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it’d been a few months since Hawkins had quite literally been split down the middle. the Byers had moved into the Wheeler’s basement; Jonathan, Will and Joyce all squeezed onto little mattresses and bundled in blankets that barely kept them warm.
if anyone had told child Mike that his best friend was living in his basement, he would’ve exploded and flown over the moon. but the Mike of now ? it’s not that he’s not happy about it, it just seems a little awkward. they hadn’t talked about what had happened in California, or about the fact that they hadn’t spoken in months before that. and now were they supposed to just ignore it and focus on the fact that their hometown was in danger but they had no idea when it was supposed to happen ?
Mike supposed that was the way that they were going about it. Will hadn’t brought anything up and he definitely wasn’t going to be the first one to; god knows what happens when he tries to have an emotional conversation.
he wishes they could go back to what it was like before Will left for California, go back to when they made their silly little D&D campaigns and didn’t have to worry about the very real possibility of some wrinkled thumb coming to Hawkins to vapourise them.
he wishes that he had the courage to venture down into the basement whenever Will had a nightmare; whenever he would wake up the whole house with the sound of his screaming. Mike knew that Jonathan and Joyce were perfectly capable of offering comfort but he just wished that he was down there helping them. even his father would make an effort the morning after, pushing a cup of juice towards Will at the dining table during breakfast. but Mike couldn’t even find the slightest hint of confidence to even ask about it or ask if he was okay.
he knows Will knows. he knows that he’s not as subtle as he hopes to be. stupid facial expressions making his emotions visible. his mother says that it’s always been his eyes that give him away; Nancy had called him doe-eyed once.
maybe Will secretly hates him and is only putting up with him because they need all of the people they can get. that thought gets to him sometimes when he tries to sleep. it hits him right in the chest and creates a feeling that he doesn’t like. Mike tries to distract himself with literally anything else when those thoughts start to invade his mind. he’ll read, draw map plans, go through the crawl ideas, literally anything that gets his mind off of the thought.
tonight was different though. nothing would get his mind off of it. he’d gone through everything he owned already and he still sat with this ache in his chest. Mike had eventually had enough, pushing open his door and going downstairs to the kitchen. he flicked one of the lamps on and poured himself a glass of water. he hoped that the liquid would help his throat so that it didn’t feel like it was closing up and he couldn’t breathe.
Will could hate him. he could be living in his basement, treating him with kindness but secretly hating him. Mike tried to take a deep breath, pressing one of his hands to his chest to try and soothe the ache he was feeling. his hands were shaking. did he know his thoughts were stupid ? absolutely. he also knew that he could bring up these concerns to Will and probably have all of his worries put right. but he was focusing on the probably.. the possibility that if he brought it up, Will would actually double down on his thoughts and confirm his fears.
“Mike..?”
the words broke him out of his thoughts. Nancy, in all her glory, dressed in pyjamas and a crazy bedhead. her expression is what confused him though. a look of concern.
“hey Nance. can’t sleep ?”
she didn’t say anything for a moment, simply scanning his face. Mike secretly hoped that his eyes were behaving and weren’t giving anything away, deep down he knew they were.
“it’s almost four am, Mike. are you okay ?”
“just needed some water.”
Nancy let out a sigh. she grabbed a cup of her own, pouring some juice from the fridge into it and leant against one of the counters.
they didn’t do this often. they used to be close, sure. but they weren’t the type of siblings now that would disclose all of their problems to each other. or maybe they were, Mike didn’t really know anymore. he just stopped telling anyone his problems after they hadn’t taken him seriously about Will being in the upside down.
“your eyes give you away.”
dammit. stupid eyes.
Mike inhaled shakily, sipping from his cup. he didn’t wanna look at her. he’d probably end up giving more away.
“Mike.. did you have a nightmare or something..?”
“no.. nothing like that, Nance, it’s fine.”
the silence lingered between them. the ticking from the clock on the wall was the only thing filling the space between them. Mike thought to himself, glancing out of their kitchen window and into the pitch black that just reflected himself back.
“how did you.. nevermind.”
he could feel Nancy’s eyes on the side of his face when he spoke.. but he couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence.
“how did I what, Mike ?”
“I don’t know.”
“what’s wrong ?”
Mike swallowed, his brain was going a mile a minute again. his heart hurt. she spoke so soft.. she had never sounded this gentle with him before, even when he was a kid. he was 16 now and it sounded like she was talking to a toddler who had just fallen over.
“I don’t know..”
he put his cup down, trying to take a breath but it came out shaky. Nancy doesn’t push him, doesn’t take his silence to try and get an answer out of him.
Mike takes another second, staring off into space before he finally looks at his sister again. she’s just looking at him, cup in her hands.
“just thinking about things. thinking a lot.”
“okay.. is it- Vecna related or personal related ?”
“personal. but he probably caused some of it, the dick.”
Nancy smiles, shaking her head at his stupid little sentence.
“is it about California ? you’ve been a little off since you came back.”
Mike takes another second to think. does he really wanna get into his California problem with his sister ? does he really wanna get advice from someone who is literally dating the brother of the person that he’s trying to avoid ?
he knows he should talk to someone, try and get this aching feeling in his chest to stop. his breath catches and he forces himself to look away from Nancy, his sight getting a little blurry before he closes them.
“maybe.. I don’t- I don’t know for certain.”
“okay. maybe you can try to tell me what you were thinking that was keeping you up ?”
“how do you know if someone hates you ?”
his voice came out so low that if Nancy hadn’t been forcing her ears to listen closely, she would’ve missed it. he opened his eyes but kept his gaze focused on his mug. he wanted to go downstairs to the basement, shake Will awake and ask.. just ask.. do you hate me ?
“how do you know if someone hates you but is just.. acting like they don’t for the sake of everyone else ?”
“what makes you think they hate you, Mike ?”
“I said some dumb shit. even before California. before the Byers had even moved.”
stupid Mike Wheeler.. that one stupid summer where he had been more focused on Eleven than on Will or literally any of his friends. he had gotten into a stupid argument and said something stupid to Will before he biked home in the rain.
“I didn’t even apologise for it.. and then California was even worse and we didn’t even speak about it. now we’re back in Hawkins and we still haven’t talked about it and I’m just..”
he put a shaking hand over his face.
“I stay awake at night.. thinking that.. that I ruined everything.. and I can’t even talk about it because I’m worried that it would just confirm everything that I’ve been thinking. it’s driving me crazy and it’s taking over my brain and I can’t sleep and I don’t know what to do and-”
Mike cut himself off, his voice cracking near the end. his breathing was speeding up as he teared up. Nancy put her cup down, extending her arms out and bringing him into a hug. he was taller than her now, awkwardly tucking himself uncomfortably into her neck. he remembered doing this when he was smaller, he used to be able to tuck his head under her arm.
Nancy pats his head, flattening the hair. he got told once that hair holds onto memories and trauma.. thank god he cut it a couple of months ago back to what it used to be when he was younger.
“you can’t assume someone hates you because of something you haven’t had a chance to talk about yet.”
“I’ve had the time.. I’ve just been too scared.”
she pulls away from him to finally get a good chance to look at him. she gives him a sad smile before patting his cheek.
“what exactly are you afraid of ?”
“everything.. losing everything. my life has gotten better since they’ve been in it and I’m scared that- that talking about what happened might..”
“Eleven means a lot to you, huh ?”
what ?
Mike takes a step backwards and pulls away from Nancy’s arms completely. the girl just lets out a little chuckle and picks her cup up again. she lets out another short laugh into the cup as she drinks.
he looks at her confused. his heart is thumping in his chest. Nancy just continues to smile before speaking again.
“being in love is scary-”
WHAT ?
his eyebrows practically reach his hairline when she continues to speak.
“I remember when I first realised I loved Jonathan. I was so so scared. I remember thinking that if I brought up anything that I would accidentally drop that I loved him and that he would think that I was a weirdo and..”
Mike tuned her out. in love.. in love with Will..? he had been talking about Will and Nancy had thought he was talking about Eleven..
his breathing became faster and faster. in love.. with Will..
everything made sense. he used to be so jealous when Will would hang out with other people other than him when they were little. he would want to spend every waking moment with him and actively have a tantrum every time he had to leave.
he cared for Will more than any of his other friends.. but he had assumed that was down to knowing him longer. he noticed every little detail about Will; every little thing that changed. even when he started to change the colour of his clothes, of his bedroom.. when he cut his hair even slightly shorter.
he was in love with Will Byers.
a hand broke him out of his trance. Nancy was stood there with an even more confused and concerned expression.
“Mike ? Mike ?! are you okay ? god- you need to breathe.. is it Vecna ? Mike ?!”
he took a stuttering breath and swallowed harshly.
“Mike ! shit, Mike, breathe.. slowly..”
“I can’t be.. in love..”
“oh Mike.. god, did you not know ? you’re okay, you’re fine, just breathe.”
she didn’t pull him into another hug, just kept her hands on his shoulders and kept her voice steady for him to follow.
“I freaked out like this too. it’s normal. it’s totally normal.”
Mike shook his head a little and let a few tears escape down his face. his shoulders shook as he started to cry.
he was in love with his best friend. what would his friends think ? what would his family think ? he knew his dad hated all that ‘gay propaganda’ that was blasted all over the tv. Nancy looked more confused.
neither of them heard another person enter the kitchen until he cleared his throat awkwardly. speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.
Will stood in the doorway, lips pressed together as he looked at Mike specifically. he looked like he couldn’t give two shits whether Nancy was stood there or not.
Mike’s breathing caught again, internally panicking about the fact that he had just realised he was in love with him and he had literally appeared in front of him. luckily, Nancy tried to speak for him.
“hey Will.. he’s just.. he’s freaking out a little bit, you wanna take over ?”
hey- wait- no..
he thought that she was gonna try to get him to go back down to the basement so that he could finish having his freak out without having Will in front of him. Mike wished he could dig a hole, crawl into it and transport himself to the upside down.
Will nodded almost immediately, taking a step forward with the kindest eyes Mike had ever seen. his sister, or now deemed The Traitor, retreated. she took her cup with her, only glancing back once before she disappeared back upstairs to her room, the room of treachery.
this was one of the only times that Mike wished Will knew personal space. now they were touching shoulder to shoulder, whilst he took stuttering breaths and tears rolled down his cheeks.
“remember when we were younger and we were biking home ? you told me that you’d learnt how to ride your bike without needing to hold on. you let go of the handlebars and immediately ate shit on the road.”
Will spoke with fondness in his voice, a slight upturn to the end of his lips. he wasn’t looking at Mike whatsoever, focusing on the floor in front of them.
“I helped you to the sidewalk and looked at your knees.. luckily it wasn’t that bad. but you sat telling me that it didn’t hurt and that you were just really mad that your bike had betrayed you.. that you were crying tears of rage.”
he let out a chuckle, putting his hands together awkwardly. Mike continued to take stuttering breaths, confused as to why Will was bringing this up.
“are you crying tears of rage now ?”
Mike hesitated before shaking his head. he didn’t want to talk, scared that everything would come barrelling out of him like word vomit and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from accidentally telling Will that he was in love with him.
fuck.. in love with him. he was literally touching shoulders with the guy that he was in love with.
“Mike..?”
“I don’t know.. I don’t know what to say..”
“that’s a first.”
he turned to look at Will then, taking note of the small smirk on his face. that asshole.. making fun of him even when he was sobbing in his own kitchen at four in the morning.
“usually you would be saying whatever came to your head. you’ve said some of the stupidest shit-”
“hey !”
“known to man, Mike..”
they laughed, Mike’s sounding significantly wetter than Will’s did. at least his mind was slowly starting to ease, to not ponder over his most recent revelation.
the two smiled in silence for a moment longer, Will looking back down at his hands. it gave Mike a moment to just.. look at him. he looked down the slant of his nose, the curve of his jaw, the lifted edges of his lips, and god did his lips look so soft.
he only stopped staring when the other looked at him again and lit up a bright red.
“what ?”
“just thinking.”
“uh oh.. that’s dangerous for you, Mike.”
“asshole.”
they laughed again, the taller pushing his shoulder into Will’s to playfully shove him. his hands then came up to wipe away the residue of tears on his own face.
then he went serious, ceased all of his laughing and pressed his lips into a line. did he really wanna talk about it ? he needed to. he needed to get it off of his chest. the worst case scenario is that he finds out his best friend secretly hated him.
“I’ve been thinking about California.”
Will visibly tenses, shoulders practically reaching his ears.
“what about California ?”
“all of it.. any of it.. we haven’t talked about it. or about the fact that I hadn’t replied to any of your letters or calls or.. the argument we had the summer before you moved away.”
“we don’t- we don’t need to talk about that argument.”
“we do ! it’s eating away at me, Will.”
“it’s fine. you’re forgiven. are you being eaten less now ?”
“not really. god, I’ve been psyching myself up to talk about it and you don’t even want to ?”
“yeah ! because I don’t wanna think about it ! that argument hurt, Mike. I don’t like reliving it.”
Mike took a second, a deep breath. his hands were shaking again.
“I.. I realised that I was focusing my attention somewhere else instead of you..”
“Mike.. I don’t want to talk about this.”
“you were my best friend.. still are my best friend.. and I’ve been stupid and ignorant and so so so.. blind..”
his voice cracked again.. stupid puberty.. stupid emotions. Will’s face flashed with sadness, his lips trembling as he pressed them together.
“I feel like I’m going crazy, Will..”
the deja vu hit. Will let out a wet laugh, his eyes shining as he looked at the other.
“then we’ll go crazy together.”
Will must’ve felt brave, because he reached up to wipe away a stray tear that Mike must’ve missed the first time. his eyes shone from that singular lamp, so full of an emotion that Mike couldn’t quite place.
his heart was going crazy, his breath stuttering even worse than before. it must’ve shown on his face because the other pulled his hand away so fast that it looked like the contact had burnt him.
Mike went quiet, not knowing what to say. he didn’t imagine having a night like this. Will shuffled beside him, obviously gearing himself up to say something.. so taller one just waited, waiting for the silence to stop.
“do you.. do you ever feel different ?”
he was confused by the question. what did Will mean by different ?
“different how ?”
“I don’t know.. just.. different from everyone else. I feel different from my brother, from Lucas, from Dustin.. I feel different and it feels bad.”
“I don’t think you’re different. I think you’re normal.”
“I am not normal. these.. I have.. feelings.. that aren’t normal.”
Mike takes another breath. whatever Will was trying to confess sounded dangerously similar to his panic about twenty minutes ago.
he decided to take a chance. he moved his hand slightly, brushing his fingers against Will’s. the other’s face lit up in surprise but didn’t pull his hand away. their pinkies linked together, light enough that they could pull away at any moment but tight enough to feel real.
“I think your feelings are normal.”
Will’s eyes welled up, shimmering against the light. his smile pulled into a smile as he sniffled.
“you mean you-”
“I’m still figuring everything out. I figured it out when I was talking to Nancy and I panicked and..”
“oh god, Mike.. shit- that.. god.. I figured it out when I was young and had time to freak out. you like..”
Will dropped his voice really low, just in case anyone was around to hear them.
“you like guys ?”
Mike’s heart stuttered at the question. he inhaled a breath and shrugged, his free hand coming up to rub over his face.
“I don’t know. I just- I haven’t time to think about it yet but- I know I like one guy. but I genuinely thought you hated me or something. you hadn’t brought up California or.. or the last summer and was acting really normal so I thought that you didn’t wanna talk about it and was just not bringing up the fact that you hate me because we need all the people to defeat Vecna and saying that you hate me outloud would really really ruin team morale and-”
Will immediately turned his full body in the direction of the other, he cut off the rant with a laugh. he shook his head in disbelief.
“you thought I hated you ?”
the teen let out a sigh, knowing now how idiotic his fear was.
“yeah..”
“and you thought that I was secretly hating you because I didn’t wanna ruin team morale ?”
“yeah…”
“that is the stupidest thing you have ever said ! oh my god !”
Mike watched as Will descended into laughter, doubling over at the stomach and disconnecting their hands when he had to cover his mouth to stop being so loud.
his face flushed a deep red in embarrassment as it dawned on him just how stupid his rant was. the taller boy just had to watch as the other laughed at his stupidity.
“okay okay ! laugh it up ! ha ha..”
“no no.. Mike ! this is the funniest thing ever! oh my god !”
“yeah ! it’s hilarious. my panic is hilarious !”
it took a while for Will to calm down. but when he did, he looked at Mike in such a fond way that it actually made his heart skip a beat.
Will reached forward with his hand and linked their pinkies again.
“is it me ?”
Mike didn’t say anything, only looked down at their intertwined pinkies and smiled.
“am I the guy ?”
“yeah..”
silence lingered between them. but the smile that was slowly stretching across Will’s face was a thing that Mike wished he could keep as a memory in his head forever.
the clock on the wall showed almost five am now. the two had been talking in the kitchen for a while. Mike’s mom would probably be up soon to start getting ready for the day. but Mike didn’t care how early it was, or about the fact that he hadn’t slept yet, or about the fact that he would have to start getting ready to go to school soon. he just stared at the boy in front of him with a soft smile and forgot about all of his problems.
Will glanced at their pinkies before back at Mike.
“we can go crazy together, right ?”
Mike nodded, tightening his pinkie so that it was harder for Will to pull away.
“crazy together.”
Mike lifted his free hand to brush against Will’s cheek. the other flinched a little slightly before leaning into this touch. he didn’t blame him, Mike was terrified of being found by anyone. his thumb brushed Will’s cheekbone. the other leaned in slightly.
his heart was going crazy. he hadn’t even thought about the possibility of kissing his best friend. his eyes darted down to Will’s lips when he got closer and closer.
“is this.. is this okay ?”
Will’s voice was so soft, he was so nervous about upsetting Mike and making him panic even worse.
“yeah.. yeah this is okay.”
and with the confirmation, he didn’t hesitate to close the gap between them. maybe this is what people meant by, the first kiss was meant to feel like sparks. he hadn’t felt this when he kissed Eleven for the first time.. but that’s maybe because he was twelve and had no idea what a first kiss was supposed to be. but.. Mike’s lips felt numb, his heart was pounding, his hands were shaking and more importantly ? he felt so happy. it felt so right.
it wasn’t long. maybe a couple of seconds before Will had pulled away. but Mike Wheeler had just kissed Will Byers !
Will pressed his forehead to Mike’s shoulder and let out a laugh. he definitely didn’t believe that had just happened either. the taller boy looked up towards the ceiling and just smiled. he was truly the happiest he had felt since.. well since he had gotten Will back from the upside down.. since he had sat on that swing set and asked that boy if he had wanted to be friends.
Mike took one last final breath before speaking again.
“what does this mean ? for us ?”
Will pulled away from his shoulder so that they could see each other. he looked a little hesitant.
“I don’t know.. but no one can know, right ? I mean- you’re dating my sister.”
“no. me and El broke up in California. we’re one hundred percent splitsville.”
“splitsville ? god, you sound like a sitcom character.”
“I mean it, Will, we’re over. if you want this then I am yours. say the word and I am yours.”
“we still can’t tell anyone. people don’t- it’s frowned upon.”
“we can figure it out together, right ?”
the silence lingered again, the two boys just looking at each other with so much love in their eyes that if anyone else saw, it would probably be sickening.
the sound of someone coming down the stairs broke them apart quickly. Will took so many steps backwards that he collided with the fridge. Mike stayed put, picking his cup back up so that he could pretend he was drinking from it.
it was Mike’s mother. she seemed shocked to see both of them in the kitchen already. she smiled at Will and then gave a look to Mike that was more confusion than anything. nothing more was said other than breakfast would be in an hour or so and that they should go their separate ways to get ready.
Will nodded and turned to go back downstairs to the basement. he turned to look at Mike one last time and mouthed something.
‘together.’
then he disappeared into the basement. Mike’s face practically split in two with a smile. Karen looked at her son in confusion but just began pulling things out of the fridge to start cooking.
—-
later, if Nancy was giving both of the boys a knowing look during breakfast, no one would realise. she watched as they sat next to each other with sheepish smiles on their faces as they tucked into their food and their elbows bashed against each other’s.
she wasn’t stupid. she knew her brother hadn’t been talking about Eleven when the love of his life was living in their basement. she simply thought her brother respected their past relationship too much to even think about dating her technical brother.