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He rushes out of the door. His heart strains against his chest, his head is awhirl with emotion, his skin prickles with heat, and the ringing in his ears drowns out his surroundings as he traps himself in thoughts. He had really done it. He said it. He really professed his feelings
‘Ar lath ma,vhenan.’ He can still feel the words on his lips, so sweet and warm. They shouldn’t be. They should be heavy and painful, too arduous to even consider. What had he done? There was no more room for speculations, for any doubt on her part. Turning back now was almost impossible. He should regret it. He should go back at once and take it back, then turn his back on her. It would be so much kinder to both of them, in the long run. She could never even fathom what his warning would entail. She didn’t deserve this. She deserved so much better, so much more. She deserved the world, and a world he would take from her. He could allow himself to love her, but it would be cruel to let her love him. It would be wrong. But his tongue is still buzzing with the taste of her. And his body still senses the feel of her.
He clinches his fingers around the railing, steadying himself.
How can he not regret it? Why is every part of his body burning not with frustration, but relief, with bliss that borders on euphoria?
How can he wipe this obnoxious grin off his face?
Not that he actually wants to. For the first time in years, in ages, he was genuinely happy, alive. He had almost forgotten what that felt like. Strange, how the mind could get used to everything, even loneliness. Even distrust. Solas hadn’t realized just how much he had longed for a friend, a loved one, someone he could share parts of himself with, until now. Wisdom’s death had reminded him that nothing was ever certain. He had probably died in that future of Redcliffe, and he could die again. Not one day was guaranteed. Not here. Solas had spent too much time in the past, or in the future. It was time to accept that for the time being, this was his reality. And each day was a new fight and a new opportunity.
He could grant himself some lenience. He could allow himself to live.
With a deep breath, Solas releases the railing and starts to move.
But when he is almost at the door that leads to Skyhold’s main Hall, he hears the creaking of hinges, followed by hurried footsteps.
He turns, just in time to catch a glimpse of Elgara’s hauntingly loving expression before he is knocked back, and almost stumbles over from the sheer force of her embrace.
Her face is so close, her eyes so wide. He can smell her, the intoxicating blend of flowers and honey. Soft, refined fingers trail the slope of his neck. His heart clenches. Her smile is achingly beautiful. She doesn’t speak but her eyes burn with more affection, with more want than he can bare. And then she crushes her lips against his and he drowns in them. This time, she is the one that coaxes his lips apart and everything becomes heat when he feels her tongue slip into his mouth. She is exhilarating, eager and vigorous.
She leans into him, hands wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him against her. His skin buzzes where she brushes against him and her hips start to rock against his thigh. He groans. His hands drift to her waist. He can feel her shiver against him and she lets out soft, wavering moans as goosebumps trail the slope of his spine.
Then she pulls away, reluctantly, and draws in a shaky breath. Her eyes flutter open.
“You didn’t give me a chance to respond.” She says, with a sly smirk, panting slightly.
A soft shudder runs through him and he tightens his grip.
“Indeed I did not,” he says with a crooked smile. “Had I known what kind of response I would receive, …” he leaves the sentence hanging. He doesn’t know what he would have done. A part, the responsible, sensible one, is glad they aren’t in her chambers right now. The other is still screaming for her touch.
Her expression becomes tender. “I was wondering if maybe you needed some time, if maybe I should leave you alone but I…” Her eyes dance. “I wanted to make it clear how I felt. Ar lath ma, Solas.” She says and the words tear at his heart, tear at the pitiable remains of his resolve and grind it to dust.
He pulls her closer.
Their lips meet again. And Again. And again.
“Ar lath ma. Ar lath ma. Ar lath ma ” she moans gently between kisses.
No, he could not bring himself to regret this. Not in a million years.