Work Text:
"ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!!!"
Dropping the welder he was holding with a clang and narrowly missing his foot, Tony yelped as he was grabbed and spun around to face his visitor, the heavy metal music that had been playing abruptly ceasing.
In the ringing silence, the genius was left blinking and looking dumbfounded into a rage-filled face so exactly like Pepper's coldly furious expression that shivers ran down his spine. If he didn't know better (and hadn't already covertly ran the DNA test), he would have thought he was looking at his and Pepper's daughter. He didn't know if it was good or bad that the test had come up negative, but at the moment he was leaning towards good. He really didn't want anyone he knew to look that ready to murder him, mostly since they could actually do it and Pepper would probably help them get away with it.
While Tony was stunned, Darcy Lewis had evidently been preparing for a truly scathing lecture, because right when he opened his mouth, she unleashed the full force of her rage on him. "I cannot fucking believe you, Anthony Edward Fucking Asshole Stark! How dare you try to do this to Jane! And Bruce! How could you fucking turn on your friends like this! I thought you were better than this, you self-centered, self-righteous son of a bitch! All that talk about the Avengers being your family and this is how you treat your family?! I will fucking crucify you for this, mark my words! Pepper Potts told me that she would help me, since you have your head so far up your ass that you can't see daylight! I will fucking bury you!"
The last was said in a snarl so vicious that Tony swallowed nervously, taking a small step back in case Darcy Lewis (the previously amiable lab assistant that he got into music debates with) decided to follow through on her threats at that moment.
When Darcy paused for breath, no doubt coming up with some truly vitriolic insults, Tony managed to choke out, "Bo - um, Darcy, what are you talking about?" Somehow he got the feeling that the nickname would not help him in this situation.
Darcy's responding glare was nothing short of apocalyptic as she thundered, "You didn't even bother to read the damn thing before you agreed?!"
It took longer than it really should have, but it finally clicked in Tony's brain exactly what had gotten Darcy into such a frenzy. "Is this about the Accords?! I told Cap that the Avengers have to have some kind of check in place to make sure that-"
Smack!
Darcy slapped him, the force of it turning his head to one side and pretty much guaranteeing he would have an impressive bruise. "Try actually reading for once in your life, asshole!" She spun on her heel and marched out, head held high, leaving Tony gaping in disbelief.
Normally the genius would have gone right back to work, but as he began to turn he hesitated. Darcy wasn't the type to get worked up over nothing. If there was something in the Accords pressing her buttons - namely the ones labeled Jane and Bruce, according to her initial rant - then it had to be something big.
Swallowing his pride wasn't an easy thing to do, but he managed to get enough down his gullet to call out, "FRIDAY, bring up the Sokovia Accords..." and settle in to, as Darcy eloquently put it, read for once in his life.
Four hours later, he was very, very glad he did.
Fuck, what had he almost done?
(The next morning, General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross was not happy to turn on the T.V. to see Tony Stark giving a press conference stating that he'd changed his mind about the Accords, and giving the exact reasons why 'Ironman' had changed his stance.
And then his phone began to ring.)