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Water splashed him before he could even see it - maybe he was starting to realize why people told him to wear his glasses.
Shampoo, somehow, was ill and bedridden. Loathe as he was to leave his beloved’s side, Cologne needed someone to run deliveries for the Nekohanten. It’s not like Saotome was available either - he was off who knows where. Shampoo’s father was busy cooking the food itself, of course, and since he was so socially anxious, it wasn’t like he could do much delivering or advertising, anyways.
So, all three other viable candidates exhausted, Mousse was on delivery duty.
And he was a duck. A practically blind duck, having dropped his glasses somewhere along the way.
And he had no idea where in Nerima he was, or if he was even still in Nerima, just that he was very far away from the Nekohanten, or any source of hot water he would recognize. (As much as he could recognize anything beyond arm’s reach, in this state.)
And of course, the sky was blue.
Today is a lovely day in Nerima.
And He is a Horrible Mousse.
Tatewaki Kuno was having a very normal day. After paying Nabiki an exorbitant amount of money for information about the whereabouts of the foul sorcerer Saotome, who hasn’t shown his treacherous face about Furinkan over the past several weeks, he instead received far more fortuitous news: the Pigtailed Girl was waiting, at a mall a short ways away from the Kuno estate!
Of course, as Saotome Ranma had not appeared over the past several weeks, the Pigtailed Girl had instead seemingly taken his place - Tatewaki knows there must be some connection between the two. Perhaps the girl has been captured by the foul sorcerer and ensnarer of women, and her recent presence is because she has finally escaped his evil clutches? Mayhaps she was waiting for him to offer him a confession of her undying love, from which he could sweep her off her feet and whisk her away back to his home?
Regardless, it was his mission, no, his destiny to save the lives of both of his beloveds from all that assails them! So off he and his loyal assistant Sasuke would go, towards the mall, the safe haven of his precious pigtailed girl! And then, once the foul sorcerer has finally been eradicated and that fiery beauty rescued, he can finally spend all his time -
-ah. It appears there is something waiting outside the gate of the estate, causing a commotion. The door had opened on its own, with a large puddle sourced from local ramen-shaped litter spilling out from a box outside.
And, on its way out of the Kuno’s entryway, carrying a pair of glasses seemingly torn from the halls of his beloved home, was a dirty, drenched duck beautiful white swan.
Ah! A gift from the gods themselves to bless his journey, perhaps! A swan, a beautiful creature only matched in the gleam of its feathers by the beauteous shine of his beloveds smiles in his embrace! Understanding this divine messenger for what it represents, he ran to embrace the bird in his open arms, to soothe the creature and prepare it to serve as a perfect gift towards his lovely pigtailed girl.
The swan, thusly, showed its love in equal measure! Upon hearing Kuno’s approach, it opened its wings to match Kuno’s posing, unleashing a series of shining, sharp knives feathers towards him. This swan had a fire, a spark, a fight to it that could only represent it as the perfect animal companion to provide his sporty pigtailed girl and Tendo Akane. It truly was a gift from the gods themselves, alighted from the heavens like his two loves to provide his most precious women with a fitting gift (aside from his presence, of course).
Successfully weaving through the swan’s attacks, Kuno managed to reach the animal and wrap it into his arms, just as it had opened its wings to welcome him. Wrapping the swan in a tight embrace, it saw fit to congratulate him for his achievements by way of returning his embrace, repeatedly attempting to envelop him with its wings, peppering his strong arms with kisses and honks, showing its affection! He held the swan closer to his body, preparing to keep it as guarded as he holds any pictures he can purchase from that extortionist Nabiki Tendo, to protect the animal, and to ensure it doesn’t get lost as he travelled to visit his beloved Pigtailed Girl, of course.
Then, as if his own internal declaration were to be immediately undone by some form of unjust karma, Kuno found himself face-first on the ground just outside of his own home. A series of metal chains seemed to have been summoned, by the swan no less, and had wrapped around his legs in as tight an embrace as he held it. The fall, and attempt to release himself from the embrace the swan so lovingly encased him in (that almost reminded him of his sister's traps), caused him to drop the swan itself; which saw fit, in the intervening time, to run off to some other part of Nerima.
Kuno couldn’t help but think this was a sign from the gods, cursing his divine form and beauty, to forever be unable to retrieve the swan that would serve as the perfect gift for his love. But he and Sasuke would spend the whole day searching for the swan anyways.
Asuza was having the best day of Asuza’s life! It had been months since Asuza had managed to get into the ice skating rink after the devastating loss during the Charlotte Cup (and after needing to drop Asuza’s old partner like the garbage he was). But today, Asuza ends Asuza’s self-imposed ice-skating exile! Asuza will meet with friends from classes at the local rink, have a good time, and stun everyone who sees Asuza with Asuza’s stunning cuteness! Nothing could possibly distract-
OH WAIT, THAT DUCK IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!
Asuza just HAD to have it, Asuza’s precious… Maurice? Cecil? Theodore? …
…
Margaret. Asuza needed to have Margaret.
As Asuza ran towards Margaret, the duck turned and opened its wings towards Asuza! It was welcoming Asuza in a hug in the same way Asuza was! Margaret was such a smart creature, Azusa was going to show it as much love as it deserved!!!
So, Azusa grabbed onto Margaret in as tight and loving a hold as Asuza can manage, and Margaret kept thrashing about in Asuza’s hug! Silly Margaret, cuddles can happen later.
But then, as if Margaret wanted to do everything in its power to impress Asuza, suddenly started to bring all its friends out from somewhere in its wings! Ropes, chains, knives, flowers, small plastic ducks, so much cuteness all being dropped and thrown around by Margaret. Azusa simply had to bring all of it with Asuza!
Putting Margaret down momentarily, Azusa began to scoop up as much as Asuza could for safekeeping, naming everything Asuza held all the while. Unfortunately, Asuza didn't notice the duck run away in the opposite direction of Asuza as fast as possible once safely on the ground, honking all the while.
There were ancient records of a magical, mystical, manly spring located somewhere in Nerima. After traveling far from Heron Island with the map of the mysterious, manly springs in hand, Yohyo would create his own legacy, his own family! No longer bound by his family’s bird-infused legacy due to unfortunate circumstances, he would carve his own path, establish his own fortune and future with his one, his only Stomperella! He can picture her now, like a-
Before he could finish his internal monologue, a duck landed feet-first directly onto his face, crumpling Yohyo to the ground immediately. The duck then ran off, Yohyo barely catching a glimpse of the winged creature’s divine webbed feet as it left him.
Yohyo needed to return home immediately. He needed to discuss this development with his butler.
‘ ’Kane,
Got something really important I need to talk about. In private. Without anybody hearing. So… could you please meet me out at [], around noon? Promise I’m not trying to do anything weird or perverted. Just don’t want Nabs hearing any a this shit, and I don’t want our pops or Happosai interrupting for some dumb reason.
Ranma’
Why the secrecy?
Since the failed wedding about a month ago, Akane thought she’d finally been making some headway with her fiancee. They’d been talking, openly, honestly. Sure, it was still hard to get the guy to open up, but there was an attempt. Multiple attempts. Ranma had been making attempts to actually talk with her about how they both feel.
It makes sense, to not want their fathers or Nabiki trying to interrupt an important conversation. But they’d been going to the Dojo roof for late-night conversations for that, or even to the empty lot where Ranma camped out to get rid of Happosai when he first visited Nerima. They’d never needed to go somewhere like this to talk. Not to mention, the vagueness of it all. The letter left on her desk that absolutely wasn’t there the night before, the location, not actually mentioning what it was all for aside from ‘not being perverted’. Akane wasn’t worried, per se. But she was just… confused. What could be important enough for something like this?
‘Maybe he’s going to ask me out on a date?’
…it could make sense, with how cagey Ranma got with his feelings a lot of the time. But would he really be genuinely confident enough to do something like this? Or maybe he’s just wearing some special outfit for this maybe-date, given how often he wears all sorts of different costumes for his weird schemes and things?
But that calls into question what outfit it could be, and that's a whole other idea-
“Oi! ‘Kane, over here!”
And there Ranma was, as Akane turned over to look at the cursed martial artist running up to her from outside the shopping mall. And once she got a single look, Akane was definitely not glued to the sight of the girl approaching her, hair out of its usual braid into a casual low ponytail, outfit shockingly more casual but still cute like all Ranma’s disguises - tanktop, jean shorts, running shoes that looked well-worn and well-loved despite never seeing them on her fiance before, and a heavy jean jacket overtop. To top the look off, Ranma was wearing glasses - oval framed by a golden metal that would let anyone see the genuine, pure joy visible in her eyes.
Akane was definitely not staring. Absolutely not. Blushing? Nooooo, never.
“Sorry fer the whole, mysterious letter left on yer desk. I jus wanted ta make sure neither a’ us would’a been followed by Nabs er somethin’, if I asked ya to come here with me more directly.” Ranma said, finally running over to where her fiancee was standing, still shocked and slack-jawed by how adorable she was in that outfit.
“Uhm- Yeah its- its totally fine! Yeah. Did you just- want to go shop for something and need help? We should go in the mall, I think. It’s pretty hot out, its not just yo- its not just, me thats feeling really warm right now, yeah?” Akane asked, suddenly unsure of where her usual composure around her fiancee vanished too. Its not like this was the first time she he dressed like this, its just. Different, this time!
“Oh, yea! This one clothing store opened up in ‘ere recently, wanted to check it out with ya! C’mon, lets get outta this heat an’ all.” Ranma cheerily added, grabbing onto Akane’s hand and walking her into the store, while Akane tried desperately to not put her foot in her mouth over this entire situation.
Things calmed down more once the two fell into a rhythm; Go to a store, windowshop and browse for a while, find one or two things they liked (at most), buy anything if necessary, move onto the next place. Really, it wasn’t much special in comparison to some of the rare past few times the two had managed to get away from the martial arts chaos that their lives were so entrenched in, but maybe Ranma just really needed a break for a bit. Akane’s glad she could be here with her him for this, glad to help the guy relax.
By now, it was a bit past 2, and the two had wandered into a park a little ways outside the mall, holding onto bags and near-empty-but-not-quite-empty water bottles from a meal they got (for free, of course, thanks to Ranma’s ‘techniques’), and had sat down on a quiet bench overlooking the rest of the area. No one else was around, despite the time; they were alone.
And Ranma looked more nervous than ever before.
The cursed martial artist’s face was as red as his usual tangzhuang, fidgeting with the straps on the shopping bag she had carried. Eventually though, she turned to look at the girl next to her, almost seeming to steel herself for something important.
“Hey, ‘Kane, so. Thanks fer’ coming out here to shop with me. It, ah, means a lot.” She finally blurted out, keeping her eyes away from her fiancee.
“Yeah, it’s really no problem at all, Ranma! I was confused why you wanted this to be so secretive, but I’m guessing you just needed a bit of time away from Martial Arts Nonsense or something, right?” Akanae followed up, trying to get a conversation going to help her fiance open up about whatever seemed to be bothering her him.
“Well, yeah, I did really wanna just have a day ta shop n spend time with ya, but I also really wanted to. Talk, about somethin’ I said back at Jusendo.”
Oh.
Oh.
Ranma continued while Akane desperately tried to hold onto where this conversation was going, trying not to hope think that it would be about what she maybe-didn’t-maybe-did hear as she was coming back to consciousness after no longer being a doll.
“Well, y’see, I’ve kept thinkin’ about -”
And before Ranma could actually get to her point, something interrupted. Someone neither of them wanted to deal with in a situation like this.
Mousse, a duck and without his glasses, crashed right into Ranma’s face. Feathers flying everywhere, a number of weapons seemingly falling out of his wings while he thrashed and quacked about, almost looking like he was trying to rip Ranma’s face off entirely.
Acting as fast as she could, Akane grabbed the cursed duck boy and dragged the annoyance off of her fiancee’s face, and turned it around to see him eye-to-eye. Mousse stared indignantly back, Ranma’s glasses held in his beak. Because of course that’s what he was after.
“Thanks for visiting Mousse, but unfortunately,” Akane said sarcastically, tight-lipped smile stretched wide across her whole face, “Ranma and I are too busy to deal with,” She followed up, carefully but forcefully prying Ranma’s glasses out of his mouth and standing up, turned away from her girlfriend fiancee, “ANY OF YOUR BULLSHIT!”
At the shout, Akane quickly let go of Mousse, dropping him perfectly in time to match her foot swinging out, kicking the cursed duck across the park and out into the sky, not really caring about whatever nonsense he wanted to drag them into today.
Turning back to the only person she was interested in seeing right now, Akane sat back down on the bench before leaning over her slack-jawed, stunned fiancee, and slowly put her glasses back on for her. Akane definitely didn’t want to think about how she was close enough to kiss the girl she was absolutely not interested in to do this. “So, what did you want to talk about?” Akane asked, trying to go back to the cheerful demeanor they had before being interrupted.
“I’m so glad I’m a lesbian.” Ranma said in a hushed, awed whisper, still trying to process what just happened in front of her.
It had only encountered its kind once before.
Not to say it had only ever seen a bird once. It's seen many. Those birds that appear and disappear in the sides of stores, that mystical image that looks so real but is so, so not. Those tiny boxes that screech with harsh noise, that show impossible things and colors of all kinds. Its seen birds there.
Its saw a bird in the bell pile. It looked like it, but there was more. It was of its ilk. Birds of a feather. Causing chaos, messing with the giants, together.
There’s a second one now, in this far-away land, banished from its territory by usurping giants and screeching metal monsters. Pathetic creatures that it should rightly lord over, even with their benefit of numbers and brute strength. But yet they sent it away. And here it was.
And here was another of its ilk. A second one.
It's different. Far more different than the first one. Smaller, shinier. But the soul was the same. The chaos was the same. The desire, the innate drive to destruction. The need to act, to work, to spread its own gospel. The creation of its territory. The claiming of its bells.
Or, in this second ones case, training potties. A silly collectible, but yet, the giants are sillier. Even if a collection is different, one must respect the refined air of a fellow collector of any kind.
As the second dragged its prize across the cold, lonely stone, both nearly crossed paths. Both travelling in opposing directions; opposing forces. One moving forward, one forever backward. But both still moving, unshaken in their direction, in their goal. In the collection. In the chaos.
It stared at the second, and they locked eyes for but a moment. A brief, fleeting moment.
It honked and bobbed its head up and down, repeatedly. The second did not know the gesture of respect, like the first one had, and continued on its path, alone.
It kept on its own direction, its own path, as well. The collection, the chaos, must continue. After all, it was a lovely day in this village.
“I still don’t get how you managed to drag a piece of the US over and plop it right in the middle’a Japan!” Akari asked, still stunned over the property she was welcomed to earlier that day.
And the farm really was like someone just dragged a chunk of the American Midwest in the late 1800s over to the outskirts of the Nerima ward. The landscaping, the very real cowboys with very real illegal firearms, the temperatures and amenities in the farmhouse and the farm proper, the house’s very construction. Anna’d have an easier time imagining one of Jules Verne’s stories being nonfiction than that this farm with very real, genuine American soil just plopped on over to Japan one day when her papa had decided to move.
“Well, them martial arts landscapers really knew how ta get the place lookin just like it did back home. Wouldn’t surprise me if they did just drag the whole property on over here!” Anna replied with a giggle.
The two farmers continued on their conversation amicably and cheerfully, completely unaware of the chaos happening outside the farmhouse and out on the field, with a duck and Akari’s prized pig, Katsunishki, dueling over this or that.
At least, they didn’t pay it any attention until the duck was sent flying into the room adjacent to where they had been holding their local-farmer-girls-with-very-specific-aesthetics get together.
“Oh, Katsunishki, what happened?” Akari called out to her pig through the room’s window, the pig looking on in horror at the farmhouse itself. Quickly, she turned over to the other girl in the room, face a mess of emotions, “Anna, what do you think happened? What was that sound?”
Anna quickly got up, sensing trouble, but not the normal kind from the local cowboys or government workers. No, this felt more… alien. The same sorta feeling every red-blooded American got when something truly supernatural crept into their abode.
Quickly darting to the other side of the room, Anna lifted up a floorboard to reveal her family’s most prized, sacred heirloom, only to be called from its slumber in the most dangerous circumstances: her grandfather’s Springfield Model 1861 rifled-musket.
“Anna why do you have that.” Akari questioned, stone-faced, while Anna herself loaded and prepared the gun for the sake of defending her property, her home, her livelihood. Once her weapon of choice was ready, she kicked down the door to the nearby room, seeing something unexpected.
A trail of feathers, chains, knives, weapons, and other oddities were strewn about the room and the outdoors, largely centered around a massive hole in the wall where a window used to stand. Anna’d think that a whole kitchen cabinet must’ve turned to dust on impact with her home, if not for the children’s training potty just past the blast zone, and the trail of feathers in the room. Feathers that she followed carefully, gun outlining the trail of destruction over to…
A duck, sitting pretty on her father’s nightstand, grabbing at his nightly reading glasses.
“Guess we’re eatin’ good tonight, ‘Kari.” Anna mumbled, before firing her first shot at the thief that dared to break into her home.
And she missed, the corner of the table erupting to splinters as the first round blasted through, the duck (without her fathers glasses) deftly leapt up to try and fly out the window, sensing the losing battle.
Before Anna could ready her rifle and fire her next shot, the duck threw something large, heavy, that could’ve obscured her vision entirely if she didn’t duck out of its way now. With a roll, she rounded over to the other side of the room, Akari screaming as she tried walking through the doorway only to be met with a training potty slamming into the wall next to the doorframe.
Anna looked back out at the hole and the setting sun on the horizon, scanning the land for her prey, only to find not a trace of the animal that disrupted her peace. She swore to herself she wouldn’t miss the next time they crossed paths.
Finally, FINALLY. After hours of struggle against the forces of nature, Mousse could see again. He had found a pair of glasses that actually matched his prescription, that he wasn’t getting immediately shooed away from. Now all he needed to do was take in his surroundings and find the nearest source of hot water, no matter what. He needed to be human again. He couldn’t handle another second of this dreadful day.
Looking around, he found exactly what he was looking for - next to the panda he was perched on top of, there was a large tea set, still steaming as if it was freshly made.
Mousse thought it kind of funny that the panda he climbed on top of managed to have the same prescription as him. Of course, he didn’t think about much else after the panda slapped him off into the outer wall of the Tendo dojo, falling unconscious from the blow.
“Y’know, I think after today, you should probably not think about taking the delivery job for Shampoo for a while.”
Mousse was finally a human again, tied up in his own chains, being carried like a princess in the arms of Ranma Saotome, who was talking more at him than with him on the walk to the nekohanten. Mousse would try and say something snarky back, to defy his enemy with words, even if not actions, but unfortunately a piece of tape he couldn’t remove was covering up his mouth.
“I’m glad ya interrupted me an’ ‘Kane’s date, though, ironically,” the cursed boy continued, “Was a good way ta get ta see her in her element, being beating the shit outta somebody. Haven’t seen her that mad since the hentai horde was still showin’ up.”
Mousse tried to reach into his sleeves, only remembering now that he couldn’t really move his hands at all with these restraints.
“Never thought me talkin’ ta ‘Kane about bein’ a girl, and wanton’ her to kiss me as a girl, would’ve been interrupted like that, but it made it kinda romantic, in a weird way. So thanks fer playin’ wingman, big guy.” The girl finished, sending a shit-eating smile in the direction of the boy in her arms.
Ranma continued to ramble at her rival/friend/enemy, who continued to plot the best ways to eviscerate the girl holding him, and how exactly to win back Shampoo from this horrible woman.
It was a beautiful, perfectly normal day in Nerima.