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It had always been a touchy topic for him. Growing up in a boarding school as a boy who, for some unknown reason, didn't feel any sexual desire, with everyone around him being weirdly sexual and asking him about his experiences.
For a long time, ha hadn’t known if something was wrong with him.
When Mark had become his manager, the trust quickly grew between them until at some point, after a girl had tried flirting with him, which had just scared him away, he had explained to the older how he felt.
That proved to be one of the best decisions of his life as his mentor looked at him understandingly and shared his thoughts.
"Sounds like asexuality to me."
That evening, he pulled out his phone to search up 'asexual' and immediately felt like he understood himself for the first time ever.
The relief quickly turned into sadness though as he read on some forums that many asexual people had trouble finding a partner that was ok with never having sex with them.
Since then, it hadn’t really gotten any easier to cope with his sexuality, meaning he was still really uncomfortable whenever a conversation slipped into that territory.
Considering all of that, he asked himself how he had ended up here, at Danny Ric's house playing never have I ever with some of the other drivers.
Lando had dragged him along, insisting that he should socialise more.
The evening had started pretty chill with ordering some pizza and playing mario kart, which proved to be very chaotic and competitive between the drivers.
After that, they had all settled on the floor to play some truth or dare wich had qickly evolved into never have I ever.
He should have left long ago as the others got bolder and bolder with every shot they drank and he got more and more uncomfortable with every shot he didn’t take because of his boring life.
Here and there the others laughed when he didn’t drink once again, but the worst question was yet to come.
It was a compleately wasted Danny that said: "Since our dear Oscar is drinking so rarely, let's give him an easy question. Never have I haver had sex."
Everybody laughed under their breaths before drinking, except for the younger Aussie.
He felt all eyes on him now as he shrunk into himself, wanting nothing more than for the ground to swallow him.
Then some of them erupted in laughter. "Piastri's a virgin!"
His eyes started burning as his entire body went rigid, making him feel like he couldn't move, trapped without any chance of escape.
It felt like his skin was getting tighter and tighter, squeezing all air from his lungs.
It was only when his limbs started shivering that he managed to jump up, dragging himself to the closest bathroom, ignoring the faces of his 'friends' dropping.
Slamming the door shut, he let himself slide down the cold tiles of the bathroom wall, enjoying how the cold feeling stung his heated skin, grounding him in his body again to make the tight feeling slowly disappear.
He hated himself.
The salty tears that had abused his vision were finally making their way down his face as sobs started to shake his body.
Growing up away from his parents, he knew the feeling of being alone, but he had never felt as alone as right now, in the bathroom of one of his colleagues without any way to escape unless he wanted to face all the other drivers again.
His trembling hands scrambled for his phone almost on instinct as he dialed Mark's number, waiting anxiously for him to pick up.
"Hey kid, what's up?"
The tension immediately left his body as he heard the familliar voice, a quiet whimper fighting its way up his throat.
"Dad, I don’t know what to do." He began with a quivering voice, slowly explaining the situation, interrupting himself with sobs here and there.
"Why am I broken?" He ended, immediately erupting in tears again.
Osc, hey, listen to me. You are not broken ok. They're all drunk assholes that don't know what they're talking about.
"But why can't I just be normal?"
After a short pause, he heard a deep sigh from Mark, before he spoke with the sadness evident in his caring voice.
I wish I could hug you right now.
After crying a bit more and talking to Mark, he hung up, feeling too tired to talk more.
A quiet knock distracted him from his misery as he heard Lando's soft voice through the door.
"Osc, are you ok? Can I come in? I don’t want you to be alone right now."
His teammate's voice sounded full of worry, breaking his heart even further as he couldn't help but think that it was his fault that the Brit’s evening was now ruined.
Nonetheless, he was craving his friend's comforting touch more than ever.
"The door's open"
Making use of his driver reflexes Lando burst through the door milliseconds after he had allowed him in.
He immediately went to him and sat on the floor next to him.
"Sorry for ruining your evening" Oscar sniffed, burrying his head in his arms in shame.
"What? Mate I hope you're joking. They made you have a panic attack or whatever and you still think you're to blame?"
As the Aussie lifted his head a little to look at his friend, Lando saw his red rimmed eyes and immediately opened his arms, offering a hug.
Falling into his arms, all the emotion suddenly came back as he cried like a little kid again, desperately clinging to Lando, who drew comforting circles on his back while mumbling sweet words of approval, slowly soothing the pain.
"You wanna talk about it?" The smaller offered after a while, slowly combing through his hair with his perfect fingers.
He didn’t answer immediately, unsure wether to be honest or not.
Lando was patient though, combing his hair and cradling him in his arms as he waited for an answer.
"I'm... asexual. So it's not like I never had anyone to have sex with, I just can't..."
His voice was braking toward the end as a sob was threatening to spill out of his mouth, leaving him with an ugly voice crack.
"Shh it's ok. Your sexuality it nothing to be ashamed of." Lando tried to calm him.
Worry was now washing over him. Maybe Lando would tell the others to make them feel bad. Then they would know his secret and would eternally make fun of him.
"Don’t tell the others please."
The Brit seemed almost offended now. "What? I would never out you."
After a small pause, he added a question that must have been gnawing at his mind for a while now.
"Not to be insensitive but why is this such a big problem for you?"
His first instinct was to be offended. But then again, this was Lando. He probably just wanted to understand him better.
He let out a painful laugh before answering. "You fall in love knowing you will probably never be together because..."
He made some swinging motion, gesturing to the floor infront of him as if it would make it easier for Lando to understand him that way.
Sighing in defeat, he searched for some words that would describe it better than his wonky gestures.
"I mean, good luck finding a partner that's fine with never having sex with you."
Putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder, the smaller tried to share his perspective.
"Do you have anyone specific in mind? Because if they are not willing to give up sex for potentially the love of their life, than maybe they're just not worth it. I mean, I would be willing to give that up. And you've heard of how much I love to sleep around."
Shut up, you're giving me hope.
But of course, Lando torturing his heart was not enough and he had to put himself deeper into misery as well.
"For that you'd have to love me."
He was looking the Brit deep in the eyes now, suddenly revieling way more than he had wanted.
At least now he would get a clear no and wouldn’t have to fight his hope all the time.
"What if I do?"
He had not thaught that would be his answer.
"I..." He was at a loss of words.
He studied his face for a moment, needing absolute clarity that he wasn’t joking or making fun of him.
His face was completely serious, a little frown at the notion that Oscar's answer wouldn’t be what he wanted being the only emotion he could read.
Fuck it
"Maybe then I'd let you kiss me."
A loving smile was spreading on the Brit’s face as his head got closer and closer to his.
He closed his eyes in anticipation, waiting for the other to finally close the gap between them.
When his big, perfect hand caressed his cheek, he opened his eyes again, looking questioning at Lando.
"I don’t want to force you into something. If anything is too much for you, just push me away."
After Oscar had nodded softly, he finally pulled him towards him, brushing their lips togather.
This kiss was everything he had ever dreamed of and more. Lando’s hand on his face was soft, guiding his head in the right position while still being so gentle that he could pull back any time if he wanted.
The lips that were carefully moving against his were so unlike the kisses he had shared so far.
Where others had been hungry, moving with too much pressure, Lando’s were were dancing with his lips in a way that conveyed how much love he felt for the Aussie.
When he finally kissed him back, moving his lips sheepishly to match the Brit’s movement, he could feel the other starting to smile into the kiss.
The smaller’s hand had found its place at his nape while the other was holding his hand, caressing it with his thumb as they both pulled back, slightly out of breath.
They were both smiling like lovesick teenagers.
"Osc... I'm really serious with this. We can figure out how we want to do this relationship, finding ways you are comfortable. I'm willing to do anything if it means I can show you my love every day. God, this is cheasy."
At the end, both of them laughed softly, before Oscar nudged him with a small smile.
"Is that you asking me to be your boyfriend?"
Another sheepish laugh from the Brit. "Yes, if you want that."
"Yes, I'd quite like that."