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Michael Kaiser was never meant to be loved, and this was something that he’d always known.
Which was why he had no idea what to do when he found out that he was.
In fact, all he did was shake his head.
Ness was clearly more shocked than offended by this response because he just blinked and asked, “What kind of answer is that?”
Kaiser crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t recall you asking me a question,” he sniffed haughtily, though he knew what his answer would be if it had been.
He couldn’t help but think that they both did.
But Kaiser was never supposed to be in this position. Neither of them were, because this tension between them was never meant to be voiced, and Kaiser had never wanted for it to be; the idea of love had always served as a means to an end, a pipe-dream—nothing more than that, and nothing less.
Because Kaiser was never meant to be loved.
“I can tell what you’re thinking,” Ness said flatly, “and I know that you’re wrong.”
Kaiser was incredibly disquieted by just how confident Ness sounded in his claim. So much so that he found himself rendered completely speechless.
“Do you want to know why you’re wrong?” Ness asked, though he didn’t bother waiting for an answer. “It’s because you’re scared.”
That was more than enough to break Kaiser from his stupor. “Scared?” he echoed with a scoff. “Of what? You?”
The way that Ness continued talking as if Kaiser hadn’t spoken at all was infuriating. “Which is a little funny, you know, because I thought you weren’t scared of anything.”
The hint of smugness in Ness’s eyes made it clear that he was trying to get a rise out of him, and Kaiser hated that it was working.
“You’re pathetic,” was what Kaiser ended up responding with, though he knew it wasn't very much of a rejoinder.
Ness shrugged. “Maybe,” he acknowledged flippantly, and for some reason the fast agreement rendered him momentarily speechless.
Because Kaiser had been relying on Ness to rise to his bait; after all, Ness had slowly but surely started standing his ground and taking charge outside of the bedroom—and it was clear as day that this was going to be one of those times.
Now whether it be Kaiser's silence that emboldened him or something else entirely he wasn’t sure, but either way Ness decided to take an abrupt step forward.
Kaiser hated himself for the fact that he couldn’t muster up the willpower to shake Ness’s hands off when they reached up to cradle his face; it was all he could do not to let his eyes fall shut and press into Ness’s warmth.
They stared at each other for a few moments before Ness proceeded to say, apropos of nothing, “You’re capable of being loved, okay? You’re worthy of it.”
It was those words that had Kaiser regaining his bearings. He shoved Ness away from him, causing the other man to take a step back and subsequently release his gentle hold on Kaiser’s face.
He hated how cold he felt with them gone.
“Get out,” he snapped, and he was horrified to feel tears beginning to form across his waterline. “Get the hell out.”
“No,” Ness said calmly, looking for all intents and purposes completely unruffled by Kaiser’s sudden switch in demeanor.
Kaiser could feel himself shaking, but he wasn’t sure if it was from anger or something else entirely—something else that he couldn’t quite put a name to. “I said get out!”
Ness crossed his arms over his chest, much like Kaiser had earlier. “And I said no,” he countered. “I’m not leaving you, Kaiser.”
Kaiser wanted to scream. “I don’t love you,” he snapped, and the words sounded like a lie; they tasted like a lie. “And you don’t love me. We don’t love each other.”
Ness looked as if he wanted to go back to him, but he stayed where he was. “Now you know that isn’t true,” he whispered.
And that was the crux of the whole problem, wasn’t it? Because Kaiser did know that, at least in part. Kaiser knew that the way he loved Ness wasn’t right—he wasn’t sure if he even knew how to love someone the right way, but however wrong it was, Kaiser did just the same.
He just couldn’t fathom what Ness saw in him; he didn’t understand why. He didn’t understand how anybody could love him, let alone Ness.
“You don’t need to understand the whys and hows, Kaiser,” Ness whispered, and it was only then that Kaiser realized he’d said all of that out loud. “You just need to understand that I do.” He smiled, small and soft. “Because I do.”
With that Kaiser finally, finally shattered.
His knees went weak, and he thought that he probably would’ve collapsed to the floor if not for Ness hurrying forward and catching him in his arms; it never failed to shock Kaiser, just how strong Ness was.
“I love you, Micha,” Ness whispered as he slowly lowered them to the ground, and the nickname had his breath catching in his chest. “I love you so, so much.”
Kaiser took a moment to study Ness, and the man held his gaze unflinchingly. “I…” he cut himself off to swallow, his throat working rapidly. Ness waited patiently, a small smile on his face. “Me too.”
It was the moment the words left his mouth that he allowed himself to cry, and it felt almost like absolution—because despite the fact that he’d never said those words to anyone, never felt them for anyone, never felt them from anyone, he was now experiencing all three. It was almost too much to handle.
Because Kaiser was a man meant to hate and be hated; and yet there he was, loving and being loved.