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Draco was sitting at the Slytherin table, his chest felt tight and his breath was fast. Pansy was sitting to the left of him, Crabbe and Goyle on the other side of the table. Draco hick-uped and felt tears prick the corners of his eyes.
Pansy rubbed his back but tried to not bring attention to him.
“I can’t do it, Pans, I can’t go through with it. But he’ll hurt mother if I fail.”
It was his fathers fault, instead of Draco getting to choose a side in the war he and his family were forced to submit to the dark lord. Draco’s fathers skewed perception of the world and his commanding control over his family led to Draco being forced into the ‘family business’ of sympathizing and serving the dark lord.
And Draco knew it was wrong, the Dark Lord's plans were evil and unethical. They killed and tortured people who had done nothing to even be caught in the middle of a war. But Draco was trapped because if he left his mother would be killed and he’d be tracked down and killed. He’d been forced to pull away from people he knew and was going to love, the hardest being Harry Potter himself.
Draco remembered when he and Harry had started getting close during fourth year.
He remembers accidentally walking in on Harry in the bathroom with the egg clue, Harry had just broken the surface of the water and found Draco staring. The voice that came from the egg was faint but mesmerizing and Draco was just as invested in the tournament as any other student so a spoiler for the next challenge definitely sparked his interest.
They had merely locked eyes before continuing their own set tasks, but the tone between them slowly shifted. They started studying together for classes or even spent time together at Hogsmeade.
A true shift happened though when he and Harry shared a short but amazing dance at the Yule Ball. Draco assumed it was some sort of date from Harry’s friends but he noticed a change in his eyes whenever he looked at him after that.
They only kept growing closer during the following two years.
Draco looked up, he could feel how hot his face was and he knew he had to leave. He glanced around the great hall and stood up, but of course he couldn’t leave unnoticed because Harry was not staring at him from across the hall. Draco ignored him and started leaving, wanting to find somewhere at least not as crowded to try and calm down. He could feel Harry’s eyes stare into his head as he left the hall and hooked a sharp left.
He quickly paced through the halls, taking turns and trying to escape the second click of foot steps that were trailing behind him. He took a turn and in the reflection of a window he spotted Harry trailing after him. Draco pulled at his tie to try and get more air in as his breathing picked up. He couldn’t fuck up now and he wouldn’t let Harry find him like this.
Without warning Draco pushed open a bathroom door and shut it, taking a sharp breath. He practically scrambled towards the sinks and cut on the water. The cold water he splashed on his face helped cool him slightly but he could feel his anxiety still looming over him with sharp eyes and bared fangs, like a snake waiting for its prey.
Creak.
Draco whipped around, wand gripped so tightly in his hand his knuckles were white. Harry stood at the opposite end of the bathroom, mirroring Draco with his wand also out.
“Leave me alone Potter.” Draco choked out.
“Not till you tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s none of your fucking business, leave now Potter. I’m not afraid to curse you”
Harry’s defensive expression dropped and was replaced with something that almost looked like hurt or sympathy.
Harry leaned down and set his wand on the ground, standing back up slowly and holding his hands above his head.
“Set your wand down Draco, I’m not here to hurt you.” Harry’s tone was soft.
“Go the fuck away, I won’t warn you again.” A small sob broke through Draco's defensive composer that he’d barely managed to put together. “You can’t be around me, I’m not safe.”
“Draco we’ve talked about this, you’ve changed and grown, you have people who love you. I’m not leaving you.”
Draco snatched up his sleeve and revealed the disgustingly grotesque black snake on his forearm. It stood out harshly against Draco's pale skin and made Draco want to vomit each time he saw it.
“You don’t get it Harry! He marked me, I’m not safe, you’re not safe! Now go before something happens to you because you made the stupid choice of interacting with me.”
The color from Harry’s face visibly drained and Draco’s heart fell further, he knew it was disgusting but seeing his thoughts be confirmed by someone he felt so fondly for cut deep.
A tense moment of silence passed between the two boys in the bathroom, unfair and dark lines were being drawn and set in place, deciding the future.
Harry stepped forward, “Draco what happened.” His voice was a whisper. Draco couldn’t help it anymore and his wand slipped from his hand, his legs gave out on him and he collapsed onto the floor. Tears started streaking down his face, “Harry I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this! He bound me down and held me there and burned it into my arm!” Draco’s voice broke and caught multiple times, his mother would say it was very undignified but he couldn’t care less at this moment.
Harry took another step forward, slowly approaching Draco. He sat in front of Draco and spoke softly, “What did you wanna be when you grew up?”
Draco was stunned by the question and looked at Harry confusingly. “I mean they’ve been pressuring us to decide our careers this year and obviously you didn’t want this” he gestures to the Dark Mark on Draco's wrist.
“Honestly I don’t know what I’ll do after the war, and that’s even if I make it out of it. Maybe an Auror or a healer? What do you think you’d do?”
Draco thought about the question, “I don’t want to be the heartless creatures my family has become and want me to be.” Draco took a breath, tears slowing, “I just want to be kind, I want to help people, be good you know.”
His eyes landed back on the Dark Mark, “it’s hideous, it’s their way of forcing me into conforming to their standards and ideas.”
“It’s only gross if you let it mean what they want it to mean.”
Harry shifted and was now sitting next to Draco. He carefully took Draco’s arm and let his fingers slowly trace over the dark mark. He observed it closely before taking Draco’s hand and putting it on his own lightning scar on his forehead.
“He left a mark on me too, it could be a warning, an omen about his return and my demise. But instead I let it become a symbol of hope, a sign to prove that I lived and will continue to prevail, he won’t kill me. I changed its meaning and somehow I grew to hate it less.”
Harry gave Draco a soft smile, “Just because they try to make you something doesn’t mean you have to become it. You could always fight on our side, I’d give my life to defend you and make you happy.”
Harry flushed slightly and Draco definitely felt calmer thanks to Harry’s reassurance.
“But how? He knows where I am, he said if I don’t complete his mission he’d kill my mother. I can’t leave her to die, Harry!”
“Then we’ll save her.” Harry said it like he was stating facts for class. “But how? He’d kill you and anyone you brought with you to try and stop him.”
“But we’ll find a way, if she means that much to you I’ll find a way to get her to safety.”
Draco rested his head on Harry’s shoulder and Harry kept tracing patterns over the mark.
“You know I knew something was up when you started avoiding me this year.”
Draco shut his eyes, not wanting to talk about it yet but knowing it was inevitable. “I just didn’t want to push you into telling me, I thought you’d tell me on your own. But it hurt seeing you suffer when all I wanted to do was go in and make you feel better.”
Draco picked his head up and looked at Harry, “and how would you do that, hmm? Complete a stupid stunt to impress and distract me?”
“Not quite, I was thinking more like I'd walk over and pull you away from the crowd. I’d lean in close to your ear and whisper words of encouragement to try and motivate you and if that didn’t work I’d try something new. I’d put my hands on your cheek bones like this.” He softly placed his hands on the sides of Draco’s face. “And I’d push your hair out the way and lean in really close then-“
Harry leaned in and kissed Draco. It was warm and soft, compassionate and loving. It conveyed a million emotions and thoughts each had been too afraid to share before.
They pulled away and Harry looked shocked even though it was him who initiated it. He schooled his expression and used his thumb to wipe the old tears from Draco’s face.
“It’ll be alright Draco, we’ll find a way, you safe now.”
Draco leaned back in for another kiss and when their lips collided, and for once in a long time Draco felt loved. He felt safe and heard, it was going to be okay, and Harry’s reassuring presence proved that.