Work Text:
"Al Haitham, is something wrong with the heating?” The question rang across the living room preceded by the front door.
Winter has finally come.
Sumeru’s hot. Meaning it’s as well as popular as it is horribly heated. People from all over Tevyat travel to sight the beauties of its architecture, nature, and to enjoy its culture. Dharma Forest, a place where various sounds of creatures fuse with the changing rhythms of dropping rain, drawing the intruder into a different world while they march through mother nature's purest forest. The flagship of mysterious yet awfully homely parts of the region… As well as its high percent of air humidity.
The Lands of Setekh and the Desert of Hadramaveth, full of stories and undiscovered paths, make every struggling step lost onto the rays of the golden sand, worth every fumble. It’s an endless world of yellow dust, without the glimpse of a horizon that makes you believe you are utterly alone in this world. Paradoxical, as you begin to stare into the void, never quite certain that you’re undeniably safe. Just the explorer and the dessert.
Along with 60 degrees Celsius.
Regardless, Sumeru is still a part of Tevyat and, like everywhere else, is not spared from the change of seasons. As a result, it's not immune to the changes in temperatures either. The sun continues to bless people with its warm grazes, not paying attention to the calendar telling it to stop, but the further into winter, the shorter the time people have to enjoy basking in the sun. Days are turning shorter, while nights are getting longer and colder.
For an average person it may be truly a barely visible change, which might at most occur by the amount of money required to spend on fuel. However, there are always those who, about 2 months per year, intend to achingly reminisce about the warmths of summer, describing those absent days, like a precious gift ripped off their hands.
“God, it's freezing here!” Ultimately, Kaveh’s one of them.” And it’s been this way for two days already! Have you broken it on purpose just to mess with me?“
“Is it? Never felt the freeze you’re talking about if I'm being honest.” Al haitham responded, not looking up from his book.
“You’ve been literally sitting here all day long dressed in a tank top. There is no way you’re not feeling the abnormally low temperature here.” Kaveh said, walking towards the windows, placing his hand on the handle, apparently to check if they were closed correctly. Al Haitham pulled his eyes away from the book only to leave a bland and judgemental stare towards the other.
“The weather’s getting colder only as the sun sets. Besides, it's just you being fragile, as it turns out, as well as in the inside”
“Oh piss off Al Haitham! How has this become another round of throwing insults at me!? At least I don't have the sensitivity of a rock like someone I know!” He took his hands off the window confirming that everything’s in place. His face cooled, visibly forcing himself to let go of his furrowed brows, twisting his face into a different sort of grimace. A short sigh left his mouth. “Al Haitham, I don't have energy for this. Could you just go and check the stove? And yes I know you’re mid reading, your highness. Please.” His speech was soft, only if not for a tired tremble countering his voice.
He looked towards Kaveh once again, locking their eyes for a tiny bit too long for it to be comfortable, catching the glimpse of the shadowy color trying not to peek from the layers of light concealer, before he silently obeyed.
“Could have done it yourself.” He threw before leaving the room.
“Just when I thought you'd be willing to be nice for once.” he said while watching Al Haitham’s back, as he left.
“The stove's broken.” Alhaitham announced after coming back. “I'll get someone to fix it tomorrow.”
With that being said, Kaveh found himself in the exact same situation as he was in a night ago.
In the dark pit of his room, with a glimpse of a glowing moon falling through the window’s portal as only lightning. Baroque spot chiaroscuro. With wool socks on his feet, that, despite their practical function, were now leaving itches from the scratches, violating his smooth skin. In his sweater, wrapped in a duvet, probably making him akin to a newly born puppy, still trembling and looking for shelter in its mothers arms after being ripped from their warm bearing. Shivers ran through his drenteched in a cold sweat body. With each passing second that didn’t put him to sleep, the urge to roll over, change position, do anything to be able to sleep a wink, grew earlier and stronger. Every action, every act of desperation, led to the vision of waking up to the brand-new day’s rising sun becoming more distant.
Another sleepless night, as if the universe knew that this was exactly what every indebted and already suitably sleep-deprived architect needs. He signed at the very thought and let his eyes open to the as he thought, awfully boring ceiling, shaded by night’s cover.
Only one tiring night left. Just another cold, sleepless night and tomorrow that stove’ll get fixed. Yes. No reason to lose his mind against something so trivial. He'll get his lovely, awaited and well-deserved rest.
Tomorrow.
“From three to five days.” Al Haitham sipped on his coffee.
“Excuse me!?” The floor nearly shook from the jump.”What!? You’re one hundred percent sure, there really is no other way?! No other quicker date or a different old hand? Or I don't know! Doesn’t any of your books contain useful knowledge!? ”
“I'm not fixing it. Unless you know how to fix stoves yourself, no, there is not. But maybe you could try as a renowned architect of Sumeru.”
“Like hell I know shit about stoves!”
A moment of silence appeared. The entire tension inside of him started fading away in an instant, instead leaving the feeling of dramatically falling over the floor and dying in agony.
Instead, he rested his face in a hand and let out a soft groan.
Al Haitham owns his soundproof headset for a reason.
Either to find a room for his thoughts while wandering through Sumeru’s streets that throw all the stimuli from the city and the people who are grasping the entire range of life’s cluttered colors. Or to focus on his work. Or to gain a rightful amount of sleep, at time he hadn’t yet gotten around the presence of thorny sounds and irritated growls coming from his roommate's room late at night, once in a while.
Since Kaveh’s late-night sessions have become a mundanity, session after session the noise became less bothersome, and he’d eventually give up his accessory. For putting an entire headset on, no matter what position he’d try to enforce always left his ears hurting and his head feeling like getting pierced through.
So the sounds were nothing to be concerned about. As long as it was Kaveh’s room from where they were coming from.
Muscles stiffened. The wooden floor left a creak once again. Like if a cat was trying to carefully step after step, delicate, so as not to wake the householder of a place he picked as its shelter. Its tiny, sharp claws rubbed against wooden parquetry, leaving a scrappy mark. Another scratch ran from the couch. The room’s doors were bravely fighting, trying to put the householder behind their shield and turn the scratches somewhat muffled. Then once again. An arrow of a scratch and a headshot. Al Haitham rolled over, the crackles of the couch still playing their brambly tunes, without any intentions of giving up. It can’t possibly be this hard to settle down.
Darkness fled still across the space. With every step put, the outlines of objects began to sharpen, until the pieces began to gain their characteristics, having the dim turn into a familiar environment. Alhaitham stood still.
“Kaveh, would you mind telling me what are you doing in the living room?”
The couch nearly moved when the cat jumped at the sentence-sounding question.
“God, you scared me!” The cat spoke like it was a Christmas night miracle. ”How is that any of your business? Why aren’t you asleep?!”
“I don’t know how I was supposed to if you keep wiggling.” Participating in the arm crossing-process, Al Haitham’s shoulder rested against the wall, meeting its cold. ”Besides, it's my house. If you were to break something, it would be my problem. And I probably would’ve had to pay for it as well.” Kaveh's eyebrow furrowed, mouth broke open, ready to throw a comeback before its gates closed once again, biting his tongue, giving up the battle he probably wouldn’t win in the state he’s been found in.
Emerald eyes wandered towards movement when Kaveh’s human back hit the pillows again, heavily falling over with the dramaturgy worth the theatre, one arm thrown outside the couch and the other over his forehead, casting black upon Kaveh’s then utterly invisible eyes. What seemed to be woolen socks and a sweater Al Haitham recalled buying, were wrapped around his worn out, defeated in a duel body, on top with a duvet carelessly falling towards the floor on the side. His gaze moved to the shoulders inert as if carrying stones for a few days straight.
Silence filled the room, Al Haitham waited for an answer to his question that didn’t seem like would come.
“You couldn’t sleep?”
“Of course I couldn’t sleep! In a cold like that? I'm not a penguin, mind you.”
“And so you thought that the living room would make it any better?”
“I'm desperate if you cannot tell, so stop bullying me.” Hands buried his face, taking over the nighttime's coat's responsibility of hiding it from Al Haitham.
Kaveh’s voice, low and overwrought, echoed inside of Al Haitham's head. He stood watching Kaveh’s immune body, downcast, drowning into sofa pillows, lower and lower. No usual will of fight within Kaveh’s body.
“Sleep with me then.”
“What? Like what am I supposed to do, cuddle you to warm myself up? Ha. Ha.” he didn’t laugh. ”You think you are so funny don't you.”
“I'm serious.” Al Haitham deadpanned. “Or you can just stay there and run on two hours of sleep for five days, overworked architect.” The supposedly defeated body came to a stance like a spring. “The choice is all yours.”
Having processed the spoken words, his mouth busted open, turning Kaveh’s finally visible face - as much as things can be visible in the darkness - into a twisted grimace. His eyes bulged open accompanied by the narrow of his eyebrows, intensively figuring whether to stare into Al Haitham like he would into a disgusting bug or a dead person coming back to life. Meanwhile, Al Haitham turned back towards his room. As if he hadn’t dropped a bomb, mere seconds ago.
Having taken the same steps, he returned and laid on his bed again. His eyes closed facing the wall.
Moments passed before the gentle scraping of wool against the floor reached his ears. Soft pressure went across the other side of the bed, making the mattress lower under the pressure. Suddenly all the room his bed space provided has become severely tighter, once a delicate touch of someone's back brushed against his own.
“Don’t take it as me accepting your pity.” said the bed’s guest. “As I said. I'm desperate."
“You’re welcome.”
“That’s…a really stupid idea.” The glass filled with a non-alcoholic drink brushed against his lips as he took a sip. “Alcohol doesn’t actually warm your body, Kaveh, you know that, right? It just makes you feel like it's warmer when it's actually not. It can be quite dangerous even. Don't they teach this stuff in like, middle school?" Tighnari let his chin rest upon his hand, relaxing as his lungs let out a soft sigh.
The tavern’s table got surrounded by the group of three around noon. With the sun still high at its peak and people of Sumeru still being busy with their daily work, leaving the place to them. Bright, colorful light from the window glass emanated upon a group of various dishes, ready to fill empty stomachs of the overworked individuals. Only few conversations could be heard from the afar places of the venue, which was a nice difference from the lively and loud steam of heat accompanying their nightly gatherings, based mostly around alcohol rather than enjoying a peaceful meal.
“TIghnari, I’m not stupid, I know that stuff. But I don’t need to be actually warm to fall asleep, I just need to gaslight myself into thinking that , right? And if alcohol works, then it works.” Kaveh announced.
“I’m not rescuing you if you die of hypothermia."
“Oh please, It’s Sumeru not Snezhnaya, I won’t die of hypothermia.”
“Is it so bad to sleep next to Al Haitham for a few days, though? Since it did work.” A fork landed into Cyno’s mouth before he finished the sentence. “Not mentioning that you’d probably die for an opportunity like this, back in The Academiya” he continued mid-chewing.
“Dear God, please spare me!” Kaveh’s face crushed hard into the table, a sudden slap resounded into space.
The weight of long, golden hair, pouring into the hands from the soft touch left upon them, braided by long fingers, unwittingly carried by wind. Perks of sun that gathered in the form of warmth on his cheeks. The view of Akademya’s glowing buildings. Youth. And a smile, bright in the frame of silver hair.
“Ugh!” His hands rushed to drown deep into his hairline, pulling its protruding strands like it could pull out his rushing thoughts along.
Cyno and TIghnari exchanged a quick look.
“I really don’t want his pity. I think we’ve talked it over already…”
He turned his head to the side, squeezing his eyes intensely and cringing at the images before leaving them open and putting all the effort into pulling himself up.
“Yeah, and from what I remember, we came to the conclusion that it's not actually the problem with pity, Kaveh” Tighnari pointed a finger towards him, eyes slightly squeezed, staring into his soul. A wet drop of sweat ran through his face. Being stripped and exposed naked with all the clothes on, felt oddly possible at the moment.
Air hung dense upon the table, the atmosphere shifted before they could notice, putting their bulk almost grounding. The sun's light still flew vivid across the food. Each second more uncomfortable than the other.
Because Tighnari was right. When did he become like this?
Navy ears shuddered a little, as if giving in to the weight of the tone and the head they belonged to started to shake slowly.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out weird.” Tighnari said and Kaveh raised his gaze to face his friend’s apologetic smile. ”We’re here to take a peaceful break from work, not to discuss your love life while giggling like teenage girls anyway.” Having said that, a breath Kaveh didn’t know was holding, left his chest. “Just please don’t drink yourself dead tonight.”
“As if Al Haitham wouldn’t take care of him, if that happened.” Tighnari’s kick under the table didn’t go unnoticeable. Fork dropped out of Cyno’s hand and he straightened up like pulled out of a trance. “Right. Sorry. Going back, what was the thing you wanted to tell us? About that woman who commissioned you?”
“Now we’re talking about work, of all things?”
“Oh yeah!” A hand slapped the board.” About her!” Kaveh’s voice triumphed reborn, having brought its life again. Alive and ready to share.
Before a mess and a wreck of a person who took upon the role of the main character in his story, there was a boy. Cherry-crimson eyes that stared at his parents. Warmness of a summer, almost radiating from his pleased grin and the unbeaten guts, both gotten from the loving pair of two. The family went on walks, pointing out the funny looking insects, laughing at the dad’s unfunny jokes and wondering what they could have for dinner. Tangible kindness that he got taught by his mother, family’s bond and the blessing of innocence carried his childhood, guiding the child through the wind. Pure, honest life, without a yet learned lesson.
Kaveh’s biggest flaw was naiveness.
That’s what he’d been believing since his father’s body left nothing but dust.
He put his hair into a bun, letting a few junks loose on his shoulders and sat at his desk covered fully by sheets of paper.
What would be of the family if the child, even for a second, considered his happiness ungranted? The innocence, the naivety of the boy, so sweet and genuine, once taken as a blessing, began to crawl itself onto him as a curse.
He began to hope that maybe in some other life, Kaveh’s sweet childhood days, lasted a little longer.
His mom was crying. Once, the doors and windows were always open. Open and welcoming in the laughs, happy kids screams as they played, hosting a never-ending party for the outside. The joys of Sumeru’s nature and Kaveh’s household lived with no walls between them. Once.
’Mom?’ He remembered glancing through the hole of the ajar door, placing his small hand on the frame, feeling its coldness from under the fingers. Windows shutted, night afallen, the boy would have thought he’s alone if not for the muffled sobs. His voice met with another sob, never given an answer to its calling. Sob. It was the night the boy realised. Not only a house can shut itself from the outside world.
Years later, his mother moved on, starting a new life in Fontaine, remarrying, turning around from the past. Kaveh was glad. He attempted her wedding, got to know her new husband - who turned out to be a decent man, and most importantly, what he’d thought would never happen - He got to see the same smile of the kind woman who had put the sweetness into his childhood days, again.
With news of her pregnancy, he thought of a child who’d have time to experience growing up with her for as long as he could have.
Kaveh really was glad. Staying naive that he’d be his mother’s cherished boy forever, would only make it hard to go on.
He left the wedding crying.
Being left alone in Sumeru, he focused on his studies, attempted the Akademya, gained a friend, lost a friend, went through heartbreak, graduated and nurtured his love for art, esthetics and architecture. Full of love for the craft, he pushed forward, building himself a name in the city. With hopes and dreams of pursuing his passion’s greatest project, wanting to believe he'll pull through, he put himself into debt. His curse still clung onto him. He failed himself again but at least in the name of art this time.
Having gone bankrupt, the man wandered aimlessly, exploring the streets of Sumeru City that he knew well enough to map out from memory. Hell. He’s built some of it. There was not one thing to explore. Yet he wandered. Let his body get carried by whatever path takes him.
Ending up drowning in his favorite hobby, Kaveh was muttering something to Lambad all night long, taking an opportunity to throw an occasional scream, bringing visitor’s attention before they continued to go on with their lives. Cheek on the board, his eyes glued to the refilling glass, he tried to suppress a lump, nesting itself deeper and deeper down his throat. Closing his eyes, blurry figures took upon his vision. A view of the gutsy man, and the woman with a kind smile, a funny-looking bug, and the homely smell of a freshly cooked meal. Finally- warmth. And the smile framed by silver.
A sudden touch arrived at his shoulder and with eyes still shut, he huffed and started to pull himself up, ready to scuff whoever dared to interfere with his delusions. His eyes unclosed, ready to face the opponent.
Emerald gaze stared him down.
He blinked. Unsure if his eyes were actually open.
The very thing he hates about himself. The very curse that he’d been bearing since his father’s death.
What was the biggest proof of it all-
Stood right in front of him. Watching, finding him in the lowest point he could possibly be.
The warm lightning of the Tavern’s decor, his blurry vision that he was uncertain came from alcohol, the smell of wine, heat on his face and the man he couldn’t get over.
Something twisted hard in his stomach. Something with a mission to rip, destroy or bomb his insides alive. His mind was silent yet tangled like cables crossing the entries they were supposed to plug. Feeling a need to clench his fists and hit the face in front of him, though at the same time, wanting to melt in his arms, in the dead of warm Tavern’s light.
‘-it's not actually the problem with pity, Kaveh’ He knew. Kaveh chewed on his pencil, staring onto the papers.
With all what happened between them, all the things that were said, it's not bold to assume Al Haitham really was just being an egocentric ass, taking the opportunity to boost his ego, taking some form of enjoyment from making Kaveh dependent only on him. If it wasn’t- It would mean Al Haitham cares. Al Haitham cares just enough to take Kaveh under his roof. Just enough to pay for his wine, as he sinks his sorrows into a glass. Cares just enough to make sure Kaveh keeps warm in the dead of a cold, winter night.
That there was a chance to bring back how things were back in the Akademiya.
Naivety and hope were no blessing, they were cursed, dark and scary. The boy, then the man of crimson eyes, nailed the lesson deep into his heart.
Dreaming of the warmth on his cheeks, the Akademya, and the silver hair, Kaveh wasn’t ready for another disappointment.
It was later than usual, when the sun had already set and Al Haitham's foot drove him home. Passing the doorstep, no huge change of temperature welcomed him in. Certainly not huge to the point of not being able to sleep at night. He made his way into the kitchen. Overtook by a figure that sat by the round board of the kitchen’s table.
“Jezz, what took you ssolong?” Kaveh slurred his words, looking up at Al Haitham with eyes a bit foggy and his face inked with warm colors. Wearing a sweater, he had hair put into the bun, blanket banded closely around his shoulders and knees pulled to his chest. The table carried wine and a filled glass.
“Grocery shopping.” He headed further, leaving no commentary on the environment and started to unpack said food supplies.
“Whaaaaat? Without me?!” A hic conquered his statement. “Bet you did it to, to buy stuff I don’t like so I have nothing to eat and… and die out of hunger.” Kaveh let out of himself. Struggling, huffing but leaving his words no power, as he carefully put a word after word so a sentence could even leave his mouth.
“Truthfully.”
“Knew it!” Kaveh raised his hand in pride and the wine nearly poured out of the swayed glass.
Al Haitham took a seat in front, pouring only a bit of a red liquor into a cup himself.
“I bought ginger tea. For keeping warm.”
Kaveh’s eyes landed on him, slightly widened, along with his mouth coming to a shape of a little ‘o’. Foggy eyes wandered, looking for something. Perhaps an ulterior motive. Having found nothing, they closed, mouth meeting the glass once again. A silent thanks, never spoken, yet overly understood for both sides. Al Haitham’s mouth corners went slightly up, as he sipped on his drink, as well. A warm feeling flew through his body.
Kaveh sat right in front of him, in Al Haitham’s house, by Al Haitham’s table. Flowing hair, pulling out from the not deftly tied bun, in this embarrassing for a human being state. Unable to properly talk, to properly behave. His eyelashes long, decorating closed tired eyes. Composed with different shades of oranges and reds occupying the skin so soft that it asked to be touched. Wet lips, stained with crimson red wine, glowed under the lamp's glimmers. At that - Al Haitham quickly turned his glare somewhere else. He certainly did not need ginger tea at the moment.
“Well, I’m most certainly warm noww. No tea needed. And I don’t have to shleep next to you tonight.”
“Oh?” Al Haitham faced the other again. ”And once you get sober in the middle of the night, then what?” Kaveh looked away. Visibly cornered by the question too demanding for his current self.
“I’ll…make tea.” not a glimpse of assurance in his voice.
“And wake up in the middle of the night? Waking me up as well while boiling the water?”
Kaveh kept silent for a moment, before a murmured growl resounded. “God! You and your insufferable Haratatatawat thinking!” Narrowing his eyebrows, he let his head fall into his hand.
Suddenly, Kaveh stood up. Staggering but keeping balance with hands leaned flat on the table. “I’mm going to sleep. I’m done lookin at that high and mighty face ofyours.”
As he started to put his feet to walk away, his knees bent. Suddenly very awake, he waited for a hurtful meeting with a floor- Before Al Haitham managed to catch him. Both hands kept him still, from under the shoulders.
“Looks like you’re putting up with my face for a bit longer.” Kaveh looked away and they began to head towards Al Haitham's bedroom. Kaveh’s arm over his shoulder.
He carefully placed Kaveh on the bed, before turning on the small night stand’s lamp, freeing a delicate warm light to spread across the black filled room. Al Haitham grabbed some clothes, and headed over the bathroom to change.
When he got back, Kaveh was already asleep. Bun undone, he was laying carelessly on his back. The room was empty, quiet and his breath was steady, bringing his chest up and down in a rhythm. Eyebrows relaxed, not twisted in any uneven grim. His body inert. Tranquil. Putten in ease. Freed from all the mess of Kaveh’s everyday life.
Al Haitham rolled beside onto the bed and turned off the light, leaving whatever the windows let in. He was laying. Facing Kaveh's restful face.
He squeezed the linens a little, watching the delicate view life had shown him.
“Al Haitham?” A sentence and a jump in his heart, brought him to earth. His muscles stiffened. His heart felt more vivid than normal, feeling caught as if participating in something illegal. Kaveh’s eyes stayed shut.
“I’m listening.” he replied, eyes still glued into Kaveh’s profile.
Kaveh’s drunken voice was steady, yet still not entirely here. He continued, quiet. “Thank you. For taking me in.”
Al Haitham stayed silent.
He turned around, his back facing the other. Uncertain what he’d say if his eyes stayed there for even a bit longer.
Shoes were bumping against the stone flooring of Sumeru city. The sky still clear and vivid blue accompanied with the smells of market goods and people doing their jobs. Kids running around each other's tails and dancers practicing for another show. Al Haitham would go on those walks often, mostly because his work wasn’t one to make him stay after hours. And with a bit of luck and simple flair, leaving early came unchallenging. That’s the reason why he was a scribe after all. Simple walks in the rhythm of nature or gaining more time to immerse into a book, remained more appealing than losing yourself in work. Less hardships - the better.
His head set turned on, he let his thoughts wander and lead whatever way they take with his eyes pointed out front. Lost in his own mind, surrounded by the beauty of Sumeru.
A sudden hard bump had hit his chest.
Something, someone bumped into him. Obviously lower if his view couldn’t reach from the established stance. His look went down, meeting red hair, with both hands placed upon the bangs, covering the spot probably harmed by the encounter. The girl's eyes squeezed and her mouth moving, likely throwing sorry’s and apologies. Al Haitham reached towards his ear and turned off the piece.
“-n’t look around and- I’m so sorry!” The girl raised her head and finally faced the person, suddenly leaving the whole panic behind her. “Oh! Al Haitham! Long time no see!” said Nilou, spreading a smile.
“The fault’s on me as well. Indeed, It’s been a while.” he responded, not concerned by having to maintain a social interaction. Nilou’s arts were admirable and she was quite sharp. With her never having caused any trouble, Al Haitham viewed her with respect. Both as an artist and a friend, making a pleasing conversation accomplice. ”How has practice been?”
Nilou started to share, answering the question. Something about the acquaintance making a fuss, something about the new scenography being really cute. Al Haitham listened, nodding his head occasionally. Not fully invested in brought up topics, but then again, he did find enjoyment talking to Nilou.
“Dehya said that-” Suddenly something caught his attention. Out of the corner of his eyes, two people passed right by. Wearing Akademiya uniforms.
A long, golden braid.
All of a sudden, his heart rushed, eyes widened and his head turned towards, body’s reaction, outside of his will.
An image of some unknown blonde girl, and a tall boy beside her arrived to his brain. Hm.
“Well! I took you long enough. I’m sure you’ve got your own stuff to do!” Niloud tiled her head and sent a warm smile, her statement bringing Al Haitham’s face into her direction again. A glimpse of guilt crawled onto Al Haitham’s back as he realised he did not register a word she just said. After throwing a last smile and waving her hand, Nilou went her way leaving him alone again in the surroundings of Sumeru’s streets.
Dwelling on the past, letting past ups and downs get to a young mind seemed rather dumb. Al Haitham’s never related nor he approved of such behaviour, yet human minds are complex and often mislaid and that - he understood. As much as logic and science could sort complexity into shelves, finding answers and uncovering some of humanity’s biggest questions, the world still carries truths that are yet to be uncovered. Or perhaps, meant to be never understood at all. From his beliefs, the human mind being one of them.
All that being said- Al Haitham dwelled on the pass, regardless. People need to have their embarrassing secrets, right?
People tend to romanticize geniuses. Genius in general. Simple humans mostly get lost for it with some sort of greed, looking for bonus points into their social charms. Even in a scholarly, high situated environment. Perhaps especially in a scholarly, academic environment.
In reality - the stronger the entity, the more suppressed it becomes. Which was okay. Al Haitham had never minded what was said about him, or what idea of him had been placed in other’s minds.
The school days would have gone smoothly. Al Haitham would have stayed unbothered, always lost deep in thought in some corner of the teaching hall or alone in the library’s pits.
If not for one fact.
If not for some blonde, kind hearted, aspiring architect.
Kaveh was also a genius. Al Haitham never truly understood what made the Kshahrewar approach him. Al Haitham was from an opposite school and as he was considered- was hard to get along with. Not quite fit for an artistic and cheerful eccentric like Kaveh.
But not once he had complained about it.
A scholar and the Light of Kshahrewar. With a manner of a spring’s flower in the waveness of his movements and an elegance in his thought. In an academic environment, Kaveh shined bright with light of passion and love, his mind never putting away his faiths, often so misunderstood by the Akademiya’s setting. Always fighting hard like a lion, to stay true to himself. ‘What art has taught me is that If you truly love something, you’ll have to suffer through it.’ he said once. Al Haitham would sometimes wonder if his view’s stayed the same.
Close they had become and created a name for themselves, together, as an inseparable pair of two. Even if they were like fire and water, no other person understood them better than they did themself. Quite a paradox, although much more a sort of intimacy.
Before Al Haitham could realise, swimming in the sweet smiles and their little debates, he was already lost in love.
Akademiya days had become overwritten. A logical and close earthed words, crossed away by a touch, a feel, a glance. Light skin changing its covers into shades of red whenever a loud laugh left a wide spreaded smile. Kaveh’s eyes like wine-filled glass. Plush heart mixed with a temper worth a warrior, intensively putting a facade to coat a petals fragility. Goals and problems he’d overthink all the time.
And a touch of long, soft, silky golden hair, his fingers would tidy into a braid.
Lost into memories, with one, infamous fight.
Every person should have something that they believe in and hold on to from beginning to end. Otherwise, it's easy to succumb to the vicissitudes of life and find yourself being led astray. So it was natural for two overly stubborn scholars of opposite views to fall out.
But no matter how much he had tried- Al Haitham had never truly accepted it.
Kaveh was the one thing he never managed to get over.
Embarrassingly, taking the first chance he had, he gave Kaveh a shelter. Selfishly not giving up on a man on whose face he only brings a twisted grimace now. Who wants nothing to do with him.
After years, still in love with.
Al Haitham, in the midst of Sumeru City again, only realised for how long he’d been standing in one place. Both Nilou and the blond woman long gone, he turned his way home.
The wooden chair let out a creak as Kaveh put his hands far above his head and gave his back a moment of relief. Taking a quick look at the clock hanging up the wall, his shoulders fell down and a corner of his mouth lifted up a little. No all-nighter required this time, he was off to jump into the bed and rest. Finally.
Cheerfully, he changed his clothes and went to the bathroom. In front of the mirror, he started taking off all the accessories on his hair, one by one. His mirror image in front of him- he noticed. His skin’s gotten smoother and his eyebags were barely visible. Now that he thought about it, he did sleep well the past two days. Even more happy, his hand reached out for the last hairpin.
That’s when he realised.
God.
He’d almost forgot.
God!
He looked at himself in the mirror again.
Maybe because he wasn’t drunk this time? Maybe because he had slept more than three hours per two days so actually felt alive, contrary to the first time? He wasn’t quite sure why it felt so different. Those were just meaningless assumptions but what he was sure, what was real, was that he’s about to sleep with his bipolar crush of six years. For the third time. However that sounds.
And that he was too sober for this.
He placed his glance at the sink he would gladly drown himself with.
Him and Al Haitham. In the same bed. Centimiters from each other. Sober.
God he needs mental preparation.
Nevermind how much time has passed, the bathroom door opened. Placing foot step by step, his stiff body reached the destination of the wooden door. He closed his eyes and took a last breath.
On the bed, sat Al Haitham, studying his book upon which cast a small lamp light. Not letting his eyes off of it, treating Kaveh as if wind made its way through the window.
Actually, that was good. That’s how it's gotta go. Silent, nonchalant, nothing weird happening, nothing awkward and it's only this way in Kaveh’s messed up mind.
With those words constantly repeating in his mind, he found his way to the other side of a bed. Wordless, careful with his every move, not to show the chaos happening inside of his head.
He slowly placed himself under the quilt. Finally settled down. Facing the way with sight free of Al Haitham with his back towards him. It was then when his body relaxed a little, with the mission completed. Successfully falling asleep was the only thing left.
Silence.
Will he ever flip the freaking page?
“Decided not to freeze to death tonight?”
Fuck.
Kaveh’s body stiffened again and some unwanted force grabbed his chest in its grip. Squeezing his eyes, he had to swallow. He cursed himself for it. God. What was he so anxious about?
“Honestly? I was considering it. But I can’t, unfortunately. Not tomorrow really.” he answered, truly forcing his voice not to fumble.
Silence. Kaveh was suddenly very aware of Al Haitham’s presence and how easy it would be to accidentally touch him.
Silence.
He’s so infuriating.
“Hey. At least try to put up with conversation if you’re bringing it up.”
“What’s the important thing tomorrow? Something work related?” said Al Haitham.
Oh. “Yeah, remember the girl I told you about? The crazy one that tried to destroy Mehrak but is willing to pay extra money for my project?” Kaveh turned to lay on his back, glancing at Al Haitham who nodded his head in response. “She liked it and the building starts tomorrow, so I’d be good to actually be there and present decently, instead like a living dead.”
“Maybe you should let her destroy it, you could try getting compensation out of her.” he said with eyes still on paper.
“What! No way I'm letting anyone destroy Mehrak, no matter the money!”
“Maybe that's why you’re still in debt. Your Kshahrewar heart’s too soft for this world's inequalities.” Al Haitham’s words left his mouth. Harsh with its contents yet somehow…with no harshness behind it.
Kaveh looked a bit up, glaring to see Al Haitham properly for a moment. His eyes still downed as if he was still reading the book. Peace upon his lighted by a warm hue face and eyes that almost shined under the light. His gaze returned forward, meeting with a ceiling, actually, way prettier than whatever obscurity existed in his room.
“And is soft heart actually a bad thing, Haravatat?”
“I didn’t say that.” he responded.
Despite himself, Kaveh smiled.
This felt…nice.
Except for the lack of working heating of course. His beating heart played its tunes but not in a way making him rigid. Nighttime, warm lightning, Al Haitham next to him, leading a normal and pleasing conversation. Was it because of the late hour that they were like this? He could get used to this. Closing his eyes Kaveh let himself live through the feeling, just this once.
“Kaveh.”
“Yeah?” he responded, his voice quiet and his head still in front of the ceiling.
“Your hair has gotten longer.”
Kaveh’s heart stopped.
Silence.
Huh?
Last time Kaveh’s cut his hair was when-
Silence.
Why would he bring that now?
“What i meant-” Al Haitham broke the void.
“No.” Kaveh interrupted. Turning on his side, showing Al Haitham his back again, both his body and eyelids suddenly feeling very heavy. “It’s fine.”
A moment passed.
Kaveh didn’t want this conversation. He didn’t want to talk about that. It wasn’t fine at all. He just wished to end it now and go to sleep. He felt tired. A grip around his neck and the anxiety on his back, yet some unknown will stealed his tongue.
“Bet you liked it short anyway.”
Kaveh could hear taking in the air and an upcoming response that he wasn’t sure he wanted to come.
“I liked braiding it.”
No other word was said that night.
Al Haitham had this memory in which he roamed around the Akademiya’s halls and corridors, waiting for the professor to end his current lecture so he could discuss his paper. Out of the professor's will of course. Al Haitham didn’t really think it left a place to discuss, certainly not with the type of scholar most Akademiya’s professors were.
Taking steps around the building he passed various people from different schools, with different businesses that he didn’t need to know about and so that he didn’t need to pay attention to. They were simply there and so was he.
Until the shine of familiar earrings caught his eye.
It happened after the fight. After saying and hearing words that never meant to be said or heard. After turning away from the person who had taught him what love can be like.
Despite the earrings, all he managed to notice was the blond hair. Or more like, their absence.
Kaveh’s hair was short.
Al Haitham swallowed. Driven deep into the ground. Warm, silk-like touch felt still fresh around his fingers, soft brushes of feather accessory and warmth around his chest. Replaced by a cold, tangled hold within him.
It really was impossible to braid it now, wasn’t it?
“Old hang went by today, so the stove’s fixed.” Al Haitham announced from the couch, as soon as he found Kaveh by the front door, confusion written around his face as no cold reached his skin. He stood there, eyes a bit wider, looking everywhere but not Al Haitham’s own.
“Oh that’s…”pause.”...great!” he said and before Al Haitham could even blink, he had already gone into his room.
That was actually the most response he got from Kaveh since yesterday. He left out a sigh. If he said that it surprised him- he’d be lying.
Living by continuous urge to analyse and ‘think before you act’ mindset, brought him an assurance that no decision in his life would end up reckless. By all means, it never meant that all decisions would ever be correct but at least it prevented personal blame. Like it did this time. From an emotional and impulse decision.
He wouldn’t say that particular regret binded him. He said what he wanted to and he stood by his words. If fate settled it to come out like this then he’ll let it be. Plus he was human. Sometimes feelings are gonna get over and he needs to accept it.
What was binding him, what felt like cold wind’s air at the back of his neck- was guilt.
Kaveh had his shit to deal with. Life had never treated him kindly, which made even more incredible how kind his soul has remained, despite all the life’s adversity. Life grabbed him and till this day, haven’t let go. It showed in his speech that sometimes became distant. In the heavily concealed shades under his eyes. In constantly filled up glasses at the tavern.
Al Haitham has brought him enough problems already and now he threw in more, tiring up Kaveh’s already worn out mind.
He wondered how the visit at the building went.
The dark room got cut only with the bright moon’s light creeping through the window, falling upon the bed. The finally working heating turned the environment more friendly and warm air was spreading across the murky space. The bedroom held no noise, as the only person inside occupied the empty bed, sinking in sleep, silenced by the moon's pride of hour. The quilt carelessly covered the immune body, protecting it from the utter world to give it deserved rest.
A creak. Then another.
Al Haitham let his eyes open heavily while getting a weird feeling of deja vu. No cat lived in this household and no ghost existence got ever scientifically proven. There was one possibility left.
Al Haitham’s eyes closed again, awaiting either for another piercing sound or for night’s embrace to reach him again.
The dusk quiet as it ruled before made his consciousness begin to wander off.
Then the room’s wooden floor left a squick. Toned bumps of steps got more and more clear as they appeared closer. They paused, before the other side of the mattress kneeled again, under both of the bodies weight. For a second, soft touch brushed against his back. Moon’s light still casting over the darkness's pigment.
“The flat’s warm enough now, I believe.” he said, breaking the thick silence.
With the lack of response he might be as well laying alone in this room. Only if not for the obvious lack of space, the pressure of the mattress and the other person's warmth.
Silence. If that’s what Kaveh wanted then he won’t push.
A sniff.
Al Haitham’s eyelids tore out from each other. His chest tight again. His head turned around first, put in front of Kaveh’s hair and his curled shoulders, later having the entire body face toward. His body’s weight gained support on his shoulder to get a better look at Kaveh from above. Al Haitham raised the other hand not high into the air. Hesitated. Hesitated before gently putting it on Kaveh’s shoulder, slowly putting him down the mattress to meet his face.
“Shut up. Just shut up.” Kaveh’s face was stepping out of the shadows with the night’s light casting upon him. His squinted eyes locked onto his pupils, betrayed by the moon uncovering their wet gloss. Soft cheeks happened to be reddened, making running tears more clear. The mouth behind the harsh words was something between tightened and twisted. Kaveh hand threw off the one resting on his shoulder meanwhile the other went above his face, covering it from the world. Al Haitham just stared, speechless as another sniff resounded along the quick uplift of Kaveh’s chest.
“Kaveh-” he got off himself.
“Ssh! Why do you keep doing this Al Haitham?!” A weak voice left, ready to fight. Kaveh’s face was still escaping the glare. “All those years. All those years spent along your side that I took for granted, thrown off me! And then what? You just appear out of nowhere offering me a house? Like you’d care enough? What was I supposed to think!? That you want to help me? That you regret how things ended? Think all that, bringing my hopes up just for it to end how it did last time? How it ends every single time?”
Al Haitham stayed still, a twisting in his stomach becoming more unbearable with every moment.
”I gaslight myself, work hard not to be naive and then you just- You just say something like that! Burying all my hard work and getting my hopes up! That’s evil! That’s evil Al Haitham! Do you even have any idea of how what you said sounded!?” Having ended his speech, Kaveh took off his hand, therefore still escaping the eye contact with Al Haitham.
Al Haitham stared at Kaveh’s profile. He was messed up, crying and almost showing himself naked with all the vulnerability he enforced.
“I do.” Al Haitham responded, words tight in his throat.
“Then why-!”
“Because I mean it.”
Kaveh’s face went right back to face Al Haitham’s. He stopped crying for a moment and one of his brows went up, eyes lost, first looking into Al Haitham’s then wandering through the room, looking for some kind of answer to an unspoken question. The more his glare wandered, the more visibly confused he looked.
Al Haitham couldn’t help but let out a slight laugh at the sight. Kaveh’s eyes immediately looked back and his mouth opened, ready to scold him before-
“I do regret Kaveh.” but Al Haitham cut him off. ”And I do care. Probably more than you could ever imagine.”
Kaveh’s eyes widened.
“What. What are you even…” Al Haitham’s non busy hand was placed right next to Kaveh’s head. With both his hands between his head, he had now seen Kaveh from the top entirely. Face to face. Right up front. Under the dead of night.
“I’m saying I'm in love with you.”
Kaveh just layed here. No crying. No shouting. Face as if he saw a ghost. And just stared. Kind of reminiscent of an electric treated corpse. Moments went one by one and with every passing, Al Haitham was feeling more and more awkward. Unable to handle Kaveh’s stare at some point, he looked away.
“You drive me so mad sometimes.” Before his sight could go fully back, Kaveh’s hands were already on his cheeks, pulling him down, their mouths connecting.
Warm strokes of air traveled from one mouth to another, leaving no room for the cold of winter night. Kaveh’s lips softness made Al Haitham’s legs numb and his mind like cotton. No analysing, no mathematical operations going through his head, just subtle touches and a feeling like getting something long, long awaited. Kaveh’s hand went delicately through his torso, deepening the kiss and heating the tongue’s brushes even more. Kaveh’s leg went over him and with a smooth move their places switched. When their lips finally parted, they stared deeply into each other, heavy warm breaths taking away their words.
“Me too Al Haitham. Has been since the Akademiya." His words were soft and quiet.
Al Haitham smiled.
That being said, Al Haitham has closed Kaveh’s mouth again.
The days have started to get longer and the sun shined bright around nature's played tunes. Sitting by the outside Tavern’s coffee table, with a braid just a bit too short to rest fully around his shoulder, Kaveh closed his eyes to feel the warmths of the coming spring on his face. He’ll be free from winter’s cold winds for around 10 months from now on.
Although…
Kaveh opened his eyes slightly to take a look at Al Haitham sipping on his coffee beside him.
Winter didn’t seem so bad anymore.