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We were lovers in a past life
I can see it in your green eyes
Maybe you were one of my wives
In a long lost tribe
Nobody expected much from Meulin.
Even before the Game went to total shit, when everyone went about their own, no one thought her more than a crazy fangirl.
Well, Purrloz recognized she was wide-eyed and passionate about her ships. He understood that about her, it was one of the reasons why she fell in red with him so hard and so fast. Another reason being her slight habit of falling into quadrants easily.
Yet in the end, after she went deaf within the dreambubbles, her mind would go all muddled and numb, and deep in her heart echoed loneliness.
The bomb went gone off recently. Maybe it was yesterday or a thousand sweeps ago? Time felt all weird in the dreambubbles. It didn’t matter to her. Time wasn’t her thing to start with and being dead and deaf really pushed the limits on what really mattered.
“Maroon and violet would be purrfect, in…black!”
Her ships mattered.
Meulin sat under a tree, the faint daylight escaping through the cracks of the branches to touch her legs. She tilted her head to the right, eyes narrowing with fascination at how Damara was pitch flirting up a storm with Cronus.
This would need to be updated as soon as she got to her wall!
Meulin pushed back her hair, squealing at how Cronus tried to act aloof. He sucked at acting, dropping his unlit cig and fumbling to get it. His companion snickered, slapping his butt as he bent over.
“Scan-dal-meows!” she shrieked, smothering her giggles when the pair glanced over in her direction.
She bent her head, giggles continued, hoping the green grass would give her some camouflage. Most of her ex-teammates didn’t see her shipping as the amazing thing it was!
Too late to back down now! She was in too deep, if she left them without more insight in their relationship, she might get their interaction wrong in her fanfic!
What kinda of shipper would she be if she wrote an OOC relationship? (?!!?!?!1?!111)
Staying close to the ground, she kept her eyes trained on the duo below, her purring growing the second their eyes moved away from the hilltop. Success!
Meulin studied her new pairing, ignoring the rest of her surroundings, focusing on the way Cronus’ fish ears turned a bright violet after Damara moved her tongue in a certain way. It wasn’t until legs stepped into her view did she notice someone came within her range.
She blinked up at the newcomer, almost expecting to see Purrloz. He came for her regularly for their catnip sessions.
Instead, she meet glazed gazes with Katkri.
His blackened lips twisted up in a frown as he took her in. It lasted for a second. She smiled up at him with a “HEYA KATKRI!” Maybe it was a scream by the way his mouth opened and formed too many words for her to read.
“YOU NEED TO SPEAK SLOOOWER FOR ME!” she reminded him, her smile slipping into a grin as she sat up.
He frowned, but nodded, lips now readable as he spoke, “Meulin, I beg pardon for the transgression. I jumped into my sermon as soon as I saw you, but it slipped my mind about your situation….” She tuned him out, looking away to find Damara and Cronus gone. Oh nooo!
She pulled back over to Katkri, seeing his eyes half closed as his apology stretched.
She examined his profile, from the dark wavy hair teasing his thick eyebrows to his lips. The bottom one was slightly fuller than the top. He had soft cheekbones, and maybe if they had reached adulthood, he would’ve shed that grubfat when he molted in second puberty.
Though, he did look cute with it. She didn’t dare ship him with anyone on her shipping wall, nervous about what could happen if the news came back to him.
Maybe if he filled a quadrant, he wouldn’t be so cranky! Hehe, cranky Kankri!
If he only understood that his ideals weren’t a universal truth, his mouth could say great things. His voice was one of the few things Meulin remembered distinctly. Even more than Purrloz’s.
Her ex’s voice was sugar water, smooth and relaxing. She fell asleep countless times to that voice, but Purrloz was always the quiet type, speaking only when completely needed. Katkri’s voice was just the opposite. Katkri always jabbered away to anything that moved, always too loud. It reminded her of fire, eye-catching and overbearing.
Katkri- who now stared at her with that frown still firmly in place. It went well with his tapping foot.
Her gaze landed on his lips as they started to move. “…lin! Meulin, you cannot spy on trolls who are innocently going about their day. It’s a breach of privacy! How would you like if someone came around and looked into your personal life? You cannot just do this, no matter the reason. There is no reason why you have to intrude into someone’s quadrant life as if you’re some sort of-” She stopped reading his lips. A frown of her own slipped onto her mouth at his last comment.
She stood, puffing up to her fullest height. The blue tail she had strapped on to the back of her skirt hit her thighs.
“What’s so wrong with my shipping?! No one gets hurt (most of the time) and it makes me happy!” Meulin kept her words from an ear-piercing range, trying to keep her voice even. She got so worked up, her meowbeast puns flew out of her mind.
She threw her hands above her head, shocked he would say such a thing about her.
She really never had a problem with him before, but if this is how he was, no wonder he was alone.
“It makes you happy?!” He gasped. “How selfish! How can-”
“How? Easy! It’s fun and- and It’s nice and everyone doesn’t care about me doing it ‘cause they think it’s stupid! They all think I’m stupid anyways! So what does it matter?!”
Katkri’s hard expression faltered into surprise, then worry, finally settling on discomfort. “Meulin, I don’t think this conversation-”
“What is it? Too pale? I don’t care! How can you police around the rest of us but not even hear out what we have to say?” Her hands balled into fist at her sides. She stomped her foot down, frustrated.
“Meulin!”
Meulin wrapped her arms around herself, bottom lip trembling. “I don’t feel as lonely when I ship. Shipping makes me feel alive again… Don’t you remember how that feels like?” she whispered.
He blinked, mouth opening and closing. She caught him off guard.
Her emotions wieghed heavy inside her, binding her down. She wanted a moirail to jam with, to cry with, and to feel better with. She wanted a club to grow with. She wanted a matesprit to kiss and nuzzle into their neck. Meulin wanted a kismesis to hiss and claw at, witty insults tossed to and fro.
Now she’s trapped in the afterlife, stuck with the same 11 other trolls. She was never going to meet anyone else. She wasn’t going to grow up even though she sent someone else to do that. She was stuck with trolls who thought she was stupid and clueless.
Then, suddenly, she glanced at him, catching Kankri’s lips formed a single word, ripping her from her thoughts. Meulin stared, jaw-slacked. The troll in front of her brought a hand to his mouth, surprising himself with his answer, probably surprised he even responded.
Meulin’s bloodpusher clutched inside her chest cavity, and for a moment, she felt pink. A wild, monstrous cross between diamonds and hearts. She thought back to Kankri’s past, and felt sorry for him, she pitied him. He hurt too, and everywhere he spoke, it was the same result. It was dumb and admirable.
The emotion was so sudden that she took a step backwards, blinking hard. “Katkri…”
Kankri trembled, that odd bright red color glowing under his skin. The widening of his eyes told her he knew what he had started.
“No. No, I’m not-” His mouth snapped shut. Kankri turned around, cutting himself off from her.
When he left her, Meulin didn’t even try to stop him. Her mind went blank, but not like the times when she spent too much time with Purrloz. There was a release, like something important just started. It was a ball of yarn thrown downhill. A start of chapter.
Meulin stared at her hands, blinking harder now. Whatever she felt, something told her it wasn’t meant to be, at least not this time. Would’ve been a weird ship, she thought and an olive drop splattered on her hand.
There’s just something about
you I know
Started centuries ago though
You see your kiss is like a lost ghost
Only I would know
~
But I, keep on falling for
you
Time after time
Time after time
I’ll make you mine
Time after
Time after Time
Munica Hacyon was the average maroon. She had the blood color that those stuck-up highbloods loved to paint their hives with, the powers (she was an empath, very useful when trolls were hunting her), and almost died every other moonrise.
She’d even been a slave, managing to escape the blues who captured her ‘cause they got all ash on her. It was two-sided but it did the trick. What would’ve been her middle leaf didn’t tie her chain tight enough one evening transport and she ran. Munica thought both of them were dead now. Maybe. The whole encounter left her with a thick scar around her left wrist from the chain.
So, when word came on the lips of the lowbloods and midbloods about some mutant with cherry red blood, get this, preaching for blood equality, she had to hear for herself what was going on.
Just after one sitting, Munica understood why so many trolls believed this- this guy.
Like, fuck.
So she came again and again. Each time the place was more secretive and hidden, harder to find. His popularity had grown enough that the Empress herself had seen a threat, ordering a kill on sight on him and the three others of his posse.
Of course that bitch wasn’t going to let a troll great as he grow strong enough for his words to actually do something big. It was only after her order did small riots start popping up, but Munica knew these were minor inconveniences to the fuchsia.
Kankri was too passive for any attacks. She honestly couldn’t see the point, and hoped to the Mothergrub that this wouldn’t be his downfall. She had another 10 sweeps to live, if she was extremely lucky. Maroons weren’t known for their damn luck.
Munica knew if maroons were this unlucky, then some cherry-blooded freak wasn’t going to last long without organizing an army.
The last rally she attended exposed how weak Kankri was. Some fucker ran up to him (everyone later found out it was a greedy yellow aiming to take his head and a life of luxury if she did) and Kankri couldn’t even throw her off.
Even she could’ve whipped that bitch’s ass.
That was about the moment an olive blood leaped onto at the attacker and- eh. The yellow wouldn’t ever get to see how that easy life would’ve treated her.
She always figured olives to be giggly airheads, managing only to get serious about their quadrants and nothing else, but this crazy meowbeast troll, Meulin, was all stealth and lean muscle. Munica seen her act as personal security while the other two, the yellow and jade worked the back.
She picked up Kankri, turning to hiss at the audience, ‘fore turning around and racing away.
The jade and yellow were close after them, leaving Munica to see the flash of green and red growing further and further away until she couldn’t see them anymore.
It was also during that last rally, after she started on her way to her hive out in the boonies, did she spot the two of them, arguing. She couldn’t help herself from watching them, because it was Kankri and Meulin, two of the most wanted trolls in the entire empire! She had to be nosy for once.
The fight wasn’t hate, at least she wouldn’t use that word. More than platonic but not quite there yet. But the pitch feel was there.
However, as soon as the thought crossed her head, the arguing started to simmer down until Kankri made a compromise about something. Munica knew that was a very odd thing to do with a potential kismesis, and imagine her shock when Meulin hugged him.
Pale. That flipped pale faster than she could blink.
What the shit was that?
Munica quietly gasped, too focused on their turn of events (shocking, it was shocking and her rust blush could be seen from the skies most likely) to take note of how Meulin’s ears twitched under her curly mass of jet black hair.
She didn’t even have time to move when the other jumped her.
Meulin had snarled and hissed into her face. She opened her mouth huge and roared, her sharpened teeth ready to rip out her throat. Munica turned away, submitting by showing her neck and softly whimpering, “No harm, no harm!”
“Meulin!” Kankri yelled, marveling her once again at the sound of his voice. It was fire, fierce and powerful.
There was a tense moment where she thought Meulin was going to ignore him and go ahead with culling her. Then she sighed, pulling away. She held out a hand to her. Munica stared at it for a moment, every instinct telling her she was gonna get killed.
But her powers told her otherwise, filling her head with a soft relief, some doubt, and a protective nature.
Meulin’s emotions had her grabbing her hand.
“Are you alright?” Now Kankri’s voice had turned gentler, his worry feeling genuine.
She nodded slowly, brushing dirt off of her backside. “I should be saying sorry. That was, uh, an intimate moment to be spying upon,” she said, eyes fleeting away from the two of them. She felt her cheeks burn at bringing it up.
Glancing back up at the two of them, she didn’t even need to use her power to see what they were feeling. Kankri started to sputter, flushing a bright bright red. Wow. The color was very obvious close up.
Meulin’s questioning look turned into something happier, eyebrow moving up. She laughed, a sound that made Munica thinking of her rabbitdad.
Meulin finished laughing, asking her name. Kankri smiled when she told them. His face was still faintly red. “How old are you, Munica? Seven?” Kankri asked, head tilting to look at her.
“Nine,” she replied, straightening up. She was taller than Kankri and Meulin. She felt so young in front of them, even more so after getting jittery over quadrant matters. She couldn’t be blamed though. She hadn’t filled any in a long time.
He chuckled and nodded. “You’re due for your molt soon…” he mused, probably more to himself than to her. Of course she knew that. “Well, it must’ve surprised you what you saw then.” Embarrassed all over again, she nodded. “Meulin and I aren’t in a single quadrant.” He looked serious suddenly.
Her confused face had Meulin’s glee shooting out her ears, perplexing her even more.
“What we feel for each other, it goes beyond the norm, filling all the quadrants and surpassing them at the same time,” Meulin spoke for the first time, grinning and showing off her razor teeth. Her voice was sweet, sweeter than what she looked like.
She reached and took Kankri by the hand. He smiled at her before looking over at Munica.
Munica peaked into their emotions and saw something that she had never seen before. There were no words to truly describe the mixture of sentiments she felt from the two. It was something myths were made of, the bittersweet feeling that was only in the middle of a very long and hard journey.
It was beautiful and from then on, Munica support for Kankri’s vision grew, but her cowardliness held her down.
She was there when he was executed. One among the many trolls to witness it.
The fates of each of Kankri’s comrades were thrown to the wind to be spread as a testament: This is what happens to traitors.
As Meulin darted by, Munica could see the melancholy run so deeply in her veins, it would never leave.
See millenniums ago love
We were nothing more than
stardust
Just the galaxy beneath us
You found me
~
Then we made it through the
ice age
But I lost you in the crusades
I build the pyramids for you babe
Just to see your face
Karkat wondered the halls a while after his friends got killed.
Couldn’t these fucking idiotic bulgewipes keep themselves in check enough to not cull each other? That’s what he’s told Kanaya and later Sollux when he woke up.
His footsteps echoed down the dark corridor, adding an eerie tone to the place. In reality he shouldn’t be hanging around alone, now that Gamzee’s gone fucking insane and disappeared since he papped him down. They haven’t talked since… Karkat feared a break up coming.
Maryam offered to walk around with him, but he doesn’t need a lusus to grubsit him. Karkat needed some time alone. He couldn’t do that is she came along, chainsaw in hand for his diamond.
He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, stared at his feet as he walked. He curled into himself, eyes burning with all the crying he’s done. His face felt raw.
What a perfect leader he was! Fucking amazing! Gog, all of this was his fault, if only he gave more attention to Gamzee, noticed the signs, worked with that douche Eridan, firmly dealt with Virska, maybe
Maybe no one would’ve died.
Like, Nitram was an annoying nookwhiffer, but he didn’t deserve what he got. Even stupid, stupid Eridan should’ve had more sense than to- he killed Feferi! The snob killed his flushcrush! In what plane of existence did that make any fuckin’ sense?!
Karkat yanked his hand out of pocket, palming his eyes again as the pressure started to build up behind them.
He tried to push off all and any other thoughts as he blindly continued to walk. He had no idea how Terezi did anything and it’s not like he could ask her now. She started to act all weird, weirder than normal anyways.
Kanaya might know what’s going on but she’s absolutely refused him any information, treating him like some little lost grub. Everyone thinks he’s incompetent and fuck. They’re all probably right! Everyone around him died!
Murmuring, he finally looked up wearily, sniffing at his surroundings. Immediately he frowned, his bloodpluser stilled inside as he placed the smell.
Nepeta.
It was an earthy odor, like a walk in a forest. There was a hint of dried hopbeast blood and the ash of a bonfire. Also a little like fresh chamomile and sugar.
His movements felt sluggish as his tears overcame his willpower (again) and slipped down his cheeks. The further he walked into the room, boxes everywhere, the more powerful her scent got. The walls started to become filled with drawings. Karkat touched one of her and Equius. She had drawn dozens of white diamonds around them.
The pairings on the wall were odd, ranging from pale, red, and some ash. Some depiction even the humans.
No one had found their bodies, none of the bodies. Kanaya snarled under her breath about Gamzee doing something.
When they had found the room, they realized at once they died there, a puddle of blue and olive as “evidence” (Terezi claimed). The blue one was larger, meaning the idiotic musclehead got killed first. N-nepeta’s wasn’t as big, and it stretched from one point to a couple steps where the blue started. She crawled over to her palemate.
Whenever she began her shipping ramblings, Karkat ignored them most of the time. Now he wished he joined in more with her. He put a blurry stare at a lopsided sketch of Sollux and Aradia. Pale? Is he talked to her more, he could’ve told her they flipped to red a long time ago.
A sob broke out from his throat as he buried his face in his hands. His palms painted themselves in vivid red, his claws digging into his forehead.
She didn’t even do anything to Gamzee. Out of everyone, he failed her the most. Nepeta… He wanted to apologize to her.
Sadness etched itself into his skin, smothering him, and it built and built until he couldn’t take it. Screaming, he kicked the closest stack of boxes until his foot felt like it started to bleed. He sobbed out loud, eyes barely catching the hidden red letters.
TP
He froze, swallowed, and stared. All at once, he shoved the stacks out the way. The sound pierced the silent room as they fell yet that didn’t matter. Shit, Karkat didn’t even know what really mattered other than examining the hidden drawing.
It was him.
The picture was of him and Nepeta, pursed lips pushed together, eyes closed to enjoy the moment. The letters that caught his attention were actually three. Written in her excited, messy handwriting was OTP, in the same shade as his blood.
Hearts hovered around their heads and the words, each flush shape perfectly crayoned as if she spent a long time on it. The whole thing was almost as big as the wall it was drawn on, meaning it was three times as bigger as the dozens of other doodles.
Karkat tasted ire deep in his chest, it crept up and laid on the flat of his tongue.
He knew she felt red for him. He knew deep down and always looked the other way. He didn’t want to break her heart. Karkat was always so stupidly looking at Tezeri, neither one of them ever able to settle on anything. Apparently everyone knew about that. Nepeta must’ve.
It must’ve hurt. He hurt her.
His fists slammed down on his image, swiping over his face.
This wasn’t fucking fair!
He repeated the action until his hands were sticky with dried tears and dusty color.
Nepeta shouldn’t have died. What did she even die for?
However the material she used must have been strong, his hands only able to smear some of it and not completely erase his portrait.
She died for a fuckup of a stupid, useless leader who couldn’t at least protect her as a friend.
Karkat turned away from it and sat down beside her picture. He pulled his knees up and pushed his face into them. His arms wrapped themselves around him in false comfort and sobbed.
And sobbed.
And sobbed.
Maybe if she hadn’t died, he would’ve gotten to know her more. Maybe- maybe-
He’d hope to finish the journey together.
But I, keep on falling for
you
Time after time
Time after time
I’ll make you mine
Time after
Time after Time
~
“Hey everyone! I’m here!”
“Duh! We can see that Tezeri.”
“Well I can’t!”
“I-”
“Uh, Virska, Terezi, um I don’t think you guys should start…”
“I agree with Nitram. Today is not about petty arguments.”
“Equius, I don’t think you should be saying that. You’re earlier discussion with Karkat was difficult to resolve.”
“KM. Seriously?”
“Yeah! Kanaya and her meddling, smothering ways. Hahah!”
“Speaking of petty. What happened with Karkles? Where’s he anyways? And Nepeta? No one’s screamed at or pounced on me yet.”
“Oh! Can I tell it?!”
“AA, you weren’t even here for the start.”
“Um, neither was Feferi or, uh, Eridan for that matter. Or Gam.”
“I think he’s still passed out behind the couch!”
“Thanks for that information, Aradia.”
“I told you guys it was Eridan’s fault! I told him there was a specific time limit to being fashionably late.”
“Fef, please.”
“It’s true, Eridan. Two hours is just a hindrance to the rest of us.”
“Kana-”
“Just tell! Me! About! Karkles and Nep!”
“Oh I’ll tell it since everyone is all snippy about it. I’m a great storyteller anyways.”
“….”
“What? I am!”
“Whatever Vriska, just tell me.”
“So, I’ll get straight to the point and tell you that they decided to take a roooooomantic stroll out in the garden before everyone else came and that meat for brains by the door wouldn’t let Nepeta leave alone with Karkat.”
“What? Why? Equius, you do know she’s like, already three months pregnant. Anything you’re worried about going on, clearly already is.”
“I- How vulgar- Don’t speak about her that way- That boy is the one who puts ideas into her mind-”
“Sure. And I’m a drag queen.”
“Eridan, what about that one Hallo-”
“All of you! I’m telling the story! Shut it!”
“Rude…”
“Honestly…”
“But-”
“The fighting went on and on until Gamzee fainted on top of Equius, obviously from some bad weed. So Nepeta took Karkat and left. By that time, everyone had gotten here, so we tossed Makara behind the couch to make room.”
“Oh. That makes sense.”
“Yeah.”
“Mhm!”
“Totally.”
“I suppose.”
“Eh, kinda.”
“So we’re just waiting now? I mean, I’m all for the happy couple having their time together, but this is their engagement party.”
“Yeah but- Oh! Look! I can see them out the window! Aww, they look so cute! I’ve never seen a happier pair! Even when my cuttlefish got together, they didn’t look as happy!”
“Hmm. He should’ve worn different dress-shirt.”
“Ahhhhmmm… What the motherfuckin’ hell is goin’ on….? Mmmm, Kanaya cryin’. Where’s Karbro and Kittysis?”
“Where?! Let me see! Move!”
“Ouch! Vriska, elbow me again and I’ll break your arm. Again.”
“Does, um, no one care about the guy in the, uh, wheelchair?”
“He shouldn’t be taking her under that floral tree! She has allergies! I must-”
“Come on, Equius. Let him havve his moment.”
“I can’t see!”
“Really TZ?”
“What? I can’t!”
-
“They’re staring now,” Nepeta whispered into Karkat’s ear. It must’ve tickled yet he didn’t pull away. Instead his face turned as red as his hair.
Brushing back a blonde lock of her own hair, he whispered back an “I know,” along with some embarrassed curses. He buried his face into her shoulder. It was real easy since they were the same height. She pushed her cheek onto his head, giggling.
She loved him. She loved him so much sometimes it scared her how she could love a man with all of her heart. Lifetimes built it up, helping her to reach this moment.
There, in the far reaches of her heart, echoed a place they loved another and they themselves didn’t allow anything to grow. Sometimes, when she fell asleep, she could almost see it. But never hear.
Nepeta knew something similar teemed within Karkat too.
There’d been a moment hummed to her ears in the form of a dark, raining night by the fire and sweet drinks, about where they loved and loved but circumstances still kept them apart. Nepeta could almost recall her hands writing sermons of amity onto the cave wall.
They’d whispered to each other about the moment where the beat of her heart froze before his. Karkat had stared at his hands for a long time as if they were stained with something. At the first sign of tears, she didn’t let him finish, moving to hug him instead. They didn’t talk about that one too long.
He pulled back, hands moving to cradle her face. His thumb drew across her cheek in the shy manner she loved about him. She could imagine how the contrast in their skin looked like. Milk and caramel side by side.
There was a steady warmth that bleed from his body into hers. Nepeta sighed, eyes closing shut to bask in the feeling. It felt like a chapter finally closed, eons in the making.
A green gaze met his brown eyes.
“I fucking love you.” His voice was hoarse.
Nepeta kissed him.
It wasn’t quiet nine lives, but still- one love.
Yeah
(Time after Time)
Time after time