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Call him absurd, but Miles has always secretly wanted to be on the other end of one of the doors Phoenix Wright breaks down.
Yes, that means he’ll have to be in dire straits, because he’s heard firsthand from Phoenix just how sore his shoulder is after one of these events. But Miles has been in dire straits before—many times, in fact—and he could, at the very least, get something out of it.
Well, now he has the chance.
His kidnapper had been sloppy, clearly either an amateur or just extra desperate. There’s a high level homicide case brewing where the defendant is so clearly guilty that even Wright wouldn’t be able to turnabout hard enough to save him. Miles is set to be the prosecution and he knows that that’s why he’s here. If only he could have explained to his kidnapper that the case is so clear-cut that the defendant could be prosecuted by Winston Payne and still lose. Getting him out of the way does nothing for the defendant’s chances.
Getting him out of the way this sloppily does even less. Miles is in a furnace room of some sort. He can make out the hulking shapes of machinery in the gloomy corners of the underground room, and the heat is positively stifling. Miles only wishes, really, that he could have removed his heavy suit coat before being tied up—and that the ties were a bit looser, and that he didn’t have such a disgusting-tasting gag stuffed halfway down his throat. His wrists ache, he’s parched and sweaty, but his kidnappers left his phone in his pocket. Fools. He can’t reach it, no, but he and Phoenix had a date night planned for seven PM, and since he was intercepted, chloroformed, and dragged here on his way to said date, it has to be well after seven now. Phoenix will be on his way.
And then… the moment. The moment that Miles has secretly been fantasizing about since he heard it described during Maya Fey’s second murder trial.
Miles is trapped in a locked room. He knows his boyfriend will be far too frantic to wait for backup. Phoenix will come here himself and, given his complete lack of lock-picking experience, he’ll only have one way to get to Miles.
Miles tries not to be too giddy about it, but again, if he has to be kidnapped, it might as well have some perks.
While he waits, he brainstorms how he can turn this situation around as efficiently as possible. When Phoenix arrives, he’ll have him call Gumshoe and Miles can give him an expedited statement and his orders while Phoenix releases him from these infernal bindings. Then he’ll glean their location and find the nearest place to buy a bottle of water, provided Phoenix doesn’t have one on him—he rarely has the presence of mind to remember that sort of thing, so Miles isn’t hopeful.
Once everything is Gumshoe’s problem, Phoenix and Miles will be free to carry on with their evening. Even if he’ll still be at large, the likelihood of Miles getting kidnapped a second time by the same individual is quite unlikely, particularly with his spiky blue knight to protect him. They’d planned to go to dinner at the Lobster Tail, Miles’ pick, followed up dessert at Crumbs Creamery, Phoenix’s pick, but Miles is currently soaked through with sweat and entirely too unpresentable for upscale dining. Perhaps they should skip dinner, go straight to dessert? Some ice cream sounds beyond compare at the moment, now that he’s thinking about it.
Miles shifts, growing a little more uncomfortable as sweat trickles down the back of his neck and makes it itch. Phoenix should be here any moment, truly.
A tiny spike of fear pokes at him. What if his location has gotten turned off somehow and Phoenix has no access to it? Or, worse, what if his assailant got to Phoenix, too?
Miles should never have doubted. Not two minutes later, he hears voices.
“Maya! Over here! I found a door!”
Ah. Miss Fey is with him as well. Well, that’s all right. In fact, she’s more than likely to back up his idea to skip dinner in lieu of immediate ice cream.
“Hooray, Nick!” Maya’s voice. “Break it down! Break it down!”
Phoenix’s groan, muffled by the heavy door. “Do I have to?”
“YES!” Maya yells. “Your lover is on the other side! He could be injured! He could be in desperate need of assistance! Break down the door!”
Miles wonders if, without his gag, he would tell them he was fine. What if that dissuaded Phoenix, lowered the urgency of the situation? He wouldn’t want to do that.
He also didn’t want the love of his life to worry, though, so he tries to yell out a few words, just to give them proof of life. “M mn mere!!”
“Oh no, Miles,” Phoenix gasps, before the entire door frame rattles with the impact of a broad-shouldered body.
The door doesn’t open, and Miles hears a groan from the other side of the door. He winces sympathetically.
“Nick!” Maya protests. “Again! You’ve almost got it!”
A moment’s pause, then a guttural yell, and Phoenix comes smashing through the door and through to the other side. The door hits the opposite wall with a terrific bang. Phoenix hits the ground at a roll, his face creased in concentration. The glow from the hallway backlights him, dazing Miles as he gazes up at the strong, angular silhouette.
It’s perfect.
Phoenix leaps to his feet and gets his bearing.
“Miles!” he exclaims, racing forward and tossing Maya his phone over his shoulder, which she, remarkably, catches. “Maya, call Gumshoe. Call 911.”
“Who!? Which?!”
“Call Gumshoe to call 911!”
Phoenix yanks the gag from Miles’ mouth and he splutters. “I’m fine,” he groans, but leans contentedly into the hand that Phoenix presses to his cheek. “But yes, call Gumshoe. I’d like this situation to become his problem as soon as physically possible.”
Maya laughs and busies herself with Phoenix’s phone. Phoenix searches his face with rapidly flitting eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks, quieter.
“Perfectly all right,” Miles confirms. “Desperately thirsty, though. And could you undo my bindings?”
“Right, of course!” Phoenix dives around to the back of his chair, leaving Miles with a full view of Maya. He nods at the phone and she tucks it against his shoulder so he can speak to the detective.
“Hey, Pal!” Gumshoe greets cheerily when he picks up. “What can I do for-”
“Detective, it’s me,” Miles interrupts. “I’ve been kidnapped.”
“WHAT?!”
“I’ve been rescued,” Miles informs him quickly, wincing as Phoenix’s meddling with the zip-ties at his wrists nudges a tender bit of skin. “But I’m entrusting you with the task of apprehending my assailant. I believe him to be related to the defended for the upcoming Barker vs. State case as he demanded information about evidence before kidnapping me.”
“D-demanded… are you okay, Pal? Should I call an ambulance?”
“I’m fine,” Miles repeats with a deep sigh. “I was kidnapped near the corner of Chutney and Harbor, in front of Jewel’s Jewels, which almost certainly has outward-facing security cameras. Now do your job, detective. I want this man in custody by morning.”
“Y-yes sir!” Gumshoe barks. “I’ll-”
Miles nods at Maya again and she grabs the phone and hangs up.
Miles tests his wrists and finds them still unreleased. Phoenix pops back around to the front. “You don’t happen to have… scissors, do you?” he asks meekly.
“What kind of a rescue is this?” Miles huffs.
“Here, I’ve got a knife!” Maya exclaims, all-but throwing one at Phoenix, who catches it with a yelp.
“Maya, careful!” he cries, diving back around and getting back to work. “Why do you have a knife?”
“I’m a woman who lives in a city. Duh.”
Miles relaxes into the familiarity of their banter, tapping his foot until he hears and feels the snap of his binds. He carefully pulls his arms around to the front, rolling aching shoulders and rubbing at chaffed skin. Phoenix crawls back around to crouch in front of him and takes Miles’ hands, inspecting them concernedly. “Does it hurt?”
“Not too much,” Miles dismisses. “Now. Where are we?”
“Not far from Crumbs, actually,” Phoenix says, standing up with Miles’ hands still in his and helping ease him to his feet. Miles blinks through the head-rush, mostly focused on how well that information fits into his plan. “When you were late and I checked your location I actually thought for a second that we’d gotten our wires crossed and you’d gone there first.”
“Perhaps we should,” Miles says, leaning on Phoenix as they head for the door. He doesn’t really need to—he’s perfectly unharmed and mostly stable—but Phoenix is as solid and steady and comforting as ever and, these days, Miles takes whatever excuses he can to be close to him.
“Should…?” They’re out the door now and heading for a dingy flight of stairs.
“Should go directly to Crumbs Creamery,” Miles suggests. “I am in no state to eat at the Lobster Tail.”
“Ooh, dessert!” Maya cheers from where she’s bringing up the rear.
“You don’t want to just go home?” Phoenix asks tentatively. “You were just kidnapped, Miles.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Miles huffs, reaching for the door at the top of the stairwell and opening it. He frowns as he steps into the main room of a laundromat. The woman behind the desk eyes them curiously, but Phoenix offers her a cheery wave and a thumbs up and ushers Miles through.
The cool outside air is delightful on Miles’ sweat-soaked hairline. He shrugs out of his jacket, nose wrinkling in disgust at how soggy his shirt and vest have become. Phoenix is watching him as if waiting for orders and Maya is bouncing on her toes.
“Well?” Miles huffs. “Crumbs?”
An incredulous grin breaks over Phoenix’s face. “I love you,” he says, pressing a quick kiss to Miles’ lips. “But it’s a little concerning how calmly you’re taking this.”
“Ehh, this is what I’ve been telling you, Nick!” Maya exclaims, forcing herself between the two of them and wrapping her arms around both their shoulders, frog-marching them towards Crumbs Creamery. “Kidnapping isn’t that bad. Yoiks, you’re sweaty, Edgeworth.”
“And thirsty,” Miles grumbles, shrugging off her arm. His mouth is sticky from lack of moisture. “I think they tried to slow-roast me like a Thanksgiving turkey.”
“Yum,” Maya declares. “Turkey.”
Phoenix grabs the door to Crumbs—the two buildings really are quite close—for the two of them, catching Miles by his elbow just before he walks through. “You sure you’re okay?” he confirms, a little hint of worry still lingering in the corners of his eyes.
It’s Miles’ turn to give him a quick kiss, though he knows his lips are terribly chapped and likely quite unpleasant to kiss, texturally speaking. “I’m all right, dearest,” he says quietly. “In fact, I must say I rather enjoyed the opportunity to be rescued by you.”
Phoenix’s cheeks flush and he grins down at his shoes. He’s all schoolboy crush and Miles feels a responding cheesy grin creep across his face. “Yeah?”
“Yes. Though I will be asking the cashier for some ice for your shoulder.”
A wince. “…Yeah. Probably best.”
Miles intertwines their fingers and leads the way inside, where Maya is waiting with a large cup of water and he’s about to pay for enough ice cream to make them all sick for two days.