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It felt wrong seeing Shadow so vulnerable. Trembling and sobbing on the ground, a gut-wrenching sound the likes of which Sonic had never heard from him.
His chest tightened. He steeled himself as he made his approach, slowly, gingerly, as if not to frighten a wild animal, and tentatively called out Shadow’s name.
Instantly, Shadow looked up at him, and Sonic felt another sympathetic pang in his chest.
There was a vacant look in his bloodshot eyes which seemed to take a moment to process what exactly it was they were looking at. A quick series of emotions flashed upon Shadow’s face as he recognised his longtime rival, from what looked like relief, to wide-eyed fear, to profound sorrow, before settling on cold fury.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
—
Sonic was frankly puzzled.
After enduring several minutes’ worth of denials, provocations, and halfhearted insults, he was at his wits’ end. Was Shadow’s brilliant strategy to piss him off so bad that it’d convince him to leave him alone to die? It would almost be funny if it wasn’t so galling. In any case, if he thought Sonic was going to play along, he had another thing coming.
“Acting’s not your strong suit, you know.”
“What?” It came out harsh and desperate sounding. Attempting to recover his composure, he tried again.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said coolly, “but you’re starting to get on my nerves.” A valiant endeavour, but ultimately in vain; it was obvious enough to both of them by this point that Sonic wouldn’t leave without getting what he wanted.
“You really think I’m going to be baited that easily? No dice, Shadow. You’re not getting rid of me that way. So cut it out and tell me what’s wrong already!”
“Awfully persistent, aren’t you?” Shadow muttered gloomily. But there was no venom in his words, only defeat and resignation. His shoulders slumped and he let out a weary sigh as he slid onto the ground and hugged his knees, resuming the position that Sonic had found him in. Combined with the sullen, petulant expression he wore, it made him seem almost like a little kid.
He closed his eyes and sat still. Sonic sat down next to him, careful to keep his distance. He was already borderline interrogating Shadow; it was the least he could do to give him some space. Upon noticing Sonic’s presence next to him, Shadow eyed him warily and scooted away. Alright, thought Sonic, clearly not enough distance.
It was a while before Shadow spoke again. When he did, he carefully avoided eye contact, keeping his glare firmly fixed ahead of him.
“I didn’t want anyone seeing me like this, least of all you. Not that I have much choice now,” he conceded.
“You can thank Vector for that. He says he’s sorry, by the way,” offered Sonic. Shadow looked a little puzzled, but nodded in acknowledgement before continuing.
“I can’t remember much beyond recent events. Lately, I keep getting these flashes—individual moments, fragmented memories—but there’s no context. I’m missing the bigger picture.”
He looked in Sonic’s direction, still avoiding his eyes. “I know you, and I know we fought here once, but I can’t exactly recall why or how we first met. The earliest thing I can remember clearly is Rouge and Omega freeing me from one of Eggman’s bases. She told me that we were allies before… that I was supposed to have died. She didn’t say anything else, but it was obvious she was keeping something from me. The way she looks at me sometimes, thinking I won’t notice…”
He sighed. “It frustrated me then. I wanted answers, and I couldn’t see why she wouldn’t give them to me; if she knew about my past, then why didn’t she just tell me?” For a moment, he fell silent, and his gaze grew distant and melancholy.
“…Now I understand. She was trying to protect me. I think… I think she hoped that if I didn’t find out, I could… go on living like everyone else. But that’s wrong,” he said flatly. “Knowing what I know? I can’t go back to Earth. It’s only a matter of time before I–” his breath hitched.
“Before I do something… regrettable.” He laughed mirthlessly. “Besides, there’s nothing for me down there. It’s not like anyone will miss me.”
“Hey,” Sonic interjected, putting a hand on his shoulder. “That’s not true.”
Shadow scoffed, but leaned into the touch, closing the gap between them and resting his head on Sonic’s shoulder.
“I’ll stop burying the lede. When the alien invasion began, Black Doom sought me out. He tried to get me on his side; said if I cooperated, he’d tell me what I wanted to know. He mentioned something about the Professor having… tampered, somehow, with my memories.”
“I guess him knowing about Gerald does make his story more believable,” mused Sonic.
Shadow grunted in affirmation. “I dealt with him eventually, if you must know. As was my intention from the start. But I needed to get answers out of him first. I caught a ride to the ARK with you, and after we parted ways, I ran into that military commander. I found out that he grew up on the ARK with Maria.”
“No kidding. What else’d he tell you?”
Shadow paused, seemingly reticent to continue. “He… confronted me very aggressively. Talked about having witnessed my creation by the Professor and…” he trailed off.
“And Black Doom.” His voice shook with revulsion. The name sounded as though it had wrenched itself from his throat with a painful effort.
Sonic frowned. “Is that what this is about? Even if he had a part in making you, it doesn’t change anything. You’re still you.”
Shadow shook his head. “That wasn’t all he said,” he murmured. “His family… Maria…” He looked down at his shaking hands. Suddenly, he closed them into fists.
“... I killed them.”
Once he processed them, his words hit Sonic with all the force of a moving truck.
“What?!”
He was incredulous. He didn’t think he had it in him to be surprised by the military’s capacity for evil, and yet here he was. GUN truly never ceased to amaze. Doing his best to tamp down his present homicidal rage at GUN Commander Abraham Tower, Sonic returned to the situation at hand.
“Shadow, that’s not true. I mean, I can’t blame you for believing it, and you’re gonna have to trust me on this one, but… that’s not what happened. The ARK disaster was GUN’s fault.”
“You weren’t there,” Shadow said grimly. “You don’t understand. He wasn’t lying.”
“Well, maybe not, but it’s still not true. Think about it—he lived on the ARK, right? That makes him a potential witness, probably the only one alive. As far as their cover-up operation is concerned, GUN had as much motive to lie to him as to anyone else.”
Sonic shrugged. “Pretty solid plan if you ask me. They lock you up, lie to Abe that you were responsible for their crimes, and no word ever gets out. Plus, if you ever manage to escape, with any luck you two wind up killing each other. It’s a win-win… for GUN, anyways.”
He spared a glance at Shadow, who still looked uncertain.
“Maria’s death wasn’t your fault,” said Sonic, his tone firm but gentle. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for something you didn’t do. If you die, it’ll only be a victory for her killers.”
He tried to put a comforting hand on Shadow’s shoulder again, but the latter recoiled, turning away and crossing his arms. He tried to steady himself, but with each shaky breath he took, it was increasingly apparent that his efforts were futile.
Shadow shut his eyes tightly, but nothing could stop the tears from flowing. He gasped painful, stuttered breaths as his chest heaved with the force of the sobs that escaped it. The ugly feelings that he’d kept bottled up for so long were erupting out of him with a violent intensity, bitter, angry, in retaliation for all the time they’d been forced to fester in his heart.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he said thickly. “I’m so afraid all the time. Afraid I’ll screw up and hurt someone. It’s like I’m guilty of some horrible crime that I know I’m doomed to repeat, only I can’t even remember what it was!”
He went on, sounding increasingly frantic. “Maybe… maybe you’re right and I didn’t kill her. But then maybe it’s not a matter of what I did, but what I am. Even if I haven’t hurt anyone yet, I can’t escape the fact that I’m his creation. I can’t trust myself to be good. Not when his blood is in my veins.”
He paused, more to catch his breath than anything else. It was then that something seemed to dawn on him.
“…You said I can’t give GUN the victory of my death. Isn’t my continued existence a victory for Black Doom?”
He looked pleadingly towards Sonic, who answered without a second thought.
“Of course not. Because you’re not like him.”
“You don’t know that,” he said stubbornly.
“Sure I do. You’ve done pretty well so far, right? Can’t see any reason why that’d change. Any good reason, anyhow.
“…Look. I can’t tell you how to feel. Much as I wish I could, I can’t quiet the voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough. I know it’s hard for you to have faith in yourself. That’s okay. But at least try to trust me. No matter what, know that I’ll always believe in you. The world’s better with you in it. And…” he said bashfully, “my life is better with you in it.”
Even as his expression softened at Sonic’s declaration, Shadow managed to be defiant. “And what if you’re wrong about me?”
Sonic snorted. “When have I ever been wrong? Besides,” he countered, putting his arms behind his head, “if you ever need some sense knocked into you, I’ll gladly do the honours. Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve butted heads, right? Although I have a feeling I won’t need to—”
Without warning, Shadow threw his arms around Sonic, who startled but eased into the hug. He held him close, like he was scared he would lose him if he let go.
It felt as though time had stood still as they were blanketed in an embrace so warm that it eclipsed all their troubles. They had each other; for the moment, nothing else mattered.
Eventually, reluctantly, Sonic pulled away, before taking Shadow’s hand and holding it tenderly in his own. He spoke almost in a whisper.
“I love you.”
Shadow wiped the tears from his eyes. “You mean it, right?”
“‘Course I mean it, dummy,” said Sonic, playfully jabbing him on the arm. “C’mon, I hoped you’d have gotten that by now. I mean, what else do I gotta do—get on my knees and propose?”
Shadow rolled his eyes in mock offence. “Alright, that’s enough out of you,” he retorted. “Don’t get too comfortable.”
Sonic grinned. “Aww. And I was just starting to think you liked me!”
“Heh. I could say the same.”
Well then, thought Sonic, I guess things are looking up.
He rose to his feet and extended his arm out to Shadow, who finally met his eyes. The smirk on his face gave way to a small, sincere smile. Sonic had never seen him smile so warmly.
“You ready?”
Shadow took his hand and got up, not letting go. He nodded.
“Let’s go home.”