears drop steadily down his face.
"Fuck"
Kirishima lets up to give Bakugo space, but the blonde holds him by his wrist. When Kirishima looks up, he's met with fiery red eyes.
"Don't leave."
"Okay..."
"My dreams, they vary. Most of the time, it's about All Might, or Midoriya, or getting kidnapped, and sometimes from when I...died. But tonight, it was different."
Bakugo swallowed thickly, wiping the remaining tears off his face, before continuing.
"It was...about you. You came to save me, because I was too damn weak, and you...you died. In front of me. Trying to save me."
Kirishima didn't move, didn't breathe.
"I feel guilty, all the time. I ruin people because I'm not strong enough on my own"
Bakugo breathed shakily as more tears dared to drop.
"Katsuki..."
The switch to his first name had Bakugo's breath getting caught in his throat. The two occasionally called each other by their first names now, but nothing was quite like how Kirishima said it now. So...soft, earnest.
Kirishima hesitantly lifted his hands to Bakugo's cheeks and wiped away the stray tears, before grabbing the blonde by his wrist and tugging him off the couch.
"My room" Kirishima explained simply, and Bakugo was too worn out at this point to argue.
Once the two had made it back to the safety of Kirishima's room, Bakugo found it in himself to relax a little. He unclenched his jaw as he sank into the redheads mattress.
"Katsuki, first of all, you're not weak. Second of all, you didn't ruin anyone just because you needed help."
"Good heroes don't need help."
"That's not true, and you know it. Midoriya didn't win that war alone."
Bakugo shut his mouth with a click. He knew it was pointless to argue this with Kirishima. He knew the teen was right, but it didn't change anything about the guilt gnawing away at his body.
Kirishima sat next to Bakugo gingerly. This time, the blonde was the one to lean into Kirishima.
"This is stupid" He grumbled
"Not stupid."
"Strong people don't get shaken up over a dream like this"
Kirishima sighed before responding
"Bakugo, you think I'm strong, right?"
"Of course, dumbass."
"Do you know how many times I've woken up with tears running down my face because of a bad dream? How many times I've had to talk myself out of a panic attack because of the horrid images my mind produced?"
Bakugo didn't know. So he remained silent.
"So many times. So if you still think I'm strong after hearing that, then you can't call yourself weak for experiencing the same thing."
"....of course I still think you're strong"
Kirishima offered a small smile to the blonde
"That's what I thought."
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, with the two boys leaning into each other for comfort, Bakugo finally spoke up.
"Thanks, shitty hair."
"Of course, Bakubro."
Bakugo allowed himself to huff out a small laugh, his exhaustion finally catching up to him.
"Sleep?" Kirishima offered
Bakugo tensed slightly. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to be alone.
As if he could read the teen's mind, Kirishima quickly followed up his question
"You don't have to leave. You could sleep...here? If you want, of course."
Bakugo only laid down in response, pulling Kirishima with him. Once the two had settled, face to face, Bakugo allowed himself to take a deep, calming breath.
"Seriously, 'Shima. Thank you. Sorry for getting all lame on you."
"You're not lame, and you don't need to thank me." Kirishima whispered, moving in daringly close, nudging Bakugo's nose with his own. Bakugo blushed furiously at the act, but didn't pull away. Kirishima, with newfound confidence, leaned into further, so that his lips ghosted over Bakugo's, a question.
Bakugo was the one who closed any remaining distance, still hesitant himself.
The kiss was light, barely anything, but it was what both boys needed to fully ground themselves after the long, exhausting night.
"Eijirou" Bakugo whispered into the air between them.
"Hm?" Kirishima hummed, eyes half lidded.
"Just wanted to say your name, shitty hair."
Kirishima laughed lightly at the uncharacteristically soft tone Bakugo had taken on
Bakugo hesitantly moved his arm to drape over Kirishima's waist, and when the boy didn't pull away, Bakugo took it as a hint to pull the redhead into his chest.
"Thank you, Ei."
"I already said you don't need to thank me. Now go to sleep. I'll join you on your run tomorrow."
"Okay" Bakugo breathed, placing his head atop Kirishima's soft, unstyled hair
The two drifted off, a peaceful air settling in the room after everything that happened. Bakugo nor Kirishima had a nightmare again that night. However, now they knew that if one of them was ever struggling again, that they could have this, just them.
That was enough for both of them. Quiet intimacy, knowing that the only thing separating them after a hard day was a thin dorm room wall.
While the rest of their class, as nosy as they were, damn them, would eventually find out about the two of them, for right now, they could just bask in each other. No pressure to hide themselves away.