Chapter Text
his fist collided with the mirror. shards shattered under the warm flesh, drops of silver, glinting and gleaming. flecks of crimson blood clung to the raining shards, a stark contrast to the moonlit room. his knees no longer felt like they could support his body. the tears ran down his cheeks and splashed onto the dirty white t-shirt that clung to his sweat-soaked body. ragged, shallow breaths of cold air stung his lungs.
the wall shuddered as he staggered into it, sliding down till his knees were pressed firmly into his body. his heart pounded, not in his chest but in his ears, in the back of his throat.
he could still feel the pills there, stuck. he clawed at his throat, the bloody knuckles grazing his chin. his throat was raw, raw from screaming, begging. he needed more.
the nightmares. the faces, their faces.
he screamed again, the choked sound muffled by his knees. shoulders shaking, body trembling, he moved his flesh hand from his face to his left shoulder. he pulled, then pulled again. pain shot through him. he needed to rip the arm off, get as far away from it as possible. his clammy hands were slipping on the cool metal.
the door to the right of him flew open, sending warmth and light spilling into the room. a large figure was silhouetted in the doorway.
he didn't notice.
two strong, thick arms wrapped around him. going limp, he sank into the warm body, tears still flowing fervently from his puffy, red eyes.
broken shards from the mirror lay around them like an audience of tiny, glinting daggers.
"how many sleeping pills have you taken?"
"clearly not enough" he choked out in between the tears. a weak arm tried to grab at the white and blue box discarded on the carpet.
a warm hand gently grabbed his shaking arm, pulling it into his lap. steve looked down at the bloody and bruised knuckles, carefully brushing his thumb against the red skin.
"come on, bed"
steve stood up, helping bucky stand on his shaky legs. he gently guided him, bucky leaning heavily on him. steve used his free hand to brush a lock of damp, sweaty hair off bucky's face where it was stuck to his tear-stained cheeks.
in a quiet, slightly off-key voice, steve began to hum.
"never thought that you would be
standing here so close to me
there's so much i feel that i should say
but words can wait until some other day"
bucky lay down on the floor, his head resting on his crooked arm and a thin blanket pulled over his legs. steve sank down against the wall next to him, still holding his bloody hand.
"kiss me once, then kiss me twice
then kiss me once again
its been a long, long time"