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“This is a disaster,” Charlie frowns, dropping his head dramatically on their designated picnic bench.
“What is, darling?” Isaac asks.
“Nick,” he mumbles into the desk in response.
“Why? I thought you liked him?”
“I do, and it's awful. I’d accepted my lot. I was a nerd who just wanted books and to get through school. Then he got sat next to me and now I just want him. All the time. It's exhausting, Isaac. Wanting someone you can't have. I just want to want books again.”
Isaac's eyes flick up to Nick's, staring at them from across the yard. He's not so sure Charlie can't have both.
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“Yusef, Owen, Ahmed,” Mr Lange recites from the register.
Nick tries to pluck up the courage to talk to Charlie. To say anything. God, he's nice. And funny and sweet and–
His thoughts are interrupted by a loud noise from the front of the class.
“Did Mr Lange just fart?!” Charlie gasps.
“I think he did!”
“Boys, simmer down,” Mr Lange directs the tittering room. “Let's be mature adults.”
“Oh my god this is the best thing that's happened all year!” Charlie snorts.
“Yeah, almost as good as being sat with you,” Nick says, blushing when he realises what he's said. He sneaks a look at Charlie to find him blushing too. That's reassuring. Maybe he should invite him round one day soon?
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“What's wrong with you lately?” Tori demands, letting herself into Charlie's room and sliding into bed beside him as she occasionally does in a morning.
“What?” Charlie asks, shuffling to the side to make space for her. “Nothing's wrong.”
“Yes it is. You're all… floaty. And I caught you smiling yesterday when you came back from Nick's house,” she accuses. “Why are you happy all of a sudden?”
“How dare you! I'm not happy,” he says defensively. “It was just… It snowed and we went into his garden and threw snowballs and made snow angels… I'm just… nostalgic for snowy winters.”
“Nostalgic?” she repeats, skeptically.
“Yes. Nostalgic.”
“You're fourteen not forty, and the only snowy memories we have as a family are of mum frowning at our snowmen attempts and dad slipping and putting his back out for a week.”
“That was a great week, Tori. We got to play Mario kart and eat take away pizzas for a full week.”
“Mmm. Sure,” she frowns. “I think you're happy. It's weird.”
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“You seem much more yourself around him.”
Nick reflects on this comment from his mum up in his room as he sips his nice, hot tea from his favourite mug. “Do I?” he had responded downstairs, and as he mulls it over he realises that yes. Yes he is.
It's just different with Charlie. He doesn't have to be crass or vulgar with him like he does with his mates. That behaviour doesn't come naturally to him and so he finds himself acting the part on days where he has the energy to, or shying into the background on days he can't muster it. He's so used to thinking about his thoughts and words and actions and checking that they fit with everyone else's. It's nice not to have to.
With Charlie he can just… be open. He can say what he thinks and act how he feels without fear of judgement. Charlie makes him feel safe to be himself. That's pretty cool. Charlie's pretty cool. This probably makes him Nick's best friend. Nick's belly warms to the temperature of his tea at the thought – he has a best friend. And he's beautiful.
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Charlie stares at the clothes hanging in his open wardrobe. What does a person wear to Harry Greene's birthday? He cannot believe he's in the position to wonder that. This time last year he wouldn't have believed it. But now? Now a pretty boy said he wants him to be there, so he'll be there. Nick wants him to be there! Just the memory of him saying those words in that soft, pleady tone makes Charlie's belly flip. Nick wants him to be there!
He runs his hands along his options, feeling soft cotton, fluffy wool and crisp linen under his fingertips. For whatever reason he feels like tonight will be an important night in his life. He wants to dress accordingly. He sets Radiohead playing on his laptop and pulls out a few options, splaying them on his bed before sliding into his favourite jeans. One by one he tries different tops on, rejecting his short sleeve t-shirts for feeling too exposing, his long sleeve t-shirts for being too informal, his jumpers and cardigans for being too warm.
That leaves him with a smart shirt. He buttons it up, slips on some Converse and takes a look in the mirror. Hopefully it's okay. Hopefully Nick will like it. Maybe tonight he'll see him as more than his best friend.
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Here comes Charlie. Nick tries not to wiggle in his seat, arms crossed tightly across his chest. He can’t help the dopey grin on his face though. He’s too happy.
They greet each other and laugh quietly, both clearly delighted by the changes of the last few days. Nick looks up, eyes unfocused as the room settles in for form. He’s already thinking about the next time they get to kiss.
Later, he takes comfort in the feel of their hands together, under the desk in Mr Ajayi’s colourful space. Charlie has to be the kindest, most thoughtful boy in the whole world. He soaks in the gentle sunlight coming in the windows and shining out of his boyfriend’s gaze.
After they clean up their crumbs really well, he corners Charlie by the rubbish bin hidden behind the door and sneaks in a series of brief but tender kisses. Yep, it’s official. Kissing at school is a wonderful idea.
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“If only people knew this is how the rugby king spends his Thursday evenings,” Charlie teases as he sits cross-legged on Nick's bed watching him pair up his colourful socks.
“What? What's wrong with this?!” Nick asks, looking up at him from his position on the floor, socks splayed all around him like they're rays coming from his sun.
“Nothing! It just doesn't fit your image at school, does it? Popular sports boys don't do laundry. They throw laundry. At people.”
“Oh, like this?” Nick replies with a worrying glint in his eyes, launching a stripey green and pink sock right at Charlie's head, making him duck and laugh. “Kissing you doesn't fit the stereotype but I do that, too.”
“I'm glad you do,” Charlie admits shyly, excitement coiling in his belly as it does every time he thinks about Nick kissing him.
“Oh yeah?” Nick flirts, his posture shifting as a very different glint shines in his eyes.
“Oh yeah,” Charlie confirms, squealing as Nick launches himself from the floor to the bed, climbing on top of him and kissing him into the pillows.
“But your socks!” Charlie giggles between kisses.
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He might have a problem. Watching Charlie perform in the school orchestra is too… stimulating. Nick’s belly was already full of butterflies when he sat down, well and milkshakes. Ignoring grumpy Tao next to him was easy when he could see Charlie at the drums, looking ridiculously cute.
But then he started to play and Nick’s butterflies kind of… blew up or something. The swirly soft feeling got all tight and churny but in a good way. Nick knows what it is, okay, but he doesn’t do this in public, he doesn’t feel like this around other people. Until Charlie.
He shifts in his seat, trying to will his body to calm down. He leans forward, still soaking in the sight of his competent, graceful boyfriend. He squeezes his legs together and rips his focus away from where Charlie’s hands are curved around the drumsticks.
After staring at the ceiling, he finally just closes his eyes and concentrates on the music. It’s… good, mostly. He’s positive Charlie is the most talented person up there but he takes solace in the imperfections of the rest as his dick finally gets with the program and stops embarrassing him.
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Charlie: who ate my popcorn?
Elle: what?
Charlie: i got sweet. there's only salted left on the snack table. ipso-facto someone’s a cunt
Tao: shush during the screening
Charlie: it's netflix. calling it a ‘screening’ makes you sound like a twat
Tao: someone confess so we can focus on the screening
Charlie: twat
Darcy: i think it was nickers
Tao: golden boy would never
Tara: no way
Nick: 😬
Charlie: nick!
Nick: i'm sorry! i wanted to fit in when everyone said salted but I don't like it really
Charlie: you're forgiven
Tao: just like that??!!
Charlie: it's his first movie night. and he’s pretty 🤷🏻♂️
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He knows he’s too young to be thinking about this stuff but Nick can see himself doing this for the rest of his life. This being nothing. Doing nothing with Charlie next to him is the best.
He rolls onto his side from where he’s been staring at clouds so he can watch Nellie fetch her ball and run it back to his adorable boyfriend. They have a quick cuddle before Charlie pries it from her and throws it again.
The thing is… Charlie seems just as content to spend hours and hours like this. They have a blanket, they have snacks, they talk and flirt and doze. It should be boring but it’s perfect.
Nick knows what his rugby mates would say. They’d call him an old man and tell him he’s wasting his life because he doesn’t care about the same goals they do. But this makes him happy.
And Nick would rather be happy than popular. He’d rather be himself than try to fit in. And that feels just as freeing as anything ever has.
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Elle looks at her card and groans.
“Okay… go!” Isaac says, flipping the little plastic timer.
She flounders for a moment, then points upwards.
“Sky!” Tara shouts.
“Clouds!” James guesses.
“Heaven!” Isaac tries.
“Valhalla!” Darcy screams.
“Valhalla?” Tao frowns.
“I don't know!”
Elle rolls her eyes and shakes her head, changing tack. She points at Nick and Charlie, cuddled together on an armchair, wrapped around each other in a Tetris tangle of limbs.
“Cute?” Tara offers.
“Disgusting,” Tao mutters.
“GAYYYYYYYY!” Darcy booms.
“Nerds! Dorks! Allos! ANNOYING!” Isaac yells, giddily.
“Hey!”
“It was fate!” Elle grumbles, as the timer runs out.
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Charlie Spring is the hottest person in the universe. He looks so good in his red and pink ringer. Nick doesn’t want to stop touching him, like… ever.
He’d eagerly offered to be Charlie’s seat while the gang ate their burgers at the fête. He can feel Charlie’s bum cradled in his lap. He can wrap his arms around the slender torso. He can lean in and smell the curls he loves so dearly.
He’s very much looking forward to their alone time later. The stuff they’ve been exploring together, stolen moments in his bed or by their tree in the park, has all been exhilarating. He doesn’t care if Charlie never gets naked, if they ever do other stuff. Each act of connection is a gift. He’s the luckiest person in the universe.
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“Morning, Charmander,” Nick mumbles, cuddling his pyjamad love.
“Morning, Squirtle,” Charlie replies, grinning wickedly.
“Oh god! It wasn't that much!”
“I nearly drowned on your cock, Nicholas.”
“I'm a teenager!” Nick defends himself. “Anyway… fancy taking Nellie to the beach before you head back home?”
“Can't,” Charlie answers, stroking Nick's hair.
“Why? I thought we had all day?”
“We do, but my cloud is full of irritatingly adorable selfies of us. No room for new memories.”
“Put the kettle on. We can spend the day sorting through your pictures.”
“You're just going to demand I send you them all until your cloud is full too.”
“Aww, matching clouds!”
“Sap.”
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“Start without us, This might take a while,” Nick hears Charlie say into his phone, while he sits frazzled on Charlie's front wall.
“Why are you making me do this, Charlie?!” Nick whines when his boyfriend ends the call.
“Because it's good for you to practice making decisions before you go to uni!”
“I don't want to. And we're going to be late!” he pouts.
“That's okay. I have snacks and like 74% charge on my phone.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don't, Nick. Now,” Charlie says, taking Nick's hand, the contact instantly soothing him. “Should we walk to Tao’s house through the park or along the river? Both routes are fine.”
“I DON'T KNOW, I'M BISEXUAL!” Nick cries, indecision overwhelming his senses.
“Okay, sweetheart,” Charlie coos softly, stroking his hair, “it's okay.”
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Charlie wraps his arms around his waist as he stands in the middle of the road watching Sarah's car get smaller as she drives Nick away to Leeds. He's hit with the memory of watching Nick get smaller on his own road as Jane drove him to hospital. They survived that period of separation. They can survive this one, too.
When the car eventually disappears he wanders over to the pavement and leans against a lamp post, feeling unmoored and unsure what to do with himself. Who is he if he's not beside Nick 24/7? What will his days look like now? And his nights? His phone vibrates in his pocket and he reaches for it, expecting a message from Nick but instead seeing Isaac's name.
Isaac: Sleepover tonight, sweetheart? I have a list of books I need you to read and also I really want to learn how to crochet. Wanna get your knit on with me? I bet we can do it 🧶
Charlie feels warmth spread from his fingertips all through his body, like it's coming from the message itself. This is what he’ll do while Nick's away. He'll lean on his friends and accept their love and support. He'll read and learn new things and he'll be okay.
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Nick: i miss you
Charlie: you should be too busy to miss me. go do more stuff
Nick: but stuff is rubbish without you
Charlie: no it's not
Nick: yes it is
Charlie: no it's not
Nick: yes it is
Charlie: are we having our first long-distance fight right now? we were warned this would happen
Nick: we were. should we practice Geoff's long-distance plan?
Charlie: we're not actually in a fight, nelson. we're being cute
Nick: oh yeah. wanna practice anyway?
Charlie: but that involves me being honest about my feelings and needs. eww
Nick: 🙄
Nick: i’m feeling like i want to be near you but can't be. it's making me all clingy. my needs today are for you to send me lots of love and attention and virtual hugs
Charlie: i can offer snarky messages and nudes? (i am also missing you today and am deflecting so I don't cry)
Nick: i'll take it
Charlie: i love you 🫂🫂🫂
Nick: i love you, too
Nick: so what do you want to snark about?
Charlie: i have so many options. seriously. i think I'll start with Mr Lange's new hat…
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Charlie giggles his way around the crowded graduation party – spinning, dipping and gazing at Nick adoringly as they sway to the music. He and Nick flat-out ignore anyone who tries to engage them in conversation and Charlie only breaks away from his love to skip to the bar and flagrantly steal two champagne flutes from Mr Ajayi and Mr Farouk, whipping them clean out of the bartender's hands and whisking them back to Nick. They sip their stolen drinks, kissing like no-one's watching.
“What in the rom-com…” he hears Tao mutter from a few metres away, louder than strictly necessary but he won't be baited.
“They're pretending to be invisible, “ Isaac explains. “They’ve missed each other since Nick's been in Leeds.”
Charlie smiles and snuggles into Nick's chest. They really have, but they won't have to miss each other for much longer.
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“Nick! NIIIIIIIIIICK!” Charlie yells, waving his hands wildly, trying to get the attention of the man already paying him unwavering attention.
Nick laughs and grabs Charlie's errant hands before he slaps a stranger in the face. Again.
“What, drunkie?” he asks with a quiet chuckle, being – unlike his boyfriend – respectful of the university library's rules about alcohol consumption and volume of speech.
“Look at the dong on this statu– ohmygod, I broke it!” Charlie gasps, slapping his hand over his mouth.
“That'll happen when you try to lift a hardback classics textbook by one single page, baby.”
“Oh nooooooooo!” Charlie gasps, pissedly.
Nick should be mortified by the behaviour of this boy who joined him at Leeds this year. Instead he swells with pride – this drunken dork is his person and his future.