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It was a brisk Monday morning. Y/N awoken from an abrupt bang - followed by a harsh shriek. They jumped out of bed, their vision a crochet blur. They stumbled across the dark bedroom, eyes barely open, heading toward the source of noise. Y/N slammed open the door. By the bathroom floor was their partner, Gerard. Gerard had been pregnant for many months now, and Y/N forgot about the pregnancy. Amidst the raucous distraction throughout their daily lives, they had forgotten all about Gerard's massive fucking stomach. yeah. Y/N staggered, stumbling next to Gerard.
"Oh my god. G? What's wrong?" Y/N exclaimed, waiting upon verdict. "HOLY SHIT. OH MY GOD." Gerard shrieked, his face begging for relief. "I-...I THINK IT'S... I-IT'S COMING... IT'S COMING OUT..." He sobbed, smacking Y/N square in the jaw. Any form of thought was rendered useless in Y/N's head. Gerard was going to give birth. They needed to get something, and quick.
Y/N had never delivered a baby before, they don't even like babies. They had just gotten a bit frisky with their partner 9 months ago. Besides, Gerard was on birth control because of his Endometriosis...
A myriad of sweat beads at Y/N's head as they ran to get towels, sprinting back rushing back into the grimy bathroom. Lights began to flicker, as Gerard cried. "OH GOD. OH...OH MY GOD. I THINK MY WATER JUST BROKE." His face was horrified; he sobbed as Y/N placed the towels underneath Gerard and tucked them to the side. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I'M GOING TO SEARCH UP HOW TO GIVE BIRTH OKAY? JUST STAY WITH ME, STAY WITH ME GERARD..." Y/N screamed. Gerard shot Y/N a petulant expression. "I'M GOING THROUGH FUCKING BODY HORROR ARE YOU STUPID? YOU'RE ACTUALLY BRAIN DEAD, BITCH DO SOMETHING"
Y/N almost bit off their tongue at the shrill echoes of Gerard's screams. "Just stay with me okay? We're going to figure this out, just uh... push! push." Y/N shouted, trying their hardest to remember what happened in Gray's Anatomy (I've never seen it before idk what its about), Gerard clawed at Y/N. "FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCK WE'RE NEVER HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX EVER AGAIN OH MY GOD FUCK FUCK ITS COMING ITS COMING OUT" He screamed, nails ploughing their way into Y/N's skin. "JUST KEEP PUSHING.. KEEP PUSHING, YOU'RE DOING GREAT GERARD! IT'LL BE OUT SOON... UM..."
y/n looked between Gerard's legs. "I..I think I see a head... I think... KEEP PUSHING!" They screamed, encouraging their pained partner. Gerard sobbed, continuing to push. e was filled with trepidation, yet he acquiesced. What else could he have done? Too late for an abortion now! (their neighbour is pro life and hates them both)
Contrite (for unprotected sex) faded from Y/N's mind as they thought of the baby. "Maybe the baby would be adorable. right? Yeah. I think babies have those cord things attached to them. I should get scissors." They thought. "Gee, I'm going to get scissors so I can cut the cord thing when the baby is out. brb" Y/N SPRINTED OUT OF THE DOOR, Sadness and terror weaving into Gerard's face. "COME BACK, COME BACK I NEED YOU I NEED YOU! OH MY GOODNESS" He sobbed, the head emerging from his asshole. (oh my god)
Y/N zoomed back as the glimmer of dawn peered in through the bathroom windows. "I GOT IT, I GOT SCISSORS, I GOT THE SCISSORS!" Gerard sobbed as a mosaic of blood leaked out, the substance emblazoned across the room. "I THINK IT'S ALMOST OUT..>" Y/N could see the head - it somehow had a full head of hair. It wasn't bald or eyebrow-less or ... I mean it was pink. It didn't even look like Gerard or Y/N. Y/N was beginning to suspect that gerard had cheated months prior... "BITCH HELP ME HELP ME IT'S KILLING ME, IM GOING THROUGH SO MUCH RIGHT NOW STOP STARING YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!" Gerard cried, punching Y/N. Y/N languidly dodged the violence. "Shh, calm down. I got you." Y/N held Gerard's head as the man pushed, crying out in pain, punching Y/N as he suffered. Y/N groaned, a sharp sting emanating from being struck. "come on, it's coming."
The baby finally popped out. It had hair. Curly brown hair. It looked NOTHING like Gerard.
"Dude.." Y/N quietly murmured. "I'M SUFFERING, HELP... I THINK I NEED STITCHES..." Gerard cried out. Y/N nodded, dialing 911. "Hey, my partner just gave birth on the bathroom floor,.. please send someone over... He's not okay." The dispatcher on the other line asked: "He? What do you mean? We're sending someone right now. Just keep calm. What do you mean by 'he'?"
"Dude why are you against mpreg? Men can get pregnant too, yk." Y/N snapped back, hanging up their phone. They feigned a warm smile, holding Gerard's hand. "Why is the baby standing?"
And before their very eyes, the baby stood. It stood up and started break dancing.